Escort wants to move in with me... Any feedback, advice?

[+ 7829V]

40 minutes ago, cany10011 said:

What will you do if you need to hookup or hire an escort? Will the prescence of your "friend" make it awkward? I "hosted" a guy (who i hired as an escort off craigslist) who was being thrown out of his place because he fell behind in his rent (turned out he was spending his money on meth). It lasted 2 years for me and it was really uncomfortable as I resented his presence. I paid for everything- call me an enabler, until i finally had a "chat" with him and gave him a deadline to leave. 

It really cramps one's style to have someone in your home if you are not totally comfortable with each other hooking up with others. 

 

 

Thank you for your comment. I get your point.

Because of the nature of his job, he's traveling most of the time. So at most he'll be at my place during weekends.

And as others suggested, I'll have a contract for X amount of months, and renew it if we both agree.

If I need to hookup/hire I can always do it during the week. Or maybe he can join 😉 But yeah, it could be awkward too.

As I see it, I'd like to to help him for a few months while his finances get back on track and he can rent on his own.

[+ 7829V]

4 minutes ago, EastCoastBtm said:

Why does everything need to end in a fairytale conclusion?  How about just helping a friend and fellow human being?  

Yeah, I've been in this situation before. I had a friend that stayed with me for a year or so, I was charging him 1/4 of the normal rent... he saved money, he moved out own his own and everything was cool. The only difference now is that I met this friend via rentmen, because he used to be an escort. And I met the other guy on through friends.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

48 minutes ago, EastCoastBtm said:

Why does everything need to end in a fairytale conclusion?  How about just helping a friend and fellow human being?  

Because no matter how pragmatic you think you might be, most human beings fall in love... Or at least lust (and can't differentiate).

Time will tell on this one. 

[jjkrkwood]

7 minutes ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

Because no matter how pragmatic you think you might be, most human beings fall in love... Or at least lust (and can't differentiate).

Time will tell on this one. 

Yeah, that's the thing about sex, while its good for your health, it complicates things....

[Guest]

14 hours ago, 7829V said:

...Has anyone been in this situation before? How do you handle it? What about sex? I wouldn't feel comfortable initiating sex with him... since I won't be paying him anymore...

 

Well, you certainly need to get your expectations put out before he moves in. It doesn't sound like you're interested in a long-term relationship, but the happiest times in my life were with former escorts, one with a former Russian (13.5 years) and the second with the lyin' Paraguayan (2 years). A LTR is my hope with my newest beau, "Chris," as it is for him, and this is what we both wanted. If he's going to be staying with you, I recommend that you exchange drivers' licenses and that you hire a PI to get background checks (I got one on "Chris," of course, and told him I'd pay for him to get a check on me from any PI he chose). 

If he's not paying cash rent, he should definitely being doing things for you--sex if you both want it, otherwise cooking, laundry, other house work. There's no reason to assume the worst between a younger escort and a middle-aged man. It depends on what your goals are. As for us, he's told me he's never been so happy in his life, and I feel the same. I've met most of his good friends, and he's met a good deal of mine, and will meet more at my upcoming birthday party. I've also introduced him to all my living 1st and 2nd degree relatives. His family, who live out of town, are very religious, and he told me he doesn't want to introduce us as his partner until we've been together over a year, which makes sense to me. For now, he's telling them he's my personal assistant. They'll be coming to visit after our trip to Switzerland later this summer, and he's going to make it look as if he's sleeping in one of the guest bedrooms. 

I'm not saying what's right for us would be right for you. Rather, I feel you need to know what your expectations are, to see if the expectations mesh. If you think your goals are compatible, I say go for it!

Edited July 30, 2021 by Unicorn

[jeezifonly]

Is it possible for you to offer assistance in a less interpersonal way? Maybe agree to footing cost of Airbnb plus POBox for (X) months to get his bearings and find a job or whatever. Give him some space to find his own new tribe, maybe share a meal every now and then. if mutual connection, attraction and trust develop then reassess.

Make every effort ($$$ incl)to have his first nights in town be anywhere but at your place. 

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, EastCoastBtm said:

How about just helping a friend and fellow human being?  

Would you be so quick to help if he wasn’t in his 20’s and cute?

I know lots of nice 80 year olds who could use a helping hand.

Just saying….let’s not get too self righteous. 
 

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

16 minutes ago, nycman said:

Would you be so quick to help if he wasn’t in his 20’s and cute?

I know lots of nice 80 year olds who could use a helping hand.

Just saying….let’s not get too self righteous. 
 

 

This.

[+ Topseed]

Discuss this with your attorney.

Here's why:

Should this go off the rails, in some jurisdictions your roommate may have legal protection to remain in your home, even if he has not been paying rent. In the most extreme case, this may require you to go through a lengthy and costly eviction proceeding.

I encourage you to think through all the possible outcomes. Plan wisely. Have an exit strategy mapped out well in advance.

[RadioRob]

At the end of the day, you’re asking the community for advice. Some of that advice given is based on past experience and others are tips on things for you to consider. 

Do what makes sense for you. There is no right or wrong answer as it’s something that depends on your specific circumstances. 

Regardless what you do, make sure to protect yourself. There are consequences that can occur if you allow someone to live in your house which could make it difficult to legally remove them if you decide down the road it’s not working out. Make sure you make an informed decision about the level of risk you’re willing to accept. 

We all hope that we can help someone and make a difference in someone’s life. Many of us have attempted it with various levels of success. The feedback here are some things you should consider as you make decisions. 

Regardless of your choice, good luck and I hope it works out for you. 

[jeezifonly]

1 hour ago, jjkrkwood said:

Yeah, that's the thing about sex, while its good for your health, it complicates things....

Is the f*cking you might get worth the f*cking you might get?

[BluDay]

The saying is good fences make good neighbors. A fair contract will set the lines, give you both security in what you are doing. 

[+ 7829V]

59 minutes ago, nycman said:

Would you be so quick to help if he wasn’t in his 20’s and cute?

I know lots of nice 80 year olds who could use a helping hand.

Just saying….let’s not get too self righteous. 
 

 

Yes. 
 

As I mentioned already, I did the same thing for a friend that is older than I am.  He stayed with me for around a year. He saved money. And then he moved out to live on his own. 
 

Also, I host travelers for free. Usually is a few days to a couple of weeks. 

[+ nycman]

1 hour ago, Topseed said:

Should this go off the rails, in some jurisdictions your roommate may have legal protection to remain in your home, even if he has not been paying rent.

This is especially true in the age of COVID. Trust me, it is impossible to evict anyone right now. He could be taking a massive dump in the middle of your living room everyday at noon for 6 months, and there is absolutely nothing you could do about it. 

 

[+ tassojunior]

9 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

When it comes to the free rent make sure you still have him sign a contract though where there is no doubt that he eventually start paying rent. Where it lays out month one is $0, month two is $0, then eventually month four is $500 or whatever. Because he could possibly try to say if you start to ask for rent after a few months that he thought you were providing him a free place to stay till he got on his feet. And you could say that will take a few months and he could say it'll take him a year or two. And then if you would ask him to leave once he has all his mail coming there you have to go through eviction, not allowed to just throw him out.

I watch a lot of The People's Court! 👩‍⚖️

then he becomes a legal tenant with legal rights. bad move. 

[+ tassojunior]

9 hours ago, 7829V said:

Well, he's not really an escort anymore, he used to escort. I met him on rentmen several years ago, and we've become good friends. He has a job now that is not relating to escorting, but he's bad at managing his money, he spends more money than he should in clothes, out with friends, drinking, etc. So he has a lot of debts now... He's young around 24ish (I'm early 40s). At the moment he doesn't feel comfortable living with his family anymore, he lives with them a few days every couple of weeks, because his job takes him around the country, and he goes back home very couple of weeks. He wants to turn his life around and start fresh. Start making good decisions, taking better care of his money, start saving, quit drinking, going to parties that often, etc.  He's a very good guy, good person, honest. I think we have a good connection.

I'm live by myself, but I always have travelers visiting, family, friends, etc. So I wouldn't have a problem with him staying with me. I don't plan on charging him rent... at least not for a few months...  while he starts saving and turning his life around. I wouldn't see him as a roommate really, more like a friend that I'm willing to help for a while...  Eventually my goal would be to guide him and teach him a little about money management, so he can afford to move to a place on his own, or rent with someone else.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How do you handle it? What about sex? I wouldn't feel comfortable initiating sex with him... since I won't be paying him anymore...

Edit: The fact that he'll be around only on weekends at most, makes this situation something I'm willing to do. I think having a regular roommate situation where he's at home everyday, is not something that I can do for a long time (a few weeks at best).

If worse comes to worse you can always move out. 🙄

[rvwnsd]

DON'T DO IT.

I commend and admire you for wanting to help your friend. I am sure he appreciates the gesture. Here's the thing: if living with his family has not given him the opportunity to start turning around his life, living with you won't do it either. Both of you will be better off if he does the following:

• Consult with a credit counseling firm to plan how he can pay his debts, avoid incurring new ones, and learn how to manage his money. Greenpath Financial Wellness is one that offers both credit and housing counseling. They do not offer debt "settlement" nor do they offer sham consolidation loans. I've had friends and family members work with them and they were great. 
• Get a small studio apartment. He will only be there on weekends, so the small size won't matter. 
• Seek assistance for his drinking and spending habits. This does not have to be AA. It could be therapy, a discussion/support group, a sober meetup group or any of the myriad other ways to socialize and get help with kicking bad habits.

You can help him by being supportive, asking how he is doing, and being there for him when he falls down. 

[+ purplekow]

You know you.  Chances are you do not really know him.  So if he is not the roommate you desire do you have the wherewithal to get him to leave.  The first time he pees on the floor and you step in it, are you going to shrug your shoulders and laugh or are you going to be pissed?   Is the home big enough for him to be him and you to be you at the same time?   

When I was younger and first bought my first house, I had an adjustable mortgage and after one year the payment went up $500 a month.  The day I got that notice, my landscaper, a very hot guy in his 20s with an amazing ass and thick thighs asked me if I knew of an apartment for rent.  I offered him an extra room in my house for $500 a month and he moved in.

I needed the money but even though I was not sleeping with men at that time, that ass and those legs were a major reason why I said yes to his moving in with me.   He paid the rent monthly.  He did me the favor of walking around the house in bikini underwear and was generally a good roommate for one year.   

 

After one year I could not wait to get him out of my house.   The unwashed dishes, the missing groceries, the occasional loud moaning noises from the bedroom with me on the other side of the door, they all became minor annoyances with a large emotional distress for me.   I wanted him out but did not want to ask him to leave.  Fairytail ending, he decided to move in with friends down at the beach for the summer.  My adjustable mortgage adjusted down.   He left.  I had my sanity back.   I still miss those thighs, but I would never invite him or any other thighs back into my home for any extended period of time.  

So take a long hard think about why you want this man there.   Is it the companionship, the tight ass, the hope of tapping that ass again?   Figure what you want and ask yourself is that going to be enough payment for dealing with  an extended houseguest who is very soon going to become an annoyance, hopefully only a minor one?

If you are not charging rent, he is a house guest and so treat him as such.  When are you coming to my house.  When are you leaving.   What are you bringing with you?   When are you leaving?   What are you contributing to my well being?  And most importantly...When are you leaving?

Lots of luck.  I hope you are thinking with you brain, not your heart and certainly not with your cock.  Your post here indicates to me that you have some doubts about this.  Listen careful to that.  

Edited July 30, 2021 by purplekow

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Topseed said:

...Should this go off the rails, in some jurisdictions your roommate may have legal protection to remain in your home, even if he has not been paying rent. In the most extreme case, this may require you to go through a lengthy and costly eviction proceeding...

I'd be curious to hear from any attorneys who might be reading this string. Are there really places in which a person who doesn't pay rent has tenants' rights/protection from "eviction"? There's an organization called LegalShield/Prepaid Legal in which you pay $25 a month and can ask legal questions all you want. They'll also write nasty letters if need be (but taking things to court, of course, would cost you). 

I would be very surprised to hear that someone who isn't paying rent would have protection from "eviction." But I'm definitely not a lawyer, and the law sure can be crazy. 

[rvwnsd]

17 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be curious to hear from any attorneys who might be reading this string. Are there really places in which a person who doesn't pay rent has tenants' rights/protection from "eviction"? There's an organization called LegalShield/Prepaid Legal in which you pay $25 a month and can ask legal questions all you want. They'll also write nasty letters if need be (but taking things to court, of course, would cost you). 

I would be very surprised to hear that someone who isn't paying rent would have protection from "eviction." But I'm definitely not a lawyer, and the law sure can be crazy. 

Not a lawyer, but I know of two cases in San Diego where this occurred. 

[Lazarus]

1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be curious to hear from any attorneys who might be reading this string. Are there really places in which a person who doesn't pay rent has tenants' rights/protection from "eviction"? There's an organization called LegalShield/Prepaid Legal in which you pay $25 a month and can ask legal questions all you want. They'll also write nasty letters if need be (but taking things to court, of course, would cost you). 

I would be very surprised to hear that someone who isn't paying rent would have protection from "eviction." But I'm definitely not a lawyer, and the law sure can be crazy. 

https://caretaker.com/learn/renting-with-roommates/evicting-a-roommate-in-new-york
 

‘I found this about the law in NY. I’m not sure about other jurisdictions.  P.S I’m not a lawyer or “detective”. 

[thedanNYC]

3 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be curious to hear from any attorneys who might be reading this string. Are there really places in which a person who doesn't pay rent has tenants' rights/protection from "eviction"? There's an organization called LegalShield/Prepaid Legal in which you pay $25 a month and can ask legal questions all you want. They'll also write nasty letters if need be (but taking things to court, of course, would cost you). 

I would be very surprised to hear that someone who isn't paying rent would have protection from "eviction." But I'm definitely not a lawyer, and the law sure can be crazy. 

@7829V will have to find out the hard way... a) that this varies based on local law and b) that ultimately he'll likely have to go to court to kick his friend out.

If the friend doesn't want to leave, legal tenant or not, @7829V would probably need to call the police. The friend would tell the police that he's a tenant, and then the police will likely point @7829V to point b) above.

Or @7829V will have to change the locks while the friend is out and risk the friend making a scene for all of @7829V's neighbors to see, as well as getting into an illegal self-help eviction dispute. 

[Guest]

I think this is a bad idea and unlikely to turn out well.  

[EastCoastBtm]

14 hours ago, nycman said:

Would you be so quick to help if he wasn’t in his 20’s and cute?

I know lots of nice 80 year olds who could use a helping hand.

Just saying….let’s not get too self righteous. 
 

 

 

14 hours ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

This.

Well we all know people only spend time with @Benjamin_Nicholas because of his glowing personality.....so there's 'that'.

[+ Topseed]

Unicorn: Chicago.

I faced this situation several years with a boyfriend who did not pay me rent (or in any way contribute to the home’s expenses). The relationship fell apart, and it was hell getting him out of my home. 

Edited July 30, 2021 by Topseed