How do you overcome an addiction to sex?

[Luvmassage]

How do you overcome a sex addiction?  I cannot seem to get enough sex and massage.

When I am not having sex, I find myself going online and looking for gay sex porn.

It is really creating issues for my life since it is such a distraction.

If others have experienced the same issue, how did you overcome it?

 

 

 

[MscleLovr]

1 hour ago, Luvmassage said:

How do you overcome a sex addiction?

Short answer: in my case, one muscleboy at a time.
 

Serious, long answer: Narcotics Anonymous.
I’ve known two muscled gym-friends who became sex addicts. One man sublimated his urges by working part-time ‘under-the-radar’ as an escort. He reckoned that using drugs fuelled his sex-addiction; he used crack.
The other man was single and handsome; he confided to me that after having sex with a guy he found online, he’d go back online to find a 2nd (and sometimes a 3rd) guy for sex the same evening. Despite his good looks, he had a deep-seated sense of inferiority and he needed to be desired by other men. He used cocaine. 
Both men found help via Narcotics Anonymous which in a large city often has a related self-help group for sex addicts.

[Guest]

Alcoholics have AA, drug addicts have NA, sex addicts have Fuckin' A... 😄 But seriously, I don't see sexual "addiction" as akin to alcohol or drug addiction. Sex is a natural drive that all animals have, just like hunger and thirst. Are you seriously spending more than you can afford on sex?

Edited March 5, 2023 by Unicorn

[+ sync]

This is only an armchair perspective, but is it possible that you are pursuing endless sexual activity as an escape from confronting another issue that is very troubling for you?

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, Luvmassage said:

How do you overcome a sex addiction?  I

PaychoTherapy.

Sex addiction is typically a dopamine addiction. 

Best is to find other sources for your dopamine high. 

Frustrating personal relationships with other people can often lead to a sex addiction with strangers.  Seek a new positive relationship with someone ...gym buddy / sports teammate or activity partner. 

[caramelsub]

I’ve talked to several therapists over the years. Only one of them told me watching porn and hiring escorts was an addiction. Most of the others said it was a good coping mechanism, and had no problems with it. The dsm doesn’t list sex addiction as an actual disorder. My problem is I feel like I can’t romantically be attracted to a person. I only seek out sexual only relationships, which is why I hire escorts. I think I’m aromantic, but definitely not asexual. I’ve never been in a longterm relationship or been in love. Just hookups. For me it’s satisfying my needs, because if I was in a relationship it would have to be an open one. I can’t imagine having sex with just one person for the rest of my life.

[CuriousByNature]

I know two people who were addicted to pornography.  Both found it was consuming a huge amount of their time and they were even neglecting basic things like eating and bathing.  Neither could form very meaningful romantic relationships because they preferred the fantasy aspect of pornography to the real deal.  Each one went to a counsellor and received the help they needed.  Counselling may be the thing to try, rather than a 12-step program, especially if it helps get to the root of the addiction.  All the best to you - I hope it works out well, whatever you choose.  Both of those I know are now in happy, healthy, committed relationships, and have full time jobs that they enjoy.

[dbar123]

11 hours ago, Luvmassage said:

How do you overcome a sex addiction?  I cannot seem to get enough sex and massage.

When I am not having sex, I find myself going online and looking for gay sex porn.

It is really creating issues for my life since it is such a distraction.

If others have experienced the same issue, how did you overcome it?

 

 

 

I started limiting myself to one encounter every week, then one every 2 weeks etc. I’m up to one a month. I’ve shifted my joy to the anticipation of the event rather than the event itself. That works for me but YMMV.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, caramelsub said:

Most of the others said it was a good coping mechanism..... The dsm doesn’t list sex addiction as an actual disorder. 

Correct and correct 

But it can act as a barrier to other relationships. (Assuming you WANT a relationship). 

Relationships are complicated and full of unexpected interactions while you navigate each other's personal emotional needs and emotional baggage. Hiring for sex is so much easier.  Just doesn't fulfill any romantic connection that might be sought.

[+ robear]

For me, sexual compulsion is tied to generalized anxiety.  I use sex to distract and calm my constant anxious feelings.  Therapy, "personal work," medication, and frankly, aging, has made my impulses more manageable.

But that's me. I echo those above who suggest seeing a therapist (or therapists, finding the right one can itself be a challenge). You need to unpack what sex is doing for you now, how you want to integrate it into a better life, and how to get from A to B.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, caramelsub said:

...Only one of them told me watching porn and hiring escorts was an addiction...

You were correct in concluding that this counselor was full of shit, and didn't even know the definition of addiction. Addiction is repeated involvement with a substance or activity, despite the substantial harm it now causes, because that involvement was (and may continue to be) pleasurable and/or valuable. One poster did mention that he knew someone who was so involved in porn that he didn't eat or bathe. I find that difficult to believe. Yes, if that were possible, that really would constitute addiction. However, all males have refractory periods after jacking off, and cannot literally wake up and jack off repeatedly until they collapse to sleep, with no time for bathing or eating food. 

Now, it's possible for escort-hiring to be an addiction, because someone could spend so much money on escorts that he couldn't afford food or housing. It's an addiction because the behavior persists despite substantial harm. There's little to no cost in pornography, however. Therefore, barring the highly unlikely scenario in which a person spends so much time doing pornography that he can't eat, bathe, or earn a living, it really doesn't have the potential to cause substantial harm. Yes, a romantic partner could express anger over another's pleasure with pornography, but that's the romantic partner's problem. Pornography, barring "religious" objections, does not constitute unfaithfulness, and has no potential to introduce contagious diseases to a household. Any person who labels pornography as an "addiction" simply (1) does not understand the definition of addiction, and (2) is simply projecting his moral views onto the person he labels as an "addict." 

[wsc]

Do not worry about avoiding temptation; as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

Not trying to be flippant about a real problem, but generally speaking, a healthy libido is a good thing. Mine now tends to ebb and flow, so I look forward to its visits and regret its occasional absences.

[Rudynate]

On 3/4/2023 at 10:04 PM, Luvmassage said:

How do you overcome a sex addiction?  I cannot seem to get enough sex and massage.

When I am not having sex, I find myself going online and looking for gay sex porn.

It is really creating issues for my life since it is such a distraction.

If others have experienced the same issue, how did you overcome it?

 

 

 

There’s a 12-step group for sex addicts.

[Rudynate]

On 3/5/2023 at 3:27 PM, Unicorn said:

You were correct in concluding that this counselor was full of shit, and didn't even know the definition of addiction. Addiction is repeated involvement with a substance or activity, despite the substantial harm it now causes, because that involvement was (and may continue to be) pleasurable and/or valuable. One poster did mention that he knew someone who was so involved in porn that he didn't eat or bathe. I find that difficult to believe. Yes, if that were possible, that really would constitute addiction. However, all males have refractory periods after jacking off, and cannot literally wake up and jack off repeatedly until they collapse to sleep, with no time for bathing or eating food. 

Now, it's possible for escort-hiring to be an addiction, because someone could spend so much money on escorts that he couldn't afford food or housing. It's an addiction because the behavior persists despite substantial harm. There's little to no cost in pornography, however. Therefore, barring the highly unlikely scenario in which a person spends so much time doing pornography that he can't eat, bathe, or earn a living, it really doesn't have the potential to cause substantial harm. Yes, a romantic partner could express anger over another's pleasure with pornography, but that's the romantic partner's problem. Pornography, barring "religious" objections, does not constitute unfaithfulness, and has no potential to introduce contagious diseases to a household. Any person who labels pornography as an "addiction" simply (1) does not understand the definition of addiction, and (2) is simply projecting his moral views onto the person he labels as an "addict." 

In AA, it is often said that alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease-in other words if you think you’re an alcoholic, you probably are.  I submit that the same reasoning applies here.  He says that his sexual behavior is a problem, so it is.

[Guest PETEPETE]

On 3/5/2023 at 1:04 AM, Luvmassage said:

I cannot seem to get enough sex and massage.

I tell you how you'll get cure:

Sex - I assume is not necessarily or entirely with escorts, but if it is, I'll recommend the two last guys I hired, the whole thing was so unfulfilling that I never hired again, it'll be like shock therapy.

Massage - Once you run out of money, and can't hire masseuses, you'll get cure.

I'm joking, but I'm not. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, Rudynate said:

In AA, it is often said that alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease-in other words if you think you’re an alcoholic, you probably are.  I submit that the same reasoning applies here.  He says that his sexual behavior is a problem, so it is.

I think one has to be careful with sex. Often, sex and pornography is perceived to be a problem due to a religious upbringing, when in reality it is not harming the person in question. Sexual activity is a natural function performed by most animals (otherwise they'd go extinct), just like eating, drinking, and breathing. By definition, an addiction involves continued use despite persistent harm. 

[Rudynate]

4 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I think one has to be careful with sex. Often, sex and pornography is perceived to be a problem due to a religious upbringing, when in reality it is not harming the person in question. Sexual activity is a natural function performed by most animals (otherwise they'd go extinct), just like eating, drinking, and breathing. By definition, an addiction involves continued use despite persistent harm. 

What I got from his post is that he doesn’t experience freedom of choice wrt his sexual behavior. To me, that seems like a big problem.

[Monarchy79]

The easiest way to help with sex addiction is to discipline yourself to avoid “triggers”, like porn, hookup sites etc, and find another “addiction” to replace it…. Preferably an addiction with benefits, such as working out, or a craft related hobby that requires, time, study and review, and possibly volunteering or and extra job. 

they key is to be so inundated with other things that you won’t have time to be triggered by the incessant desire for sex. 

Idle time is a major issue for any sex addict. 
 

[Rudynate]

On 3/5/2023 at 7:30 AM, caramelsub said:

I’ve talked to several therapists over the years. Only one of them told me watching porn and hiring escorts was an addiction. Most of the others said it was a good coping mechanism, and had no problems with it. The dsm doesn’t list sex addiction as an actual disorder. My problem is I feel like I can’t romantically be attracted to a person. I only seek out sexual only relationships, which is why I hire escorts. I think I’m aromantic, but definitely not asexual. I’ve never been in a longterm relationship or been in love. Just hookups. For me it’s satisfying my needs, because if I was in a relationship it would have to be an open one. I can’t imagine having sex with just one person for the rest of my life.

So you have an intimacy problem, not a sex problem.

[Peter Eater]

Sex addiction is real. A sex addiction is a pathological relationship to a mood altering experience.

As with alcohol or drugs, which are mood altering substances, there isn't a "cure." But 12 step programs are great for resolving the pathology. Give it a try.

[Deadlift1]

Do men who hire 4 or 5 providers in one day have a sex addiction or just a high sex drive?

[keefer]

4 hours ago, Deadlift1 said:

Do men who hire 4 or 5 providers in one day have a sex addiction or just a high sex drive?

Most likely just an empty bank account

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Deadlift1 said:

Do men who hire 4 or 5 providers in one day have a sex addiction or just a high sex drive?

There are probably some rich sheiks or emirs (or other billionaires) who can really afford this level of hiring. So for them, no. A hiring frequency like that would probably strain almost anyone else's budget, so in that case, yes. Again, addiction constitutes a behavior which continues despite harm. 

[Rudynate]

9 hours ago, Unicorn said:

There are probably some rich sheiks or emirs (or other billionaires) who can really afford this level of hiring. So for them, no. A hiring frequency like that would probably strain almost anyone else's budget, so in that case, yes. Again, addiction constitutes a behavior which continues despite harm. 

I'm persnickety about the use of the term "addiction."   I think "addiction" should  be reserved for situations involving substances.   Situations that are purely behavioral, to me, are compulsions. 

[+ DERRIK]

from step one - "powerless and unmanageable"

does one do an activitiy that make his life powerless and unmanageable?

if I drink and wreck my car several times - get arrested several times - injure others - is my life unmanageable

if I look at porn at night - stay up late - oversleep next morning - late for work repeatedly --powerless and unmanageable?

if I buy lottery tickets every day and fail to pay my rent cause I am broke --  powerless and unmanageable?

if I smoke pot and end up failing to go to work repeatedly -- powerless and unmanageable

most men can drink, porn, whore, bet, smoke and NOT make their lives powerless and unmanageable