DWnyc

Even if I did all the above (told you I was coming to town, that I was happy to meet up, would text this week) that doesn’t constitute an appointment.

They’re not the provider, you are …

Some may be pragmatic (as they see it) and assume it maximizes clientele and doesn’t put off those who could be offended by an “in your face” or sermonizing on status or prep use (same reason some undetectable on ART will only say “positive”) We’ve discussed here before how many have not stated status accurately - we know because they themselves have volunteered this to us or in other profiles - I know at least 2 in my geography and both made some fumbling noise about having forgotten to update their profiles, I just checked and after more than a year they still provide an incorrect status (not just blank) At the end of the day it shouldn’t really matter if you’re already ok seeing a provider if you protect yourself per your own tolerance level - and that can mean lots of different things

You just killed the need for this site …😉

That’s not the only reason many don’t want to pay deposits to providers but why is this not true? Pretty much every disclaimer or terms and conditions for cash sites makes it clear that they can and will share data with the government if requested and that they will proactively report anything they suspect violates their rules which includes transacting in illegal categories.

Unless you’re advocating the abolition of free market economics that makes no sense

Or the perception of it perhaps. I’d say social conditioning is as or more important. People would be making different choices if media (including porn) presented different ideas of what is attractive (and perhaps by implication, healthy). Some don’t have a problem with partners indulging in PNP, unprotected sex (even with PREP in the mix though that’s not universal and recent) or other eating disorders that keep one “not fat” but might be causing havoc elsewhere in the body (or mind). And as you say we’re talking prostitution not long term relationships - where an old or fat partner (however defined and for the purpose of discussion here) benefiting the provider means they might not reject them. And a compliment paid to a client tapping into their perceived sensitivities may be smart for business even if potentially offensive to others and may not even represent what that provider really feels on such issues. And I can imagine some providers and others I’ve met saying something like “actually I’d rather have a fatty than a …” (fill in the blank … racial slur, height, age, disability related filter “ etc).

As an aside - when I’ve seen pics of spouses of providers - or in some cases even met them - while many are indeed magazine cover gorgeous like their partner … they’ve often been surprisingly “normal” and sometimes do fall into “not good looking” / “less good looking” buckets some of us obsess over. Including obese. The kind you wouldn’t expect to say typically”I’m dating a porn star …”

And here’s where a provider can help you. Set up an appointment with someone who doesn’t think you’re roleplaying or at least will go along with you to your face, and practice, ease into it, if they’re good they’ll know what to do. The way most hookups go or darkroom encounters will likely see you feeling frustrated and maybe saddened with how your partner may react.

Ive noticed the same thing re younger providers less interested in regulars. Seems like hookup culture where part of the excitement seems to demand someone new. A lot of Penny wise pound foolish behavior as well.

The whole session is typically roleplay of some sort. Even a provider being “normal” and kind with someone they wouldn’t spend time with in real life. Who cares if the client is lying - the time wasting could come from any way he presents himself and that’s what needs to be weeded out. If he shows up let him act out his scenario. Politely tell him he needs to get his ass literally over there and pay like everyone else for the handholding to commence.

Nathan seems the kinder gentler personality who’s more human and fun. I’d book NYC A-A for practice every so often on how to hold on to Nathan. Wouldn’t want more time with him after the session ended 😉

I’ve heard providers describe how they charge certain clients more or less based on the Robin Hood principle. Or because someone was rude or particularly nice in booking. I’ve not heard it expressed as tied to the client’s perceived looks. I did have a provider once say when i assumed we were both in the heat of the moment “you’re so hot, I should be paying * you * …” and of course I didn’t take him literally and thought it odd that would even be referenced as it’s almost taboo to do so at any time during a session - and I replied “oh, really …?” - and he broke character and reminded me (though I didn’t need it) “we’re just acting, honey, remember?” - did kill the mood a little but not the fee 😉

Come now would we have anything to discuss on here if we censored topics covered before? 😉

As client or provider?

I think it’s rooted in their culture and history - many (but not all) Latin countries tend to have race as a much less important marker than the rest of the world - and so that influences individual “preferences” as local media less likely to use race as a criteria for pushing what is “hot”. I concur with the observation that the demographic as a whole Is very open on this type of issue.

Unless describing yourself as a passionate lover gives away your identity I think you’ll be fine

Same applies to the American citizen providers living in those places (several are in nyc on RM).

I know a few that claim they do (online profiles) but don’t in reality (discussions in real life). Same with some people (including providers) representing their status one way online and disclosing something different in conversation. as others say, take care of of yourself and behave based on your own criteria and situation, not what someone tells you about themselves the provider using protection with you could be more about his wish to protect you than a comment on his behavior at other times

And I’ve never paid a deposit apart from the one time I did. I doubt I ever will in the current legal and practical realities. The message is simple - neither you nor many clients on here appear to be moved by the perspectives offered on this matter contrary to our existing positions. Ive seen several providers hold some very rigid positions - eg you on deposits, others on requiring “real” cellphone numbers and only having iPhones, requiring clients to send photos before confirmation, not booking the same day or only booking the same day etc - and it’s everyone’s right to set their rules. Presumably they persist because it works for them better than alternatives, and they are comfortable with supporting data.

Once met a visiting provider in nyc who surprisingly was hosting at an apartment. he had an air Mattress in a tiny living room ( carved out of a studio) and his host was a provider I randomly turned down earlier (without knowing their connection) … because he said “my friend and his bf are visiting and may be here” and also tried to upsell a double / triple deal. The porn version of this story has a group scene with the host, his bf, my providers bf, the provider, and me all on the air mattress. The reality show has a lot of passive aggressive coming and going and slammed doors in the rest of the tiny apartment - they had all worked out it was me speaking to both providers during the day. My provider even asked me to give the donation to the host as he owed him “rent money” so there was this symbolic game they made me play of ultimately paying the provider I turned down. My other ridiculous NY accommodation story had me going to the restroom about 40 mins into a session and being warned “oh my roommate is in there, it’s raining so he stayed indoors … just ignore hkm”

When some clients have repeatedly posted here “no deposits, ever” and their reasoning, that doesn’t appear to change your mind on the matter. Just sayin’ …

Is the real question here in providing feedback on how to communicate (with clients) the the provider? Not enough info here. but I’d say from examples he needs to let the clients vibe come through more clearly before he asserts his interpretation and tone which might come across as “don’t waste my time” but is more likely “I don’t understand …” think of one party speaking porn movie dialog to someone who is taking everything literally and when he does that it doesn’t make sense so he asks for clarification and it kills the mood. that being said if the mood is free sexting that’s no good either.

Better that than being surprised when a glass is completely empty The hobby is full of risk for both clients and providers - physical, financial and even mental …isn’t it better to be prepared for (and take precautions for) all eventualities?

Bait and switch is never good for trust and smooth interaction in any context. Even if unintended - humans can and do change their minds - as you say there is a need for a discussion and people shouldn’t then complain about that being a mood killer if they triggered it.