How do you interpret "Ask Me" on RM?

[Constantine]

Specifically, on the safe/bb section. Does it mean a provider is anything goes but doesn't want to be explicit about that?

[mike carey]

It can mean anything, what you suggested or something else.

It could mean they want to discuss it rather than just present an answer. It can also mean that they want to have a serious discussion about themselves and you, what you expect and why, and do you understand the implication of whatever your initial preferences are. Even to tell you that the choices you make are about what affects your health, not what they offer, or do or don't do in their professional or private life.

Or anything else.

[MikeBiDude]

Honestly, I’m not being sarcastic. But just ASK them!

[DMonDude]

In my experience it means they are down to play safe or bb and the decision is up to you. With providers i've hired it usually means safe by default, bb if you pay extra or after a few sessions and you become a regular. The guys who specifically put Anything Goes, in my experience means they only bb, and the guys who put safe do so exclusively as well. Can't say that's how everyone means it, but that's been my experience.

[Unonymous30xxx]

Probably depends on if the client is on prep

[+ ThroatCummer]

It's a nuanced question.  

Will you want to top the provider? Will he top you?

Oral only?

Is the client on PrEP? The escort can trust the answer or ask for proof.  

Is the client not? If not, do they have recent test results to show? 

Of course the provider needs to take care of themselves and their own health -- and that's on them. 

But I do find that "Ask Me" really means ask me of course, but when it comes to the Safe Sex part, it's really something they want to talk about (like all of my questions above) other than a selection in a drop-down box and that is A GOOD THING!  

If they picked something else, like "NO" clients would turn away. If they picked "YES" then some clients might want bareback and would not engage them.  Ask Me is the best choice here. 

Edited August 27 by ThroatCummer

[+ JamesB]

From my experience, it usually means they’re willing to BB for an additional fee. As always, the best approach is clear communication, just ask them directly.

[MikeBiDude]

So many varied experiences. And guess what “safe only” often equates to “anything goes” if you ask.

[topunderachiever]

47 minutes ago, JamesB said:

From my experience, it usually means they’re willing to BB for an additional fee. 

Meaning they put a price on their risk tolerance?  

[MikeBiDude]

1 minute ago, topunderachiever said:

Meaning they put a price on their risk tolerance?  

I’ve seen this before - albeit not recently - bottoms (for me) quoting a $50-100 upsell for “bareback”. Never understood how some sell that risk so cheaply.

[mike carey]

The greater risk is in not being prepared and taking the precautions to protect yourself, not in whether to trust your partner.

[harlow]

It means what it says…Ask me.🤣

No for real I take it to mean yes you can ask them but they’ll most likely make the determination of what they’re comfortable with once they meet you in person….like do you practice basic hygiene and stuff like that. It also could mean they have a different price point for bb vs safer sex which I have encountered as well. 
 

I used to see someone regularly years ago and for the first few months we always I always used condoms but one during one encounter he pulled it off me and said “I think we’re past that point now” so I assumed he was more comfortable. 

[rvwnsd]

Another non-sarcastic answer: It means inquire about their safer sex practices. 

[theplayerking]

I assume anyone that posts Ask Me is signaling that he barebacks without turning off clients that want to use condoms.

[Constantine]

1 hour ago, MikeBiDude said:

So many varied experiences. And guess what “safe only” often equates to “anything goes” if you ask.

What's most confusing is when a provider says they are safe only but then posts multiple bb videos on their profile.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 minutes ago, Constantine said:

What's most confusing is when a provider says they are safe only but then posts multiple bb videos on their profile.

Some men interpret "safe only" as "I only play while I'm on Prep", so it's not a contradiction.

[Constantine]

5 minutes ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Some men interpret "safe only" as "I only play while I'm on Prep", so it's not a contradiction.

That feels like a deliberate misinterpretation. 

[harlow]

6 minutes ago, Constantine said:

That feels like a deliberate misinterpretation. 

Most of the time those videos are either with their partners or other content creators that they have a working relationship with. However I will agree that they do give you an indication of what they’re willing to consider. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

19 hours ago, Constantine said:

19 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Some men interpret "safe only" as "I only play while I'm on Prep", so it's not a contradiction.

That feels like a deliberate misinterpretation

It just depends on what each person considers "safe" or "safer" to mean.

Older folks equate the term Safe Sex to mean a condom.  But younger men may look at the statistics and equate Prep to being safer than condoms. 

The safeness of Prep vs condoms has been discussed ad nauseum here: 

The last post on this expired thread suggested that Prep has a 1-4% failure rate, while condoms for anal sex had a 5-10% failure rate.

So, I can see where younger providers do not consider condoms "safe sex" with the other options available.

Edited August 28 by Vegas_Millennial
Spelling

[+ sf westcoaster]

Assume nothing - just ask them!

 

 

[DMonDude]

1 hour ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

It just depends on what each person considers "safe" or "safer" to mean.

Older folks equate the term Safe Sex to mean a condom.  But younger men may look at the statistics and equate Prep to being safer than condoms. 

The safeness of Prep vs condoms has been discussed as nauseum here: 

The last post on this expired thread suggested that Prep has a 1-4% failure rate, while condoms for anal sex had a 5-10% failure rate.

So, I can see where younger providers do not consider condoms "safe sex" with the other options available.

Yeah, PrEP + DoxyPEP really has made things different. There's definitely still the chance of getting something but it's not drastically more than it is than with a condom now. And anyone on PrEP + DoxyPEP is also getting tested more frequently (every 3 months required to maintain access to PrEP + DoxyPEP) than people who are just using condoms but have to test at will on their own. Also have to factor in the other STIs and how condoms Vs PrEP + DoxyPEP protection rates there too. The overall protective coverage I'd say is somewhat close/comparable. Close enough at least that many feel ok to go ahead and take that load 😆

[+ Jamie21]

2 hours ago, Constantine said:

What's most confusing is when a provider says they are safe only but then posts multiple bb videos on their profile.

It’s quite sensible to be safe only with clients but do bb on films. When you film with other guys who do sex as a job they usually take their sexual health seriously, and sometimes you can get a certificate to show they’ve tested clean recently. With clients you can’t be so confident that they’re getting tested regularly or are even on prep. 

All of the porn films I’ve done have been bb (top and bottom) because bb porn does better than safe, and I prefer bb anyway. I’m confident to do bb with other porn performers but less so to do bb with clients (although it does happen with clients too). 

[Constantine]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

It’s quite sensible to be safe only with clients but do bb on films. When you film with other guys who do sex as a job they usually take their sexual health seriously, and sometimes you can get a certificate to show they’ve tested clean recently. With clients you can’t be so confident that they’re getting tested regularly or are even on prep. 

All of the porn films I’ve done have been bb (top and bottom) because bb porn does better than safe, and I prefer bb anyway. I’m confident to do bb with other porn performers but less so to do bb with clients (although it does happen with clients too). 

 

 

[DMonDude]

11 minutes ago, Constantine said:

 

 

There's always an asshole who ruins it for everyone else, but by and large the actually legitimate ends of the porn industry are very stringent about the models/actors being tested regularly. This video doesn't disprove anything @Jamie21 said.

[jeezifonly]

Safe sex with a condom is more likely to confine pleasure for the condom wearer than the penetrated partner.

Bottom escorts who are truly diligent with all their prevention meds may upcharge for the added BB pleasure to new topping clients without taking excessive risk, just because they can. The answer to "ask me" may be determined by what the client is packing... 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 28 by jeezifonly