Asian exclusion

[francisssgorg]

43 minutes ago, JamesB said:

I’m sorry you’ve been having these kinds of negative experiences.

I don't consider it as a negative experience now. Initially, I felt bad for myself. But overtime, I realized and I know for a fact that I have tons of other options. And thank you for your answer. These types of answers are the ones I am looking for. Non judgmental. 

[+ APPLE1]

@francisssgorg You are making an assumption about the other reditor's mindset and motives. YOU feel like you 'just found common ground.' No matter what HE said, he may have been looking for more, even if it was just pic exchange of each of you in cfnm scenes.

He certainly may have made assumptions about how Asians, and therefore you, look like physically. If the fantasies that get him hard are a power dynamic with some  dark haired, extremely furry, beast of a man towering over some woman who makes him get naked, then statistically most Asians I have known get a plus for dark hair, but likely fall short on furry and towering over.

And to be clear, my intent is not to support his silent exit from your  conversation.  

Edited April 2 by APPLE1
Punctuation

[Vulgarii]

On 3/31/2026 at 7:46 PM, Lucky said:

In my experience, it was lack of knowledge. I grew up in the Midwest where, then, there were few Asians. When I moved to San Francisco, that changed. It took me a while to realize that I was quite popular with Asians. One thing led to another, and I now prefer Asians.

Please don’t sell yourself short over the lack of experience many whites have when it comes to different races.

Are you White though? It's not a surprise if you moved to an area with more Asians and "became popular" as they are very open about preferring White men and women. 

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

[francisssgorg]

40 minutes ago, Vulgarii said:

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

I, for one, have never noticed that in hook up apps, primarily because I don’t really use them as much, but whenever I’m seeing asians on grindr or sniffies, I don’t really remember anybody putting “whites only” etc. I think to be honest, it’s more prevalent with straight couples, specifically asian women hunting for white men, not really in gay men community. But anyway, as I’ve said, I barely use those apps so I don’t know if my answer is accurate. But going back, that idea actually I think, was brought about by the westernization of some asian countries. Main stream media or tv etc., have taught asian countries and some other non western countries that the “ideal standard” is the western culture. Whether it’d be food, people, material things like cars, business brands etc. Like for example, in common porn sites, you would always find a lot of white men or western porn content options. You barely can see any other ethnicities unless you specify the search. It boils down to “western is the standard”. At the risk of getting bashed, I would use the word “glorifying” that standard too much. That’s why asian people think choosing the white/western option is the best option. But again, if that’s their preference, then people don’t have the right to incriminate them for it.

Same way as white men prefer only other white men, it’s preference, so nobody should ever relate that to racism. 
 

Side note: again, just to reiterate, the topic and the OP (me) NEVER intended to present the idea of racist or RACISM. None of those words were entered in the post. The question/observation is to enlighten asian gay men/asians in general as to why westerners PREFER other westerners MOST of the time. NOBODY IS ATTACKING ANYBODY ❤️ have a blessed day 🤗

[+ sync]

I believe it is helpful to recognize the divide between racism and preferences for personal intimacy.  I'm quite sure that many of us here have, and are having, very positive interactions with individuals of different ethnicities while having no desire for personal intimacy with them.

I'm African-American with an insatiable appetite for Asians, and I can report that during my lifetime I have had many very pleasurable intimacies with very attractive East Asian men.

It was some time ago when I was gorgeous (more gorgeous) while living and working in NYC, which is blessed with a sizeable Asian population (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino).

[Manhattan]

OP, I'm going to give my speculation in answer to your question. I know that you were not trying to bring up racism - just asking about habits and patterns.

It's only my experience and many of you might disagree, but twenty or thirty years ago there was a perception that gay Asian men in NYC were clingy and pushy. There were far fewer Asian men in town and many were living in fairly closed communities. Homosexuality was so shameful in most Asian cultures that it seemed like the only gay Asian men you encountered were men who could never pass as straight. Stereotypes about being small of frame and penis were reinforced by my experiences. Communication could be difficult as the language barrier was still quite strong.

Now NYC has a large population of Asian students and graduates thanks to NYU and other educational institutions. Due to improved nutrition, Asians are rapidly gaining size in all areas. And of course the internet made communications much easier. It's no longer unusual to meet a straight appearing, tall, well-hung Asian and for better or worse, those are qualities a lot of gay men find attractive.. However, assumptions take time to fade and I think the idea of Asians as "other" is still around for some.  

As for racism and fetishization - these are just words that people use to judge and control the behavior of others. 

People should associate with, and have consensual sex with whomever they want. for whatever reason they want. Excluding any group means missing out on a lot, but that's a choice.

[marylander1940]

On 4/1/2026 at 12:19 AM, BSR said:

I think you’re onto something.  Even though I’m Asian myself, but for a few exceptions I was never really into Asian guys.  But now that I’m living in Manila, holy sh!t, my head is on a swivel checking out all the cute Filipinos.  I’m sitting at Starbucks right now trying (but failing miserably) not to be too obvious while staring at one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen.  Not the most beautiful just in the Philippines or Asia, but anywhere.  Oh gawd, security is about to kick me out for stalking, eek!

Once you get past the imprinting, there’s a whole wide world out there.

I agree, there's something about Filipinos maybe because they're slightly different, they tend to be taller and of to a degree of mixed race (Spanish and American). 

 

[marylander1940]

On 4/2/2026 at 3:59 PM, Vulgarii said:

Are you White though? It's not a surprise if you moved to an area with more Asians and "became popular" as they are very open about preferring White men and women. 

I always found it funny that Asian individuals will talk about exclusion but they are the only ones besides whites that will still write on their grindr or hookup ads "whites only/whites A++++/whites to the front." 

...yet if a white person wrote that or if anyone else said no this or no that, they would scream racism and bloody murder.

I've noticed that too.

[BSR]

On 4/10/2026 at 8:09 AM, marylander1940 said:

I agree, there's something about Filipinos maybe because they're slightly different, they tend to be taller and of to a degree of mixed race (Spanish and American). 

The Tagalog word for mestizo is tisoy.  When someone is described as tisoy, the first question most people ask is:  tisoy espanyol (Tagalog spelling) or tisoy americano?  Apparently Filipinos can tell the difference right away.  Don’t ask me.

After being in the Philippines for more than 5 months, I expected to miss other races, but I can honestly say I don’t, at least not yet.  The only thing I do miss is fur because I love body hair so much.  There’s enough European DNA in the mix here that there are certainly some furry Filipinos, but furry and hot very rarely coincide, at least from what I’ve seen so far.

As much as I’ve learned to appreciate smooth skin and relative hairlessness, what I wouldn’t give for a romp with a furry latino right now …

[marylander1940]

8 minutes ago, BSR said:

The Tagalog word for mestizo is tisoy.  When someone is described as tisoy, the first question most people ask is:  tisoy espanyol (Tagalog spelling) or tisoy americano?  Apparently Filipinos can tell the difference right away.  Don’t ask me.

 

They can possibly tell the difference because tisoy Americano (or estadounidense as it is commonly said in Spanish) is more recent and therefore they look less Asian and whiter. 

[DunwoodyGuy]

I am insanely attracted to Asian muscle. Not exclusively--I have many similar extreme attractions, like ginger hair or muscular calves--but recently muscular Asian men draw me like moths to a flame.

[BSR]

Eek! The handsomest man in the Philippines is back at Starbucks!  I wasn’t imagining things or exaggerating, he really is one of the handsomest men I’ve ever seen in my life, in the Philippines or anywhere else.  Last time from where I was sitting, I could only see his face.  Now I can see all of him:  sleeveless T, shorts … Cowabunga, what a body!

When I asked my mom what the difference was between tisoy americano and espanyol, she said it was easy to tell because a tisoy americano is usually lighter because the father tends to be of northern european descent whereas a tisoy espanyol looks Mexican.

If you plopped Starbucks Babe into the middle of Mexico City, I don’t know if the locals would spot him as foreign.  His eyes look an eensy bit Asian but really not much.  The brown skin looks like just about every Mexican-American I’ve ever met.  In any case, he is drop-dead gorgeous.

PS:  in case you’re wondering, yes, I checked for his Grindr profile.  No, I don’t see him.  He’s giving major straight vibes … [heavy sigh]

[ACluelessGent]

I am Caucasian and not attracted to Asians or Africans. I also dislike facial and body hair, muscles, and many other things. I have no idea why. De gustibus…

[+ FrankR]

4 hours ago, ACluelessGent said:

I am Caucasian and not attracted to Asians or Africans. I also dislike facial and body hair, muscles, and many other things. I have no idea why. De gustibus…

Oh sweetie… One day you will realize you don’t have to have plain oatmeal for breakfast. You’ll be brave enough to try a fruit cup and it will change your life.  🤯

[marylander1940]

52 minutes ago, FrankR said:

Oh sweetie… One day you will realize you don’t have to have plain oatmeal for breakfast. You’ll be brave enough to try a fruit cup and it will change your life.  🤯

Some folks just love white bread! 

@ACluelessGent Thank you for your honesty! 

I would recommend you go to Brazil and appreciate so much "degrade" that you wouldn't be able to tell who's black and who isn't among many things. 

[b2bf]

On 4/1/2026 at 11:42 AM, maninsoma said:

I think the "racism" part is that he generally didn't even give black men a second look; he saw the skin color and immediately thought to himself, "Not for me." 

I think the "Not for me." is conditioning through unfamiliarity. We all suffer from it to some degree but it can change. I grew up in an entirely white society. No Asians that I can recall, no people of colour (I don't think the "Black and White Minstrel Show" counts). Times change. Environments change. If we let ourselves, we change.  The two most beautiful men I've ever seen and had sex with are Roxas Caelum and Caio Veyron. I'll admit to still having prejudices as far as Asian men (theres a kink there) although I regularly have sex with one. I'm sure my tastes will continue to change.

PS I do notice that on another topic on the forum ("The Best looking ..") the examples are overwhelmingly white.

[ACluelessGent]

That didn't come out the way I meant it.

Actually, my best friend is married to an Asian (a billionaire, but I'm sure that's totally irrelevant).

[ACluelessGent]

37 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Some folks just love white bread! 

@ACluelessGent Thank you for your honesty! 

I would recommend you go to Brazil and appreciate so much "degrade" that you wouldn't be able to tell who's black and who isn't among many things. 

I've been and I liked the blonds (mix with Germans?)

[soloyo215]

On 3/31/2026 at 9:08 PM, francisssgorg said:

Just curious, why is it that the least attractive guys for gay community in western world are asians? Like 60-70% would already back out if they learned that the person is asian, especially with gay guys. 

I was on reddit earlier this morning, just killing time, when I responded to a topic about gay guys who love watching cfnm instead of cmnm, which is a weird topic, I know. But to make it short, I do watch cfnm sometimes and I like it better than cmnm in some instances but I always concentrate on the guy. So then I got a message in the chat section from an anonymous redditor and he initiated the conversation about liking cfnm despite being a gay guy. I said I live in the States and he said he's from Spain. We weren't hitting on each other and it's gonna be awkward if we do since we're both anonymous users. We just found a common ground. As I was telling some of my kinks other than cmnm, in my responses, I always mention "back in my country" and when he asked, which country, I said Philippines. That's when he stopped chatting. Lol.. This is probably the third or fourth time it happened to me on reddit, and one time I got blocked even, after I mentioned I'm Asian. Sometime ago, when I was on vacation in Seattle, I was looking for cruising spots in the area, and whenever I mention where I'm originally from, it's like an instant auto block. I respect preferences. But sometimes, it hurts our confidence and our insecurities are heightened. Disclaimer, I won't consider myself as a physically attractive asian guy, but there are millions of really hot asian guys in the world and they are missing out 🤣. Gay guys from western countries, their common asset is that they're packing down there. Yes, bless their genetics lol! But you know, being an asian sized guy, I believe that we have to double our efforts to showcase our "skill sets". There's a lot of verse asian guys for starters. Also, we satisfy a lot of kinks that some big dicked western guy are clearly lacking. No offense, but I've experienced a lot of lazy tops, whether it'd be whites, blacks, latinos or whatever... They thought, "oh we have a big equipment, we don't need to put on a whole show, they would just worship me and work around it" oh please. But anyway, I'm not saying all of them are, but mostly. 

Anyway, those are just my two cents. If they don't wanna, it's fine. And for those who I had an encounter with, thank you, I hope you are satisfied with my vacuum powered, washing machine like mouth 🤣 I have a killer head game, I believe. If I could just eternalize those guys words and moanings 🤣

I'm so sorry that happens. It does happen. Similar things have happened to me. I am of mixed race and have experienced similar things when I mention my heritages. Some white men "like" men of other ethnicity, but in reality they just fetishize them. Then there are those who legitimately like men of other ethnicities but have no idea on how to approach or treat us. I get a lot of that "I love Latino men" ridiculous line, as if that's supposed to be some kind of magic phrase that automatically bends me over or something. I just laugh, give a smart remark, or just ignore.

Then there are some idiots who seem to think that what they see in porn is how we, men, actually are or behave (the "young, dumb and full of cum" nonsense). 

Most importantly, at some point you might have seen how some gay men are and talk about what they are into, as if they are in a cult. It could be related roles, circumcision, penis size, shape, body hair, and who knows what else. Race and ethnicity are no exception when it comes to that. They show zero basic manners, consideration or respect for others simply because they are not what they "like". That means that in many instances that has nothing to do with you, and a lot to do with their "ways" of seeing and treating people.

There are many men who I'm sure will like you, for the right, the wrong, fair or unfair reasons, but they will like you nonetheless. You don't want to waste your time with having those who judge people by their race or ethnicity anywhere near you, anyway.

Best wishes.

[nomad]

On 5/25/2026 at 4:39 AM, marylander1940 said:

>I would recommend you go to Brazil and appreciate so much "degrade" that you wouldn't be able to tell who's black and who isn't among many things. 

100% agree.  The inter-racial mixing over the generations has produced some stunning results.  Not unlike the Philippines and some parts of Asia.  Thousands of years of great empires and conquests.  Koreans are some of the tallest and have some of the beautiful angular faces (Mongol like traits thanks to Genghis Khan raids) that have made the world swoon thanks to BTS and other K-Pop bands.  K-beauty industry is changing the global industry because the Korean market changes so much faster than anywhere else for the past 20+ years.  

Lets be honest some of our personal bias is environmental.  I grew up surrounded by Latinos and for a LONG time never considered them attractive.  Baggage.  Some of the guys I find now hot AF all happen to be Latin.  Funny enough, Brazilian in particular.  They are just a very sexual people.  And because they are so used to being around many people of different races, they don't exhibit a lot of racism.  

Edited Tuesday at 02:41 PM by nomad

[nomad]

For some, the shared cultural baggage can be oppressive (boy bias for babies, tiger moms, Asian F complex, shame vs guilt as cultural bludgeons, being a doctor is revered, being a lawyer is tolerated, being an engineer is just right, be an accountant if you can't be the first three, familial piety, etc).  For others, its a shared bond.  It can push and pull Asians from or toward each other.  It just depends on how tolerate of an environment your family happens to provide you when growing up.  We all have our personal ideals.  Finding and pursuing what that ideal is up to each of us.