What went wrong?

[SecretProvider]

Because I have time today, The red flags listed: 

- I'm new.  (for reasons mentioned above) 

- creating a new profile to reach out. (this is often done by spam bots who create new accounts daily, or seasoned tire kickers who know if we see how old/visit the profile they have had means they wouldn't be messaging this way if they were genuine.)

-Not answering the very simple yet important question, which had to be asked THREE TIMES - what do you want to do? What do you get into? What do you like to do when it comes to gay sex? (could be answered in a non-explicit way, although to be fair I despise when people answer with 'i'm looking to have fun' because what the hell does that mean) For me this was the biggest red flag. 

- asking questions that are already answered on his profile no1 - (do you do bb)  listed on our profiles as safe only/ask me/anything goes. Maybe this provider had 'ask me' as his answer but the following two points would suggest that is not the case. 

- asking questions that are already answered on his profile no2 - (are you neg) If he has taken the time to set up a new profile to reach out, why wouldn't he have read the providers stats?  He was elongating the conversation for interaction. 

- asking questions that are already answered on his profile no3  - asking the provider what THEY are into (this a common theme for the tire kickers trying to elicit free conversation of sexual nature. You tell us what YOU like, what we 'like' other than getting paid is irrelevant and the truthful answer is probably not fucking you)  

- asking sexual questions with obvious answers  - do you like to breed. (find me one top who would say 'no i hate it')

- He asked about traveling and hosting, despite later saying he only wanted to travel.  Why would he ask about both if he only wanted one. If he wanted the provider to host he would have said "i am looking for someone to host, where are you located?'  (example of elongating conversation instead of making a booking) 

- "and other services?" This is a classic way to get conversation instead of booking. Real client would say 'i saw you list available for videos, can i ask what you allow?" or " i would be really interested in filming some of our encounter, is that included in a session?" these questions would provide an answer, but that is not what he wanted - he wanted to explore conversations ABOUT making videos, rather than meeting and actually doing it. 

I hope this illustrates more about how the language of his texts were trying to get a conversation rather than firm down a booking. Does only one of these things mean automatic red flag block and ignore? Of course not. But the sum is greater than the parts, and after a while you start to be able to spot them easier.

 

Edited 18 hours ago by SecretProvider

[+ SirBillybob]

Without seeing the ad it’s impossible to ascertain whether the client’s logistical questions were mostly superfluous, apart from the titty-bounce specificity. Each side sought needed guiding information. Any true forensic analysis can be little more than speculative. If so many matches seem made in purgatory on Groundhog Day, then think outside of the box.

Male inclination to sexual gratification that, for some, drives an erotic experience not culminating in appointments is also categorically what propels actual bookings by others. Horniness isn’t useful unless it’s imperative transcends logical control and ATM withdrawal misgivings. It’s the provider’s key resource and it’s often shallow and fickle. Don’t be a heat-seeking missile and grouse about the engineering. 

If vendors wish to economize on laborious setup energy output, then a detailed boilerplate response (even if seemingly duplicated from ad platform) that covers off typical inquiry content is the better playbook. A well constructed and worded mandate need not be individualized to come across as inviting. It can satisfy the type of descriptive service scaffolding that avoids legal liability. There’s this thing called ‘select and paste’, not excluding options for personalized flourishes. 

I once ran a consultation service. Its nature was broad enough to stimulate pre-booking questions about what to expect. That ambivalence was largely assuaged by what I believe is called in marketing terms preemptive copy, deflecting the need for hand-holding through the calendar interface. It told them what I’m cooking with and anticipated the questions that could be reasonably answered ahead of time. Very very rarely did prospective consumers seek feeling me out more thoroughly if they had taken a few minutes to read the written précis. 

Edited 14 hours ago by SirBillybob

[+ PhileasFogg]

@SecretProvider, I understand your frustration.  Please be assured that, in my 42 year financial career that included being both a newbie and getting my picture on a billboard in Times Square, I encountered plenty of time wasters.   Just like the prospectors of old, sometimes you dig a hole that comes up dry and sometimes you strike a rich vein of ore.  This is not unique to your business.

@marylander1940, I’m curious…I doubt this was your encounter.  Where’d this come from. 

[Luv2play]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

@SecretProvider, I understand your frustration.  Please be assured that, in my 42 year financial career that included being both a newbie and getting my picture on a billboard in Times Square, I encountered plenty of time wasters.   Just like the prospectors of old, sometimes you dig a hole that comes up dry and sometimes you strike a rich vein of ore.  This is not unique to your business.

@marylander1940, I’m curious…I doubt this was your encounter.  Where’d this come from. 

Good question.

[marylander1940]

2 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

@SecretProvider, I understand your frustration.  Please be assured that, in my 42 year financial career that included being both a newbie and getting my picture on a billboard in Times Square, I encountered plenty of time wasters.   Just like the prospectors of old, sometimes you dig a hole that comes up dry and sometimes you strike a rich vein of ore.  This is not unique to your business.

@marylander1940, I’m curious…I doubt this was your encounter.  Where’d this come from. 

No, it was a conversation of a friend who escorts and a potential client. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

No, it was a conversation of a friend who escorts and a potential client. 

Nothing went wrong.  It wasn’t meant to be. 

[marylander1940]

On 5/16/2026 at 11:36 PM, Whoisyourdaddy said:

Communication has always been difficult for me. However, I never contact a provider unless I'm ready to meet them within thirty minutes. I'm showered, dressed, and ready to get into my car. If I have to get a hotel because he can't host, I'll order a rideshare, so I have time to acquire one. All my communication with a provider usually takes under five sentences and a few minutes.

That works 90% of the time. I usually run into trouble with providers who ask for numerous pictures and exorbitant deposits.

Me too, except when it comes to 30 minutes time frame, I usually prefer to meet them the day i contact them. Unfortunately some people love drama

[+ nycman]

16 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

May I suggest you do a study of Hanlon’s Razor?

For those like me, who need a little help with this one…..

 "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

[mike carey]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

For those like me, who need a little help with this one…..

 "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

This reminds me of a similar epigram, that if it's a choice between a conspiracy and a cock-up, it'll be a cock-up 99% of the time. Or perhaps it's the same epigram.

[viewing ownly]

The back-and-forth seemed to be far too lengthy. You liked what you saw in his ad, so you should arrange a date and time, then be done with it save for a same day follow-up to confirm. Work out the pec flex kinks and other wants and desires in person.

The general rule of thumb is, more and more pre-appointment questions that get asked, the less likely the meet-up will materialize. I detested playing 20 questions with prospective clients (non-escort or masseur, but this applies to just about anyone offering a service). I KNEW that they weren't going to even bother following through. 

[+ azdr0710]

1 hour ago, mike carey said:

This reminds me of a similar epigram, that if it's a choice between a conspiracy and a cock-up, it'll be a cock-up 99% of the time. Or perhaps it's the same epigram.

from an AI inquiry.....

In British English, a cock-up is an informal term for a mess, a blunder, or a disastrous mistake caused by incompetence, disorganization, or poor communication. It is the equivalent of a "screw-up" or "fuck-up" in American slang.

[Aedo]

1 hour ago, viewing ownly said:

The back-and-forth seemed to be far too lengthy. You liked what you saw in his ad, so you should arrange a date and time, then be done with it save for a same day follow-up to confirm. Work out the pec flex kinks and other wants and desires in person.

The general rule of thumb is, more and more pre-appointment questions that get asked, the less likely the meet-up will materialize. I detested playing 20 questions with prospective clients (non-escort or masseur, but this applies to just about anyone offering a service). I KNEW that they weren't going to even bother following through. 

This was an unusual case though, with an HIV client wanting bareback sex. That's not something that you can wait until the session to reveal to a provider. 

The generous interpretation of this situation is that you had a hesitant, sensitive client who wasn't handled daintily by the provider. The less generous interpretation is that the client was so hesitant and sensitive that he never would have met no matter how the provider spoke. Hard to say.
 

[+ PhileasFogg]

8 hours ago, nycman said:

For those like me, who need a little help with this one…..

 "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

In this case, I’d suggest the application is that this client did not wake up that day thinking “who’s time can I waste today” but, whether through poor composition of the message, simplemindedness, angst, fear, uncertainty, inexperience, etc -that was the result.

As @SecretProvider implies, I hear from other guys that in the first two texts, they can tell whether someone is serious or not.   I believe that to be completely true.  In this case, it did not develop into endless texts or requests for pics etc…but those are the ones easy to spot!

The challenge is responding in a manner that meets them where they are - uninformed, scared, inexperienced, etc - and gets them talking…then they probably have a client for life IF the provider has the time/tolerance to develop the lead.