Advice for first time

[Oakman]

13 minutes ago, Fitdljay said:

Thanks man. I really appreciate your perspective. Gonna think about this some more. 
A) I could roll the dice and take a significant risk 

B) I could look for  cheap or hourly motel nearby 

How do I find a cheap place to host? I’m gonna be in Philadelphia. Any pointers?

It sounds like you are in the market for a provider who can do incalls. If I were you, I’d cancel this hotel meet up. If that guy can’t host you, I would apologize and opt out (prioritize your risk avoidance over his feelings of disappointment - he’ll be pissed). Get back on RM and find a guy who can host you for an hour. 
 

Bigger picture: you might consider how your lapse in judgement here might be because your subconscious self is tired of being in the closet and is desperate to be found out by people who are close to you. Maybe it’s time to think about coming out in a way that isn’t embarrassing or professionally risky.

[+ Jamie21]

If you’ve hired a good guy he will totally respect your privacy and will be discreet. 

When I wait for clients in the hotel lobby I always tell them where I’m sitting and what I’m wearing so they can see me. I sit somewhere discreet, I also arrive a bit early and scout out the hotel layout etc. When the client finds me I walk with them to the room but if he wants me to be discreet I’ll walk behind, as if we’re not together. That way if anyone is watching or he meets someone he knows I’ll just walk on by as if we’re not together. It’s all possible if you tell him you need 100% discretion until you’re in the room.

If you want to hide any noise while you’re in there, put the TV on, play music, put towels down at the foot of the room door (to muffle sound into the corridor). 

Don’t overthink the session. Tell him what you’d like but leave it to him to do his job. A good guy will know. Have fun! 
 

 

[+ purplekow]

First of all, i would make sure the provider is aware that you would like him to be subdued in appearance.  Lots of escorts wear form fitting or skin revealing shirts and pants that emphasized the goods and for good reason.  They got it, they flaunt it.  Except in this case, you want to be sure he is not flaunting it too obviously in view of the co workers.  Otherwise, I would say, the sexier the better.

Prepare a cover before hand in that, in general conversation about the trip, mention a friend or relative who lives in that city with whom  you will be having a meal.  That way, a man coming up to your room can casually be dismissed as that friend or relative.  You want to have a room on a separate floor if possible.  You do not want to be inhibited in expressing your excitement especially if the provider hits all your buttons and control is not on full.  

Finally, what happens in your room is not the business of your coworkers.  I can respect your desire for privacy and so should they.  

Also, if you are there for a conference or a meeting.  You might want to schedule your encounter during those meetings and then excuse your self as to not feeling well.  Tell someone you are headed back to your room to take a nap and that you will probably be unavailable for the rest of the day.  

All that prep will give you some sense of security/ 

But most of all, plan to enjoy the encounter.  

Is your escort well reviewed here?  You might want to share his name so as to get some feedback from others who have hired him.  

Edited May 21 by purplekow

[+ ApexNomad]

20 hours ago, Fitdljay said:

I have lurked on websites for a while and finally reached out to a provider and finally bit the bullet. We have agreed to meet up in a couple days when I am on a work trip. It’s going to be my first time with a provider.
I am excited and nervous. I have never done anything like this and it is really important that it remains private. 

The provider I am meeting has lots of positive reviews. I told him what I’m looking for. He seems cool. 
Is there anything else I need to know or do to set this up for success? 

Also, I’ll be hosting him at my hotel. I have a few coworkers staying there too. I’m not out! I’m hoping he can discreetly come up to my hotel room, fuck my brains out, then discreetly disappear. 

If discretion is the name of the game, if privacy is of the utmost importance to you, and if the provider can’t host, then you need a different hotel. 

[Colton]

I think someone calling this a lapse in judgment is a bit extreme.  I wouldn't call it that, as we don't know all the details of the OP's situation. 

I think the size of the hotel is important.  A huge convention hotel is very different from a boutique.  A Courtyard/Hilton Garden Inn in Manhattan will have an extremely small lobby where everything is in full view, while a full service hotel may have restaurants, sitting areas, etc. in the lobby where not everything is visible.

I once met a provider in the full-service hotel lobby, gave him a key to my room, and we used separate elevators up.  Except for the brief exchange in the lobby (actually in a coffee shop connected to the hotel lobby), we were never visibly together.

[Bobozn]

I think most people here have provided excellent suggestions and advice. For me personally from my most recent first provider experience, I would confirm with the provider what you want to happen before meeting up with them. I was nervous and let him know it was my first time as well. Their RM profile put that they were into kissing on their profile but when it came to me asking if he kissed during the encounter, he said he didn't do it. Just be upfront about what you want and get your moneys/times worth.

[+ Pensant]

6 hours ago, Oakman said:

There is no way I would meet an escort at a hotel that also had colleagues, friends or family

That’s GREAT advice for our exploratory friend! Off topic, I love to meet my hottie in the lobby, give him a kiss, and strut off to the elevator with him.

[Oakman]

3 hours ago, Colton said:

I think someone calling this a lapse in judgment is a bit extreme. 

Sorry, bro. Any behavior which would put at risk my livelihood and standing within my professional community qualifies as a lapse in judgment. If you want to be known in your own professional circle as “that guy who everyone saw bringing a hooker up into his room” then go knock yourself out. I would hate to see where you placed the bar for “lapses in judgment.”

[dbar123]

Cut yourself some slack. Mistakes will be made and you will learn a ton from your first foray. Relax and enjoy yourself. There is no perfect escort and not everything will meet your expectations- you will at least learn what you don’t want for the next round

[Thelatin]

9 hours ago, Erbenle said:

One of the magical things about your first time, is the realization the moment you lay eyes on each other and instantly know each other.

Funny - I no longer describe myself.  They can pick a customer out of a crowded lobby lol.

[Nightowl]

You’ve chosen a risky way to start your adventure, hiring someone to come to your hotel when there will be coworkers there.  I would have recommended incall as your first experience, if possible. I hope it all works out well for you, though, and you become an addicted enthusiast like the rest of us.  I wish I’d discovered CoM before my first experience and could have reached out to the experts for advice like you did!  

[SirBillybob]

You probably already realize the probability is slim that a colleague will knock on your door without intrusive intent but for sociable or practical purposes, but the very fact of mentally downplaying the potential of something that would never otherwise migrate to front of mind could be the pea under the mattress stimulating a degree of hypervigilance that subverts the encounter. Since the work-based revelation risk component has entered into the discussion but is not a factor going forward in further hires I might consider paying extra to the guy this one time to book a room of his own there. This additionally makes it easier to extricate yourself in the albeit unlikely event you need an escape hatch simply because the match isn’t right. 

I don’t buy into the depth psychology framework that what may seem like a crack in practical damage control measures reflects a subliminal desire to emancipate self from a closet status that itself dictates the guardedness accompanying it. 

Edited May 22 by SirBillybob

[Erbenle]

On 5/21/2025 at 3:24 PM, Fitdljay said:

Thanks man. I really appreciate your perspective. Gonna think about this some more. 
A) I could roll the dice and take a significant risk 

B) I could look for  cheap or hourly motel nearby 

How do I find a cheap place to host? I’m gonna be in Philadelphia. Any pointers?

Does he host?  Take an uber to his place.  

[+ Alabastrine]

I'm also in the middle of hammering out my first appointment for the hobby. I'm certainly being hit by the first time jitters... 

[Michael PhD]

I don’t have anything to add… hope it was what you hoped it to be. 

[+ azdr0710]

it's been a week since we've heard from our nervous first timer!

[Chien Andalou]

Whenever I travel for conferences, I always try to sample the local wares. The hotels are nearly always full of other attendees and maybe some colleagues. I try to get my room separate from anyone I know. I may set up the meeting during events, like the “networking cocktail parties.” If I have to meet him downstairs, I ask him to look professional and am fully dressed myself. I often wait outside. I will greet him with a handshake and make small talk as we head to the room. Sometimes I carry my laptop. No one needs to know that my hand is on his ass in the elevator.