Am I being misled or does the escort care about me

[Throw the hook]

Ive known this escort 5 years total. Weve been real good friends for 2 years. See each other once a month. Ive really developed a real caring about him. He got injured in a scuffle and I flew out to his city to be there for him. My problem is this------at times Id say "Bless you for being you and for our lasting friendship.",,,we have exchanged the "love " word often. BUT i am older and sometimes when I initiate the sex, it upsets him that I just am not totally "ready"---sprung.....He interprets that to mean Im not physically attracted to him......NOT true but I need a little touching, feeling, deep kissing. you know...stumulation, but he doesnt like to do that I guess. If he'd just PARTICIPATE, Im fine. He'll "forever and always." to statements Id make. He says I love you...Ive been there for him in issues of substances. Ive given him lots of things, gifts etc cuz I love the guy...Id really try to make it lasting.. BUT always pay everything. I know Im a client but my birthday was last week...He called sure but not even a card! He has said...you are the best ting I have in my life,,,,Of course I melt...Our deep friendship is that type I could follow as a real love. Once again Im older...hes 27. BUT when we are together doing something, its like we can read each others mind. There are a few times when id iniatiate sex and hed get so upset that hed run out of the shower or off the couch cuz he thought I was making him uncomfortable. he wont say why. Im a lost puppy. I pay the fee regardless. but  he would never come back around and be tender, caressing...treat me like a special guy

[+ sniper]

Sorry man, but you know the answer here. Time to move on.

[Throw the hook]

Yeah....Just as a last gasp...recently he said

I love you I care about you and I’m so sorry for every argument we’ve ever had you know deep down. I love you and I care about you so much and I know you care about me more than probably anybody.'

I mean....I know Im "needy" but I didnt make that up...

Would a real serious chat be worth it??

Thanks guys

[+ purplekow]

Unfortunately, as much as your feelings are real, they are based on a lie.  He is an escort having sex for money and you are a client looking for acceptance and intimacy.  A great escort can fake intimacy for a long time, years, even a decade or more, but, a closer examination reveals that this kind of relationship is very one sided.  The money flows one way and most of the affection and attention flow the other way.  Escorts, for the most part, reveal just enough of themselves to make the experience you have with them have a basis in reality.  Ultimately, there is a lot you do not know, will never know and that, I am afraid, is the nature of these interactions.  There are exceptions.  Many of us, including myself, have thought that this is one of the real ones.  Ultimately, it is usually self delusion and the wishing for it to be so. 

As hard as it is, move on.  You are paying for a service and you are getting tsuris.   Translated from the Yiddish  Aggravation, Heatache.  

Edited June 26 by purplekow

[Throw the hook]

Ive been so very kind and supportive as hes gone through his sobriety efforts. Im planning to go see him in 2 weeks. I want a reply and to see whats happening for good

although I feel you guys are saying..."quit being a sap!!

[Throw the hook]

I appreciate Mr Cow! Its rough...Ihate that I was sooooooo gullible. You know it hurts. Thanks guys

[Luv2play]

There are things you are alluding to but not saying much about this guy. For instance he got hurt in a scuffle a few weeks ago. Also he has sobriety issues. He’s 27 and you are older but how much older. 
Also the negative reactions he has when you try to initiate intimacy. And yet this is an escort client relationship.

I think you are deluding yourself about how this relationship can be healthy for you. There are too many red flags imo.

[56harrisond]

Some related discussions 

 

[Throw the hook]

I am in my 60s. I know. I should stick my head in a bucket of water ! and drown

I feel like he needs me. BUT the most recent 3 days...I paid 1500 per night and he freeked out  on me the first night when he would not touch me or initiate affection cuz I wasnt hard IMMEDIATELY....then then next 2 there was NO sexual interaction. He just smoked. You know as I am telling this...I feel like an idiot. 

When someone says he loves me....O well....I feel like a high school kid telling this. 

 

[+ JamesB]

You already know the answer to your question. That said, as a paying client, don’t you see how many things are wrong with this statement?

1 hour ago, baseball6 said:

sometimes when I initiate the sex, it upsets him that I just am not totally "ready"---sprung.....He interprets that to mean Im not physically attracted to him......NOT true but I need a little touching, feeling, deep kissing. you know...stumulation, but he doesnt like to do that I guess. If he'd just PARTICIPATE, Im fine.

 

[Throw the hook]

Yes I do...Ive especially noticed in the recent past hed say..."now I need you to to get hard for me when I see you...you shouldnt need any shower of stimulation. Just thought Id tell the rest of my sordid details

[maninsoma]

After only reading your first post, I was willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and believe that maybe he did have (friendly) affection towards you, but after reading your subsequent post I have to join the chorus of others and state he's likely just playing you.  Even if he isn't, you are paying him and he's not providing what he's being paid for.  If I hired an escort and he blamed me for erectile difficulties and said, in effect, I don't have to let you touch me because you don't get hard immediately I would tell him to leave and wouldn't pay him (or would just give him a small amount for travel time).  

If you really want to see if he's your friend, stop hiring him.  Only get together for time off the clock, and don't pay for his meals or entertainment or buy him any gifts.  If he's your friend, he might comment on how things have changed but he will still want to be your friend.

[Throw the hook]

Hey thanks. Yes I have some ED but not if hes INVOLVED !! He never is involved. I have to have some stimulation, touching, just freakin hold me...dont treat me like its a FAULT.    I dont have the problem IF I feel appreciated or that he thinks I am a special person for all the things...and the support Ive provided. Im asking too much....finally seeing it...took me thousands...Finally hit me when he dashed out of the shower we were in after I began washing him and holding him....NEVER ANY EXPLANATION !!! I couldnt believe it

[KrisParr]

Ya know, there are many different types of people in the world. Some are amazing, some are kind, some are thoughtful. Some are musicians, some are accountants. Some are actors. Some are con artists. Some have no integrity.  Some are assholes. Ok, class. Which of these types are we looking at? Oh yes, some can be multiple types rolled into one. Please write your answers clearly and be sure your name is on your paper.  Good luck.  Class dismissed.

[+ sniper]

43 minutes ago, baseball6 said:

Hey thanks. Yes I have some ED but not if hes INVOLVED !! He never is involved. I have to have some stimulation, touching, just freakin hold me...dont treat me like its a FAULT.    I dont have the problem IF I feel appreciated or that he thinks I am a special person for all the things...and the support Ive provided. Im asking too much....finally seeing it...took me thousands...Finally hit me when he dashed out of the shower we were in after I began washing him and holding him....NEVER ANY EXPLANATION !!! I couldnt believe it

He's literally refusing to do the job he was hired for...and you're still paying him. If you live in a relatively gay-friendly area, start putting this money towards therapy and work on yor self esteem. (For real, the hivemind on this board ain't gonna do the trick there). And block his number. Seriously this sounds like someone angling to get into the will. And then what happens when he gets tired of waiting?

[Gilfson]

Hey man honestly I would move on from hiring him.. it sounds like he is taking major advantage of you and is not willing to do what he’s being paid for.. as a provider I can also tell you his feelings are fabricated… I personally am uncomfortable with faking the lovey dovey stuff.. i did it with a regular for a bit because that’s what he was paying me for… but he kept telling me he was falling in love with me and I would not say it back. So it created this awkward  vibe. The second you stop paying him his “feelings” vanish. I think it’s damaging to your mental health and happiness to continue seeing him. Now I tell clients first off that I don’t love them but we can be friends and have a good time. Because I tend to enjoy my clients for more than just the sex most are really cool guys that I actually learn quite a bit from. But I’ve had clients text me full screenshots of my rm profile and tell me when they saw me the fell in love.. that’s not love and is a big red flag for me as they tend to get obsessive and that can be dangerous so I avoid it.. I think you should see someone new and just focus on having fun!

[MscleLovr]

I wish you well @baseball6 I think that many of us here have had similar feelings and relations develop with working guys at some time.

As I read your first post, I thought to myself you already know the answer. You’ve been given excellent advice by others. Please take it.

Should you still harbour thoughts of love and affection for this much younger man, follow the well-intended advice of @maninsoma and invite the young man out BUT specify it’s unpaid or “off the clock”. If he does have genuine feelings for you, he will want to see you. 

My only advice here is practical. To get over this young man, hire another handsome young guy and “get back in the saddle” quickly - it will help you move on.

[JayCeeKy]

We’ve all been there, so you’re not the Lone Ranger - we’ve all mislabeled “paid companionship” for “love.” But, it sounds like you’ve become addicted to him and it won’t be easy to break the addiction - the “pleasure pathways” in your brain’s reward center (including an actual dopamine rush) won’t let you let him go easily. Your brain will demand that you keep getting your daily “fix” of him and your brain will lie to you, telling you that he really misses you and has feelings for you (although your prefrontal cortex will rationally tell you, unsuccessfully, that what he actually misses is your wallet). Withdrawal will be physically and emotionally rough, but it has to be done - the day will come when he moves on to someone else, with or without your permission - I suspect he has others who “take care of him” - they always do. I would suggest that you invest in therapy to learn behavioral ways to break the addiction (distance, change of self-talk, distraction, and most importantly, a support group). It will take a while, but you’ve already taken the first step: recognition that this relationship is not a healthy one. Good luck - it’ll get better.

[Becket]

Sure he cares for you. He likes you, enjoys your company. Nothing weird or unusual about that. My go to guy and I have known each other for 16 years. I believe we have great affection for one another. But I don't see him if I don't pay. Enough said methinks.

[+ nycman]

[Throw the hook]

Truly........I appreciate the kind and accurate responses to my initial post. Its made a huge difference. 

Baseball6

[viewing ownly]

To the original poster : Read, re-read, and read again the most important thing you typed in your post. "I know I'm a client". That's all you need to understand, because "He's just a provider". That he did so much as to reach out to send you birthday wishes was going the extra mile. Mine is today, and I'd love to hear from people who are "just too busy" in their lives to take time to wish me a happy one, but I live in the real world. 

If he's telling you he loves you, he's just being polite, because he loves your money, and there's nothing at all wrong in his line of work for it. Quit dogging on your appearance - if he played "talk to the hand" to those he wasn't attractive to, it would mean less revenue. You're not the only person he's being intimate with that he doesn't want a full-time relationship with. You're undoubtedly his best client financially, but if you can be okay with knowing that your relationship with him is going to be "on the clock only", until you can afford him to be a rent man for life, enjoy your moments.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

12 hours ago, baseball6 said:

Ive known this escort 5 years total. Weve been real good friends for 2 years. See each other once a month. Ive really developed a real caring about him. He got injured in a scuffle and I flew out to his city to be there for him. My problem is this------at times Id say "Bless you for being you and for our lasting friendship.",,,we have exchanged the "love " word often. BUT i am older and sometimes when I initiate the sex, it upsets him that I just am not totally "ready"---sprung.....He interprets that to mean Im not physically attracted to him......NOT true but I need a little touching, feeling, deep kissing. you know...stumulation, but he doesnt like to do that I guess. If he'd just PARTICIPATE, Im fine. He'll "forever and always." to statements Id make. He says I love you...Ive been there for him in issues of substances. Ive given him lots of things, gifts etc cuz I love the guy...Id really try to make it lasting.. BUT always pay everything. I know Im a client but my birthday was last week...He called sure but not even a card! He has said...you are the best ting I have in my life,,,,Of course I melt...Our deep friendship is that type I could follow as a real love. Once again Im older...hes 27. BUT when we are together doing something, its like we can read each others mind. There are a few times when id iniatiate sex and hed get so upset that hed run out of the shower or off the couch cuz he thought I was making him uncomfortable. he wont say why. Im a lost puppy. I pay the fee regardless. but  he would never come back around and be tender, caressing...treat me like a special guy

Compassion and love are like an apostrophe.  Some men just won't use it, even when we wish he would.

[Throw the hook]

Its so funny but I guess Id never say the following to someone unless I was meaning it...He said (2 weeks ago)--------------and I took it to heart.....

 " I love you I care about you and I’m so sorry for every argument we’ve ever had you know deep down. I love you and I care about you so much and I know you care about me more than probably anybody."

BUT.....no reason to piss off the group here  by rehashing....

I need to stop the "forever and ever, amen" stuff but Ive never said those things unless I MEANT them...to anyone in my past...in real relationships.......so he through me a curve........I MUST tell him what I want  and go from there. Just have fun !!!!

Thanks again

baseball6

 

 

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[maninsoma]

Bottom line, baseball6, you aren't him.  There's no reason for you to rehash what he wrote/said to you unless you just want to extend your period of distress over this.  Just accept that things were not as they seemed with him and move on, not only emotionally but physically.  By that I mean that I don't even think he sounds like a good escort for you since he's not providing to you want you want out of a physical interaction.

The vast majority of guys I've hired have been honest, and most of the liars were more about not delivering on what was promised/advertised, not people trying to play with my emotions.  You should probably keep in mind for future engagements that if you keep your boundaries clear you are less likely to fall into a trap.  You are a client, they are a provider.  That isn't meant to dehumanize either of you, but it's like a psychotherapist/patient relationship: the therapist is there to provide a service, not to become a part of your life outside of the therapeutic relationship.  Yes, you might happen to cross paths with someone where an actual friendship develops (unlike a psychotherapist where this is unethical), but the only way to know that that has happened is if you are doing things outside of your client/escort relationship that don't require you to spend money on him.