Long time ago, I was working temporarily in another city, so I wanted to find a masseur and schedule some regular sessions. First appointment was with a guy who lived near a major university. Studio was on the 4th floor of a large apartment house. Climbed dozens of stairs to get there. Dude opens the door, invites me to sit down for the "interview". Asks me what my favorite Disney character is (wtf?) and do I like unicorns. Not making this up. Then we move to the bedroom - no table, just a bed - and I disrobe and stretch out. He turns out the lights, and switches on a thousand tiny little Christmas lights, cranks up the music (Fantasia?) and he begins to hum along. Holy shit. Then he starts rubbing my backside, a little. Then I feel something cool - so I ask what's he doing? Baby powder, he says. Johnson's baby powder. Seriously? His humming turns to singing, the incense is getting strong, and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get out of this. Then he starts asking if I want spanked, or a little whipping? Uh, S&M ain't my thing. I'm sure I could have whipped HIS ass, but thought better of it. My pants were close by, and so was my cellphone. I grabbed it and faked receiving a call, told him it was an emergency and had to leave. He starts getting all weird. His fee was $60 (that should have told me something) and I said that I'd give him 40 now, and come back later for the rest. He agreed, but insisted on giving me a big hug before I left. Grabbed the rest of my gear and flew down the stairs. "my, oh my, what a wonderful day" was still ringing in my ears.