KensingtonHomo

I've been with my husband for over 23 years; married for over 10. We met in person; in a bar shortly after 9/11. He was in the towers on 9/11 and narrowly escaped. I lost a cousin who was a firefighter. As this was November 2001, his experience quickly came to the surface. How have we lasted for 23 years and going strong? Mostly, we accept each other - foibles and all. And we have been through a lot together (lost both of our mothers, I had a lot of losses in my family). We've gained and lost friends. Changed jobs. I'll be real with you and say that he is much easier to live with and more easygoing than I am. (I sometimes refer to him as my "long-suffering husband.) The most important thing I can tell you is that chemistry is vitally important. You will either have it with someone or you won't. We have great chemistry. We are yin and yang. He's the quiet to my loud; the soft to my hard; etc. While he's quieter and introverted, he's also very funny in one-on-one conversations. Our chemistry was obvious very early on. And chemistry isn't just sexual. You see friends with great chemistry. Michelle Visage has a career because of her chemistry with Rupaul. We were also monogamous for the first 17 years of our relationship. We ended up figuring out we loved "playing together" by accident on vacation in Spain. We hire primarily for convenience. We're busy. We have specific times in the week when having a lengthy session works well, especially now that we're middle-aged. I have a friend who is 32. He's good-looking, smart, well-read, has great hobbies, and is very active and outgoing. And he's in the same boat as you. My take is that you are not alone. Dating in NYC as a gay man in your 30s who wants an intimate romantic relationship is very hard now. The apps dehumanize people. I find millennials to be far less capable of vulnerability than Gen Xers. Back to chemistry. In a culture obsessed with appearance, it's hard to find chemistry. Chemistry is not based on looks; neither sexual chemistry nor friendship chemistry nor romantic chemistry. If you're screening out people who do not fit your desired physical appearance, you may be screening out many of the people you could have chemistry with. I would encourage you to accept dates or pursue them with guys who are not tall, handsome with huge dicks. Look for similar interests, look at guys who you think look like fun even if they're a 6. I'm nice looking but my husband - a former muscal theater actor - looks like a Disney prince. He's an 8.5-9. I'm probably a 6.5, but I'm funny, passionate, a friend told me I love people in a way that is almost violent. So give some 6s a try! That's my two cents.

I feel you @Wildwood. I'm grossed out by feet, so I ignore them in a profile. But as others have said a foot fetish is common, so providers show them.

I've hired and spoken with guys who are bi or pan, and I'm a chronic overthinker. Ultimately, this is about your experience—that's why you're hiring. So, I want you to focus on what makes you feel sexy. Over the years, I've noticed that good providers match the client's energy. If you're going out, you may want to ask the provider to match what you want to wear. You don't want to be in a cocktail dress and the provider is in sweatpants. However, if you're staying in, you may want to wear lingerie. If makeup, heels and a little perfume make you feel sexy, put them on. I have an ass that most providers love. It's big, round, and has some jiggle over the muscle. So even if we're staying in, my underclothes will be a jock, or lace or something that makes me feel sexy. I might have sweatpants on over it.

Agreed. One of my concerns with those kind of spas is that the guys might be trafficked.

I haven't actually experienced this. I've had regulars who have had an off day, but usually they have a reason.

As a NYer, this happens from time to time. They need to give "vice" a reason to exist. Obviously, everyone should be careful but I don't think this is heralding the end of such spas.

Overall, I haven't noticed a huge difference but it's only been a few guys. A couple never responded, but the ones who did moved us to text within a few messages.

I think he saved you a bad meeting. When traveling, I always clarify which currency we're discussing. Often, the provider will quote us in US dollars, but it's always good to clarify.

I'm not sure why you quoted this. I freely admitted they were making a premium. I'm fortunate that I don't find most of those guys attractive. I used to find Cade Maddox attractive, but not for $1,000 an hour. His facial fillers and Botox are very obvious in his recent videos. I'm not opposed to anyone doing what (I'm debating some filler myself), but I would probably find him more attractive if he let himself look 37.

Dear god. Can we drop this subject? Let escorts ask for what they want. Some guys will shell it out; others won't. Based on my hiring in NYC, $1,000 is not the new rate. Most guys who are attractive, 25-35, fit but who don't have a porn past or big OF presence are in the $350-$500/hour range. I also hooked up with one of my favorite porn stars in LA last fall for $350. My sense is that he mostly films but likes to connect with the occasional fan. I would have paid more (in fact, I did tip him well).

Interesting. My initial experience with tattoos was people in or retired from the military.

People get tattoos for lots of reasons. I have four. One I got in my 20s and it's stupid. The other three all mark something very important to me: the loss of a loved one, my heritage, etc. I have one more I'd like to get that's in that vein. Other people see their body as a canvas; others do it to be cool or trendy.

OMG, there's a couple of guys on here who look at every "411" post and say they won't hire the guy because he has tattoos. It's like, "Girl, we get it." I don't care what other people think about a provider I find attractive, unless it's about their behavior and actions.

Yes, I don't understand this either. I may not be willing to pay the price some guys want but I don't begrudge them or doubt they can get it. For me, it's the same as commenting on the appearance of a provider I wouldn't hire. I'd rather spend my time on other things.

Everyone has their taste, but this group of men is my ninth circle of hell. I want nothing less than some 20-something "influencer, reality TV-famous for no reason" guy who thinks he's God's gift.

Trans people's lives are not a game. Aside from immigrants, they are the most demonized, dehumanized, and violently attacked minority in this country. Further, there is no such thing as a "natural born man." About 49 percent of babies are born more or less female; the same is true for males. But nearly two percent are born to some extent intersex. And among biological males and females, there is a range of hormone levels, second sex characteristics, etc. There is nothing natural about even the way most escorts look. Most are on special diets, work out six days a week, have their bodies waxed or shaved, have their hair colored, etc. That's not to disparage any of them. I color my hair, have tattoos, groom myself, etc. Rather, it is to point out that gender is a performance. No escort or "civilian" owes anyone else sex. But there's no need to disparage trans men while pretending that one's gender is "natural."

I've been with my husband for over 23 years. Intimacy is the opposite of sexual objectification. A common theme on here is that clients want a hyper-specific look, body, face, etc. I can't help but wonder if that exacting idea of beauty is carried over into their non-hiring lives. I have a millennial friend who is very good-looking and in good shape - a very cute otter type. He cannot get past a first date. He can have sex when he wants it, but he cannot find intimacy. When I hear people in their 20s and 30s talk about dating today, I want to run screaming into the streets. The ghosting, the passive-aggressiveness, and just flakiness that I believe is fueled mostly by technology eroding social norms, would be too much for me. That's the environment he's operating in. And, he is a 32-year-old man who mostly finds twinks who are 22-25 to be the sexually exciting type. Generally, those people are not ready for an intimate, enduring relationship. Men who prize beauty, muscle, and youth above personality, humor, and trust are not only setting themselves up to be dissatisfied with their partners but also to increasingly find themselves wanting as they age. We think we need sexual attraction, and that will lead to intimacy. That can happen. But many guys hit the eject button when the attraction starts to wane. For me, and others in multi-decade relationships, what I find to be true is that both attraction waxes and wanes over time, but intimacy grows. Intimacy can make your partner far hotter in their 50s than in their 20s or 30s.

I have to agree with the general point here. One of my frustrations of being a member here is the frequency with which other clients tear apart providers' looks. Regardless of what we all look like IRL, we stay anonymous here. I can tell you all that I'm an attractive guy, but you don't have 20 pictures of me to examine and pick apart. Yet lots of guys on here are really harsh about the appearance of providers. It's just unnecessary. And you would not say any of this to their faces. So stop it.

I come from an Irish Catholic family so I had seen many people fall into the trap of addiction and wanted no part of it.

That's wild. I would just show him the door at that point.

People thinking I was older had more to do with how I carried myself, spoke, my interests, etc. And people didn't think I was 10 years older. Instead, at 17-18, people often thought I was a college student, but it evened out in my late 20s. Then, because I'm fair-skinned, I've always avoided the sun, and I've had a killer moisturizer routine, so now people generally guess I'm in my late 30s to early 40s. I also stopped partying at 22 and drinking at 25, which, compared to family members at the same age, has made a big difference. I've been debating some minor filler because I've lost weight and some volume from my cheeks. I asked my (gay) dermatologist about Botox a couple of months ago. He said it was unnecessary since I don't have wrinkles.

I apologize @MuscSami for speculating about your age. I looked a bit older when I was your age, but thankfully, now I look younger than my age.

In New York, there's always a perception that there are more bottoms than tops but not to the LA extreme.

I'd say he's probably mid-30s. He's fair skinned, his hair is thinning, and having low body fat ages your face.

Canceling shortly before the appointment Inability to get/stay hard and refusing to acknowledge it Any hygienic issues Being doused in cologne