Giving BJ

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, DamizzonNYC said:

Yes, THIS!!

This is one of the great potential joys of a client/provider relationship.  You have the gift of being able to fully free yourself of the pressure of wondering if your provider is having fun.  It's a situation inherently structured around you getting exactly what you want in a zero judgement safe space.  Are you harming your provider or causing undue discomfort?  No?  Then don't worry about it. 

Also, consider that maybe some of us are wired differently.  Some of us are drawn to being providers because our sexual joy comes from providing.  If you can relax, let go, and enjoy feeling like a king for couple hours... that's when your provider truly enjoys himself. 

(Fully ignoring the kooky implication that you only pay providers for things they don't enjoy.  That's bonkers.)

This is exactly what makes you such an incredible provider! You’ve captured something so powerful here. For those new to this, I think it can be a hurdle to accept the unique structure of this relationship. It’s not easy to let go and fully enjoy, but when done right – which you clearly have mastered – it becomes a truly magical and one-of-a-kind experience. I totally understand the urge to reciprocate or make sure the provider feels appreciated, but knowing that you genuinely find joy in making the client feel like royalty makes it easier to embrace that. It’s like the fantasy brought to life.

[+ Jamie21]

The thing is, generally, if you do sex work you enjoy giving pleasure. If you’re doing it primarily for your own sexual gratification then you won’t be very good at it and you won’t last in the business.

It’s not my sex life or sexual urges I am satisfying (although that may happen indirectly…as the OP has experienced) it’s my  basic need to give pleasure that I’m satisfying. 

I think that’s what enables me and others who do this (like @Simon Suraciexplained) to do the job and do it well. 
 

[SometimesBi]

16 hours ago, jazeboy said:

am curious to know your thoughts on paying a provider when he also ends up having a good time.

For the most part, all bottoms that hire are getting a provider that is going to have a good time (how else are they going to top that client's mouth/ass).

Indeed, as a bottom, if the provider I hire does NOT get off, that might be grounds for paying less? (Certainly, no tip). 

[FaustOust]

5 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Because it’s my job. 

I recognize that many providers take their work to provide their clients with pleasure quite seriously, even if it is at the expense of their own enjoyment.   I also recognize that some providers may be exceptional at finding some quality, physical or otherwise, in just about anyone that can be arousing enough for them to “do their job.” However, I believe that for most people, part of the enjoyment of physical intimacy is that while you are receiving pleasure, you are also giving pleasure; that the erotic and physical connection is indeed a connection, and therefore by definition mutual and flowing both ways.  Otherwise, it seems to me that you are just using another person as a masturbatory tool, which in some cases may be sufficient for either or both parties, but it is not the same experience. And to suggest, as some have, that there is no reason to be concerned with the mutuality of the experience is asking us to deny a very human desire.

I have had a variety of experiences with different providers - some of those experiences were definitely better or worse than others — even those with the same person have varied.  And I suspect that some of the better “performances” may have been just that  — performances and fake. (I know I got at least one fake orgasm and one critique on my own performance as seeming “inexperienced,” as I struggled at bit to take him.  I am far from a virgin, and I did know to eschew the apocryphal advice that Queen Victoria is said to have given to her daughter to “lie still and think of England”, but admittedly I have less sex than most who do so for a living, so the relative truth of it killed that moment brutally.  But I digress). I bristle at the implication that somehow we clients are too obtuse to ever know if someone is turned off and acting to cover it up.   I might be okay with that in the moment, but I don’t think it’s because I am unable to tell the difference but rather because I choose to ignore it, suspend my disbelief, and enjoy a good show.

[+ Jamie21]

8 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

However, I believe that for most people, part of the enjoyment of physical intimacy is that while you are receiving pleasure, you are also giving pleasure; that the erotic and physical connection is indeed a connection, and therefore by definition mutual and flowing both ways.

Yes. This is why some people can do sex work and others can’t. 

[aiseeya]

8 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

If he liked it that much, it's his choice on what to say or do.

Echoing this sentiment. Baseline (for client) is getting what they paid for. Its provider's discretion to give extras (then or after) be it a discount, booking priority, special treatments etc.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

10 hours ago, Bjjx said:

I like blowjobs but it says it can be cancerous...

Walking outside can be cancerous, but I still leave my house.  Staying inside next to electronics can be cancerous, but I still spend time indoors.

Back to the topic of a provider's pleasure:  Men that had a great time with me (or better yet: SHARED a great time with me), but also on my terms as @Simon Suraci brought to our attention, get my repeat business!

 

[Erbenle]

1 hour ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Walking outside can be cancerous, but I still leave my house.  Staying inside next to electronics can be cancerous, but I still spend time indoors.

Back to the topic of a provider's pleasure:  Men that had a great time with me (or better yet: SHARED a great time with me), but also on my terms as @Simon Suraci brought to our attention, get my repeat business!

 

Short answer…the provider gets paid.

im always thrilled when a provider gets off, but I don’t expect it. I want the guy I’m with to have fun, he isn’t property. I enjoy my career and the work it involves and would hope others do too; that’s one of the rewards of doing a good job!

that said, if the two of you had a romantic connection, that’s another story to be discussed between two adults.

Have fun, enjoy the people you’re with as individuals who deserve a good time doing what they love to do…and always treat the people you invite into your life with respect.

[Thelatin]

I have a masseur that I've seen every few months for a few years.  I like him as he actually does a great job with the massage, and then the extras.   Over the course of time the rolls have reversed quite a bit, and he is enjoying himself more and more lol.  I'm like yeah, if you're into x, y, z go for it.  We both enjoy our time.  The finances stay the same, as they should.

[Luv2play]

4 hours ago, SometimesBi said:

For the most part, all bottoms that hire are getting a provider that is going to have a good time (how else are they going to top that client's mouth/ass).

Indeed, as a bottom, if the provider I hire does NOT get off, that might be grounds for paying less? (Certainly, no tip). 

As a bottom I enjoy it when a provider gets off. I always mention up front I am looking for them to cum, if possible. That’s why I schedule multi hour appointments. 

For bj’s, for me that’s the reward for what I am putting into the interaction.

And for intercourse, a nice climax is a fitting ending to the activity. The post climax period I truly treasure too. It’s nice to wind down from reaching the pinnacle. 
 

If the provider doesn’t get off, I seldom rehire. Obviously I’m talking about escorts who offer full service, not masseurs who might provide extras. 

[+ Jamie21]

Remember too that when you hire, regardless of all the debate about whether your hire enjoys it or not, he’s there at your request. You decide the duration, the date and time (within his availability of course) and if you choose to you can simply lay back and leave it all to him. You’re paying for convenience, for access and for his expertise as well as his services. 

[marylander1940]

5 hours ago, SometimesBi said:

For the most part, all bottoms that hire are getting a provider that is going to have a good time (how else are they going to top that client's mouth/ass).

Indeed, as a bottom, if the provider I hire does NOT get off, that might be grounds for paying less? (Certainly, no tip). 

If he can't cum you might leave 2 $20 bills less?

 

[+ ApexNomad]

23 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

If he can't cum you might leave 2 $20 bills less?

 

I had a provider who couldn’t guarantee he’d cum during our two-hour session unless I booked an overnight. It was a different answer I got when we texted. As a bottom, I really enjoy it when the top finishes—it makes me feel connected and involved. And human!!! Otherwise, I end up feeling like a log! Which is exactly how I felt because once I came, he stopped. So that killed the whole experience.

I want my tops to be satisfied (as I said before, call me old fashioned). But I’m not comfortable committing to an overnight with someone I’d never met before, and that was the case with him. He got paid in full, as I always do. But no tip and certainly no rehire.

[harlow]

On 10/31/2024 at 4:42 PM, jazeboy said:

I am curious to know your thoughts on paying a provider when he also ends up having a good time. Especially if I want to arrange a second meeting. I rented a masseur and ended up blowing him ... which he seemed to really enjoy. (I did too, don't get me wrong!)

I think I understand what you might mean by this question because it kinda happened to me a couple of times.  Bottom line up front if you contact a provider you should expect to pay their requested rate no matter what.

Now here's where I think I understand where you're coming from.  I'm an average unassuming guy so I hire providers that I think are definitely out of my league just for the experience.  It's like you see a hot guy in the club thats out of your league then you find out he has a RM ad so you hire him.  However on more than one occasion I've met a provider that genuinely enjoyed spending time with me and they asked..."You're a great looking guy and you're a lot of fun why in the world do you hire escorts? or "You're really cute I would definitely talk to you if you approached me"  And its then you realize that you most likely could've pulled the guy for free if you just had the confidence...you feel like you "wasted" your money.

I've also posted about how a provider actually liked me so much that they would blow up my phone every time they were horny but I understood they would be expecting payment as well.  I was basically paying him to have the pleasure of my company so I simply called it off.😂

It simply comes down to open communication about what the arrangement is and understand that its just business.  If he just happens to enjoy his work then thats just a bonus😂

[+ ApexNomad]

3 hours ago, harlow said:

I think I understand what you might mean by this question because it kinda happened to me a couple of times.  Bottom line up front if you contact a provider you should expect to pay their requested rate no matter what.

Now here's where I think I understand where you're coming from.  I'm an average unassuming guy so I hire providers that I think are definitely out of my league just for the experience.  It's like you see a hot guy in the club thats out of your league then you find out he has a RM ad so you hire him.  However on more than one occasion I've met a provider that genuinely enjoyed spending time with me and they asked..."You're a great looking guy and you're a lot of fun why in the world do you hire escorts? or "You're really cute I would definitely talk to you if you approached me"  And its then you realize that you most likely could've pulled the guy for free if you just had the confidence...you feel like you "wasted" your money.

I've also posted about how a provider actually liked me so much that they would blow up my phone every time they were horny but I understood they would be expecting payment as well.  I was basically paying him to have the pleasure of my company so I simply called it off.😂

It simply comes down to open communication about what the arrangement is and understand that its just business.  If he just happens to enjoy his work then thats just a bonus😂

I understand what you’re saying; however, I would find it condescending and disingenuous to hear a provider say, “You’re really cute; I would definitely talk to you if you approached me.” Oh, okay, then how about we talk tomorrow night for free? Let’s see what they come back with.

My advice is to try not to go into these situations thinking you’re out of someone’s league. In my opinion, it’s a dangerous mindset to get into. Why go there? Maybe YOU are out of his league! But it doesn’t matter!! Treat the encounter as a NEED-BASED transaction, not a relationship.

Regarding your other point about a provider who liked you enough to blow up your phone every time they were horny—let’s be clear: he doesn’t like YOU so much as he LIKES YOU PAYING HIM. But it sounds like you understood that.

[ShortCutie7]

Exactly, the whole point of paying is that the client gets to call the shots- in an unpaid hookup, if one guy is out of the other’s league, the roles would be more likely to be reversed.  And generally speaking, people don’t go into professions they hate.  If your least favorite/worst subject in school was math, you’re probably not an accountant.  The same premise applies to being a provider... if a provider doesn’t enjoy sexual activity with a variety of types of guys at least to some degree, it would not be a viable career.

[mike carey]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

I understand what you’re saying; however, I would find it condescending and disingenuous to hear a provider say, “You’re really cute; I would definitely talk to you if you approached me.” Oh, okay, then how about we talk tomorrow night for free? Let’s see what they come back with.

I have a slightly different take, and one that perhaps isn't helpful for future dealings with that individual. To me it sounds like an honest opinion, but it's a 'quiet part said out loud' sort of comment. It's as if he's saying that he has a private life and if he had first met you in a different setting he would have talked to you if you had approached him. But that didn't happen, and the rules of engagement have now been set in client-escort mode so (probably) won't change. 'Met in civilian capacity' is now a counterfactual so that pathway is closed. It was insensitive, or perhaps just clumsy of him to say it, but it was still a compliment, and one that you can take on board for meeting other hot guys.

Just bear in mind that firstly, you've established in his mind that you're happy to pay him for his time, so why would he see you for free, and secondly, even though he said he would have talked to you, he didn't say that it would have gone any further, and it seems that the 'further' was always in your hopes.

[+ ApexNomad]

10 minutes ago, mike carey said:

I have a slightly different take, and one that perhaps isn't helpful for future dealings with that individual. To me it sounds like an honest opinion, but it's a 'quiet part said out loud' sort of comment. It's as if he's saying that he has a private life and if he had first met you in a different setting he would have talked to you if you had approached him. But that didn't happen, and the rules of engagement have now been set in client-escort mode so (probably) won't change. 'Met in civilian capacity' is now a counterfactual so that pathway is closed. It was insensitive, or perhaps just clumsy of him to say it, but it was still a compliment, and one that you can take on board for meeting other hot guys.

Just bear in mind that firstly, you've established in his mind that you're happy to pay him for his time, so why would he see you for free, and secondly, even though he said he would have talked to you, he didn't say that it would have gone any further, and it seems that the 'further' was always in your hopes.

I understand what you’re saying, and I’m sure it was a honest opinion. However, I think it’s incumbent on the provider, as the professional, to keep those “inner voice” comments to themselves. Saying something like that really does nothing for the client—except maybe offer a sense of false hope that the dynamic could change. And in this case, the comment is particularly odd, since we were already intimate. Should I feel flattered that you might have talked to me if we’d met under different circumstances, when, in reality, we’ll never know because this was a professional, paid encounter?

The “further” may be in my mind, but ONLY because he brought up a hypothetical scenario that has no bearing on an established client-provider relationship—unless he was actually suggesting that something could be different.

[mike carey]

@ApexNomad, it appears I wasn't making it clear what I meant.

• Of course he shouldn't have said it. But he did.
• He was talking about a hypothetical meeting in different circumstances, not a reset of the ground rules.
• Of course he should have foreseen that it could sound as if he was.
• Having had an escort appointment colours everything that is said and how things are interpreted.
  • In the hypothetical he only talked about talking to you. Your anticipation, hope or expectation of 'further' comes from that context, not what he said.
  • In this case, he may have had clear ideas about what he would have done if there had been no appointment, and also clear ideas about what he was prepared to consider given it had happened. But he didn't say.
• My 'further' in my previous post was what you might have hoped for in a 'no-escort-meeting' hypothetical, not one that was raised during a meeting. That context would naturally have raised expectations (or hopes).
• Bottom line, he should have realised that in the context he raised it, it would sound as if he was open to meeting in different circumstances. He should have said nothing or been specific.

[+ ApexNomad]

2 hours ago, mike carey said:

'Met in civilian capacity' is now a counterfactual so that pathway is closed. It was insensitive, or perhaps just clumsy of him to say it, but it was still a compliment, and one that you can take on board for meeting other hot guys.

I don’t see how this compliment is meant to uplift me; it’s based on hypotheticals, not reality. The idea that I should take his words as validation to approach other hot men—simply because he’s attractive—feels patronizing and overlooks the complexities of my own experiences.

[aiseeya]

2 hours ago, mike carey said:

@ApexNomad, it appears I wasn't making it clear what I meant.

• Of course he shouldn't have said it. But he did.
• He was talking about a hypothetical meeting in different circumstances, not a reset of the ground rules.
• Of course he should have foreseen that it could sound as if he was.
• Having had an escort appointment colours everything that is said and how things are interpreted.
  • In the hypothetical he only talked about talking to you. Your anticipation, hope or expectation of 'further' comes from that context, not what he said.
  • In this case, he may have had clear ideas about what he would have done if there had been no appointment, and also clear ideas about what he was prepared to consider given it had happened. But he didn't say.
• My 'further' in my previous post was what you might have hoped for in a 'no-escort-meeting' hypothetical, not one that was raised during a meeting. That context would naturally have raised expectations (or hopes).
• Bottom line, he should have realised that in the context he raised it, it would sound as if he was open to meeting in different circumstances. He should have said nothing or been specific.

How does a client measures provider's genuinity when sweet talking is literally within said provider's scope of work? 

Is it his real thought or just a way to butter my feeling? Human interaction is tricky enough between amateurs, now extra complication added when dealing with professional.

IMO just enjoy his compliments (nothing wrong with stroking one's ego now and then) but take everything with grain of salts - they all be hustling 💰

[aiseeya]

11 hours ago, harlow said:

I've also posted about how a provider actually liked me so much that they would blow up my phone every time they were horny but I understood they would be expecting payment as well.  I was basically paying him to have the pleasure of my company so I simply called it off.😂

More like he prefers you as a client (compared to his others). Think nothing of romantic feeling, you are simply a better client option. Why go for difficult client when a manageable one is willing to pay.

My regular would often reschedule his other clients to fit me in, but I wouldnt ever think he sees my anything more than a preferred client - akin of a priority customer at your bank. Doesnt mean your bank rep geniunely like you

[+ ApexNomad]

40 minutes ago, blck37 said:

How does a client measures provider's genuinity when sweet talking is literally within said provider's scope of work? 

Is it his real thought or just a way to butter my feeling? Human interaction is tricky enough between amateurs, now extra complication added when dealing with professional.

IMO just enjoy his compliments (nothing wrong with stroking one's ego now and then) but take everything with grain of salts - they all be hustling 💰

In a paid, established client-provider relationship, the KEY difference lies in context and intent: sweet talking flatters and entertains without breaching professional boundaries, thereby maintaining the integrity of the dynamic. However, comments implying hypothetical personal interest completely undermine the professionalism expected of the provider and compromise the established boundaries.

[aiseeya]

1 minute ago, ApexNomad said:

In a paid, established client-provider relationship, the KEY difference lies in context and intent: sweet talking flatters and entertains without breaching professional boundaries, thereby maintaining the integrity of the dynamic. However, comments implying hypothetical personal interest completely undermine the professionalism expected of the provider and compromise the established boundaries.

I would agree if it were any other field of business - one that doesnt resolve around sex and feeling. 

Honey baiting is also a professional (or at least a calculated) move on provider's part. Might not work on you, cant say the same for others. 

Some clients would open their wallet more on the back of a well designed illusion - heck perhaps they themselves are willing participants.

Is it professional? Depends on who you ask I reckon

[+ ApexNomad]

19 minutes ago, blck37 said:

I would agree if it were any other field of business - one that doesnt resolve around sex and feeling. 

Honey baiting is also a professional (or at least a calculated) move on provider's part. Might not work on you, cant say the same for others. 

Some clients would open their wallet more on the back of a well designed illusion - heck perhaps they themselves are willing participants.

Is it professional? Depends on who you ask I reckon

A good provider knows how to create the ultimate fantasy, tapping into their client’s desires and emotions in a way that’s deeply fulfilling, personal and utterly unique. But above all, that time together should be a SAFE space. In large part, that’s what you’re paying for!

When a provider crosses into comments like the ones in Harlow’s post, it disrupts that safety—period!! They go beyond the fantasy and leave the client questioning the boundaries of their relationship. 

Compliments shrouded in hypotheticals AFTER an ESTABLISHED client-provider PAID experience do absolutely nothing for the client. They’re patronizing, at best. A professional understands the importance of boundaries—and crossing them is not just unprofessional, it’s damaging.