Two Down, One To Go

[rvwnsd]

I am very, very happy with his choice of DePaul. I occasionally go to Chicago on business anyway, and love the city. Every communication we've had with the university has been reassuring and promising. He's excited and so am I. I'll be in Chicago more often during the next four years and I know that will be a good thing.

What course of study is your soon-to-be DePaulian undertaking?

[BasketBaller]

What course of study is your soon-to-be DePaulian undertaking?

Computer Science, with some interest in the 5 year BS/MS program, but that's pretty far ahead. And the theatre program was an appeal, he doesn't want to major in it but hopes he can take part. All of the boys did high school plays and loved them, as did I.

[+ sniper]

Computer Science, with some interest in the 5 year BS/MS program, but that's pretty far ahead. And the theatre program was an appeal, he doesn't want to major in it but hopes he can take part. All of the boys did high school plays and loved them, as did I.

 

Wait, your boys are into theater?

 

I'm now revising sharply upwards my estimate of P(they've figured out you're gay). We have rocketed past the 50% threshold and will soon be approaching 95% confidence. You simply don't do theater for four years in this day and age without developing some gaydar.

[BasketBaller]

Wait, your boys are into theater?

 

I'm now revising sharply upwards my estimate of P(they've figured out you're gay). We have rocketed past the 50% threshold and will soon be approaching 95% confidence. You simply don't do theater for four years in this day and age without developing some gaydar.

LOL. yes. all of my boys did high school plays when it didn't conflict with their basketball. So did I, in my most closeted period! In an all-boys school, the only activity that involved girls was the drama club. My folks loved theatre and took us all the time. If it makes a difference, (and it might not) they didn't do it all four years , just a few times. as did I. Their school has a very strong drama program with a lot of respect, so it wasn't a stretch.

[+ sniper]

By any chance was the time they stopped pushing women on you about the time they got into theater?

[+ azdr0710]

By any chance was the time they stopped pushing women on you about the time they got into theater?

 

ahh, the plot thickens!

 

http://lh4.ggpht.com/-6-4rGe3J8kQ/UHyrbsY9XiI/AAAAAAAABNY/4cJmeckGrLU/%25255BUNSET%25255D.gif?imgmax=800

[rvwnsd]

Computer Science, with some interest in the 5 year BS/MS program, but that's pretty far ahead. And the theatre program was an appeal, he doesn't want to major in it but hopes he can take part. All of the boys did high school plays and loved them, as did I.

Nice! He is certainly going to the right school. DePaul has a couple of 5-year Bachelor/Masters programs. Had I stayed, I would have done the 5-year CPA/Taxation program. To be perfectly honest with you, I don't know whether the Theatre school lets non-Theatre majors participate in plays. It has been a verrrrrrry long time since I attended school there. The Goldblatt building was still a department store, the area of Lincoln Park in which the campus is located was still dicey, and Chicago still had non-airconditioned L cars.

[+ FreshFluff]

Congrats, Bballer. I can tell you've raised men of character who will, with the grace of God, will be successful in the world.

 

He murmured, "Be happy" to me and that's a conversation to come. Then, as I might have guessed, his twin and he hugged each other tightly and long, and both whispered something to the other-- maybe in their twin language? And then he joined his company in formation, and we lined up to watch them march into the hall, as the last Plebes entered, the huge doors slammed shut, and Plebe Summer had begun. If you want o see what his day was like, watch 1:55 to 8:07 of this, last year's I Day--

 

We had intended to have dinner in Annapolis, but twin brother asked if we could just go home and get pizza, so we headed back to DC. Older brother drove, and on the way he nudged me and looked into the mirror. I turned and saw twin brother with his eyes closed, silently weeping with tears running down his cheeks. By the time we got home he was composed, we got pizza, and he went to bed early. When I came up to say good night to him, I found him asleep in his brother's bed.

 

This made me tear up.

[NuSingle]

I have loved following this story and appreciate you for sharing. It is a glimpse of what could have been for many of us who are not fathers, but would have loved to have children.

 

You are clearly a great and loving father with well rounded children.

[TruthBTold]

Two of my sisters are DePaulians and graduated from its CPA/Tax program. In the City, the school is really known for its business school (among other things). It has long had a rivalry with Loyola for various things. I graduated from Loyola's graduate program but currently live near DePaul's downtown campus.

[BasketBaller]

By any chance was the time they stopped pushing women on you about the time they got into theater?

No, they'd been doing plays for years before that!

[+ MostlyLurking]

Do you think it's time to come out to the boys? Based on the discussion here, I think the chance of rejection is very slight, and the possibility of adding an entire dimension to your relationship looks pretty great.

[mike carey]

Do you think it's time to come out to the boys? Based on the discussion here, I think the chance of rejection is very slight, and the possibility of adding an entire dimension to your relationship looks pretty great.

I think it would be better to let nature take its course rather than force the pace. But it's not my family so what I think is unimportant.

[BasketBaller]

I think it would be better to let nature take its course rather than force the pace. But it's not my family so what I think is unimportant.

That is indeed my plan. I honestly have no fear of rejection or disapproval, but given that two are starting at new schools it might be a distraction. When I'm on my own I'll start dipping my toe in the waters, probably joining DC's gay basketball league or some such thing. When I actually am socializing again, I'll let them know. I'd prefer it to be when we're all together but when it feels right for them to know, they'll know. Having said that, if one of them asks me anything I won't lie.

Edited July 24, 2017 by BasketBaller

[Epigonos]

Well here is my two cents worth and most likely that's exactly what it's worth. Your three boys are very bright. To know that one only has to look at the institutions of higher education they are attending or will be attending. I assume you have NOT been dating women since your wife died. My guess is that your boys already know or at least suspect. Some of our more militant members here probably won't agree with me regarding what I'm about to say. Were I you I would do exactly what you have already stated "by joining DC's gay basketball league or some such thing". I really don't see the need for some dramatic declaration. When THEY are ready to ask they will ask and then again I would do what you have said you will NOT LIE. I sincerely believe a low key approach here is probably best.

Edited July 3, 2017 by Epigonos

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Here's my two cents. Let the twins get through the adjustment of being separate first. Even if they suspect your interest in men, the emotional impact of knowing is often different than suspecting.

 

P.S. Prepare yourself. Once you tell them, be ready for them to have the safe sex talk with you. Many of my now single friends (both widowed and divorced) have received it from their kids when the children found out their parent might be having sex with someone new.

[BabyBoomer]

Here's my two cents. Let the twins get through the adjustment of being separate first

 

.

 

 

+1

 

~Boomer ~

[gallahadesquire]

A Question for Basketballer:

 

How is DePaul Twin handling the absence of his brother so far?

[+ friendofsheila]

When I actually am socializing again, I'll let them know. I'd prefer it to be when we're all together but when it feels right for them to now, they'll know. Having said that, if one of them asks me anything I won't lie.

 

Another 2 cents: You are their father. What example are you setting by waiting, waiting, for a moment that is "right" in some way, to tell them? And what example would you be setting by telling them soon after you know you have a gay side, and are comfortable with it?

 

That said, nothing should happen until you are comfortable doing it. I'm just all in favor of moving THROUGH discomfort instead of sitting still in it. Good luck!

[rvwnsd]

In regards to coming out to the boys, when the time is right for you to do so, you will. Not a moment sooner.

[+ glennnn]

In regards to coming out to the boys, when the time is right for you to do so, you will. Not a moment sooner.

 

 

As a dad who has been through this moment, I absolutely agree. I knew the time had come to come out to my son, and I did. He just hugged and kissed me and gave me a "yeah. Okay" look! It was a real non event. Nothing changed between us.

[BasketBaller]

A Question for Basketballer:

 

How is DePaul Twin handling the absence of his brother so far?

Thanks for asking! The very next day he was obviously upset. He now is a little quiet and preoccupied (I think he's thinking about him) but not mopey or moody. He spent a lot of time with his girlfriend over the weekend and we're going to her family's house for a 4th of July cookout. He is sleeping in his brother's bed still-- I haven't said anything about it because I don't want him to be self-conscious. And all three of us are having a good time putting together CARE packages for the Plebe. Older brother of course wants to send him things that will embarrass him or get him in trouble.

 

We have a conundrum, too. We can have no direct contact with Plebe twin during the summer, except the three phone calls, until parents' weekend when we can visit and even take him out. But the Academy is open to the public, so we could always visit and see if we get a glimpse of him during formations or drill practice or chapel. But even his twin thinks that might be worse, to see him (and possibly have him see us) when we can't even wave to him or he'll be in trouble. So we're thinking about it.

 

There's a Facebook group for Midshipmen parents and I do find myself checking it way too often as people tell stories of past Plebe Summers, post pictures of what their upper-class Mids are doing this summer, (whoa do these kids get to do some great stuff!), and offering advice. Not the kind of advice I'm getting here of course...

Edited July 4, 2017 by BasketBaller

[+ azdr0710]

re: your conundrum.....very first impression is don't visit....if you catch sight of each other, it may be exceedingly startling for him (he won't even know you were coming to campus).....and I wouldn't want him to get in trouble, as you suggested may happen.....make the three phone calls productive and tell him you'll see him on Parents' Weekend.....

 

otherwise, thanks very much for your story here @BasketBaller .....I'm one of many who has followed it from the very start.....appreciate all your thoughts.....you have three great kids.....and I think you already realize you should wait for the big talk until well after school starts this fall - things are too busy and new now for all......do they all plan to be home for Xmas?.....wondering if that happy, relaxed, family time might be the occasion??

[+ quoththeraven]

I also think it would be better not to visit given the restrictions.

[+ nycman]

Having said that, if one of them asks me anything I won't lie.

 

I only have one question.....

 

"Will you adopt me?"