Side piece or escorts to keep relationship going?

[Frenchjuris]

As many can agree, long term partnerships can lose the spark. That being said, has anyone been fulfilled by having a steady side piece so they can stay in their relationship? Or escorts while partnered? I’m asking because we have def lost the spark in our relationship and it seems like this may fill the void for me. Can anyone relate to this? Does it work for anyone? I ask because I don’t want to leave. Besides the sex, we are totally good. 

[+ ApexNomad]

Communication is key in these situations. It might help to talk openly with your partner about your feelings and explore different options like an open relationship or new ways to reignite the spark. Sometimes, working through things together can bring you closer. Ultimately, it’s about finding what works best for both of you.

Personally, I’ve never hired an escort or had a side piece while in a relationship. I prefer monogamy when I’m committed. Every relationship is different, and it’s about figuring out what feels right for you and your partner.

[pubic_assistance]

11 hours ago, Frenchjuris said:

That being said, has anyone been fulfilled by having a steady side piece so they can stay in their relationship?

I don't know if my "sidepiece" action is the reason I stay in my marriage but it certainly helps. I have a super high sex drive and like with every relationship, the sex with your life-partner eventually becomes routine and the excitement dwindles...so the frequency reduces over the decades.

Maybe it's just me, but engaging in naughty, dirty, wild sex with others makes my cuddle time with my wife seem even more comfortable and fulfilling. Maybe because I don't "go there" with fuck buddies. So the romantic connection is preserved as only being part of my relationship while the sexual component has changed over time.

[Rockey]

In my twenties I was delusional thinking that I would find a mate and only have sex with him forever. I don’t think any couple is having sex together after 10 year's, and if they say they are; they’re probably lying. I do think that emotional monogamy is very possible. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

13 hours ago, Frenchjuris said:

As many can agree, long term partnerships can lose the spark. That being said, has anyone been fulfilled by having a steady side piece so they can stay in their relationship? Or escorts while partnered? I’m asking because we have def lost the spark in our relationship and it seems like this may fill the void for me. Can anyone relate to this? Does it work for anyone? I ask because I don’t want to leave. Besides the sex, we are totally good. 

I have been fulfilled being the "other man" to several long term relationships.  Sometimes both partners know about me.  Sometimes one partner wants me to keep it a secret from the other one.  Occasionally, both partners are sleeping with me and both don't want me to tell the other one.

[+ sniper]

I've kind of thought I'm not sure i have what it takes for a long-term relationship, mainly because I already have a caretaker role in my family and consequently have less to give to a partner, and would kind of prefer to be "the other guy" but am not really forward enough to seek that out explicitly. That said, I find the married guys who are totally unwilling to kiss or cuddle even the slightest bit a major turnoff. It can feel pretty dehumanizing.

Edited December 4, 2024 by sniper

[+ robear]

Agree that communication with your partner is key.  If it does mean you open your relationship, PLEASE be clear to any potential "sidepieces" from the start that that is the role on offer, nothing more.  Far too many men out there pretending to be single when they are anything but.

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, sniper said:

I find the married guys who are totally unwilling to kiss or cuddle even the slightest bit a major turnoff. It can feel pretty dehumanizing.

That would be ME.

I have ZERO desire to "kiss and cuddle" with anyone outside my relationship.

I'm hiring to get the kind of down n dirty raw nasty sex that I don't get at home. I get plenty of kissing and cuddling from my wife.

Sorry if you feel that's dehumanizing. But maybe married guys aren't your best audience.

Edited December 4, 2024 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[+ Charlie]

Right at the start of our relationship, my partner and I sat down and had a serious discussion about the fact that we were both sex-crazed sluts who would not be happy in an exclusive sexual relationship. The rule we established was that if we were fucking with someone else, we couldn't make it a secret. We also acknowledged the possibility that sex with others could lead to emotional relationships with others, and we had to be willing to either deal with a three-way relationship or let one another go if necessary. It sounds cold-blooded, but we reasoned that if our relationship was genuine, it could handle reality. Over the years it was common for us to go out cruising together and split up if one or both of us made a connection with someone else. I never confused sexual attraction with love, which was one reason I could justify hiring professional providers. Each of us did have a couple of affairs with other people over the years, usually when for some reason we were temporarily not living together (each of us had periods when we were working in different cities or even other countries). It worked for us for 56 years.

[+ sniper]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

That would be ME.

I have ZERO desire to "kiss and cuddle" with anyone outside my relationship.

I'm hiring to get the kind of down n dirty raw nasty sex that I don't get at home. I get plenty of kissing and cuddling from my wife.

Sorry if you feel that's dehumanizing. But maybe married guys aren't your best audience.

When you're hiring you call the shots. It's the guys who want it for free I take issue with.

[pubic_assistance]

17 minutes ago, sniper said:

It's the guys who want it for free I take issue with.

I think you need to consider the audience. Married guys are likely to have fulfilling romantic lives at home.

So, when they hook up on the side....it's more of a down-n-dirty they are looking for.

It's like when a famous Hollywood star was caught with a very nothing looking "sex worker", while married to a gorgeous and talented actresses. My female friends, were saying: " WHY would he go with a "dirty hooker" when you're married to one of the most beautiful women in the world " ? MY answer was..."Because he wanted some dirty-dirty sex with a dirty-dirty hooker." He's not gonna get that from his beautiful wife....or may not feel comfortable asking.

Men often compartmentalize their sex life into different realms.

I know I do.

 

[Whippoorwill]

Spouses/long term partners provide constancy, intimacy, friendship, emotional support, etc. And at first they provide hot sex. But all things get old. As constancy, intimacy, friendship, and emotional support age, they can age like a fine wine. As sex gets old, it ages like a rotting fish. 

Openness to sidepieces, whether hired or not, provides the thrill of the chase, someone new and different, new and different sex techniques, the get down and dirty, etc. 

In my experience both are necessary and both can be concurrent. The problem comes in the English language where we only have one word for love..and therefore one definition for these feelings...the first definition above. I need and want and have that, but I also the other. The French have amour, love; amitie, friendship; luxure, desir lascif, vigueur, lust. 

So, Frenchjuris, yes it can and does work. In fact, it's the only way longterm relationships work, in my experience. 

[Luv2play]

4 hours ago, Charlie said:

Right at the start of our relationship, my partner and I sat down and had a serious discussion about the fact that we were both sex-crazed sluts who would not be happy in an exclusive sexual relationship. The rule we established was that if we were fucking with someone else, we couldn't make it a secret. We also acknowledged the possibility that sex with others could lead to emotional relationships with others, and we had to be willing to either deal with a three-way relationship or let one another go if necessary. It sounds cold-blooded, but we reasoned that if our relationship was genuine, it could handle reality. Over the years it was common for us to go out cruising together and split up if one or both of us made a connection with someone else. I never confused sexual attraction with love, which was one reason I could justify hiring professional providers. Each of us did have a couple of affairs with other people over the years, usually when for some reason we were temporarily not living together (each of us had periods when we were working in different cities or even other countries). It worked for us for 56 years.

Reading this, I am reminded of the Mountbattens, Lord Louis and Lady Edwina. For most of their married life they were each going to bed with others, in their case, of both sexes. And they were quite open with each other that they were doing so.

And they stayed together through it all although his career often took him away from her.  When he was Viceroy of India, she was bedding Nehru, the Indian Prime Minister. They were a most glamorous couple but all this only became really public after the fact. 

Edited December 4, 2024 by Luv2play

[Whippoorwill]

Yes, the powerful and the wealthy have never given monogamy much shrift...kings, popes, presidents all kept lovers...Jefferson had a black slave mistress, Lincoln it seems had male lovers, and we know about FD Roosevelt, Kennedy, Clinton, Trump in the recent past. Likewise the poor never were held back by middle class societal norms. It is only the middle class that purports to take "marriage vows" seriously (with remarkably little success). And fortunately, having broken a greater stricture, many gay men allow themselves the natural freedom that most humans require. 

[+ purplekow]

On 12/3/2024 at 9:11 PM, ApexNomad said:

I prefer monogamy when I’m committed.

 

Select which of these two responses you prefer:

  1.  I do not prefer monogamy even at the time I am having sex.

 2.   I would have to be committed to endure monogamy.

Now with those out of my system, before I started sleeping with men, I was a serial monogamist and in my relationship with my wife I never even considered being other than monogamous.  After her passing, when I started having sex with men as well as women, I have found monogamy is off the table, but I also have not been in a committed relationship in those many years.  

Best advice, talk with your partner.  He may be relieved or hurt or he may go out to a bar and get laid.  You do not know until you talk it out.  Consider adding a third if he is amenable or else consider some variation of an open relationship.  For example, pros only.  One time hook ups only.  Whoever and when ever but don't tell me about it.  Whoever and where ever but tell me every detail.   For every one time with someone else, there is at least one time for the partner.  No kissing.  No penetration.  Some variation of these or make up you own guidelines but stick to them.    

No matter how old you are, you are too young not to have a satisfying sex life because of a misguided sense of loyalty or a mismatch in sexual desire.  

[Dakota lanley]

It’s hard to decide this one lol 

[+ ApexNomad]

12 hours ago, purplekow said:

Select which of these two responses you prefer:

  1.  I do not prefer monogamy even at the time I am having sex.

 2.   I would have to be committed to endure monogamy.

Now with those out of my system, before I started sleeping with men, I was a serial monogamist and in my relationship with my wife I never even considered being other than monogamous.  After her passing, when I started having sex with men as well as women, I have found monogamy is off the table, but I also have not been in a committed relationship in those many years.  

Best advice, talk with your partner.  He may be relieved or hurt or he may go out to a bar and get laid.  You do not know until you talk it out.  Consider adding a third if he is amenable or else consider some variation of an open relationship.  For example, pros only.  One time hook ups only.  Whoever and when ever but don't tell me about it.  Whoever and where ever but tell me every detail.   For every one time with someone else, there is at least one time for the partner.  No kissing.  No penetration.  Some variation of these or make up you own guidelines but stick to them.    

No matter how old you are, you are too young not to have a satisfying sex life because of a misguided sense of loyalty or a mismatch in sexual desire.  

How about option 3: Everyone has their own take on monogamy, and it’s not one-size-fits-all.

For me, it’s a choice in a committed relationship because it aligns with my values and what I want in a partnership. If “enduring monogamy” feels like a challenge or a compromise for someone, that’s okay too—but it’s something that should be communicated openly with their partner.

Everyone’s experiences and needs are different, which is why I emphasized the importance of open communication and finding what works best for both partners.

When I’m in a committed relationship or considering taking it further, open and honest conversations are a cornerstone for me—not just at the beginning, but throughout. I believe in regular check-ins to ensure both partners’ needs are being met—not just physically, but emotionally as well. If I’m falling short in some way, I want my partner to tell me. I’ll never be offended by constructive honesty. What would offend me is if my partner didn’t give me the chance to address their needs and instead sought to fulfill them behind my back. 

If my partner ever feels that something is missing or unsatisfying, I want to know so we can address it together. Likewise, I would share my own concerns openly.

That said, if I am unable to meet my partner’s needs and they want to explore those needs outside the relationship, I would absolutely respect that because I want my partner to be happy. However, for me, the intimate part of our relationship would cease at that point.

My preference for monogamy is what feels right for me. In my monogamous, committed relationships, my approach to protection reflects that preference (no condoms.)

Ultimately, I agree wholeheartedly that communication is key, regardless of the relationship style.