Escort wants to move in with me... Any feedback, advice?

[+ Pensant]

I, for one, could never tolerate a roommate. And, like others, know a fellow hobbyist who made this mistake in CA with a young provider he was enamored with and then endured a hellish 3 years trying to get rid of him. Said roommate was also a drunk and a meth addict and made endless insults about my acquaintance’s weight and appearance.

[BuffaloKyle]

Another thing I thought of too is you said he'd only be home weekends. What happens if he loses his job and then is home all the time? What happens if he said to you then I guess I'll go back to escorting is it ok to have guys come over for appts or has guys over when you're not home behind your back? Gotta play out a lot of scenarios in your head.

[lonely_john]

On 7/29/2021 at 11:38 AM, 7829V said:

he's bad at managing his money, he spends more money than he should in clothes, out with friends, drinking, etc. So he has a lot of debts now...

This alone would be more than enough for a Risk Analyst to strongly advice against the whole scenario.

Even though you say he's not escorting, I bet your "friendship" involves some sort of exchange of favours.

He realized he could take advantage cause you're falling for him and presented you with the move-in idea.

This could work if it was a 30s/40s guy, but a 20something with money and drinking problems? DON'T DO IT!

Edited July 30, 2021 by lonely_john

[+ tassojunior]

10 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I'd be curious to hear from any attorneys who might be reading this string. Are there really places in which a person who doesn't pay rent has tenants' rights/protection from "eviction"? There's an organization called LegalShield/Prepaid Legal in which you pay $25 a month and can ask legal questions all you want. They'll also write nasty letters if need be (but taking things to court, of course, would cost you). 

I would be very surprised to hear that someone who isn't paying rent would have protection from "eviction." But I'm definitely not a lawyer, and the law sure can be crazy. 

i know in DC it's a matter of residence, not formal tenant status, but DC is different than most probably. even family has rights. basically someone just has to show residency by mail or anything at that address. the city doesn't want more homeless people. the police will refuse to make someone leave absent violence and tell you to go to court to get a removal order. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

2 hours ago, EastCoastBtm said:

 

Well we all know people only spend time with @Benjamin_Nicholas because of his glowing personality.....so there's 'that'.

True.

But, that's not really the crux of the discussion here, is it? 🙂

 

[EastCoastBtm]

27 minutes ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

True.

But, that's not really the crux of the discussion here, is it? 🙂

 

Reeeeeeeally?  It's OK for certain transactions, motivations and relationships to be based on looks, physical appearance and age, but not others?

But maybe you're right... Or maybe not....

 

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

10 minutes ago, EastCoastBtm said:

But maybe you're right...

And for a second, I thought maybe, just maybe, we were going to have a Billy Joel singalong.

 

[jjkrkwood]

2 minutes ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

And for a second, I thought maybe, just maybe, we were going to have a Billy Joel singalong.

 

Well if so, you better start with my theme song - "Uptown Girl"......

 

[Guest Justin7402]

56 minutes ago, tassojunior said:

i know in DC it's a matter of residence, not formal tenant status, but DC is different than most probably. even family has rights. basically someone just has to show residency by mail or anything at that address. the city doesn't want more homeless people. the police will refuse to make someone leave absent violence and tell you to go to court to get a removal order. 

It's the same in Maryland, had a friend who had to evict a couple girls he let stay with him for free and it was like a 6 month process.

[EastCoastBtm]

27 minutes ago, Benjamin_Nicholas said:

And for a second, I thought maybe, just maybe, we were going to have a Billy Joel singalong.

 

 

 

[Scott Virginian]

Given the topic, @EastCoastBtm, this one might be more apt:

 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Justin7402 said:

It's the same in Maryland, had a friend who had to evict a couple girls he let stay with him for free and it was like a 6 month process.

Wow. I'm amazed. What stops a person from just changing the locks and putting their stuff on the sidewalk?

[+ tassojunior]

5 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

Wow. I'm amazed. What stops a person from just changing the locks and putting their stuff on the sidewalk?

the police will order you to let them back in and you can be arrested for illegal eviction. 

California's probably the same. 

[Phil_musc]

Well I made it through the drama here and really I must say I'm impressed by the wealth of common sense and wisdom that has been expressed here. I had begun to despair that my views were so out of touch and old fashioned, but really it seems to me that most people have counseled against the OP helping his "friend" in his time of need. We must realize, though, that the OP is only in his 40's and may still inexplicably retain some mis-placed  belief in the basic innocence and decency of humankind and that his friend - with the drinking problem as well as impulse control issues, to say nothing of his apparent estrangement with his family (always a good card to play in these games), will always remain the sweet pliable young man who has lived off his looks and youth and will of course move out at the first whiff of discord. Yeah, right.

I plan to keep my eye on this evolving dramedy and I'm laying in plenty of popcorn to eat while the saga unfolds. My advice to the OP is to start a journal and write down all the events as they unfold - I think you'll have a good story here, worthy of An American Story or some such horror.

Edited July 31, 2021 by Phil_musc
clean up the grammar

[Beancounter]

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  DON’T DO THIS!  You’ve received a lot of advice and lots of suggestions to consider....most telling you this isn’t a good move on your part.   Listen to the men in this post.

[+ glutes]

[Guest]

19 hours ago, tassojunior said:

the police will order you to let them back in and you can be arrested for illegal eviction. 

California's probably the same. 

 

16 hours ago, Beancounter said:

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  DON’T DO THIS!  You’ve received a lot of advice and lots of suggestions to consider....most telling you this isn’t a good move on your part.   Listen to the men in this post.

Well, I do get background checks on men before they move in with me. Any needed evictions maneuvers would pop up (or at least they should--someone tell me if these background checks aren't reliable). I think it's doable under certain circumstances if the OP takes the appropriate precaution of doing the background check, as I suggested in my first response. 

[+ WilliamM]

1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

 

Well, I do get background checks on men before they move in with me. Any needed evictions maneuvers would pop up (or at least they should--someone tell me if these background checks aren't reliable). I think it's doable under certain circumstances if the OP takes the appropriate precaution of doing the background check, as I suggested in my first response. 

How romantic.

[Guest]

30 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

How romantic.

Being romantic doesn't mean being foolhardy. No one's objected so far. I wouldn't think of getting married without a prenuptial agreement, either. 

[Phil_musc]

Remember also that even if the new live-in decides to go to court to enforce whatever legal rights he may or may not have, you will also have to go to court with legal representation. Yes, yes, you may be entitled to get your court costs paid by the live-in, but remember there is such a thing as a judgement-proof defendant. If he already has money issues and job issues, how likely is it that you will come out of this debacle with no scars to show for your supposed virtuous intentions? 

[+ friendofsheila]

A compromise might be to charge him rent, but to tell him that if he moves into his own place within (6?) months, he can get the first (1? 2?) months of rent from you as a "getting started" gift. 
 

[lonely_john]

10 hours ago, WilliamM said:

How romantic.

@WilliamM! You are as sharp as a knife lately. What are you eating these days?

[maninsoma]

On 7/29/2021 at 5:12 PM, Topseed said:

Discuss this with your attorney.

Here's why:

Should this go off the rails, in some jurisdictions your roommate may have legal protection to remain in your home, even if he has not been paying rent. In the most extreme case, this may require you to go through a lengthy and costly eviction proceeding.

I encourage you to think through all the possible outcomes. Plan wisely. Have an exit strategy mapped out well in advance.

I'm pretty sure where I live, once someone has occupied a place for 30 consecutive days they have certain tenant rights afforded to them, even if they are just a guest in your home or are supposedly a short-term renter from a site like AirBnB.

If that's the case where the OP lives, he should make sure his guest visits his parents at least once per month, spending the weekend there.  That along with his travel for work (which presumably means he stays in hotels while traveling) should prevent him from gaining tenant status.  I'm not an attorney, however, so if the OP is concerned about that then he should consult someone experienced in landlord-tenant law where he lives.

[+ tassojunior]

13 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I'm pretty sure where I live, once someone has occupied a place for 30 consecutive days they have certain tenant rights afforded to them, even if they are just a guest in your home or are supposedly a short-term renter from a site like AirBnB.

If that's the case where the OP lives, he should make sure his guest visits his parents at least once per month, spending the weekend there.  That along with his travel for work (which presumably means he stays in hotels while traveling) should prevent him from gaining tenant status.  I'm not an attorney, however, so if the OP is concerned about that then he should consult someone experienced in landlord-tenant law where he lives.

The important thing would be to not have any mail to that person at that address, no drivers' license or voter registration, etc....nothing. but even then having clothes, etc there would be an indication of residence. 

unfortunately it usually becomes a matter of having to allege personal violence to have a chance of getting someone else out who's been staying at your place. this is something police deal with everyday. they will rarely force someone out without a court order. 

[Guest]

14 hours ago, lonely_john said:

@WilliamM! You are as sharp as a knife lately. What are you eating these days?

😜