DWnyc

No ambiguity from their marketing materials who is doing the screwing

I think many don’t even make it to sex. Just don’t get it. I’ve made the mistake of joking about it with one or two providers and unleashed lengthy descriptions engagement with their clients into this stuff - bizarre.

I always assumed providers want to get people off RM as soon as they can to avoid explicit discussions on money and anything else they don’t want “out there” and to start whatever background checking they wish to do with additional info available. I find it amusing when the same providers who are adamant even in their descriptions before the first outreach that you should only ever text - try to send you back to RM to send a message or two to allow for reviews.

Not to bring up a topic that never seems to go well on here, but just because a provider doesn’t list PNP on their profile doesn’t mean they’re not doing it in their private life. I’ve twice experienced providers having reactions which I’m pretty sure we’re based on one of the liquid varieties enjoyed before I arrived and I had to deal with them being the only person around. Many states have some kind of Good Samaritan laws; in theory you won’t get in legal trouble or face questions as to how you got in the situation you find yourself if you call an ambulance for someone in distress (suspected overdose, heart attack, stroke etc)

Why the question re blue state cities (as opposed to red state ones)? Not trying to get political but are you more worried about one category than the other?

Re time allocated - check beforehand if a provider is including shower time, get to know you chat time in the session calculation etc. Misunderstandings can occur. You can’t force someone to spend time with you in this business if they don’t want to, and it would hardly be pleasant if they felt forced, but the providers who have tried that stuff with me will never get rebooked so the long term loss is greater for them.

For some the thrill of being with new providers and experiencing variety (if available in their market) is part of why they engage in the hobby vs seek out fwbs or partners if they have them.

I don’t need or want providers to climax - they can save it for another client or someone they actually want to be with. I often tell them this and it often provides some relief (of a different kind). I also want to avoid a situation where they’re done and they hate every remaining minute where they can’t trick themselves into feeling it’s enjoyable for them. On a couple of occasions though they’ve actually wanted to climax during a session themselves - which surprised me. nothing to do with me - more I guess moving from one situation to the next, not building up tension, if not seeing others that day trying to switch attention to other areas of their life perhaps … once I was surprised as given only a few seconds warning and asked where I wanted it, and on another was requested to stay a few mins to help the situation in what I thought was an attempt at upsell but apparently wasnt.

I hope this is the case … My criteria is when I text and say “Hey how are you …” they don’t reply “Sorry, who is this?”

As discussed elsewhere there the culture of “I know my own worth”, “I don’t want to deal with cheap clients” etc can disrupt what should be easy market dynamics (ie it works or it doesn’t work so move on). And all this gets internalized by some to equate their rate to self esteem etc What should be the freest market becomes tangled with all sorts of 21st century / millennial entitlement

Which is a good reactive hit rate … no provider should complain at that

More than once I’ve found a surprise guest. More than once I’ve had the offer they stay, for a fee. On two occasions I had reason to leave before the session was over and was nervous for more than a split second about being outnumbered in a situation I wouldn’t want the world to know about.

I can spot that technique a mile off. I also use it frequently 😉

And that trust could be broken / damaged with what one considers a bad surprise I’ve lost count of how many providers have lied about being alone - the roommate, friend who needed a place to stay at the last minute, the dog they don’t think about since they’re minding it temporarily for their friend … etc - not disclosed even after asking

Good - this ranks #2 I think behind cats (allergies) And for New Yorkers and elsewhere up several flights of stairs that should be disclosed too

I typically apply the same rule as to non provider meets - I’ll say (unless it’s an immediate booking) “I’ll confirm before heading out an hour before our appointment and won’t leave till I hear back”. I also request if they’re busy an hour before our time that they confirm from their end sometime before then. works quite well as it covers for most of the typical scenarios: - something better came up but I can’t be bothered to tell you - I’m partied out and have lost sense of time and commitments - I wasn’t realistic on when I’d be free and expected you would hang around but didn’t want to lose the booking - I’m so good the prior client wanted to extend so I couldn’t take your call If there’s no response I leave a voicemail and text so there’s a record saying given the time it will take me to get there if I don’t hear back within 10-15 mins we can consider the appointment canceled. I’ve had a mix of apologetic call backs immediately / requests for a later time / abusive “you’re a flake” accusations and - “you’re so uptight … what’s half … one … one and a half hours to wait for the mighty moi”. As well as absolutely no response at all. My favorite recent excuse was “I was fine but my partner wanted reshoots for our only fans content so I got held up at the studio”

I think most of us have likely seen profiles online of people we know - friends, colleagues etc - and we’ve probably also chuckled or raised eyebrows at things they list - age being the obvious one. And we’ve likely come across someone who reveals something when we actually meet or some time after that which might give pause. Multiple personas and a sign this person can’t be trusted? Or how they choose to be in certain contexts with certain goals in mind … who cares, live and let live. You clearly are engaged in the hobby if on this forum so you are presumably at peace with ethics, risks etc. Is it really different from if you found out he was a saxophone player and it never came up until you discovered it and then only after your first meeting …

Maybe he just keeps different aspects of his life separate. Providers are entitled to their intimacy in situations they choose just like everyone else. Maybe he wouldn’t even accept the OP as a client - or indeed as a repeat hookup if he tried hiring him in the way described.

To be fair many clients including on this website show general contempt for providers as a whole and it can come out when they engage. Doesn’t justify bad behavior by anyone. Would be easier if there were efforts on both sides to be more empathetic and respectful (while still calling out bad behavior by individuals). Clients and providers should take advantage of hearing out the arguments and reasoning on here even if they disagree. They may leave real life interactions less frustrated as a result.

I assume bottom providers won’t care since this is not a hookup My experience has been top providers on average prefer not to use condoms - I even know of stealthing examples - the excuse primarily to do with not being able to stay hard with protection. I’ve had providers refuse to see me if I insisted on them wearing a condom or saying then that removes the overall act from the options

I’m skeptical on the explanation often given “I rarely check RM messages” - why wouldn’t you check the source of the enquiry in the first place - how many other sources of business does the average provider have?

But surely that can happen on text as well?

I don’t think most stop to think about all this and they don’t need to. If an as implies a provider is in a city now or in the future, the client will assume the provider has all that worked out. Do we think about how a piece of clothing is made, where a chicken nugget comes from or how a song is produced? A little empathy would certainly help and it’s helpful to know pressures providers face in different markets. But how about thinking a little more about clients and what may be going on in their heads too? They’re not all out designing ways to be flaky etc. They have real situations driving their behavior often falling into clear categories. Perhaps it might help to incorporate some of that into a providers strategy. So for instance understanding some clients only plan last minute, some in advance. Some for whom this is a once a year treat others who may book more regularly etc

As discussed here in other contexts, good guy providers offer some temporary fantasy relief here, bad guys can pounce on this dynamic for all sorts of mind games and scams

Rates seem to be coming down in NYC Providers seem more proactive trying to convert enquiries to a booking. Seems less “I don’t have time for these basic questions” and more “did I answer everything?”’and “you said you might be interested, just checking” a few days later …