DWnyc

He may have had a bad experience with the substances that make up the “date r*pe” portfolio. Some have passed out for a few seconds or minutes, others for much longer. And if he had been drinking alcohol before coming to see you the bad effects could be amplified. Not a good idea to push hospitality however sincere.

What is this? Never been offered one …

The key part being reputable and established. Providers seem to be increasing in number by the day - many are just trying to monetize their regular hookup lives and are part of what you call the cesspool. The first time a provider proactively offered to show me their latest test paperwork I was a little startled (and concerned they’d want to see mine which I wouldn’t share for identifying info reasons) but I now realize they were offering a different league of service (not saying I’d expect that from a provider I’d want to see). Compare that to a growing number where I know for a fact the status they list on RM is incorrect.

And, with what we have at our disposal now, it doesn’t really matter - we can protect ourselves in most scenarios (eg with Prep) regardless of honest disclosure or lack of awareness from our partners. Has only been a thing recently, another burden the young generation might not appreciate that older folk still carry with them.

Agreed 100%. I know a few folks who feel they are taking an activist position by forcing a provider to confront prejudices face to face on first sight and they don’t think the door will be slammed in their face but it happens a lot, because it can. Fight your political and social battles in the appropriate place but why not just enjoy spending your hard earned money with someone who deserves it because they are invested in creating a great experience for you.

I assume that’s a rhetorical question

Try it and if you can get it to work, good for you. I’ve had quotes in recent months as low as $400 for 2 hours after I kept saying no. If I ever wanted that long (I typically don’t) I wouldn’t go that high.

Why not be direct? Not everyone can read between the lines and in relationships where people know little about each other and their communication style they may not understand they need to. Loss in your brand value surely more if you are left with reviews saying you overcharge and underperform. I don't understand clients who become so focused on one provider even if the experience wasn’t great and they’re obviously conveying lack of interest. It’s not like hooking up in a bar or online where you know it’s meant to be forever and ever …

This could make for an interesting SAT question. If you are older than the providers who couldn’t get you where you needed to go … And if most people think like you … What is the likelihood that without a transaction involved … Be thankful you have the means to obtain what sees you through, but realize what it is and what it is not.

I wouldn’t be able to … Part of the rationale for providers is service on demand. If a straight or bi provider claims they can deliver regardless of to whom, they’re as qualified as anyone else. The question for me isn’t are you gay or not, but can you provide an experience I want once we confirm terms. Once a provider - gay bi or whatever - starts asking for photo, says “it depends” for some services, I strike them off any consideration as they aren’t hiding they likely can’t. Then we can avoid the runaround where they expect payment without delivering.

I suspect many list bi as they think they won’t lose gay prospects but may get more closeted or other bi men who will feel safer, feel less judgement etc. The same way people adjust their ages / endowment / even race (mixed becoming white, Asian or black becoming mixed etc). Not just by providers but on online hookup apps. You say there were repeated signs this wasn’t going to work - you should have cut him off at that point. The issue likely isn’t his sexuality but his commitment to doing the work for which you would pay him while still wanting the money.

Hard to sustain one’s business in this field if they can’t fake it - no one would care what they called themselves if they left happy.

I think the overall problem is lack of empathy. It’s not restricted to providers. And how many older gentlemen, when turning down those they don’t want to be with, do so with the respect they crave or relax their criteria to accept a proposition - as they wish / expect from the younger ones. Bottom line: you can’t force people to like what they don’t like, but you can expect them to be respectful. I don’t know if todays youth is worse than prior generations.

Well … yes … I was agreeing with you

It doesn’t. And people have different risk tolerance leading to precautionary steps that vary by individual more than situations But the hobby by its nature likely attracts more of what some would call “sketchy” folks on both sides so given where we are today with technology there are precautions and research that people can undertake That yoU Might not with a Grindr meet that disappears if you don’t drop everythjng and be present within the next 10 mins. And despite the howls of protest that often follow such discussion there can be ties between providers and some more unsavory trades (eg p n p - have lost track of how many people I’ve met have offered me discounts if I make purchases in their other lines of work). one’s sensitivity is often based on personal experience or situation. I have an Asian friend who has had more than one provider slam the door on him when realizing he wasn’t what they assumed (with abusive commentary, so he knows that’s the reason) so he is particularly sensitive to that issue and whether he will be accepted. Likewise an amputee friend (ex army) who was treated badly and called “grotesque” by a provider who had posted on this forum and claims similar vet status. And if you’ve had the misfortune of ever being shortchanged by a provider or worse you’ll likely want some indication of someone’s fiduciary behavior. Those for whom discretion is more important than the average client for whatever reason may want to know they can remain (to the extent they themselves are aware) anonymous; providers who require ID or photos or are known to have security equipment may not be for them. And there is always the need for both sides to be conscious of potential sting operations. No it’s not an exaggeration.

Come on, let’s not ostracize or expel, whatever we may think individually or as the major part of our demographic. Isn’t that what the fundamental fight was / is / always will be? Let the man have his say, agree / disagree, and remember if he’s gone the bar for unacceptability starts falling to the point where we as individuals may also eventually be targets.

Make the whole sugar daddy thing illegal If you want legal constistency. Rents in Hell’s Kitchen and WeHo would collapse, youngsters would likely read more in the evenings, and gay men above the age of X would have better retirement account balances.

When the subject has come up I’ve often been told im not what providers expected. But it seems to be about behavior / carrying one’s self rather than age / body / race / etc when I’ve asked the follow up of whether the difference was better or worse than expectation I haven’t really received a straight answer … 😉

We have got to get away from the stigma surrounding the hobby for both providers and clients. Otherwise why are we here on this forum? With the tech / apps available to us now the average gay male can have as much sex as the most active provider and more, if he chooses, without any money changing hands. The average provider may actually be better behaved ,needing to keep himself presentable to clients with the ability to pay for a luxury experience. And certainly better protected (informed) than the more DL / inexperienced among clients.

Grindr years vs real years? One guy in my geography claims to be 39 for the past decade and I know he has to be over 55 based on some things he’s told me socially - and he’s beyond the point where he can get away with it And there’s that ex porn star living between Philly and NY who used to claim his pics (visibly spanning several years) were all no more than 3 months old which and given whatever age he claimed he was he would have been active in the industry when 12 or 13

While the word “aversion “ was used it should be emphasized that it is more than just avoiding those one does not prefer. Sure people can have preferences wherever they come from. But how do we treat those who approach us who we are not attracted to? When someone lashes out taking the tone “how did you even think you could approach me, I’m out of your league, you're so disgusting …” etc - that’s not just expressing a preference. That’s where the real problem lies, and it is way too common - against racial minorities, those above a certain age or BMI etc.

This is a much more powerful justification for the building blocks of payment than typically presented. And I doubt every provider thinks this way - but 100% respect for those that do.

How would RM know unless someone complains, and how many clients actually do so? forget degree of misrepresentation, I have to say the vast majority of providers I’ve met have some detail or photo that didn’t match reality or at least aroused suspicion on meeting. it’s so part of the culture now im sure the average provider can feel if they don’t embellish (at least) they’ll lose out to people who do …

I think the average escort would also prefer to have a sense of who they’ll meet (for different reasons) so the request is likely something they’d gladly do (think of all discussion on here about do they have the right to reject potential clients) … as long as they don’t fear this could be a sting

Yup exactly That’s the protection many scammers rely on so they’ll lure the victim into drug / sex related intended activity to preempt a complaint.