The Mean Girl Dynamic on Company of Men

[+ PhileasFogg]

I appreciate the efforts of the admins and the results they achieve.

I’ve also noted a few things:

1) there are some people here who have nothing good to say about anyone.  As I note this, I instantly disregard their comments.  They’ve cornered themselves into irrelevance. 
2) there are some VERY long term members of this group and, inevitably, some interpersonal conflicts have festered and become evident to new users without an obvious sense of history.

It is what it is

[+ Jamie21]

10 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

there are some VERY long term members of this group and, inevitably, some interpersonal conflicts have festered and become evident to new users without an obvious sense of history.

Really? Wow I would like to know about these feuds 🙂. We all love a bit of drama! I think we need a table showing who hates who, who is jealous of who, who has fucked who (both literally and figuratively) and who is the partner of who. Then we could understand the sub text and less than subtle digs and motivations in the posts? 

Maybe the moderators could add context to comments like what happens in Twitter: Moderators added context;  Poster A started a relationship with the ex of Poster B just one month after Poster B and the ex messily split up. 
 

 

[NipLuvr212]

16 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

I appreciate the efforts of the admins and the results they achieve.

I’ve also noted a few things:

1) there are some people here who have nothing good to say about anyone.  As I note this, I instantly disregard their comments.  They’ve cornered themselves into irrelevance. 
2) there are some VERY long term members of this group and, inevitably, some interpersonal conflicts have festered and become evident to new users without an obvious sense of history.

It is what it is

I understand that also there were active members who were essentially witch-hunted off the site because of mean/vicious members who viciously attacked them. The attackers remain, the attacked fled.

Ahhhhh such drama!

[+ PhileasFogg]

2 hours ago, NipLuvr212 said:

I understand that also there were active members who were essentially witch-hunted off the site because of mean/vicious members who viciously attacked them. The attackers remain, the attacked fled.

Ahhhhh such drama!

It’s my sense some of the attackers have been run out of town too 😉

[Nightowl]

8 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Really? Wow I would like to know about these feuds 🙂. We all love a bit of drama! I think we need a table showing who hates who, who is jealous of who, who has fucked who (both literally and figuratively) and who is the partner of who. Then we could understand the sub text and less than subtle digs and motivations in the posts? 

Maybe the moderators could add context to comments like what happens in Twitter: Moderators added context;  Poster A started a relationship with the ex of Poster B just one month after Poster B and the ex messily split up. 
 

 

We also need the “why” of who hates whom.  That’s the juicy stuff.

[NipLuvr212]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

It’s my sense some of the attackers have been run out of town too 😉

Agreed - once restrictions were placed on justb how aggressively awful to others one could be here, many of the attackers kinda "shot their load" and moved on, likely to other sites to repeat their same compulsive behaviors.

Thank god, and thank the monitors!

[Simon Suraci]

The only way this forum exists is through the generous and painstaking work of volunteer moderation. Thank you!

There is no perfect solution. We are all human, with foibles folded in.

Thus is the internet.

[+ SirBillybob]

I have intersected in the real world in person with a few detractors. Some may be familiar with the concept of imagining a digitally anonymous crusty cranky critical individual in diapers. I have found so far that actually that’s not comparatively such a bad imagined look as it happens, it tracks, and it may be superfluous to continue pushback to the same committed degree as previously without such illumination.

These experiences have taught me to decouple my distorted visions of possibly half decent in person presentation from their apparent misplaced overconfidence in asserting having any degree of real game or any iota of the superiority they appear to claim. And the self-proclaimed “tops”, gaaaawdd!! 

Yes, I'm in the shallow. My bad. YMMV😉

Edited Thursday at 02:36 PM by SirBillybob

[+ SirBillybob]

On 8/5/2025 at 3:14 AM, Jamie21 said:

Really? Wow I would like to know about these feuds 🙂. We all love a bit of drama! I think we need a table showing who hates who, who is jealous of who, who has fucked who (both literally and figuratively) and who is the partner of who. Then we could understand the sub text and less than subtle digs and motivations in the posts? 

Maybe the moderators could add context to comments like what happens in Twitter: Moderators added context;  Poster A started a relationship with the ex of Poster B just one month after Poster B and the ex messily split up. 
 

 

You have me rolling on the floor. So many moving parts and shifting alliances. The main thing that might help comprehension of dynamics is to eradicate emoticons and require text responses that sub in for emoticon interpretation and expand on the somewhat constricted meaning of certain emoticons. Perhaps one emoticon permitted that simply conveys a read receipt, individualized identity accessed not just cumulative. 

[+ SirBillybob]

On 8/5/2025 at 11:55 AM, Nightowl said:

We also need the “why” of who hates whom.  That’s the juicy stuff.

Yah but the juicy part with pulp fiction? It’s the outright mendacity. 

[+ Pensant]

I feel the atmosphere has improved over the past year.

[NipLuvr212]

Just now, Pensant said:

I feel the atmosphere has improved over the past year.

Getting rid of the politics forum was the most overt way the atmosphere changed - I never saw such nastiness -- no just some downright cruelty -- enacted as I saw there - and it looks like some of the chief nasties who had no real interest in the board crawled back into their dens. Now all we have is some misplaced inappropriate bravado and bits of name-calling it seems.

That change made it possible for the toxicity to become the aberration, not the norm, and we are all better for that.

[BigK]

I agree that there are too many negative posters here which lessons my interest in returning to read the forums and post.

[NipLuvr212]

17 minutes ago, BigK said:

I agree that there are too many negative posters here which lessons my interest in returning to read the forums and post.

it's NOTHING like it was before - i only joined after the politics board was gotten rid of, but a close friend of mine was bullied non-stop back then - enjoy this forum for what it offers, and just develop the capability to quickly monitor what you read and edit out the silly stuff!

While the negative posts seem to come from members who post too often and are insecure ego-driven types, there are really good people here

[CuriousByNature]

11 hours ago, NipLuvr212 said:

there are really good people here

Thank you - I feel seen.   LOL 😆

[+ PhileasFogg]

15 hours ago, BigK said:

I agree that there are too many negative posters here which lessons my interest in returning to read the forums and post.

As Donny Osmond said “ one bad Apple don’t spoil the whole orchard”

you can still block folks if you choose

[maninsoma]

7 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

As Donny Osmond said “ one bad Apple don’t spoil the whole orchard”

you can still block folks if you choose

Actually, Donny and his brothers sang "one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch," but I digress.  I wholeheartedly believe in using the block function.  I will sometimes choose to look at a post by someone I've blocked if it's in a thread where I think their contributions might be helpful, but it's nice just to not regularly see some people's negativity and pomposity.  

Edited Friday at 03:07 PM by maninsoma

[+ SirBillybob]

8 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

Thank you - I feel seen.   LOL 😆

With good tips at times semen. 

[Pepper Young]

I agree. I've seen responses and posts that are snarky and mean. Their usual defense is to say it was just a joke, or meant in fun. They're jerks. Ignore them. Move on. 

[Ali Gator]

On 8/3/2025 at 8:30 PM, caliguy said:

I've noticed they're usually the same types that rip escorts for things they can't control like age or appearance. 

I honestly don't know if I'm understanding this correctly.

Are you saying escorts can't control their age and description of their appearance which they themselves submit in their ads ? 

Are you saying a 40 year old escort who stands at 5' 4" with a hairy body can't control the information he puts in his ad which says he's 5'10" with a naturally smooth body ?

Please correct me and tell me I misunderstood.

[rvwnsd]

One thing I've learned about the online and offline worlds is that there's no rule requiring me to respond to everything written or said.

More people need to follow that principle. 

[BSR]

21 minutes ago, rvwnsd said:

One thing I've learned about the online and offline worlds is that there's no rule requiring me to respond to everything written or said.

More people need to follow that principle. 

[mike carey]

59 minutes ago, rvwnsd said:

One thing I've learned about the online and offline worlds is that there's no rule requiring me to respond to everything written or said.

More people need to follow that principle. 

Gosh! Who knew?

[+ SirBillybob]

6 hours ago, rvwnsd said:

One thing I've learned about the online and offline worlds is that there's no rule requiring me to respond to everything written or said.

More people need to follow that principle. 

That of restiprocity. 

[+ SirBillybob]

If any platform wants and hopes to subdue ‘mean girl’ dynamics then it should eliminate the paradoxical bind introduced by the tempting option of discretionary but totally unnecessary and lazily applied pejorative post response emoticons that naturally stimulate antipathy, while admonishing members to maintain civility. 

Lock up the loaded gun with a safe code. Don’t just leave it sitting on the counter with the safety on and implore all residents to abide by ‘hands off’.

This goes for my own inner bitch.

——

Similarly, don’t maintain derogatory emoticon categories, layering on the additional paradoxical bind of deciding about appropriately sought donations for site maintenance when the likelihood of essentially paying to be at times targeted for abuse arises and it’s not a stretch to assume a relation between obnoxious employment of such emoticons and non$ contribution. I’m not inclined to findom but I do want to financially support, however modestly, an activity that meaningfully fills a portion of my leisure time.

Edited yesterday at 12:34 PM by SirBillybob