Out of My League?

[Guest]

I’m new to this—have seen 5 different providers, several repeats and one regular (all amazing experiences). I’m attracted to many types and for a number of reasons, not just physical, eg, experience, self-expression, activism, etc. I’ve not had nearly the breadth of experience that the providers (and many of the clients) on these threads have had, and it causes me to wonder—are there providers that are just out of my league? There are several I’ve wanted to reach out to, but am intimidated because my experience doesn’t come close to matching theirs, and I do believe (perhaps naively) that the best experiences have some degree of mutuality. I’m not looking for deep relationships (I have enough of those!), just really positive encounters, and, if fortunate enough, something more regular. 

[+ poolboy48220]

Given that it's a paid service, I'd never consider an escort "out of my league". I've hired plenty of guys that I assume would not give me a second look in a social situation. Early in my hiring career, hiring through an agency, they did advise me that one guy was "not for beginners".  😄 

Edited November 17, 2023 by poolboy48220

[DamizzonNYC]

8 minutes ago, Km411 said:

I’m new to this—have seen 5 different providers, several repeats and one regular (all amazing experiences). I’m attracted to many types and for a number of reasons, not just physical, eg, experience, self-expression, activism, etc. I’ve not had nearly the breadth of experience that the providers (and many of the clients) on these threads have had, and it causes me to wonder—are there providers that are just out of my league? There are several I’ve wanted to reach out to, but am intimidated because my experience doesn’t come close to matching theirs, and I do believe (perhaps naively) that the best experiences have some degree of mutuality. I’m not looking for deep relationships (I have enough of those!), just really positive encounters, and, if fortunate enough, something more regular. 

Can't help but reply with the provider perspective here.  I feel like the provider/client relationship is meant to be the great equalizer.  It's the job of any provider- once you're in a room alone together - to make you feel like a king.  For the entirety of your time together.  Regardless of what the outside world my say about who is in whose league.  If you ask me, that's the entire point of an escort situation: for two men to be able to set aside their outside world expectations and walk a different path together. 

I find it to be one of the most freeing aspects of this kind of work.  Our culture - especially gay culture - imposes a lot of false assumptions on us.  Who has value to offer sexually.  Who should be fucking who.  An escort/client relationship - at its best - has been the most freeing way I've found to step outside of that and enjoy a connection with all types of men. 

If you walk away from an experience with a provider still feeling like he's out of your league, I'd say that provider has failed you. 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

there are very few escorts who attempt to screen clients based on looks and/or how sexually attractive a potential client may be.  if you get that vibe in any way - go the other way & cross that provider off your list.  It’s not a sustainable business model for the provider and just shows they aren’t professional and probably haven’t been around very long.   The sex would probably be bad too.

In some circumstances, I could see the provider asking for a pic after a meeting is setup, just as a security measure & not as a way to screen clients.  I frequently choose to send a face pic as an introduction if I don’t know the provider - only to show that I’m serious, a real person and not wasting his time.  My sense is providers are inundated with anonymous requests & questions from guys that have no intention of an actual hire. A voluntary face pic seems to cut through the clutter on the providers end.  It works for me.

No provider is out of your league.  Go for it. 

Edited November 17, 2023 by SouthOfTheBorder

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, NYCscort said:

Can't help but reply with the provider perspective here.  I feel like the provider/client relationship is meant to be the great equalizer.  It's the job of any provider- once you're in a room alone together - to make you feel like a king.  For the entirety of your time together.  Regardless of what the outside world my say about who is in whose league.  If you ask me, that's the entire point of an escort situation: for two men to be able to set aside their outside world expectations and walk a different path together. 

I find it to be one of the most freeing aspects of this kind of work.  Our culture - especially gay culture - imposes a lot of false assumptions on us.  Who has value to offer sexually.  Who should be fucking who.  An escort/client relationship - at its best - has been the most freeing way I've found to step outside of that and enjoy a connection with all types of men. 

If you walk away from an experience with a provider still feeling like he's out of your league, I'd say that provider has failed you. 

 🏆 You could not have said that any better  👏🏽 

Edited November 17, 2023 by Vin_Marco

[ICTJOCK]

Absolutely not!   Never mentally categorize yourself in that way.   There is always something to learn from others.   We hope it's largely positive,  but it isn't always.

Glad to hear most of your experience sounds positive and healthy.   I'd use your experience to sharpen and hone  your approach to allow for more.   You know what is important to you.   Just be safe and explore,  but don't categorize yourself.   Nobody is "out of your league".

[Your Man in Arlington]

5 minutes ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

In some circumstances, I could see the provider asking for a pic after a meeting is setup, just as a security measure & not as a way to screen clients.  I frequently choose to send a face pic as an introduction if I don’t know the provider - only to show that I’m serious, a real person and not wasting his time.  My sense is providers are inundated with anonymous requests & questions from guys that have no intention of an actual hire. A voluntary face pic seems to cut through the clutter on the providers end.  It works for me.

I've only had 2 providers request a photo, and they were both hosting, so I can understand that from a security perspective. Otherwise they have seemed to have no interest in seeing a photo of me before meeting up, and I don't think it mattered to them and the service they provide.

There is the issue of chemistry between a client and provider. It's not always there when you meet up in person, or it's only there in certain aspects of the experience. The best providers, however, seem to be able to manufacture chemistry out of thin air.

So, no, you should never worry about being out of a provider's league; if that's how you feel with them, they're not doing their job well.

[mike carey]

My first Daddy's review was for an escort who it seems is fondly remembered in these parts, Alec Andrews. He was by every appearance 'out of my league', but in my correspondence he assured me that I was exactly the sort of person he would meet (I didn't ask how he knew). Dinner, play time, sleeping together and breakfast, he could not have been more attentive in our time together. It isn't always that way, not all providers can deliver to all clients. As others have said, read the vibe of how they communicate, and if they appear to think you're not a match it's not because they are out of your league, it's an indication that they aren't the sort of person you should want to meet.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

1 hour ago, Km411 said:

I’m not looking for deep relationships (I have enough of those!), just really positive encounters, and, if fortunate enough, something more regular. 

I appreciate you being vulnerable in disclosing this information - super helpful because I think this is frequent thought. 

and I think you’re in a really good place to expand your experiences.  Lots of new clients have issues w guilt & shame around the idea of paid sex & all that entails.  You don’t express any of that.  So, that’s a huge win already & you’re ahead of the game.

With more experience you will gain confidence.  And for me, it’s been liberating & empowering to own my desires and make it happen, without shame, guilt, apologies or explanations.  Hiring providers also forces me to confront my own hangups - because to get what I want, I must communicate that clearly to a provider and come to agreement. I can’t just think someone might know what I’m thinking or expecting.  I’m not talking about a scripted encounter - but the basics and anything that might be a necessity.  I’m also in a relationship, so that forces clear communication with my partner about things I used to consider uncomfortable.

This is a huge opportunity for personal growth - depending on how you look at it & proceed. And lots & lots of pleasure. Enjoy !

[marylander1940]

When I read the name of this thread I assumed "out of my league" meant guys who are too expensive...

After reading the first post I think it's nothing to worry about.

@Km411 let them guide you, learn from them what to do, what's pleasurable, new things, etc. You seem to be a nice guy who treats providers with respect, they can tell that right way, and I'm sure they'll be great teachers. 

Edited November 17, 2023 by marylander1940

[soloyo215]

3 hours ago, Km411 said:

I’m new to this—have seen 5 different providers, several repeats and one regular (all amazing experiences). I’m attracted to many types and for a number of reasons, not just physical, eg, experience, self-expression, activism, etc. I’ve not had nearly the breadth of experience that the providers (and many of the clients) on these threads have had, and it causes me to wonder—are there providers that are just out of my league? There are several I’ve wanted to reach out to, but am intimidated because my experience doesn’t come close to matching theirs, and I do believe (perhaps naively) that the best experiences have some degree of mutuality. I’m not looking for deep relationships (I have enough of those!), just really positive encounters, and, if fortunate enough, something more regular. 

I find this question interesting, but not easy to answer. "Out of my league" might not be the reason a provider might not answer back. In fact, in many instances the point of hiring a provider is gaining access to types that are normally not the ones that might be part of our lives (trying to be sensitive here). That's part of the service that they provide.

Being the fact that for a newbie you have been able to connect with several providers that seem to satisfy your needs, I wonder what specifics you have that those providers are not giving you, also if such specifics have been expressed to them.

As for your level of experience, again, that's part of the service that many providers offer, to put you at ease and give you some of the experience that they do have. I think the intimidating part might be communicating your lack of experience to them, or feeling that you must have some self-imposed standards.

I'd suggest to just reach out and communicate your specifics, and not to blame yourself (or what you desire) if the provider doesn't reply. There are many reasons for them not to reply.

One more thing, regarding personal safety: not much experience with providers doesn't mean no experience in life. Of course be cautious abour coming across as naive, as some ill-intended providers might see that as an opportunity to exploit you in a negative way.

Edited November 17, 2023 by soloyo215

[Guest]

Thanks for all these thoughtful responses!

[dbar123]

In my limited experience over the past 10 years, the escorts I’ve tried to hire that are “out of my league” simply never respond to my text inquiries.

Fortunately there is always someone else to fill the void

[viewing ownly]

You will know if you are not welcome by the masseur if he A. Doesn't answer the door but sees you first through the peephole, B. Prohibits a repeat visit from you, C. Aren't able to get a return response for an appointment. I've had it all, and it sucks. Best part is, there's PLENTY of fish in the sea.

I find that this is typically solved by finding those who indicate in their ad that they are welcoming to all body types and ages (over 18). From my experience, those who state this really mean it, while those who expect a photo of you aren't really seriously caring if they get your business or not.

The best comment I got was from a competitive bodybuilder I was contemplating seeing, worried he'd reject me for being close to nothing like him. He stated if he only saw guys that were similar to him, he'd almost never find work!

[JamesB]

If a provider makes you feel that he is out of your league, you are hiring the wrong provider. 

[jackcali]

I interpreted the caption on this thread differently.  Let me say that I appreciate everything that's been said and I agree that I've rarely had an experience with a provider who threw me any shade or who disdained me for not being up to his caliber. 

However, not long after I started hiring, I saw a provider who was so beautiful (think Michelangelo's David, but hung, come to life) and so friendly and open and welcoming that the whole time I was with him a voice in the back of my head (it sounded annoyingly like Woody Allen) kept telling me how ridiculous it was that an old schlub like me was spending time with this god.  I'd never had that experience before and haven't had it since even though I've seen many handsome providers, but I certainly felt that that one guy was "out of my league".

[Jamie21]

On 11/17/2023 at 12:53 PM, NYCscort said:

Can't help but reply with the provider perspective here.  I feel like the provider/client relationship is meant to be the great equalizer.  It's the job of any provider- once you're in a room alone together - to make you feel like a king.  For the entirety of your time together.  Regardless of what the outside world my say about who is in whose league.  If you ask me, that's the entire point of an escort situation: for two men to be able to set aside their outside world expectations and walk a different path together. 

I find it to be one of the most freeing aspects of this kind of work.  Our culture - especially gay culture - imposes a lot of false assumptions on us.  Who has value to offer sexually.  Who should be fucking who.  An escort/client relationship - at its best - has been the most freeing way I've found to step outside of that and enjoy a connection with all types of men. 

If you walk away from an experience with a provider still feeling like he's out of your league, I'd say that provider has failed you. 

That’s one of the best descriptions of the dynamic I’ve seen. I totally agree with the comments. Hire who you like, that’s the point, it’s your choice.

It doesn’t matter if you have less experience than him, if as I understand it, that is how you are describing ‘out of my league’. I’m sure it won’t matter to him. I love seeing clients who are inexperienced. There’s a lot of satisfaction that comes from helping a guy explore and discover new sexual experiences.