What Attributes Do You Seek?

[+ PhileasFogg]

As I wind up my planning for the year (I have weekend trips scheduled with guys for five of the remaining 10 weekends), I’m reflecting on how my criteria for choice has evolved throughout 2025.

Since many know I’ve favored younger men (not exclusively) and weekend engagements, I find that my focus has evolved from physical attributes and whether I think we will be compatible (based on a video call before I schedule a weekend) to the following:

1) Maturity (that’s not just about age, but also attitude) 

2) Not just smart but educated or getting educated  (gives a broader perspective) 

3) Drug Free (to avoid drama)

If the aesthetic is right, I don’t think that my experience will be good with out those additional criteria.

What are the criteria you use?

[ShortCutie7]

Before messaging:
 

1- Status/health- does his profile give any indication of safety measures taken for sexual health?

2- Enjoyment- does his profile indicate that he genuinely enjoys sex, intimacy, etc?

3- Intos- did he just select everything?  Red flag.  Did he specifically select kissing? Green flag.

4- Pics- do his pics all look like the same person?  Do they clearly show his body (specifically torso)?  If there aren’t clear face pics, do they at least give a general idea of what the face looks like? Obviously, the pics have to depict someone who I find so attractive that I’d be willing to pay for his company.

5- Stats- are they consistent with the pics?  Consistent with the text of the profile?  Are there more than a couple “ask me”s (I learned this the hard way)?

After messaging:

6- Can he host in a convenient location at a time that works for me?

7- Is his rate within the standard range that I would anticipate paying? 

8- Does he indicate that he’d be amenable to the activities I want to do?  Does he give the sense that he would at least pretend to enjoy my company?

[jusmeinbr]

Let me begin by saying, just as I’ve occasionally indicated in providing stellar feedback of a provider on this site, I am a unique client whose desires for meetings differ significantly from most clients.  What I mean by that is that “the big three” (anal, oral, and kissing) mean absolutely nothing to me, nor have I engaged in any of those acts even one time in my 21+ years of hiring.

The mindset (and that’s a key word for me) that I seek for a meeting is being able to roll back the clock to my college years (that’s now 41+ years 😀) with a prospective hire being a frat pledgemaster who makes VERY liberal use of a frat paddle (I always bring several) to haze me, his pledge, through him paddling me.  As I make clear in my own RM profile, that, along with being afforded the “privilege” of worshipping his feet and the “privilege” of serving as his seat cushion (face sitting), is ALL I seek from a session, and my RM profile makes it clear that I only seek those three acts and that I will “take care of things after I’m back alone and can relive the session.”

Having said that, I tend to always hire only for an hour because it is amazing how long that is just to engage in those three activities.  So, with that disclaimer out of the way, here are my screening criteria:

# 1) tattoos = OUT (inconsistent with the preppy style which is my dream but which I find extremely rare now — twink is a decent substitute for preppy).

# 2) smoker = OUT (see above).

# 3) college age (actually in college big +) or above with provider still passing for college age.  [Note:  Dimitryy is a PERFECT example of, though actually about 34-36, still having it “going on” and could come close to passing for college age, and we met four times as he was near NOLA last year, and I’m anxiously awaiting his return next month 😀].
 

# 4) verbal skills make for a HUGE added bonus from the vantage point of not degrading me but rather an emphasis on the provider’s simple inherent superiority to other guys in his age range [Example:  In our third meeting, Dimitryy had a large mug of coffee as he entered my hotel room, and he said, “Go ahead and lie down on the bed, and I’m going to have a seat on your face as I finish my coffee.  After all, I have to sit on something.”  I’m aroused just typing these words and recalling how much happiness he delivered to me in that meeting.

# 5) financial responsibility is a huge +.  Dimitryy and I visited before he left one of our meetings while watching CNBC as the DJIA broke through 40,000 last year.  We own stocks in common, and Dimitryy even minimizes his overhead in travels (staying with friends, etc.) so he can maximize his ability to invest.  I don’t know when he may retire, but I LOVE the fact that, when he does, he can live comfortably the remainder of his life because he was so intelligent and responsible in managing his money derived from this arena.  There’s nothing worse (to me at least) than knowing you’re providing money with which a provider opts to purchase drugs.  Luckily, I have come to know of drug use on a very small number of providers with whom I’ve met, but when I do, I discontinue meeting with them.  Not only does it totally destroy the “mindset” I’ve outlined above (to me, there’s no “superiority” attaching to a drug user), but my own ability to hire is based on my own financial responsibility going all the way back to making $2.90/hour at McDonalds.   I have no issue at all with now paying over 100 times that amount to get to live out my fantasy as outlined above, but I want no part of having the knowledge that the money is being  used to feed a drug habit as I then view myself as an enabler by making the funds simply way too  easy to obtain.

Great question, and I know my answer is unique, but as they say, “It is what it is.”

 

[Whoisyourdaddy]

Jusmeinbr, I agree about Dimitryy. I loved that he's an investor; he was also a gorgeous twink back in the day. I'm disappointed that so many of these guys don't invest. I'm trying to talk my 18-year-old regular into investing, and it's turning out to be fruitless. At least, he has the education thing down.

[+ Pensant]

Dimitryy was a lot of fun when we did an overnight years ago. 

[+ Alabastrine]

1. Bi or "Straight", as it's rare for a gay provider to take clients like me and that's more of a number game thing. 
2. Disease free.
3. 5'11 or taller
4. Past clients have good things to say about their performance and personality
5. Personality checks out when I chat with them, a little charm goes a long way
6. Body range: fit, from "boy next door" to "muscle jock", I have a soft spot for the boy next door type
7. Age range: 20 - 50, I do prefer younger but I have been known to find older men attractive if they have nice bodies and take excellent care of themselves
8. Prefer a clean shaven face but it's not always a deal breaker
9. Cock can't be too huge, I'd like to walk the next day. Thank god for average sized cocks. 
10. I'm on the fence about smoking, as long as they don't do hard drugs, I don't really give a shit about a little bit of recreational weed and acid

Edited October 20 by Alabastrine

[MscleLovr]

On 10/19/2025 at 3:37 AM, PhileasFogg said:

my focus has evolved from physical attributes and whether I think we will be compatible….to the following:

1) Maturity (that’s not just about age, but also attitude) 

2) Not just smart but educated or getting educated  (gives a broader perspective) 

3) Drug Free (to avoid drama)

Interesting thread and observations @PhileasFogg 

I too like younger men. I’ve always enjoyed the ‘boyfriend experience’ and longer dates allow me to explore and deepen the relationship. 
I agree with the three characteristics listed, especially the third. I want intelligent conversation at dinner and over breakfast. Getting a young person’s perspective on current affairs and politics is of great interest to me.

I’m somewhat vanilla sexually in that I truly enjoy being a top and I’ve no interest in kink. In my 20s, I enjoyed dating goodlooking young men aged 21-35, with fit, muscled bodies. Over the successive decades since then, my tastes haven’t changed at all.

I still prize handsome muscleboys and jocks, especially if they have a compliant nature and like to please. My “focus has evolved” on the physical front: I no longer set great store on fucking; I still want a passionate engagement (kissing & cuddling); I value a skilled cocksucker and I delight in a guy who swallows my load. 

[sky]

1)Gay or Bi preferably.  If "straight" then they are willing to engage with what I want.
2)Willing to go bare
3)Tight hole
4)A bottom preferably or vers.
5)Some good reviews
6)Kinky, willing to get tied up or at least be submissive
7)Fit to Average range
8)Age 20-50, maybe even older as long as they can perform
9)Clean shaven
10)Good personality, even more important than looks.
11)Willing to be photographed or filmed
12)Potentially available for overnights or longer.

[Muscleking]

The attributes I tend to look for are:
    1.    Tall, well-built, and properly masculine blokes.
    2.    Someone who takes good care of themselves, health-conscious, gets regular check-ups, that sort of thing.
    3.    Friendly and easy-going communication.
    4.    Well-endowed (I’ve got a bit of a thing for seeing and stroking a nice, big cock).
    5.    Lads who aren’t fussed about penetration, and enjoy body and cock worship, a bit of swordplay, and oral.
    6.    Someone with solid reviews and positive feedback.
    7.    Preferably able to host, and available during the day.
    8.    And lastly, no drugs.
 

 

[buckguy]

Missing here is having clarity on how to handle confirmation and related logistics. I used to think it was me and not having the right wording (so I've tried different ways of asking), but some of the experienced guys seem to know exactly what I'm asking and have a protocol for this---usually they will plan to message the day before or the day of the appointment to confirm and provide location, if they're hosting.  If they do that but have to adjust a little at the actual appointment, things go well. Ditto if they suggest my messaging the day or morning before.

I had made an appointment recently with a visitor. The communication had gone OK and he even sent some pics after making the appointment. But then I heard nothing the morning of the multi-hour appointment, so I took the initiative to message him about 4 hours ahead. Nothing until 45 min before the appointment. I've had similar scenarios in the past and have gone along with them, but usually it's been associated with a not-great appointment. This time I said, "sorry, it's gotten too late and I have other plans". He offered new times--maybe a half our or hour later, but I stuck to my guns. I pointed out that I treat this like any other professional interaction and that by the time he responded, I had no idea whether I needed to prepare and I also had no idea where I had to go. I told him I would have been more willing and able to be flexible if he had given me more notice. He came back with saying that I was in his schedule and claimed that 45 minutes was enough (not if I have no idea where I have to go).  Interestingly, there was no apology and the excuse for being late (going to the gym) didn't preclude looking at messages earlier. There also was no offer to schedule on another day. My guess is that he had a late night (based on his last RM login) and a long, disorganized trip to the gym. None of that boded well for a good appointment.

So...while most of the questions raised here make sense, a good profile covers most of them, and what may be pivotal is how they want to handle confirmation and ultimately handle the time leading up to the actual appointment. If they can't articulate that, they probably aren't thinking about how best to organize and carry out their work.

 

[Rod Hagen]

10 hours ago, Alabastrine said:

1. Bi or "Straight", as it's rare for a gay provider to take clients like me and that's more of a number game thing. 

So, this is intriguing.  Say more about both halves of this sentence, please. :-)

[+ DrownedBoy]

Relative youth, attractiveness and muscle, some humility (I don't hire prima donnas or the entitled), willingness to obey (my sub role-play fantasies require that), reasonable fees, and trustworthiness.

A lot of these things, you can only get an idea based on how they respond to your inquiries. It's an art, not a science, and every so often, a bad one slips through, and I have to file a report with RentMen .

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 10/19/2025 at 9:28 AM, jusmeinbr said:

# 5) financial responsibility is a huge +.  Dimitryy and I visited before he left one of our meetings while watching CNBC as the DJIA broke through 40,000 last year.  We own stocks in common, and Dimitryy even minimizes his overhead in travels (staying with friends, etc.) so he can maximize his ability to invest.  I don’t know when he may retire, but I LOVE the fact that, when he does, he can live comfortably the remainder of his life because he was so intelligent and responsible in managing his money derived from this arena.  There’s nothing worse (to me at least) than knowing you’re providing money with which a provider opts to purchase drugs.  Luckily, I have come to know of drug use on a very small number of providers with whom I’ve met, but when I do, I discontinue meeting with them.  Not only does it totally destroy the “mindset” I’ve outlined above (to me, there’s no “superiority” attaching to a drug user), but my own ability to hire is based on my own financial responsibility going all the way back to making $2.90/hour at McDonalds.   I have no issue at all with now paying over 100 times that amount to get to live out my fantasy as outlined above, but I want no part of having the knowledge that the money is being  used to feed a drug habit as I then view myself as an enabler by making the funds simply way too  easy to obtain.

I cannot imagine caring about whether or not a provider invests his money. I don't even know how it would come up. I'm quite friendly with a few regulars and we've never discussed our portfolios. I understand not wanting to hire addicts who are messy but if a provider wants to smoke a joint, take an edible or go out dancing on E outside of our appointments, it's really not my business. 

Also, the topic of investing makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. I do it because we live under this capitalist hellscape and I'd rather not end up eating cat food in my old age. But if a provider brought it up, I'd probably run for the door. In fact, I'd rather trade stories about fun nights at a club or weird drug experiences since I had my youthful days of partying. A person use of drugs or investing doesn't make them "superior" to anyone else. In fact, people who work in the financial markets are notorious for their aggressive drug use, and let's not get into what goes on a frat parties. 

[jusmeinbr]

10 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I cannot imagine caring about whether or not a provider invests his money. I don't even know how it would come up. I'm quite friendly with a few regulars and we've never discussed our portfolios. I understand not wanting to hire addicts who are messy but if a provider wants to smoke a joint, take an edible or go out dancing on E outside of our appointments, it's really not my business. 

Also, the topic of investing makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. I do it because we live under this capitalist hellscape and I'd rather not end up eating cat food in my old age. But if a provider brought it up, I'd probably run for the door. In fact, I'd rather trade stories about fun nights at a club or weird drug experiences since I had my youthful days of partying. A person use of drugs or investing doesn't make them "superior" to anyone else. In fact, people who work in the financial markets are notorious for their aggressive drug use, and let's not get into what goes on a frat parties. 

You obviously ignored my initial disclaimer that I am NOT a typical client.  I also stressed how critical the “mindset” is for me.  It may not be for you (which I fully appreciate), but it is for me.

I also do NOT bring up financial responsibility, but if you take the time to read Dimitryy’s ad (which I assume you did not), he touts it!!

Our discussion centered on a mutual interest that I obtained through reading his profile.  He and I very much enjoyed sharing our investment experiences and, being candid, it made for an even more rewarding experience.

You obviously have great disdain for our capitalistic economic system, and that’s your right.  All I can tell you is that, at the age of seven years old, my father told me I would receive a $2/week allowance for taking out the trash.  He then said, and I vividly recall every word 55 years later, after untwisting the lid on a Tropicana orange juice bottle, “I am going to place the $2 in here each week, and you can take any or all of it out anytime you want and spend it, but I want to tell you that, if you save and invest wisely, you can retire early on in life.”  I’ve never forgotten his words or my visualization of his act.  My father would pass away only 14 years later, but I held true to what he told me, and I DID retire on March 5,1996 at the age of 33.  Perhaps that’s why Dimitryy’s words in his ad mean something really special to me.

I was not in a frat, and I am certainly not naive to the reprehensible conduct of frats that has resulted in inexcusable deaths from alcohol and other related hazing.  Nevertheless, it (the spanking with a frat paddle) is my “mindset” for my ideal fantasy, and I am thrilled to have been able to live it out with many, many young men who have given me more happiness than I could ever relate.  I know many members may shake their heads in astonishment, but it’s who I am.  
 

So, I was asked my criteria, and I provided it.  I see several other members did the same.  You made no contribution other than to attack mine, so enjoy doing so because you’ll have not one iota of impact on me or my criteria which I’ve employed (very much to my satisfaction, even if it sometimes may mean something like an eight-hour bus trip each way as I recently posted about).

Edited October 21 by jusmeinbr

[jeezifonly]

1. Cis male over 40 

2. Hosts

3. Incorporates massage into playtime

4. Some indication of a sense of humor.

5. Body hair

6. An accurate 7"

[Nightowl]

My two main criteria are: (1) does he host? and (2) can I get to him in a reasonable amount of time?  After that it’s position (I prefer vers), size (7+), and whether he does massage.  I don’t do overnights or BFE so don’t care about that. 

[+ Alabastrine]

10 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

So, this is intriguing.  Say more about both halves of this sentence, please. :-)

"Clients like me" = has a vagina
"Numbers game" = it's a numbers game for me with gay providers who offer SFP services. Bi and Str8 providers are more of a sure shot.

Edited October 21 by Alabastrine

[Rod Hagen]

34 minutes ago, Alabastrine said:

"Clients like me" = has a vagina
"Numbers game" = it's a numbers game for me with gay providers who offer SFP services. Bi and Str8 providers are more of a sure shot.

Got it.  Makes sense.  Thank you.  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

8 hours ago, jusmeinbr said:

I was asked my criteria, and I provided it.  I see several other members did the same.  You made no contribution other than to attack mine,

“Attack?” That’s a bit hyperbolic. I pointed out that I would not enjoy or prioritize what you had as criteria. I don’t even think your kink is that remarkable. 

What irritated me about your criteria was your vision that some men are superior than others-particularly those whose mindsets are focused on accumulating wealth for its own sake. As we are social and communal animals, people with that mindset are maladapted. And as that mindset has become pervasive, it’s corroded our society. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

On 10/19/2025 at 3:45 PM, Whoisyourdaddy said:

Jusmeinbr, I agree about Dimitryy. I loved that he's an investor; he was also a gorgeous twink back in the day. I'm disappointed that so many of these guys don't invest. I'm trying to talk my 18-year-old regular into investing, and it's turning out to be fruitless. At least, he has the education thing down.

I think I’ll be reaching out to Dmitry!

[+ PhileasFogg]

I agree with you @buckguy on communication.  While I see that as a subset of both maturity and intelligence, it probably does more to destroy an encounter if you have to go days wondering if it’s going to happen. 
 

last week, I was ghosted on a planned encounter in Philly.  After four days of ghosting and a no show, I sent this:

”Hey XXXXX, I hope you’re okay — I haven’t heard from you since we confirmed plans, and I just want to make sure nothing’s wrong.

If I somehow said or did something that put you off, that wasn’t my intention. I really was looking forward to seeing you, and once I knew you were in town I turned down other plans.

I don’t expect an explanation, but ghosting someone after confirming plans isn’t cool. A quick message would’ve gone a long way. Still, I hope all’s well on your end, and I’ll not bother you further.”

 

His response the next day (as I was on a train for NYC) did nothing to assuage the fact that I’ll never contact him again (we’ve met before):

 

“Hey [Phileas], i apologize for ghosting you, something personal happened and i isolated myself and ignored my phone for a while, i know that this is not an excuse since i could’ve send you a quick message. Im ok and you dont have to worry about me, Its definitely not about you and im sorry again for ghosting you after we made plans, im not the kind of person who does that. I really enjoyed our time together when we first met btw, i was looking forward to seeing you again. I hope you and your family are healthy and doing well!”

[mike carey]

Some rather interesting comments in this thread. Clearly preferences differ, and the purpose of the thread isn't to find one (or even several) 'right answers'. I've been intrigued how different perspectives can be, and it's great that there has been much open and interested comment on what attracts others, and what does not.

There's always been considerable interest in the forum when one provider here sets out his annual business statistics, and also when providers offer their opinions on financial matters. I have no idea whether any of them discuss such matters with clients, either over coffee or on other circumstances, but I would imagine they might exchange views if they shared interests along those lines.

[+ PhileasFogg]

6 minutes ago, mike carey said:

Some rather interesting comments in this thread. Clearly preferences differ, and the purpose of the thread isn't to find one (or even several) 'right answers'. I've been intrigued how different perspectives can be, and it's great that there has been much open and interested comment on what attracts others, and what does not.

There's always been considerable interest in the forum when one provider here sets out his annual business statistics, and also when providers offer their opinions on financial matters. I have no idea whether any of them discuss such matters with clients, either over coffee or on other circumstances, but I would image they might exchange views if they shared interests along those lines.

I have found few unwilling to discuss these things and - since I’m a data guy, I find the discussion engaging. 

[+ Pensant]

Re money, I’ve never had a discussion about it with an escort. I like rituals, so I always ensure that the provider is up for my sessions. The vast majority seem to enjoy them!

Edited October 22 by Pensant

[buckguy]

Following-up my other post, PROCESS is often more important than specifics.

1.) Are they prompt in their communication? Prompt doesn't have to mean right away. If someone is in another time zone. take that into consideration.

2.)  Is the communication smooth? Do they volunteer potential deal breakers like not being able to host relatively early in the discussion? Is there a flow to the conversation (no big breaks in time w/o explanation)? There was a guy who had some positive reviews who nonetheless broke off communication mid-sentence with multiple members of the board. Do they answer basic questions directly? Do they ask reasonable questions clearly?

3.) Do the drapes match the carpet?--Experienced guys hate answering questions that are addressed in the ad and don't appreciate an interrogation of what they've made public, but if you pick up inconsistencies, do they have a reasonable explanation?

4.) Be weary of upselling. Also, be weary if someone you've never met proposes bringing in a third. Unless you're asking that's clearly out of their usual wheelhouse (like video), the pricing should be all inclusive and they shouldn't be brining in things you might find questionable. You might like the idea of a 3-way, but those work best if the parameters are discussed and you've met at least one of them already.

5.) If someone isn't a "perfect" fit, what are the deal breakers for you? Be clear with yourself and be willing to say--"sorry, that doesn't work for me" and end the conversation. Some clients are too horny, needy, or whatever and then regret an encounter that probably was doomed. You can't blame the provider, if you knew it probably was doomed. 

6.) Be concerned if you can't nail down a time. There is a subset of guys who simply show up in town and and ask "can do tonight".  Politely let them know you have to have a time and, if they can't do that, then it's time to end the communication.

 

Edited October 22 by buckguy