DWnyc

Make your own rules - what applies for others doesn’t necessarily do so for you. And no reason why a happy and consensual equilibrium can’t evolve whatever one falls it. Just try to be aware if someone is taking advantage / manipulating you, remembering the whole provider client relationship does likely involve - at the heart of the core activity - some fabrication / exaggeration of feelings. When I see clients post on here about unrequited feelings or near obsession with a provider I do worry about if they are easy prey.

I’ll add: - lack of respect for the provider, perhaps because of the stigma and making an assumption that the provider is desperate for money, from a lower social / economic class etc. If plans change or the potential client was never serious, why bother letting someone know if you don’t respect them (providers sometimes do this to clients as well and likely with reciprocal lack of respect - I don’t have a sense of which “side” does it more) - paranoia about being arrested, discovered etc - perhaps the client for a bad feeling about the provider while setting up the appointment in the back and forth - tone, rudeness etc … doesn’t justify canceling without notice but it could influence whether seeing it through I disageee with the framing of the last point in your post. Being Unable to afford a provider doesn’t make someone a loser - they just shouldn’t play in this game. Standing up a professional is what makes them a loser.

I think the maximum notice I’ve given anyone is a day, and even then I’ve reconfirmed on the actual day as I’ve been burnt on providers forgetting (sometimes I believe them sometimes I don’t) or being late. For me it’s often a last minute decision and that’s worked fine - when I reach out to folks whether known or unknown and ask if they’re available later that day they may say yes, no, or not reply and not replying may have them refusing to engage in that timeframe. But enough will in my geography and it’s never been a problem. I wouldn’t want to book more out than that as knowing myself I may change my mind, work or other social things could come up etc and I’d hate to mess with a providers schedule and I’d be loathe to pay for a cancelation. More often than not I’ve been told by providers - contact me only if you’re serious about meeting … now … and I’ve incorporated that into my comms / planning.

Seems like at least one side will feel they got screwed …

But the lawyers would still expect to get paid

I personally don’t understand folks prepared to have unprotected penetrative sex (regardless of prep - which doesn’t protect you from basic mess let alone other stuff) but can’t kiss. As with online hookups, I assume it’s because they're not attracted to the other person, and would in other circumstances regardless of “I don’t kiss” posturing. A “straight” provider who says explicitly he doesn’t kiss on his profile told me - he can actually kiss guys, as to him if he closes his eyes it could be anyone - just like a hole could be male or female to him so he can perform either way - (kind of ridiculous unless his female partners have a lot of facial hair) - but he says the no kissing expectation saves him from a lot of emotional stress. He’ll only kiss if he finds the client attractive. I did ask him if everything was so interchangeable and if there was a spectrum where some guys were attractive, why was he so adamantly “straight” …

For some providers - some, not all - for a bunch of reasons that have come up on here in the past - making some clients feel bad is part of how they get through the experience. Like traffic police and customs. And of course some clients do the same to providers, reminding them of the direction the money flows. So there’s not a need for them to learn the skill of hiding these feelings, and they won’t say no if you’re still prepared to pay for the experience - it’s part of the game of life. Move on if it bothers you. And be thankful for the providers who, however unprofessional, don’t want anything to do with you.

This all ceases to be cute after the age of 13 when it becomes predatory and delusional (no offense meant). Might you have exhibited some behavior that scared off the provider in your outreach?

You are generous with your time, then. I can’t see that being offered out here.

That and some not on insurance get their treatment from generics overseas or online etc with less strict testing or prescription requirements

I fall on the cynical side because many conversations I’ve tried to have on this with providers have been met with eye rolls. Not all providers -but enough. I’ve also found at least 6 providers in my geography (3 I’ve met, 3 i haven’t) have not been truthful (either on the site or in conversations) about some health status info. Some others in New York on this forum will have had this experience (as we have discussed it) and I assume this happens elsewhere as well. So I take the perspective that I’ll be responsible for myself, offer discussion on my health (honestly it’s rarely been taken up) and would contact a provider just like any other partner if I needed to in event of any news. @ICTJOCK curious, did you charge for the additional meeting time for the pre session discussion? I’ve had at least 2 providers suggest a quick phone call to discuss anything beforehand (which could and did include health / safety issues but weren’t framed exclusively as such) but my hunch is even if I had the time for a pre meeting they would typically not want this unless it was added to the total session times.

Yup - recognized someone from London on the New York sniffies page - sensed something was up when his tone was so off from the guy I had met - so checked with him and he filed a complaint (from Paris!) but in the time that it took for this, the fake profile asked me for 50% down on fees on cash app (even though I hadn’t said i wanted to meet)

I see him on dating / hook up apps all the time - not sure if as a means to get clients or if really for personal meets

I’ve lost track of how many providers have contacted me after I either didn’t engage them (for the first time) or if they’re regulars they haven’t heard from me in a while … with an offer of a huge discount (50% off type). And often it’s tied to - I’m leaving town or about to go on vacation or it’s the end of the month etc some get very defensive on platforms like this - these must obviously be 2nd tier providers etc - but no I don’t think that’s the case. Some just realize that often something is better than nothing.

This is definitely a new thing for those of us who were adults before say 2010 but the rules have evolved. I still remember the rotary phone and my mother eavesdropping on my calls from not too far away.

All of the above … and perhaps reserving topping or bottoming for “special” experiences / people - like kissing for some people

I doubt anyone in the country blames providers for inflation or that they are coordinating a boycott of the sector to protest. Any move to zero engagement is likely for a price that is considered too expensive relative to a clients perception of market value and perhaps their own cash flow give tougher times.

It’s not their job to understand … you can quote whatever you want for whatever reason - and they can choose to engage you or not

Same experience (never really had a provider not return a call) and most people I’ve discussed this with use burners. It’s more like duh, why would you do anything else? And btw @JTtorretto many if not most providers I know also use burners. Similarly I would expect nothing else. Given that many providers sometimes disappear and reappear, often with new profiles and names and numbers, something tells me they must have good reasons to use burners themselves.

One way to look at it is the scarcity factor has come down. A lot. This isn’t 50 years ago when there was no public space to be gay … there was no Will and Grace, Grindr etc - so the uniqueness of the provider service is considerably reduced. It still has value of course, but it’s different. So the price of eggs may have gone up, but my mobile phone is much cheaper than the clunky brick my company gave me in my first job many years ago, as is my laptop compared to the $5k entry model I worked all summer for before going to grad school. No, prices for everything don’t move in the same direction and there is no reason they should.

Just a reminder to draw the line on believing (at face value) that the line between paid time and voluntary/unpaid time is blurred. And a provider who is good at his job in other ways will be convincing if making you believe it’s all because you are turning him on and giving him genuine pleasure. One of my earliest experiences in the space had me overwhelmed from the time, the provider sensed that and asked me as I was getting ready to leave if I wanted to stay for a while, as he wanted to teach me things, I was so hot but I didn’t know how to use it etc. he saw a young version of himself in me etc. I laughed and said I had no money and he replied “I guess you better be leaving then”. I walked out feeling like I’d been made fun of, in a daze. 10 mins later he texted saying he was already missing me, I should come back .. I again replied I couldn’t pay more .. he then writes something ambiguous like “who can put a price on passion when it’s real, come back because I really need you right now, I need it more than you do etc”- or maybe not so ambiguous … anyway cut to the chase - a very bad financial experience by the end of the evening My defense mechanism kicks in early now when people try that, which is quite regularly.

Providers would be out of business in that case Remember, we’re talking about visiting a provider for the act of him providing … not about being gay or hooking up, where some might sympathize with your opening statement

Ok but that was a key part of the OP. The blackmailing escort is threatening to go the OP’s office and has demonstrated he has contact details. So my response was to the comments about standing up to the blackmailer, going to the police etc - and how it’s easy to say this but can be extremely difficult in reality (which is why blackmail sometimes works)

Easier said than done. if the OP is in the US or a jurisdiction where this is illegal going to the police opens trouble for him before even getting to the complaint. And I can’t think of many situations where regardless of the law a client at the receiving end of a blackmail threat comes out well at work if his office is told “So here’s the deal, i visited a provider …”

Or maybe they’re just annoyed by providers lurking on sites that have clear guidelines on that, who pull a bait and switch and may make them feel like they’ve been lied to, manipulated, their time wasted etc. Think of it like the equivalent of people you think could be clients hitting you up, going back and forth on your offering and then saying “surprise! I’m going to treat you like an unpaid hookup post” And to preempt - and also think of it like - if you reply that many timewasters do actually treat you exactly like that … the response is “if you have to keep saying that maybe you should be just posting on hookup sites for free interaction”