Had a deep conversation with a provider

[JungleForest]

Met a provider that I have seen a couple times before, we are very comfortable with each other and he has even recommended other providers to me when I’ve been traveling. We have “known” each other for about a year. But during this conversation he brought up the difficulties of being a provider - some of the horrible clientele he’s had to deal with etc. He talked about what he’s done with learn how to deal with people like and he says things are better now. 

I did get a bit in my feelings about the nature of the conversation. I know he doesn’t feel like that about me and it was more of a moment for him to vent but still left feeling weird about the whole thing. I do believe that although the nature of our meetings is transactional that we have a pleasant rapport with one another. 
 

Has anyone else had a conversation like this with a provider and it almost made you feel guilty - maybe not the right word but I’m struggling to find the right ones right now. Was just curious of anyone else’s experience. 

[Spikeguy]

I had a masseur vent to me about his boyfriend during an entire session.  He obviously was upset but it was the opposite of relaxing.

[Nue2thegame]

Yes, I’ve had conversations like this with providers. Just as we’ve learned to look for red flags from blogs like this or trial and error, successful providers must do the same. The conversations that I recall were mutually beneficial with shared perspectives and advice. Rather than feeling guilty, I felt that the relationship was strengthened and we both (or at least me) had a richer experience. 

[big-n-tall]

I've been told something about me (personality, my face) makes it easy for people to talk to me. Some of the stuff I've heard is tragic and some of it the most uplifting.

Like the previous posters have mentioned, I have been told/asked a number of things by providers that isn't something necessarily part of a hiring session. Like about some of the horrible encounters or general bad behavior by clients, but also the positive stuff as well. Even shown awful messages from potential clients who never intended to hire the provider in the first place. I have had providers talk about their significant others (both good and bad)... their families... and other struggles or highlights they might have. I've even had providers trying to get me to hire their SO's. One even offered to bring his SO along for free, at no additional charge, because he trusted me. (His words not mine. I didn't take him up on the offer though.) I've heard it all.

Do I feel guilty in any way? Absolutely not. For one, I'm used to people spilling their guts to me... whether I know them well or not. However, if someone I know and like/love does it, to me it's a sign of the trust they have in me. I see it as a honor in some ways. They put their emotional trust in me which more often than not, as @Nue2thegame stated, the "relationship was strengthened". It is why I think over the years a number of the guys who have retired from providing I still talk to or see on some level.

If you feel guilty in some way because how bad other clients have treated the provider. That I understand and I sympathize. It is and can be a very tough business for provider and client alike.

[JungleForest]

3 hours ago, big-n-tall said:

I've been told something about me (personality, my face) makes it easy for people to talk to me. Some of the stuff I've heard is tragic and some of it the most uplifting.

Like the previous posters have mentioned, I have been told/asked a number of things by providers that isn't something necessarily part of a hiring session. Like about some of the horrible encounters or general bad behavior by clients, but also the positive stuff as well. Even shown awful messages from potential clients who never intended to hire the provider in the first place. I have had providers talk about their significant others (both good and bad)... their families... and other struggles or highlights they might have. I've even had providers trying to get me to hire their SO's. One even offered to bring his SO along for free, at no additional charge, because he trusted me. (His words not mine. I didn't take him up on the offer though.) I've heard it all.

Do I feel guilty in any way? Absolutely not. For one, I'm used to people spilling their guts to me... whether I know them well or not. However, if someone I know and like/love does it, to me it's a sign of the trust they have in me. I see it as a honor in some ways. They put their emotional trust in me which more often than not, as @Nue2thegame stated, the "relationship was strengthened". It is why I think over the years a number of the guys who have retired from providing I still talk to or see on some level.

If you feel guilty in some way because how bad other clients have treated the provider. That I understand and I sympathize. It is and can be a very tough business for provider and client alike.

Thank you for your wonderful reply. It makes me feel better for sure and gives me some insight into why he felt comfortable sharing that with me. 

[viewing ownly]

It seems as if he had the deep conversation with you, and he values that you are a good listener. Something I could always strive for. I talk too fucking much; I wouldn't be able to have this be a situation to find myself in! 

If you see him again, hopefully the massage will go back to the normalness that it wasn't on that day. If he's using you as a substitute psychologist, find someone else. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

I think in the long run you will benefit more from being trusted than challenged by it.  

[soloyo215]

19 hours ago, JungleForest said:

Has anyone else had a conversation like this with a provider and it almost made you feel guilty - maybe not the right word but I’m struggling to find the right ones right now. Was just curious of anyone else’s experience. 

Yes, I've had several, some quite deep, and I think the same, the provider has felt comfortable enough to trust me with disclosing, venting or just connecting. I am married, and some of those providers know it, so I don't have any reason to believe that those conversations imply a deeper connection. They are just being human. We all a times need certain type of connection. I've done the same and have never expected that the provider gives me anything other than a listening ear for the time we're in business.

I don't feel guilty for decisions that other clients make and for the way the provider conducts business. In fact, I don't think it's my place to get involved in that, though I have given some life advice to younger providers and it seems like it has been welcome. I just leave it at that; to me that's just part of being a decent human being, not necessarily anything with deeper meaning.

If that kind of thing affects you, I'd suggest to take care of yourself and protect your emotions, but not to dwell on it.

[+ Just Sayin]

1 hour ago, soloyo215 said:

They are just being human.

As I grow older, the more I realize I am a student of the human condition; and, ultimately, I think it's about relationships and connections we have while we are here.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Providers need to vent about work problems, and everyone likes someone to listen to them.

I've heard lots of stories about clients - good ones, bad ones, cheap ones, dangerous ones. No provider has ever named the client, but many of them seem to need to get it out of their system.

While I learned a lot, this year all my regulars are non-English speakers. They've yet to Google Translate me about trouble clients.

[nomad]

Despite the nature of the business, providers are not just pieces of nice meat to choose from though it can feel like that at times as we compare a guy's pros and cons.  They are human and have baggage like we all do honestly.  If you or they choose to open up about personal stuff, that is a personal choice.  What you do with this or go from there is up to you.  Some have become friends beyond or after the sexual connection, but that is more the rarity than the norm tbh.

[Wings246]

On 5/24/2026 at 10:43 AM, JungleForest said:

Has anyone else had a conversation like this with a provider and it almost made you feel guilty - maybe not the right word but I’m struggling to find the right ones right now.

I have -- maybe too many.  Sometimes, I feel like I am too trusting and share too much about my personal life.  Perhaps that's the reason why they respond in kind.  Many providers tell me about their families, real-life jobs, dating histories, traumas, etc.

I won't necessarily label the feeling as "guilty"; I'd rather call it empathetic.  I often think: he's such an attractive person (physically) with such a gentle, kind, and lovely soul/personality.  Why does he have to do this to earn some extra $$$?  But then I'd wake up and realize that I, too, hate my job.  The "job" is just a means to an end.  So we are not necessarily any different in this respect.

Yeah, so, no, you are absolutely not alone in this feeling & experience.

[Rudynate]

I never talk with providers about their other clients because (1) i'm not that interested and (2) I don't want to pressure the provider or encourage him to say things about other clients that he may regret or feel guilty about.  There is one provider that I am quite friendly with and once with him I broke my own rule by asking him if he had any difficult clients.  My respect for him was already high, but it went into the stratosphere when he answered.  He answered "of course some clients are difficult, but I always remind myself that everybody is different."   He didn't blow me off or make me feel awkward and he didn't say a single bad thing about any of his other clients.  Afterwards, I felt bad for giving into the impulse and I really admired the grace with which he delivered his non-answer.