Trust

[marylander1940]

On 9/8/2024 at 10:19 PM, FaustOust said:

How do you come to trust a provider whom you hire regularly or for extended periods of time?  Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  How do you know if you’ve found an exception?

 

You're right most of them see most clients as ATMs but you can tell when someone develops a real friendship with you or not because he gives you honest advice, is kind, etc. 

It takes time!

One more thing most business owners never look down on their clients, they appreciate their business, are grateful, wonder how to improve their experience, wish them well, care for them, etc.

Edited September 10, 2024 by marylander1940
dyslexia

[+ DrownedBoy]

Like the others, I generally trust my regulars, simply because I'm cash flow to them, and they don't want to lose it. I don't care if they see me as an ATM; I'm not seeking even the illusion of love with them.

When hiring someone for the first time, I take quite a few steps to protect myself from both physical and legal/reputational harm. I'll keep those details to myself.

I've learned, however, to drop anyone, even a regular, who is having drug and/or psychological problems. I've had one 2 year regular go apesh!t on me because of that. Often, such regulars think they can take advantage of you because they think you formed a bond. Don't form that bond - sometimes you need to be ruthless to protect yourself.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

22 hours ago, FaustOust said:

Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  

This particular sentence is interesting in that it says more about the op than the question he posed.

Self-loathing and negativity will kill the enjoyment you get from this hobby.

[Vin Marco]

11 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

This particular sentence is interesting in that it says more about the op than the question he posed.

Self-loathing and negativity will kill the enjoyment you get from this hobby.

💯 

[moonlight]

@Vin Marco That's a cool story about your regular client. But I'm surprised that anyone would be okay with strangers unknown even to their guest in their home. Probably a good call on your part to limit it to people you know... which makes you seem more trustworthy.

[Vin Marco]

5 minutes ago, moonlight said:

@Vin Marco That's a cool story about your regular client. But I'm surprised that anyone would be okay with strangers unknown even to their guest in their home. Probably a good call on your part to limit it to people you know... which makes you seem more trustworthy.

Thank you for saying that! 🙏🏽  In my business if you're gonna make it, survive, thrive, and flourish you have to be able to have an exceptional intuition and I've honed mine as good as I possibly can. I treat peoples homes as if they were my own. I ALWAYS these peoples homes in cleaner and better condition than when I arrived . If there is a car that's left for me, I make sure it's washed and left with a full tank of gas. .There's a  reason I do not and have never listed  my phone number in my ad... I force enough written communication and I can decipher just by the way someone writes, utilizes social graces, communicates, punctuates, etc... at which point I always require a phone call before I meet somebody for the first time and by that time I have a pretty good sense if it's somebody that I want to be meeting or not... it's one hell of a filtration/sifting system. By the time it's time for me to knock on a  door or have my door knocked on, I have a pretty good sense of what type of person I'm going to encounter. 

[Vin Marco]

* I ALWAYS leave these peoples homes in cleaner  and better condition than when I arrived .

 

( just a few more days before I have the ability to edit my posts; again pardon the fat thumb as I access this site primarily through my phone ) 

[Luv2play]

Since the topic of this thread is trust, I must have an honest face. It helps beyond that in acting in a way that is true to yourself and not being phoney in any way in managing a relationship with a provider. 
I had an afternoon session with a new provider at his hotel in a city 1 hour away from my home on Labour Day weekend. We were having such a great time that I extended from 1 to 2 hours. I had the cash on me for that. Even so he wasn’t watching the clock and we went almost for another 45 minutes.

At that point we cleaned up and I invited him to a good restaurant I know as it was dinner time by now. I took him in my car and the service turned out to be very slow as it was the holiday weekend and Sunday night so the restaurant was packed. 
I don’t like driving at night and when we finished it was getting dark. So I asked if I could stay overnight with him and I would pay him extra in the morning by going to an ATM. 
The next morning we went for breakfast in his hotel and on going back to the room he invited me into the bed again. 
We had another delightful 3 hours and it was noon. 
By this point I knew a lot about him including his real name and his work history and family life etc. I told him I could e-transfer him the overnight fee he was now owed and he agreed and so I left town owing him that and as soon as I got home I sent him the money. He was happy and I left him a good review on RM. We had established a trusting provider client relationship as easy as that. 
He lives in Toronto so I may see him again. 

[Vin Marco]

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing that. Honor among... And faith in whatever you wanna call it restored 🙂 again what a wonderfully sweet story to have shared. 🥰

[Vin Marco]

5 minutes ago, Luv2play said:

Since the topic of this thread is trust, I must have an honest face. It helps beyond that in acting in a way that is true to yourself and not being phoney in any way in managing a relationship with a provider. 
I had an afternoon session with a new provider at his hotel in a city 1 hour away from my home on Labour Day weekend. We were having such a great time that I extended from 1 to 2 hours. I had the cash on me for that. Even so he wasn’t watching the clock and we went almost for another 45 minutes.

At that point we cleaned up and I invited him to a good restaurant I know as it was dinner time by now. I took him in my car and the service turned out to be very slow as it was the holiday weekend and Sunday night so the restaurant was packed. 
I don’t like driving at night and when we finished it was getting dark. So I asked if I could stay overnight with him and I would pay him extra in the morning by going to an ATM. 
The next morning we went for breakfast in his hotel and on going back to the room he invited me into the bed again. 
We had another delightful 3 hours and it was noon. 
By this point I knew a lot about him including his real name and his work history and family life etc. I told him I could e-transfer him the overnight fee he was now owed and he agreed and so I left town owing him that and as soon as I got home I sent him the money. He was happy and I left him a good review on RM. We had established a trusting provider client relationship as easy as that. 
He lives in Toronto so I may see him again. 

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing that. Honor among... And faith in whatever you wanna call it restored 🙂 again what a wonderfully sweet story to have shared. 🥰

[+ glutes]

You want trust with a provider, go for Noah Driver.

[Luv2play]

12 minutes ago, Vin Marco said:

What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing that. Honor among... And faith in whatever you wanna call it restored 🙂 again what a wonderfully sweet story to have shared. 🥰

I should add that one of the things he brought to the table was his nine plus inch thick dick which he generously shared with me. There was a lot of give and take that night. 😂 

[FaustOust]

3 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

This particular sentence is interesting in that it says more about the op than the question he posed.

Self-loathing and negativity will kill the enjoyment you get from this hobby.

I overcame self loathing a long, long time ago. Like so many others, I have had good experiences with escorts, but I don’t have to hate myself to have had enough bad or so-so experiences to know that not every provider I’ve been with respects me or is worthy of my trust. My question is not born out of negativity as much as it is seeking counsel for realistic discernment from those who may have had more experience than I.  I think that to be wise in any endeavor.

[marylander1940]

23 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

Like the others, I generally trust my regulars, simply because I'm cash flow to them, and they don't want to lose it. I don't care if they see me as an ATM; I'm not seeking even the illusion of love with them.

When hiring someone for the first time, I take quite a few steps to protect myself from both physical and legal/reputational harm. I'll keep those details to myself.

I've learned, however, to drop anyone, even a regular, who is having drug and/or psychological problems. I've had one 2 year regular go apesh!t on me because of that. Often, such regulars think they can take advantage of you because they think you formed a bond. Don't form that bond - sometimes you need to be ruthless to protect yourself.

Being "reliable" in this day and age is one of the best compliments someone can give you.

Thank you again @DrownedBoy for such an honest post!

Edited September 10, 2024 by marylander1940

[+ BobPS]

11 hours ago, Vin Marco said:

Thank you for saying that! 🙏🏽  In my business if you're gonna make it, survive, thrive, and flourish you have to be able to have an exceptional intuition and I've honed mine as good as I possibly can. I treat peoples homes as if they were my own. I ALWAYS these peoples homes in cleaner and better condition than when I arrived . If there is a car that's left for me, I make sure it's washed and left with a full tank of gas. .There's a  reason I do not and have never listed  my phone number in my ad... I force enough written communication and I can decipher just by the way someone writes, utilizes social graces, communicates, punctuates, etc... at which point I always require a phone call before I meet somebody for the first time and by that time I have a pretty good sense if it's somebody that I want to be meeting or not... it's one hell of a filtration/sifting system. By the time it's time for me to knock on a  door or have my door knocked on, I have a pretty good sense of what type of person I'm going to encounter. 

So grateful I passed the filtration/sifting system. ❤️

[Vin Marco]

Just now, BobPS said:

So grateful I passed the filtration/sifting system. ❤️

Effective immediately and with flying colors!

[Vin Marco]

On 9/9/2024 at 6:55 AM, Vin Marco said:

Not in the slightest pal.  That's a pretty gross generalization, not to say some people don't see clients that way, but to say a reputable escort looks down upon his clients and views them as ATM's is overstepping the mark. Trust works both ways and that's coming from someone who has earned the trust and respect of a lot of people over the course of time.  
Let me tell you a little story about trust.... I have the keys of multiple peoples homes.( Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, NYC, Dallas... )  I have clients who when they travel allow me to stay at their places and see clients... nobody in their right mind would do that without really trusting somebody... for years I used house sit and stay at a clients house that split his time between the desert and Indonesia... many years into doing this, he had me come over to show me how some new electronics worked, and before I left, I told him, "I hope you know I never bring people here" and he looked at me with a bewildered look on his face and asked me, "what do you mean you don't see people here? and I told him, "I would never bring anyone into your house. not with all these valuables.."  all those years he assumed I was seeing people, but I didn't want to take the risk of something going missing....  that day he convinced me that it was totally fine and it was his hope that I could enjoy his place and make money to which I replied by saying, "well how about I never bring a total stranger here? " And he said while tapping me on the back,  "it's totally up to you, but I trust you implicitly"  I'm sure a lot of people don't see it this way, but for me, to be trusted is as good or better than to be loved.  The friend I speak of that lived in the desert is just one of a few people who I have that same arrangement with. That kind of trust isn't built and earned over the course of a few visits...these are people that I have been seeing for well over 10 and 15 years.
I can't speak for everyone but I view and  treat  no one like an ATM and I'm  positive I'm not the only one. 

@glutes 

 

[DznNYC]

On 9/8/2024 at 10:19 PM, FaustOust said:

How do you come to trust a provider whom you hire regularly or for extended periods of time?  Don’t most of them, even reputable escorts, at some level, look down on clients and see us just as ATMs?  How do you know if you’ve found an exception?

All I can think of, reading this, is what a miserable job escorting must be if this is your attitude.  

I’m quite certain I wouldn’t be able to do this work without some real human empathy for my clients.  

Also, I’ve built such genuine ongoing friendships and sexual relationships with my long term regulars…  It would genuinely hurt my heart if they thought I viewed them as ATM’s. 

This one legit made me wince!
 

 

[+ ApexNomad]

The challenge, or the paradox of the situation, I see often in these threads is the underlying fear of being treated like an ATM—wondering whether the connection is genuine or just transactional. It’s a natural concern, especially when intimacy is involved in a professional context, because there’s always that lingering doubt: If the provider is offering the same experience to others, how can what was shared with you feel any more meaningful?

But I think the key to trust in this dynamic is recognizing that the value of the experience doesn’t lie in its exclusivity, but in how it’s handled and experienced in the moment. Trust grows when both people approach the interaction with respect, care, and authenticity, even within the framework of a professional arrangement. It’s about being honest with yourself—about your own expectations and needs—and allowing yourself to be present in the connection, free from comparisons or doubts. Ultimately, you know you’ve found an exception when both people treat the experience with integrity and respect, no matter how the arrangement is framed.

[+ Jamie21]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Trust grows when both people approach the interaction with respect, care, and authenticity, even within the framework of a professional arrangement.

Exactly. If you approach it with the mindset that he views clients as ATM’s then you’re probably going to find that to be self fulfilling. Of course I wouldn’t be present at that time and place if I were not being paid for it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t approach the client with respect, care and authenticity. A lot of trust is created because both parties are being vulnerable. The more times a client comes the greater the trust. 

[+ ApexNomad]

5 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Exactly. If you approach it with the mindset that he views clients as ATM’s then you’re probably going to find that to be self fulfilling. Of course I wouldn’t be present at that time and place if I were not being paid for it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t approach the client with respect, care and authenticity. A lot of trust is created because both parties are being vulnerable. The more times a client comes the greater the trust. 

Agreed! It’s a business, and naturally, you wouldn’t be there unless you were getting paid. While the arrangement is professional and transactional, it doesn’t preclude the possibility of forming a sincere and meaningful connection. The authenticity of the interaction depends on the mutual respect, care, and honesty both parties bring to the experience. I believe that’s where and how trust is formed and developed. 

Which is why I’m sympathetic to stories of clients developing feelings for providers (and vice versa). Engaging in sexual activity triggers neurochemical reactions in the brain, releasing neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine, often referred to as the “pleasure chemical,” is associated with feelings of reward and reinforcement, while oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” fosters bonding and emotional connection.

In transactional relationships, where intimacy is exchanged for compensation, this neurochemical response can create a unique dynamic. The physiological effects of sexual activity may lead to feelings of closeness and attachment, even when the interaction is fundamentally a service. This juxtaposition can blur the lines between professional boundaries and personal emotions, making the experience very distinct from typical transactions.

Understanding this neurochemical basis highlights why individuals might perceive genuine connections that go beyond the set boundaries in transactional settings. The brain’s natural response to intimacy doesn’t differentiate between the contexts of the encounter, potentially leading to feelings of attachment and significance, despite the transactional nature of the relationship.

[+ DrownedBoy]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Agreed! It’s a business, and naturally, you wouldn’t be there unless you were getting paid. While the arrangement is professional and transactional, it doesn’t preclude the possibility of forming a sincere and meaningful connection. The authenticity of the interaction depends on the mutual respect, care, and honesty both parties bring to the experience. I believe that’s where and how trust is formed and developed. 

Which is why I’m sympathetic to stories of clients developing feelings for providers (and vice versa). Engaging in sexual activity triggers neurochemical reactions in the brain, releasing neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine, often referred to as the “pleasure chemical,” is associated with feelings of reward and reinforcement, while oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” fosters bonding and emotional connection.

In transactional relationships, where intimacy is exchanged for compensation, this neurochemical response can create a unique dynamic. The physiological effects of sexual activity may lead to feelings of closeness and attachment, even when the interaction is fundamentally a service. This juxtaposition can blur the lines between professional boundaries and personal emotions, making the experience very distinct from typical transactions.

Understanding this neurochemical basis highlights why individuals might perceive genuine connections that go beyond the set boundaries in transactional settings. The brain’s natural response to intimacy doesn’t differentiate between the contexts of the encounter, potentially leading to feelings of attachment and significance, despite the transactional nature of the relationship.

Love is just a specific balance of dopamine and oxytocin? 🥺

[+ ApexNomad]

18 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

Love is just a specific balance of dopamine and oxytocin? 🥺

Love is indeed more complex than a mere balance of dopamine and oxytocin. Other neurotransmitters and hormones, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, also contribute to the multifaceted experience of love. Psychological, social, and cultural factors all intertwine with these biochemical processes, making love a rich and intricate human experience that cannot be fully explained by neurochemistry alone.

[Vin Marco]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

Love is indeed more complex than a mere balance of dopamine and oxytocin. Other neurotransmitters and hormones, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, also contribute to the multifaceted experience of love. Psychological, social, and cultural factors all intertwine with these biochemical processes, making love a rich and intricate human experience that cannot be fully explained by neurochemistry alone.

Break down lust too... like love,  it makes a man do good stufff, bad stuff, silly stuff, goofy stuff and in some cases,  change gods 😝 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Vin Marco said:

Break down lust too... like love,  it makes a man do good stufff, bad stuff, silly stuff, goofy stuff and in some cases,  change gods 😝 

I’ve come to realize that lust is like my brain throwing a wild party, with testosterone and dopamine as the overenthusiastic hosts. While they can make things exciting, they sometimes forget to send an invite to good judgment. Understanding this chaotic celebration helps me keep my wits about me, even when my brain is ready to conga.