DWnyc

To be fair many clients including on this website show general contempt for providers as a whole and it can come out when they engage. Doesn’t justify bad behavior by anyone. Would be easier if there were efforts on both sides to be more empathetic and respectful (while still calling out bad behavior by individuals). Clients and providers should take advantage of hearing out the arguments and reasoning on here even if they disagree. They may leave real life interactions less frustrated as a result.

I assume bottom providers won’t care since this is not a hookup My experience has been top providers on average prefer not to use condoms - I even know of stealthing examples - the excuse primarily to do with not being able to stay hard with protection. I’ve had providers refuse to see me if I insisted on them wearing a condom or saying then that removes the overall act from the options

I’m skeptical on the explanation often given “I rarely check RM messages” - why wouldn’t you check the source of the enquiry in the first place - how many other sources of business does the average provider have?

But surely that can happen on text as well?

I don’t think most stop to think about all this and they don’t need to. If an as implies a provider is in a city now or in the future, the client will assume the provider has all that worked out. Do we think about how a piece of clothing is made, where a chicken nugget comes from or how a song is produced? A little empathy would certainly help and it’s helpful to know pressures providers face in different markets. But how about thinking a little more about clients and what may be going on in their heads too? They’re not all out designing ways to be flaky etc. They have real situations driving their behavior often falling into clear categories. Perhaps it might help to incorporate some of that into a providers strategy. So for instance understanding some clients only plan last minute, some in advance. Some for whom this is a once a year treat others who may book more regularly etc

As discussed here in other contexts, good guy providers offer some temporary fantasy relief here, bad guys can pounce on this dynamic for all sorts of mind games and scams

Rates seem to be coming down in NYC Providers seem more proactive trying to convert enquiries to a booking. Seems less “I don’t have time for these basic questions” and more “did I answer everything?”’and “you said you might be interested, just checking” a few days later …

It often doesn't. What with fear of the law, substances legal and otherwise, discretion that one or both parties requires for whatever reason, not to mention raging hormones or financial necessity / greed, people can sometimes make what may seem like irrational choices. And that applies to stories and behavior from all sides.

Fixed Indeed. I look forward to the more material representative opinion you can bring to the discussion instead of us. As well demonstration that your model is acceptable to a necessary (even if not sufficient perhaps) group of clients to make it sustainable for you.

Could be many things including a fake profile if he’s otherwise well known Rewuesting a deposit when you’re in the building or near isnt so surprising (not asking for it before is however) since the main purpose of the deposit for many asking for it isn’t to safeguard money / protect against no shows - no matter how passionately some try to present it that way

for you maybe - and fine - clients and the market can respond but you can’t speak for the entire industry the market doesn’t agree with you and the market usually doesn’t lie have lost count of how many providers have asked for a deposit, I’ve said no, and they’ve removed that “non negotiable” position either instantly or over time sometimes after a harsh exchange (by when I’m not going to hire them)

A real provider seeking a deposit is typically not doing so for money but for leverage if something goes wrong as they see it (or if they are crooked, even if it doesn’t). That’s why you’ll find some saying something like “even just $1” or $10 etc The scammers will typically focus just on the money and seek to maximize that.

People in law, management consulting and finance etc typically have code names for clients so if overheard confidentiality remains. They also never speak to clients if running into them publicly. Doctors do the same and will never talk about treatments or discussions in public without invitation. Hobby rules should be the same.

Some just thrive on conflict wherever and however if manifests. Psychiatrists text book examples. Borderline personality or narcissist who feel numb and invisible unless in conflict. A giveaway is when some report back consistently on all the fights they’re recently had, how many people were rude to them that day etc

I have noticed an increase in instant message only lists posts - not sure what’s driving this

I’m pretty sure I see him on the regular online dating apps so he’s around

In which case surely the takeaway lesson is, try negotiating it won’t do you any harm …

For some clients it’s an extreme form of the emotions attached to reaching out to a potential hookup online - anything that seems like a rejection (ie a delay) from a provider is sort of the worst kind for these guys - it’s like even when I’m paying I’m so undesirable etc. Not that they are - but I think there is this very fragile ego in a lot of clients on this matter. Smart providers pick up on it. Nice ones put that awareness to good use. The other ones …

I’m sure he can pull it off if the accent is thick as well

have experienced all of them more than once (upselling in general, and conversely for requesting condoms) also had a session cut short because “im Not feeling well, nothing to do with you, and I won’t charge for all the time …” right after he checked his phone … and I’m pretty sure arranged either a hookup or a longer session client. Re condoms vs bareback upsell - it’s been discussed here before but my experience has been providers generally prefer bare and condoms require more effort for them Hence upsell. If one reveals how important something is to them, an upseller may think “what’s totally easy for me is very valuable to him, so I’ll redo my pricing …”

Yup very common. And given I think I’m a generous tipper I don’t think I’m on any of these mythical databases as someone who needs a reminder on this.

Well the best providers will go to considerable lengths to ensure the client had the experience he craves …

I’ve heard a recurring narrative from providers of how they once had a bumper year, thought it was going to last forever, and blew through everything and their luck changed (eg their benefactor left town or found someone else).

Re evolving industries and technologies, the apps etc. - We’ve hashed this out before - but now many independent bookstores do you see today, and where are the Barnes and Nobles that put those guys out of business 30 years ago? Who under the age of 40 owns a Cd player? Or consults a travel agent. Or goes to develop film. And so on. And wait till AI really hits the masses. All of you providers who complain about potential clients seeking free sexting will find you may have a lot more spare time very soon given the potential for new porn / sex apps already available. What you may really notice is the loss of a funnel for potential clients unless a replacement comes on stream.

Well I’m glad you get where I’m coming from because I’m not gaslighting you (and im not gaslighting you by saying I’m not gas … sorry couldn’t resist) Ill take it further. You can’t blame potential clients for not reading or understanding whatever instructions you have in your ad. Or rather you have to expect it will happen. It’s not like an entrance exam to an elite private school where they shouldn’t be allowed a conversation with one lapse in your preferred methods. And the easier you make it for them they may veer toward a hire.