Two Down, One To Go

[BasketBaller]

Quick update-- We went to a cookout at DePaul twin's girlfriend's family's house for the 4th. Lots of people there we don't know. Both twin and, to a lesser degree, older brother told everyone about Plebe twin being at the Naval Academy, it was practically the first thing out of their mouths-- "My brother just started Plebe Summer at USNA." Girlfriend was very amused, each time he said something about it she'd catch my eye and laugh. An older woman said, "You must be very proud of him," and twin replied, "I can't say how much."

 

He's missing his brother but he's doing okay, I'd say.

[mike carey]

I can't thank you enough for continuing to chronicle this amazing journey.

[kevininsa]

You have an awesome family. Thank you for sharing. It really has been a great story and I look forward to the next installments.

[+ purplekow]

My humble opinion is to not go. If you see him you could cause him difficulty and if you do not, you may find yourself disappointed.

 

As to coming out to them, if you do join the Gay Basketball League, I would use that as a segue to coming out to them at Thanksgiving. Since you guys have been out of the house, I think it may be time to let you know that the basketball league I joined is a gay basketball league. Your mother was the woman of my dreams, but I have realized that now, I want to find the man of my dreams and that man needs to have a good outside shot.

I think the nature of your relationship with their mother may be the second biggest area of concern for them. Reassuring them of the veracity of that relationship is key.

[BasketBaller]

My humble opinion is to not go. If you see him you could cause him difficulty and if you do not, you may find yourself disappointed.

 

As to coming out to them, if you do join the Gay Basketball League, I would use that as a segue to coming out to them at Thanksgiving. Since you guys have been out of the house, I think it may be time to let you know that the basketball league I joined is a gay basketball league. Your mother was the woman of my dreams, but I have realized that now, I want to find the man of my dreams and that man needs to have a good outside shot.

I think the nature of your relationship with their mother may be the second biggest area of concern for them. Reassuring them of the veracity of that relationship is key.

We've talked it over and are fairly resolved to wait for parents' weekend, mostly to spare him any unexpected exposure. Thansgiving or Christmas might well be the time for the "talk", depending on how things go as I test the waters.

[+ sniper]

I think waiting for Christmas might make more sense as it's after finals, on the off chance they are upset by it. I'm guessing they won't be.

[+ WmClarke]

Just told my daughter last Sunday when I had an overnight guest. She didn't bat an eye.

 

May your discussion go even smoother!

[gallahadesquire]

"Uh, guys, I ... I have something to tell you."

"That you're gay," [said in chorus]

"Well, yeah ..."

[Twins, in unison] "We know."

[Other son] "I wish you guys wouldn't DO that. Yeah, Dad we know."

[gallahadesquire]

Get a GoPro and put it in the room. You're going to want to relive this.

[BasketBaller]

"Uh, guys, I ... I have something to tell you."

"That you're gay," [said in chorus]

"Well, yeah ..."

[Twins, in unison] "We know."

[Other son] "I wish you guys wouldn't DO that. Yeah, Dad we know."

This is totally possible, and maybe what I hope for.

[bdcjskm]

As has been mentioned many times, your family story is very compelling and heartwarming. There is, obviously, a tremendous bond between you and your sons and between them. This has been forged by the way you have all four navigated life following a heartbreaking experience. You know that the relationship they have with you is exceptional in every way and has made it possible for them to individually explore their separate dreams. Just as you have in every decision concerning your family, you will do the right thing when the time is right. Have faith in that. They may know, they may not. But, my sense is that they have been raised to appreciate the differences in people and to not to judge that which does not warrant judgment. While the disclosure may be interesting, I suspect it will have zero impact on what is important - and that is their love for their father. You will probably have to deal with the topic of your relationship with their mother, which may be a simple as their wanting validation that their was love there. On the other hand, they saw that love and may have no doubts. Good luck in everything that is going on with you and your sons; and a hardy congratulations.

[BasketBaller]

Good luck in everything that is going on with you and your sons; and a hardy congratulations.

Thanks for those thoughtful words.

[kewtex]

We've talked it over and are fairly resolved to wait for parents' weekend, mostly to spare him any unexpected exposure.

 

Steel your resolve not to go to Annapolis until parents' weekend. While not equivalent, Plebe Summer is similar to boot camp, and is the first step of preparing your son (and you) for his military service. Learning to deal with separation from one's family is a part of that process.

[BasketBaller]

Steel your resolve not to go to Annapolis until parents' weekend. While not equivalent, Plebe Summer is similar to boot camp, and is the first step of preparing your son (and you) for his military service. Learning to deal with separation from one's family is a part of that process.

We came to the same conclusion, even his twin thinks it's best. We got a short note from the Plebe, saying he's surviving and the food's better than he expected. He also said the upperclass Mids who lead their training work so hard, getting up before the Plebes and going to bed later, that he doesn't mind how much they yell!

[BabyBoomer]

We came to the same conclusion, even his twin thinks it's best!

 

When is the first scheduled phone call?

 

~Boomer ~

[BasketBaller]

When is the first scheduled phone call?

 

~Boomer ~

Sunday, he'll have 20 minutes. The gf will come to our house and we'll do speakerphone first, then let them talk alone. Twin might want some private talk too.

[BabyBoomer]

we'll do speakerphone first, then let them talk alone. Twin might want some private talk too.

 

You read my mind.

 

~Boomer ~

[+ purplekow]

Gee twenty minutes is not very much. Just enough to say how things are going on both ends and how much you look forward to the next call. When I was 20 I moved to Mexico and did not have a phone. A neighbor would let me receive incoming calls once a week on Sunday at 6PM. I looked forward to those calls all week long. On one occasion I went to my neighbor at 5:3o and he was not home. I sat waiting at the door. At 6:00 I heard the phone ringing and could only sit at the locked door and feel overwhelmingly sad and I hoped they did not think something was wrong. When I saw him return at about 10 PM, he allowed me to make a brief call to my parents just to reassure them that I was okay. That was enough for both of us, though we would have loved to talk longer, my neighbor was anxious to get to bed and I was in no position to ask for any more than he was already doing for me.

[gallahadesquire]

BUMP

 

I wound up in the hospital again. Did the phone call happen? Was it the greatest?

[BasketBaller]

I wound up in the hospital again. Did the phone call happen? Was it the greatest?

 

Hospital? I hope all is well!

 

Thanks for asking, it was pretty great. We were waiting with his girlfriend when he called and the first words out of his mouth were that he had 30 minutes instead of 20. We'd discussed some questions, but hardly had to ask them since he talked a lot. We had him on speaker phone and he told us, again, that the food was better than he'd expected (that seems to have been a very significant thing), he's learning to sail, he sees his cousin at the chapel on Sundays but they can't talk to each other (upperclass who aren't part of the training cadre are off-limits), and the non-stop physical training is hard. He likes his two roommates, but one of them is so homesick he's not sure he'll stay. Neither of them has ever experienced the heat and humidity of a Maryland summer, and it's hard on them. He chattered away, and sounded happy for the most part. We gave him some time with his girlfriend (not on speaker phone, and we left the room) and as I thought, his twin asked to talk to him alone for a bit. I didn't eavesdrop, but it sounded as if twin brother turned the tables and did most of the talking. Then, because we had longer than we'd expected, we all came back, put him back on speaker, and finished up that way. We could hear the upperclass warning that time was almost up, and he sighed and I think choked up a little, said not to worry about him, and made sure we would all come to parents weekend at the end of the summer. We each said good-bye, older brother with a joke, girlfriend quietly, twin seriously, dad trying to be reassuring. He blurted out, "Miss you!" to us and hung up.

 

He sounded good, and it was very good to hear his voice. Girlfriend thanked us for including her and left. Twin seemed a little down, but without a beat older brother suggested a bike ride, and the two of them went off and were gone a long time. At dinner both brothers talked about the call, rehashing everything he'd said.

 

On the Facebook USNA parents page quite a few posted about tearful or unhappy calls, but ours was a good one. Two more to come.

[+ nycman]

Hospital? I hope all is well!

 

Thanks for asking, it was pretty great. We were waiting with his girlfriend when he called and the first words out of his mouth were that he had 30 minutes instead of 20. We'd discussed some questions, but hardly had to ask them since he talked a lot. We had him on speaker phone and he told us, again, that the food was better than he'd expected (that seems to have been a very significant thing), he's learning to sail, he sees his cousin at the chapel on Sundays but they can't talk to each other (upperclass who aren't part of the training cadre are off-limits), and the non-stop physical training is hard. He likes his two roommates, but one of them is so homesick he's not sure he'll stay. Neither of them has ever experienced the heat and humidity of a Maryland summer, and it's hard on them. He chattered away, and sounded happy for the most part. We gave him some time with his girlfriend (not on speaker phone, and we left the room) and as I thought, his twin asked to talk to him alone for a bit. I didn't eavesdrop, but it sounded as if twin brother turned the tables and did most of the talking. Then, because we had longer than we'd expected, we all came back, put him back on speaker, and finished up that way. We could hear the upperclass warning that time was almost up, and he sighed and I think choked up a little, said not to worry about him, and made sure we would all come to parents weekend at the end of the summer. We each said good-bye, older brother with a joke, girlfriend quietly, twin seriously, dad trying to be reassuring. He blurted out, "Miss you!" to us and hung up.

 

He sounded good, and it was very good to hear his voice. Girlfriend thanked us for including her and left. Twin seemed a little down, but without a beat older brother suggested a bike ride, and the two of them went off and were gone a long time. At dinner both brothers talked about the call, rehashing everything he'd said.

 

On the Facebook USNA parents page quite a few posted about tearful or unhappy calls, but ours was a good one. Two more to come.

 

Someone please explain to me.....why am I crying?

[+ HornyRetiree]

Someone please explain to me.....why am I crying?

 

Because that is what we do as we follow the saga of the wonderful family!

[Bargara Leatherboy]

Tearing up down under. I think it's just great that these guys have such a wonderful gay dad.

[BasketBaller]

We had the second call on Sunday, and being the second it seemed less fraught with importance. He sounded great, and asked for cleaning supplies. The upperclass who are training them switched out later in the day to a new set, and he was worried about that. He said his detailers had been hard but he knew them, now he was going to have to meet a whole new crew. Older brother was not here, visiting his girlfriend in Boston, and twin didn't ask for private talk this time, although most of the chatter was between the two of them anyway. We again let Plebe and his gf have a few minutes alone on the phone, and while we didn't eavesdrop there was a lot of laughter on her end.

 

One more call next Sunday, and the following week is parents' weekend when we can not only see him and meet his roommates, but take him away for a meal or a movie or whatever-- he wants to see the Spider-Man film, I know.

 

DePaul twin has been put in touch with his roommate-to-be, and they've been skyping, it seems like a good match, he's from Ireland, a soccer player, also planning to major in computer science. I think some of his struggle had to do with his brother's new life starting earlier than his, now that he is near to leaving for his adventures he seems to be happily looking ahead. Although he still is sleeping in his brother's bed.

[LoveAustinCF]

Nice update but I must admit my focus is on the (hung) soccer player from Ireland.