Escorts Say the Darndest Things

[+ WhamIAm]

"Well this is a nice surprise! I thought you were going to be much older. You sounded like you were in your 70s on the phone. Thought I was going to have to come down to help you up the stairs!"

[+ WhamIAm]

During the midst of exercising my amazing (or so I thought) oral skills:

 

"Do you know what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?"

"What kind of law do you practice?"

 

Wasn't sure whether to laugh or just bite down really hard.

[gallahadesquire]

During the midst of exercising my amazing (or so I thought) oral skills:

 

"Do you know what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?"

"What kind of law do you practice?"

 

Wasn't sure whether to laugh or just bite down really hard.

When in doubt: bite.

 

My personal trainer usually offers me an arm to get up from the bench. He put his arm out the other day, and I went for it with a bite. well, feigned. Scared the shit out of him.

[bigvalboy]

Him: Is there somebody else here?

Me: No, there's no one else here

Him: Are you sure, cause I thought I heard someone in the bedroom

Me: Dude, there's no one else here, relax.

Him: Are you a cop?

Me: Seriously? No I'm not a cop.

Him: Are you sure?

Me: I don't think this is going to work out.

[SelfIndulgent]

"I'm just really surprised that you're Asian - you sound so white on the phone."

[sincitymix]

"I'm just really surprised that you're Asian - you sound so white on the phone."

im sorry i just had to laugh at this one lol..

[Zman]

"No, I can't call you. This phone only does texts."

[+ glutes]

"No one plays with my ass, unless it is a GIRL!"

[Vato Loco]

"You're humor is weird. Are you a cop?"

[bigvalboy]

"No one plays with my ass, unless it is a GIRL!"

 

[Zman]

"I can't cum but I'll send you a video of me cumming when I get home."

 

Weirdly enough, he did send it. Not that I ever met him again.

Edited December 14, 2016 by Zman

[+ poolboy48220]

"No, I can't call you. This phone only does texts."

That is a real thing. I gave a friend my old iPhone after the antenna died on it. He can use it for texting and internet, but it won't place or receive calls.

[Zman]

That is a real thing. I gave a friend my old iPhone after the antenna died on it. He can use it for texting and internet, but it won't place or receive calls.

Sounds reasonable but it seems like he could also have a phone that took/made calls. I'd think that's a good tool for an escort. But he could have been broke. IDK. I think he also refused to share a picture so it didn't work out.

[30somethingsexybear]

I'm dying..  Some people, I wonder if they even think about things like this before they speak..

I'm dying..  Some people, I wonder if they even think about things like this before they speak..

well, they live in a world where they bang with dudes for money, I don't really think boundaries are something they worry about too often. Which is why I love em' lol. #straighthookers

[jawjateck]

"Sorry, it's hard for me to stop thinking about yesterday. I'm still on cloud nine. I had an awesome time with _____________________." (an internationally famous singing superstar)

[feldersteve]

A number of years ago, I engaged a young man, who was very new at escorting. He was attractive and billed himself as an experienced bottom. It became obvious that he was indeed a rookie; after a few moments of enjoyable thrusting, he glanced back at me and said, "After you cum, do you want to get some ice cream?" Ah, youth.

[starman05]

Me: Well, if you ever give this up I'd really appreciate it if you could let me know so you don't just up and leave. I like closure.

 

Him: This isn't about me 'leaving.' It's about you growing and learning and finding someone for real and leaving me.

[+ Kufrol]

What a wise thing for him to have said.

[Lankypeters]

"You've got five minutes left to cum."

"Phew! You just about wore me out!" (He was standing on the bed and looking at the books on my shelf while I sucked his dick).

[starman05]

What a wise thing for him to have said.

 

Wasn't it, though?

 

I almost fell in love right then and there. I didn't though. (Thank God.)

 

I don't know if I'll ever find anyone though. It took me forever to 'find' him. (Even though he's not really mine.)

[Despardo]

Well I can't possibly come to you, there's a blizzard going on!

 

Kevin Slater

There was an old joke (don't remember all the details, just the punchline.) Guy to new girlfriend, "Wow! Where did you learn to swim like that?" Reply, "I was a call girl in Venice."

[Despardo]

" I can talk intelligently. Let's discuss some Russian novelists, Marcel Proust, the musical glasses, the recent Academy exposition, or the Place Of Woman In The Home."

Zip...I was reading Schopenhauer last night. Zip...and I think that Schopenhauer was right.

[Despardo]

Exchange with a Brazilian escort in Europe just last week:

 

"Why do you have two identical iPhones?"

"Because my wife would be pissed if she knew I was fucking girls."

"Um, you mean guys?"

"No, she's ok with me fucking guys, she just doesn't like when I fuck other girls, but I really like pussy."

"Oh..."

Brazilians in Europe are a law unto themselves.

[+ glutes]

As the 'scort used a towel to wipe his cum off my face he remarked, "You're a messy eater"

[marylander1940]

"Cum is extra $$$"

 

It should be extra!