Two Down, One To Go

[BasketBaller]

We may have touched on this before, but if so, I've forgotten. I'm betting being in a 4 male household that you have already done this. But have you taught your boys how to do laundry?Gman

 

Oh yes, they learned how to do laundry young! Each has his domestic strengths and weaknesses (as do I, see above.) But they all can cook a meal, iron a shirt, mow a lawn, etc. The twins really like to cook and that has been a great help since their early teens. Their brother liked working in the yard and it suffers a bit when he's away. Everybody pitches in with laundry, raking leaves, shovelling snow, etc. Now if someone had only fallen in love with dusting and vacuuming we'd have been all set.

[Phil_musc]

BasketBaller, you last post makes me want to go watch some reruns of "My Three Sons." Your household seems almost idyllic. And don't sweat the clutter, dusting, and lack of vacuuming (although that last one is easy enough to remedy).

[+ sniper]

I had never done laundry when I went away to college, but literally all my clothes were 100% cotton so it didn't really matter, I just read the instructions on the washer and the detergent bottle and put them in.

My mother was not particularly sentimental about domestic drudgery(having 6 kids will beat that out of you pretty fast), so I nearly fell over when I came home for Thanksgiving freshman year and she asked if I had any laundry for her to do.

[+ azdr0710]

When you have a navy and white striped rugby-style shirt, does it go in whites or darks??!!. Honestly still don't know.

[BasketBaller]

BasketBaller, you last post makes me want to go watch some reruns of "My Three Sons." Your household seems almost idyllic. And don't sweat the clutter, dusting, and lack of vacuuming (although that last one is easy enough to remedy).

Well, over the years there were plenty of squabbles and a few rants from me, but by and large it's been good. After their mom died the boys went through a stretch of fighting with each other over anything, but that didn't last too long. And the oldest went though a very aloof stage in his early teens. But once the twins were also teens he decided the rest of us weren't too horrible. The twins can still argue about trifles but they also defend each other fiercely. Plenty of visits to the emergency room over the years but no arrests so far!

 

I've mentioned before that each of them has guardedly expressed concern about me being alone when they're all away at school. I reassure them as much as I can, but it'll be terra incognita for me too. Still, it's the last thing I want them worrying about.

[+ bashful]

This is probably one of the best feel good threads I've read. Congratulations on navigating the challenges over the years. Be proud. However, I can't help but wonder with all that you've had going on, how did you ever manage to find the "me time" for other activities. Best of luck to you and the kids.

[BasketBaller]

However, I can't help but wonder with all that you've had going on, how did you ever manage to find the "me time" for other activities.

 

Short answer-- when they were little, I didn't, very much. But I have family in the area who'd spell me, and as they got more independent I could spend some time with friends or just get away. Of course, that's one reason I hire escorts, I haven't pursued much of a social life in a while. (I posted once before that for my first several hires I had to also hire a babysitter!)

[+ purplekow]

When my wife was alive, we tried to have children. Soon after we started, she was diagnosed with cancer. After an initial remission, we were given the go ahead from her doctor to try again. Unfortunately, the radiation and chemotherapy had put her into a very early menopause. After consulting many specialists, we found one who was able to reverse her menopause. However through all the injections and other hormones, she did not produce enough viable eggs for harvesting and then the cancer returned. After her death, I thought that it was lucky that we had not been able to have children, as it seemed to me a man alone, in his late 40's would have been stretched to the limit to raise a child alone.

I have been comfortable in that thought, but in reading of you and your sons, I think that perhaps I could have done it. Well the road not taken is always an unknown and there is no point of what ifs.

Though as a result, I have given a great deal of thought to the sacrifices I would have had to have made in order to be a single parent. I do not know if I would have had the energy, dedication and emotional strength to do such an all consuming job. I commend you for doing that very difficult job with great success.

 

While you will never stop being father to your sons, you also have an obligation to live your most satisfying life. I wish you as great a success being a single gay man in his forties as you had being a single father of three sons. I have no doubts that will be the case.

Edited January 19, 2017 by purplekow

[rvwnsd]

When you have a navy and white striped rugby-style shirt, does it go in whites or darks??!!. Honestly still don't know.

Darks.

[+ FreshFluff]

Congratulations!! You must be so proud to have a incoming Midshipman. I will keep my fingers crossed for the other twin. Stanford may be far away, but believe me, you'll love visiting him there.

[BasketBaller]

When my wife was alive, we tried to have children. Soon after we started, she was diagnosed with cancer. After an initial remission, we were given the go ahead from her doctor to try again. Unfortunately, the radiation and chemotherapy had put her into a very early menopause. After consulting many specialists, we found one who was able to reverse her menopause. However through all the injections and other hormones, she did not produce enough viable eggs for harvesting and then the cancer returned. After her death, I thought that it was lucky that we had not been able to have children, as it seemed to me a man alone, in his late 40's would have been stretched to the limit to raise a child alone.

I have been comfortable in that thought, but in reading of you and your sons, I think that perhaps I could have done it. Well the road not taken is always an unknown and there is no point of what ifs.

Though as a result, I have given a great deal of thought to the sacrifices I would have had to have made in order to be a single parent. I do not know if I would have had the energy, dedication and emotional strength to do such an all consuming job. I commend you for doing that very difficult job with what great success. While you will never stop being father to your sons, you also have an obligation to live your most satisfying life. I wish you as great a success being a single gay man in his forties as you had being a single father of three sons. I have no doubts that will be the case.

Yes, "what ifs" are useless but it's hard not to think about them. My wife's cancer was advanced by the time she was diagnosed, and progressed quickly. After months of failed treatments that made her suffer terribly, her doctors reluctantly advised palliative care-- to let the disease take its course and manage the pain instead of continuing a vain fight. So we had about six weeks to prepare for her death. During that time, I'd have sworn I'd never be able to handle raising the boys alone, I had no idea how I'd be able to carry on. But in the event, it was something to focus on, and carry on I did. Having three sad, even angry, little boys to help through the loss made it possible for me to get through it, too.

[BasketBaller]

Congratulations!! You must be so proud to have a incoming Midshipman. I will keep my fingers crossed for the other twin. Stanford may be far away, but believe me, you'll love visiting him there.

That thought did occur to me!

[BasketBaller]

A small update. Navy twin is floating on air a week later. His brother is being a little quiet-- still waiting for his own college applications to be answered, and maybe a bit cowed by his twin's happiness. This morning we were alone and I asked him how he felt and he said he was proud of his brother, and then choked up, fighting back tears. I haven't seen any of them cry in a very long time, but I think the looming separation is weighing heavily on him. I gave him a hug (we're a family of huggers) and he said he's okay. He told me the two of them cried together the night the news came. I had no idea.

 

Oy. Never a dull moment.

[+ purplekow]

One will be on the east coast and the other the west but they will not be apart.

[BasketBaller]

One will be on the east coast and the other the west but they will not be apart.

I'm sure they'll realize that eventually, but it may be a struggle in the meantime. They're strong kids, they'll do fine, but it's going to be a big change.

[+ PapaTony]

You guys have been so cool and helpful as I shared the experience of facing my sexuality while raising my kids as a single father. My eldest is in his second year at Fordham, happy and thriving. On Friday one twin got a call from Delegate Norton's office that he'd been appointed to the US Naval Academy, his lifelong dream. It is amusing to see how happy he is, and his twin is almost as happy for him. That son is still waiting to hear about his college applications. Stanford is his first choice, but I hope he ends up closer, Still, whatever will be best for him is what I want.

 

So I'll have a Midshipman starting this summer. It means he'll leave home sooner, in late June, but he's only about 45 minutes away when he's in Annapolis, although he won't be able to come home often. He and his girlfriend vow they'll manage the long distance thing (she's hoping for UPenn) so we'll see. They are very serious, so maybe it'll last. And I think it's sinking in to the twins what a change it will be for them to be apart. They've always shared a room, even turning down the offer for one of them to move into their brother's room when he left for college.

 

And I feel the approaching departures deeply, now they're in the last semester of high school. Yes, I'll be free to be myself and find out what that means, but I'll be on my own for the first time in my life, really. Lots of discovery to come, I think, for all of us.

.

From one single dad to another....Congrats!!!

[kewtex]

Sometimes I envy those with children. Then I snap back to the reality of being too selfish and self-centered to be a parent. Add to that the fact I could never bring myself to have intercourse with a woman, and I have to be content being an uncle.

God bless you, BasketBaller.

[LivingnLA]

Cheers to you @BasketBaller. We're nearly done with our first through college and our other two have insisted they wish to attend USC like their big brother. I wish we could get a bulk discount.

[+ not2rowdy]

I don’t know about USC but it’s not uncommon for universities / colleges to offer “family discounts” if more than one student is attending. Certainly something to check into.

[LivingnLA]

I don’t know about USC but it’s not uncommon for universities / colleges to offer “family discounts” if more than one student is attending. Certainly something to check into.

 

Yes, "sibling discounts" do exist at some schools. I haven't found anyone at USC who says they offer them, but they do offer discounts if a parent works there and we're discussing it since we've decided to stay in Southern California for awhile.

[+ honcho]

USC ... says ... they do offer discounts if a parent works there and we're discussing it since we've decided to stay in Southern California for awhile.

 

Oddly enough the topic came up for discussion just yesterday afternoon. I still work part time for a large west coast university which has a joint research project with USC. A co-worker on the USC side said that was a huge consideration for him as his daughter is now a senior there, and that saved him nearly $60,000 / year in tuition.

 

The bad news is that they have changed the rules, and you have to have worked for USC for some period time before you qualify for the benefit. *Do* look into the details.

[Gvtire]

Yes, "sibling discounts" do exist at some schools. I haven't found anyone at USC who says they offer them, but they do offer discounts if a parent works there and we're discussing it since we've decided to stay in Southern California for awhile.

A Trojan grad here. They don't offer a family discounts. They do take into consideration family connection to the school. A family who has more than one child attending, I've heard they're more generous in financial aid. If your son graduates before your other kids enter SC look into SCions. They might beable to help you.

 

FIGHT ON!

Edited January 21, 2017 by Gvtire

[BasketBaller]

Cheers to you @BasketBaller. We're nearly done with our first through college and our other two have insisted they wish to attend USC like their big brother. I wish we could get a bulk discount.

I freely confess that as proud as I am of my son's acceptance to the Naval Academy, my father's alma mater and such a fine institution, the fact that there's no tuition makes me want to dance a jig. As we wait to hear about his twin's applications, the question of acceptance is accompanied by the one about financial aid. Show us the money!

Edited January 21, 2017 by BasketBaller

[Gvtire]

Oddly enough the topic came up for discussion just yesterday afternoon. I still work part time for a large west coast university which has a joint research project with USC. A co-worker on the USC side said that was a huge consideration for him as his daughter is now a senior there, and that saved him nearly $60,000 / year in tuition.

 

The bad news is that they have changed the rules, and you have to have worked for USC for some period time before you qualify for the benefit. *Do* look into the details.

I don't know if this is still true but when I was a student at USC, to receive free tuition your parent had it work there for 10 years. They had at the time a program where by if you were USC employee eligible for free tuition in your child was accepted at Stanford,Pepperdine, UCLA, Cal, and I think University of San Diego you were able to attend those schools for free. They did a reciprocal thing with those schools, with those children of those employees who were accepted at USC they also received free education.

Edited January 21, 2017 by Gvtire

[BasketBaller]

.

From one single dad to another....Congrats!!!

Thanks!