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Escort wants to move in with me... Any feedback, advice?


7829V
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Well, he's not really an escort anymore, he used to escort. I met him on rentmen several years ago, and we've become good friends. He has a job now that is not relating to escorting, but he's bad at managing his money, he spends more money than he should in clothes, out with friends, drinking, etc. So he has a lot of debts now... He's young around 24ish (I'm early 40s). At the moment he doesn't feel comfortable living with his family anymore, he lives with them a few days every couple of weeks, because his job takes him around the country, and he goes back home very couple of weeks. He wants to turn his life around and start fresh. Start making good decisions, taking better care of his money, start saving, quit drinking, going to parties that often, etc.  He's a very good guy, good person, honest. I think we have a good connection.

I'm live by myself, but I always have travelers visiting, family, friends, etc. So I wouldn't have a problem with him staying with me. I don't plan on charging him rent... at least not for a few months...  while he starts saving and turning his life around. I wouldn't see him as a roommate really, more like a friend that I'm willing to help for a while...  Eventually my goal would be to guide him and teach him a little about money management, so he can afford to move to a place on his own, or rent with someone else.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How do you handle it? What about sex? I wouldn't feel comfortable initiating sex with him... since I won't be paying him anymore...

Edit: The fact that he'll be around only on weekends at most, makes this situation something I'm willing to do. I think having a regular roommate situation where he's at home everyday, is not something that I can do for a long time (a few weeks at best).

Edited by 7829V
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I've never taken in an escort, but I have had roommates. I think it's probably best if you view him as such. Even if you don't charge rent, I'd recommend developing a contract that you both sign that stipulates the conditions of him living with you. Maybe this is basic stuff like he helps clean the house and doesn't do drugs or whatever at the house.

It might be a good idea to put a time-limit on the contract as well even if you're okay with him staying longer. Like three months at first but then revisit it for longer. That way if things go bad, you have the rent contract as something to force him out if need be. You hope it doesn't come to that but be prepared if it does.

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When it comes to the free rent make sure you still have him sign a contract though where there is no doubt that he eventually start paying rent. Where it lays out month one is $0, month two is $0, then eventually month four is $500 or whatever. Because he could possibly try to say if you start to ask for rent after a few months that he thought you were providing him a free place to stay till he got on his feet. And you could say that will take a few months and he could say it'll take him a year or two. And then if you would ask him to leave once he has all his mail coming there you have to go through eviction, not allowed to just throw him out.

I watch a lot of The People's Court! 👩‍⚖️

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43 minutes ago, 7829V said:

He wants to turn his life around and start fresh. Start making good decisions, taking better care of his money, start saving, quit drinking, going to parties that often, etc. 

Has he actually taken any steps to "turn his life around"? You may find yourself in a position of being an enabler to his bad habits.

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10 minutes ago, MiamiLooker said:

Has he actually taken any steps to "turn his life around"? You may find yourself in a position of being an enabler to his bad habits.

Yes. He had tickets to go to a VERY big event and he decided not to go, sold his tickets (I think around 300 USD) and told me it was because he knew it was not the right thing to do (money wise), and he's not drinking already... he knew it was going to be very hard for him not to drink there. And he's been offered a better paying job at another company... but I told him is not how much he makes ($) but how he spends it ($).

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7 minutes ago, StLouisOct said:

At some point wouldn’t you hope sex would be involved? In my case that would be a hope in the back of my mind. That may not be a problem, but it may be a complication (or not) worth considering.

This is my main dilemma... I mean, I know he's in a vulnerable state,not only money wise, but he's had some family problems, so he's a little down / depressed, and I do not want to feel like I'm taking advantage... So maybe I guess I won't initiate sex... but if he's willing, or if he wants to sleep in my bed... then I'm down for that :)

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2 minutes ago, cany10011 said:

Did you mention what the “sleeping” arrangements will be? will he have his own space or crash with you in your bed on the weekends he visits? 

 

I have a guest bedroom and bathroom. 
I’ll offer that one to him. Asking him to stay in my bedroom feels predatory in my opinion. 

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38 minutes ago, 7829V said:

Yes. He had tickets to go to a VERY big event and he decided not to go, sold his tickets (I think around 300 USD) and told me it was because he knew it was not the right thing to do (money wise), and he's not drinking already... he knew it was going to be very hard for him not to drink there. And he's been offered a better paying job at another company... but I told him is not how much he makes ($) but how he spends it ($).

Since your friend has an apparent drinking problem, has he considered AA or some such program?  Perhaps if he moves in with you, that could be one facet to think about after a few months.  But, it has to be his prime decision after you and he discuss the possibility. 

Only he is the one who can change his overall  predicaments.

I applaud you for your wanting to help him.

 

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29 minutes ago, Axiom2001 said:

Since your friend has an apparent drinking problem, has he considered AA or some such program?  Perhaps if he moves in with you, that could be one facet to think about after a few months.  But, it has to be his prime decision after you and he discuss the possibility. 

Only he is the one who can change his overall  predicaments.

I applaud you for your wanting to help him.

 

If he really has a drinking problem - rather introduce him to the Sinclair method and skip all those time consuming AA meetings! 🤓

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Despite your best intentions, there are so many ways for this to end badly. If you really want to do this I would strongly suggest capping it upfront by telling him it’s ok for a month and after that he is on his own. If it’s working out you can graciously extend it.

Don’t feel bad about “not paying” him for sex. You are paying him in lodging

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It’s very creditable that you are seeking to help him @7829V 

I’ve done this with models, but not an escort. I have 2 good friends, Brazilian, who worked in Europe as models and each stayed with me - like you, I have a guest bedroom & bathroom. Over the years, they introduced me to their friends as a ‘nice guy’  with whom visitors could stay. The result is that I had quite a few attractive young men as short-term guests, so I do have some observations to offer. 
 

1. Set the house rules in advance. Consider how you feel about smoking, drinking, overnight guests, playing loud music etc (including anything that really matters to you) and put them in writing - it helps to avoid conflict later.

2. Discuss sex. You find this guy attractive so speak your mind. I didn’t know about some guys who came to stay so I just said ‘I’m gay and I like young men, so I hope that’s not a problem for you?’. The usual response was Cool - often said with a smile. The guys were early 20s, fit and horny. Some were gay but the majority were str8, yet I ended up in bed with most of them. I prided myself at not initiating sex but they were generally very appreciative of all I did for them, so…

3. Charge the guy rent. You must have some idea what he’ll have to pay in rent when he moves to his own place. Treat the guy as an adult; he gets his own bedroom and bathroom. Soften the blow by saying you’ll pay all the bills and provide all the food etc. And if he proves to be a great house-guest, present him with the lump sum of rent as your house-warming gift - it will be a visible sign for him that watching his spending and saving money is worthwhile. 

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3 hours ago, 7829V said:

Well, he's not really an escort anymore, he used to escort. I met him on rentmen several years ago, and we've become good friends. He has a job now that is not relating to escorting, but he's bad at managing his money, he spends more money than he should in clothes, out with friends, drinking, etc. So he has a lot of debts now... He's young around 24ish (I'm early 40s). At the moment he doesn't feel comfortable living with his family anymore, he lives with them a few days every couple of weeks, because his job takes him around the country, and he goes back home very couple of weeks. He wants to turn his life around and start fresh. Start making good decisions, taking better care of his money, start saving, quit drinking, going to parties that often, etc.  He's a very good guy, good person, honest. I think we have a good connection.

I'm live by myself, but I always have travelers visiting, family, friends, etc. So I wouldn't have a problem with him staying with me. I don't plan on charging him rent... at least not for a few months...  while he starts saving and turning his life around. I wouldn't see him as a roommate really, more like a friend that I'm willing to help for a while...  Eventually my goal would be to guide him and teach him a little about money management, so he can afford to move to a place on his own, or rent with someone else.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How do you handle it? What about sex? I wouldn't feel comfortable initiating sex with him... since I won't be paying him anymore...

Edit: The fact that he'll be around only on weekends at most, makes this situation something I'm willing to do. I think having a regular roommate situation where he's at home everyday, is not something that I can do for a long time (a few weeks at best).

Don't do it.

You're in your 40s, you're independent, and you don't need any headaches. There's so many ways this could go wrong, so why take the risk? So that he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable by living with his own family? He's 24, he can move back home and deal with it.

Just don't do it.

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4 minutes ago, thedanNYC said:

Don't do it.

You're in your 40s, you're independent, and you don't need any headaches. There's so many ways this could go wrong, so why take the risk? So that he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable by living with his own family? He's 24, he can move back home and deal with it.

Just don't do it.

Or if you do do it.... Start with only committing to a 'trial run'.... and then you guys should take a break..... he stays with you for X weeks and then an equal amount of weeks apart after that..... then have dinner and discuss.

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Just now, EastCoastBtm said:

Or if you do do it.... Start with only committing to a 'trial run'.... and then you guys should take a break..... he stays with you for X weeks and then an equal amount of weeks apart after that..... then have dinner and discuss.

Or don't do it. What if he doesn't want to (or feels like he can't) leave after the trial run/tenancy is supposed to end? Do you want to deal with an eviction?

 

I will fight anyone who tries to rationalize this bad decision for @7829V 🤪

ready to fight top cat GIF

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Guest Justin7402

IMO it depends on how good of friends you are with him, and your personality (aka: do you prefer being around people, or do you value coming back to an empty house with no responsibilities).  If he wasn't an escort and was just a random friend that had any other job with no expectation of sex would you be ok letting him stay with you?  I haven't had any escorts stay with me but in my younger days I let quite a few friends crash in the spare bedroom for months on end.  Some worked out well, some not so well, without knowing the people involved it's hard to give specific advice, just need to keep your head on your shoulders when thinking it through and not be swayed by hoping for hookups 😜

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I was in the same situation a few years back.  A RM hire became a friend, we would hang out (non-sexual) have dinner, etc.  He had fallen on hard times, wanted out of the business, and needed some help.  I offered him a place to stay and we made an agreement (verbal and written).  All went pretty well for about 4 months - there were times he was jealous of me going out on my own, having friends, over, etc.  I think even though we had a clear agreement that we were friends, there were expectations beyond my control.  He ended up losing his job and went back to escorting, using drugs and alcohol, and basically "squatting" in his room.  Even with the written and signed agreement in place, it was VERY difficult to get him out.  Long story, it ended up costing me a ton of money, stress, and heartache.  From my experience, I say do not do it - too much could go wrong and legally it is very hard to kick someone out of your home, even if you own it.  I'm one who always likes to see the best in people and help when I can, but I am going to be much wiser when it comes to my home in the future.  Good luck!

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2 minutes ago, thedanNYC said:

Or don't do it. What if he doesn't want to (or feels like he can't) leave after the trial run/tenancy is supposed to end? Do you want to deal with an eviction?

 

I will fight anyone who tries to rationalize this bad decision for @7829V 🤪

ready to fight top cat GIF

I get it... but people do have relationships with escorts.... including friendships.

My 'regular' guy had a horrible year... I have advanced him 3 weekends and he's giving me an extra day each weekend.... why?  I trust him...and he certainly has his issues/problems....but if I lose the money.... my life isn't over.

I let a younger guy live with me for 6 weeks with the hope of sex and it didn't happen.... I wasn't crushed by it... I just threw him out on the street for a few hours so I could get laid.....but all the talks, dinners, chats, and movie nights on the couch were awesome until he got on his feet and moved out.

If @7829V let a Wall Street dude move in with him temporarily.... sex could happen..... or he could have a breakdown and go on a coke binge..... Are we disparaging his judgement as well the young guy with 'problems?  

If he feels like he can handle this and feels like he may enjoy it, I say LET HIM.  Younger people need help sometimes especially if they are gay and have bad family relationships.

 

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What will you do if you need to hookup or hire an escort? Will the prescence of your "friend" make it awkward? I "hosted" a guy (who i hired as an escort off craigslist) who was being thrown out of his place because he fell behind in his rent (turned out he was spending his money on meth). It lasted 2 years for me and it was really uncomfortable as I resented his presence. I paid for everything- call me an enabler, until i finally had a "chat" with him and gave him a deadline to leave. 

It really cramps one's style to have someone in your home if you are not totally comfortable with each other hooking up with others. 

 

 

Edited by cany10011
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