Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[FaustOust]

1 hour ago, ICTJOCK said:

Dude,  don't overstate the situation.    I never said they had  "fallen" for me in any way.    A degree of emotional attachment isn't "falling for someone".   They are regular clients and I remind them of the relationship.    I don't manipulate them,   I'm straight forward.    One of the recently asked me  "if it was appropriate for them to give me a small gift for Christmas".   My response was a tip was plenty.     Be upfront and straightforward,   not a manipulator.

If hiring an escort is merely a financial transaction for a service rendered (as is the general sense in this forum)  then when one-sided emotional attachments are involved and the provider is aware of his client’s attachments, the manipulation is simply a matter of degree, it seems to me.  Once you know that there are emotional attachments involved which you do not share, simply reminding  the client of the nature of the financial relationship while you continue see them, knowing full well why they want to see you is not fully for your stated purpose but rather in the hope for the possibility of more, seems somewhat disingenuous.  It’s just a matter of where the line is drawn at that point for the manipulation to stop.  Is it when there are, as you describe, just “emotional attachments” and something less than having “fallen for someone,” as I have said above? Or is it when the client professes his love for you in words? Or is it when they have bankrupted themselves spending on your services?  It seems its the same animal, but just a question of the degree of manipulation the provider is willing to exert.

[Thelatin]

I recently stopped seeing or speaking to my two longest term providers because of all of the aforementioned comments.  Been there done it all, the trips, the emotional connection, the not paying, the paying for extras etc.  It’s all too much bs.

Spending some serious time thinking about what it is I really want. 

[jmichaeliii]

There was a time when I started feeling this way about one of my regulars.  One day I sat there thinking what if he reciprocated then it really hit me.  There is no way in this world I can go down this road, so be careful what you think you are wishing for.  

He is still my top guy, but I was finally able to fix my own head.  It can never be more than what it is unless there are major life changes on both sides.  We have a great time together, we talk a lot about life stuff, but when we leave that hotel room, it is back to our normal lives until we meet next time.  I have learned to enjoy those meetings and not dwell on other things.  I am sure I am not the only one he treats this well, but I have learned to appreciate it for what it is and feel lucky I am one of them.

[ICTJOCK]

51 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

If hiring an escort is merely a financial transaction for a service rendered (as is the general sense in this forum)  then when one-sided emotional attachments are involved and the provider is aware of his client’s attachments, the manipulation is simply a matter of degree, it seems to me.  Once you know that there are emotional attachments involved which you do not share, simply reminding  the client of the nature of the financial relationship while you continue see them, knowing full well why they want to see you is not fully for your stated purpose but rather in the hope for the possibility of more, seems somewhat disingenuous.  It’s just a matter of where the line is drawn at that point for the manipulation to stop.  Is it when there are, as you describe, just “emotional attachments” and something less than having “fallen for someone,” as I have said above? Or is it when the client professes his love for you in words? Or is it when they have bankrupted themselves spending on your services?  It seems its the same animal, but just a question of the degree of manipulation the provider is willing to exert.

You remind me of an opposing counsel  trying to argue his client's position in court.   You certainly have your opinion and I have mine.    I provide the service,  One needs to be aware of emotional attachments and be candid and straightforward about  undue personal attachments.     In my business it isn't a problem.    Enough said.

[FaustOust]

1 hour ago, ICTJOCK said:

n my business it isn't a problem.    Enough said.

 

1 hour ago, ICTJOCK said:

In my business it isn't a problem.    Enough said.

At least not for you, apparently.  I think the take away from your comment above is a warning to all of us who hire, and sadly it demonstrates the very point I am making.

Edited December 12, 2024 by FaustOust

[ICTJOCK]

1 hour ago, FaustOust said:

 

At least not for you, apparently.  I think the take away from your comment above is a warning to all of us who hire, and sadly it demonstrates the very point I am making.

It shows nothing except someone who wants to create an issue  when in this instance there isn’t one.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I thought we were all grown up adults here, but I may have been wrong.

[+ JEC]

I can see the temptation, and how feelings can develop.  The role of a provider is to provide an amazing experience both physically and inter-personally, I can see how the inter-personal can be misconstrued by some as emotional.  Like others here have mentioned, I am married and play on the side.   There is just no place for anything but a business transaction (for me).  I've been seeing a regular (monthly) now for @ 3 years, and the sex keeps getting better - still, it is just that - sex.  A few times he has contacted me between sessions for a cash advance, and I have accommodated but made sure it was just that - an advance (for our next meeting) VS a gift or anything extra.  If his requests for money become more, or more frequent, I will need to reassess our relationship.  A financial, transactional sexual relationship that develops into something more is generally headed for disaster, IMHO.

[Km411]

6 hours ago, FaustOust said:

If hiring an escort is merely a financial transaction for a service rendered (as is the general sense in this forum)  then when one-sided emotional attachments are involved and the provider is aware of his client’s attachments, the manipulation is simply a matter of degree, it seems to me.

I respectfully disagree. As a client, I don’t perceive it as a provider’s responsibility to regulate my emotions, only to set his boundaries (for him, not me). I’m responsible for me. Of course, there are extreme situations but I don’t believe that’s what @ICTJOCKwas describing.

[+ ApexNomad]

On 12/11/2024 at 11:59 AM, ICTJOCK said:

As a provider,  I'm certainly aware that several of my regular clients  have some degree of emotional attachment.  

What do you mean? What degree or what kind of emotional attachment are you talking about?

[SirBillybob]

I think it’s our obligation to give wise counsel to the generations coming up following our footsteps: Yes, it’s true that in your likely eventual arranged transactional polygamy of convenience the love won’t be there initially, but it may develop in time. 

Edited December 13, 2024 by SirBillybob

[pubic_assistance]

16 hours ago, Km411 said:

I respectfully disagree. As a client, I don’t perceive it as a provider’s responsibility to regulate my emotions, only to set his boundaries (for him, not me). I’m responsible for me. Of course, there are extreme situations but I don’t believe that’s what @ICTJOCKwas describing.

I second this opinion.

@FaustOust seems to have an axe to grind. Its NOT the provider's responsibility to provide psychological services for the price of a blowjob.

[FaustOust]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

18 hours ago, Km411 said:

I respectfully disagree. As a client, I don’t perceive it as a provider’s responsibility to regulate my emotions, only to set his boundaries (for him, not me). I’m responsible for me. Of course, there are extreme situations but I don’t believe that’s what @ICTJOCKwas describing.

I second this opinion.

@FaustOust seems to have an axe to grind. Its NOT the provider's responsibility to provide psychological services for the price of a blowjob

I agree it’s not the provider’s responsibility to provide psychological services and that ultimately every reasonably sane person is responsible for his own actions. I just think that we all have to be honest and admit that providers often, and maybe even necessarily, rely upon their repeat clients developing some degree of emotional attachment to them, especially when the client is hiring for companionship and not just a blowjob.  The escort wants the client to come back. It’s when a client has responded in such a way that it has gone too far for the escort or the client responds negatively to being rejected that we say that this is only a financial transaction, and that the client went too far, and that he should have known better.  I just think we should call a spade a spade. It is to the provider’s benefit to manipulate within a certain range of emotional attachment and try to deftly stay within that framework.  I assume that is the tightrope that was described earlier.  I just think it is disingenuous when an escort takes umbrage at the suggestion that  there is any degree of manipulation whatsoever — that it is merely an arms-length financial transaction between two equal parties, no different than if one called his broker to ask to transfer stock. But we all know it’s not the same thing; hiring an escort does involve money, but it is qualitatively different.   What leads to people hiring can involve complex emotions, actually.  I imagine most clients can navigate this on their own, but others are more vulnerable.  But in either case, there often is manipulation, it is just a matter of degree and how the client responds to it. 

When a provider acknowledges that some clients have a degree of emotional attachment (a guarantee that they would like to continue seeing him) and he walks a “tightrope” to remind them of the transactional nature of the relationship, presumably so that they do not get too attached but remain attached enough that the provider can therefore continue seeing them in good conscience — that is the definition of manipulation. Simply to say, “I told them,” isn’t how human emotions work, particularly from the perspective of an emotionally attached client, although it may serve to absolve the provider from feeling he has done anything nefarious if the emotional connection ever got out of hand. The intellect and the heart are not always in sync and a good escort knows that. Perhaps the escort is even gauging the degree of the client’s emotional attachment so that he can measure his own response to elicit the desired behavior from the client and continue “transacting” without drama.

Whether the result of the manipulation is good or bad depends on the particular circumstance and whether someone is harmed by it; but it is manipulation, nonetheless, even though most providers would deny that that’s what they are doing. The best escorts are even practised at it. Get them close, but not too close —the client gets his services and the escort continues to be remunerated.  The incentive for the escort is usually to allow that attachment to grow to the limit at which it remains a functional provider/client relationship without crossing the line where it no longer is functional.  We never hear about manipulation in those circumstance because the manipulation was successful — until it isn’t.  I think we just need to call it what it is, and a lot of potential clients might be better off and better informed of their emotional risks before they start hiring.

Edited December 13, 2024 by FaustOust

[ICTJOCK]

17 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

What do you mean? What degree or what kind of emotional attachment are you talking about?

They like me,   I know they appreciate my time and efforts.   They give me tips for time and work completed.

[+ ApexNomad]

I agree that it’s not the provider’s job to police the client’s emotions, but as the professional in this arrangement, I do believe it is incumbent upon the provider to set and enforce clear emotional boundaries to ensure a healthy, respectful dynamic—even if it means ceasing the provider/client relationship. Why? Because for many clients, the provider is the fantasy come to life. For a price! You may be the best sex they’ve ever had or will ever have, the best cock they’ve ever experienced or will ever experience, or the best body they’ve ever touched or will ever touch.

For many clients, you may be the only body they can touch, and only because they are paying for it.

You are giving them your time, attention, and physical affection, and for many clients, that creates an emotional connection. For some, that would never happen if they weren’t paying. For a novice, it’s easy to see why many clients can become emotionally attached.

Knowingly leveraging a client’s emotional attachment to secure recurring business crosses an ethical line. Emotional attachment should never be manipulated for profit. Ceasing future interactions when boundaries are clearly crossed—and knowing when the attachment goes beyond the professional—is a necessary responsibility and obligation of the provider to protect both parties and maintain a healthy, respectful dynamic.

[Rod Hagen]

Everyone is in their own head and both parties see themselves as the aggrieved, and as I said before (I think in this very thread) better to be the aggrieved wiping his tears with 100 dollar bills than the beautiful one back in the poor house.

[Callas]

Controlling emotions is hard. I have been trying to see other providers to forget the one-side feeling i have for this one… but i still think of him everyday…

wish i did not meet him  

 

[pubic_assistance]

On 12/29/2024 at 2:52 AM, Callas said:

wish i did not meet him  

Never wish away a good experience.

Think of it this way.

Life is like a good book. We turn the pages, enjoy their content and put the book on a shelf. Sometimes we read the book again and sometimes we don't. But we always remember reading it.

[Oakman]

On 12/28/2024 at 11:52 PM, Callas said:

Controlling emotions is hard. I have been trying to see other providers to forget the one-side feeling i have for this one… but i still think of him everyday…

wish i did not meet him  

 

If you are lonely or desire companionship, you certainly aren’t going to solve that problem by hiring more. You would probably pay less much less for weekly psychotherapy than you currently are for providers. 

[TorontoDrew]

It's hard not to fall at least a little bit for someone who provides a truly intimate experience.

Trev, Toprated_MASCDOM, was great at it.  He always greeted me with a hug and a kiss.  We talked for a while where we shared a bit about our lives.  Then we'd go to the bedroom where he took command and made me feel desirable again as we locked eyes as he topped me. I always left walking on air.

Two things always kept me from falling for him.  First - I paid him a lot of money as I left, proving that this was a business transaction.   Second - reading here how so many others had the same experience proved that I wasn't special.  He did the same for many others.

It's just business. Remember that.

[AtticusBK]

I’m so glad I came across this thread as I just recently experienced this to some degree. I also just recently joined this forum after celebrating a significant bday, getting laid off, and spending a month in another country where I knew no one and didn’t speak the language v well — just to fully disengage, decompress, take a break. While there, I hired someone who I ended up finding to be so seemingly lovely and loving, easy to be with, super sexy, etc., several times -- once for an overnite, which I’d never done before. We both quickly commented on our incredible chemistry, comfort level w each other, etc. And I could quickly tell I was “falling for him” even though I kept telling myself that the situation was what it was, even though I’m in a 20+ year relationship (and told him about it), even though we live on different continents. We texted (and sexted) a lot outside of our mtgs, so I think I got to know quite a bit about him. I won’t go into too much detail but I didn’t get to see him on my last night there as expected and found myself crying a little as I was packing to leave the next day (oy! 🙄). We are still in touch via texts and DMs. He had/has mentioned some health issues and a minor operation he needs to have (but can’t afford), and, after I left, asked if I’d like to contribute towards that. I have not and that request has of course made me question everything. So has reading this thread — lol.
I’ve only been back a few weeks, but I’d still like to hold on to the idealized version of what I experienced. I still think about him every day, and (tho I may be somewhat delusional) hope we’ll stay in touch and see each other again in the future. If not, I’ll get over it.

[Callas]

On 12/13/2024 at 11:53 AM, FaustOust said:

I agree it’s not the provider’s responsibility to provide psychological services and that ultimately every reasonably sane person is responsible for his own actions. I just think that we all have to be honest and admit that providers often, and maybe even necessarily, rely upon their repeat clients developing some degree of emotional attachment to them, especially when the client is hiring for companionship and not just a blowjob.  The escort wants the client to come back. It’s when a client has responded in such a way that it has gone too far for the escort or the client responds negatively to being rejected that we say that this is only a financial transaction, and that the client went too far, and that he should have known better.  I just think we should call a spade a spade. It is to the provider’s benefit to manipulate within a certain range of emotional attachment and try to deftly stay within that framework.  I assume that is the tightrope that was described earlier.  I just think it is disingenuous when an escort takes umbrage at the suggestion that  there is any degree of manipulation whatsoever — that it is merely an arms-length financial transaction between two equal parties, no different than if one called his broker to ask to transfer stock. But we all know it’s not the same thing; hiring an escort does involve money, but it is qualitatively different.   What leads to people hiring can involve complex emotions, actually.  I imagine most clients can navigate this on their own, but others are more vulnerable.  But in either case, there often is manipulation, it is just a matter of degree and how the client responds to it. 

When a provider acknowledges that some clients have a degree of emotional attachment (a guarantee that they would like to continue seeing him) and he walks a “tightrope” to remind them of the transactional nature of the relationship, presumably so that they do not get too attached but remain attached enough that the provider can therefore continue seeing them in good conscience — that is the definition of manipulation. Simply to say, “I told them,” isn’t how human emotions work, particularly from the perspective of an emotionally attached client, although it may serve to absolve the provider from feeling he has done anything nefarious if the emotional connection ever got out of hand. The intellect and the heart are not always in sync and a good escort knows that. Perhaps the escort is even gauging the degree of the client’s emotional attachment so that he can measure his own response to elicit the desired behavior from the client and continue “transacting” without drama.

Whether the result of the manipulation is good or bad depends on the particular circumstance and whether someone is harmed by it; but it is manipulation, nonetheless, even though most providers would deny that that’s what they are doing. The best escorts are even practised at it. Get them close, but not too close —the client gets his services and the escort continues to be remunerated.  The incentive for the escort is usually to allow that attachment to grow to the limit at which it remains a functional provider/client relationship without crossing the line where it no longer is functional.  We never hear about manipulation in those circumstance because the manipulation was successful — until it isn’t.  I think we just need to call it what it is, and a lot of potential clients might be better off and better informed of their emotional risks before they start hiring.

This is the longest response i have ever read here.

and i agree 100%

for examples, after telling me he would be out of town next week, he asked me “will you miss me?” holding me from behind & kissing my ear. He def knew my feelings and decided to leverage it. …and my vulnerable heart won over my intellect. 
 

Now i have so much empathy for those fools in stories/films.

[Callas]

On 1/2/2025 at 7:12 PM, pubic_assistance said:

Never wish away a good experience.

Think of it this way.

Life is like a good book. We turn the pages, enjoy their content and put the book on a shelf. Sometimes we read the book again and sometimes we don't. But we always remember reading it.

Yeah & im still enjoying those pages every week not following y’all’s advice after intellectually agreeing 🫣

one day he will break my heart, and i will have such a rich experience to sing my favorite heart-break songs more emotionally ☺️ 

(current situation is i enjoy the BFE each time we meet and have only texted him about scheduling & feedback. My plan is seeing him weekly until Christmas 2025, then leave NYC for 3 weeks to think about life & what i wanna do in 2026. For now, my heart has won, and i don’t wanna think anymore)

[Callas]

22 hours ago, Oakman said:

If you are lonely or desire companionship, you certainly aren’t going to solve that problem by hiring more. You would probably pay less much less for weekly psychotherapy than you currently are for providers. 

I will give it a try, but the psychotherapist might not fully understand the situation without knowing every detail — and i want privacy.

On my 2026 to-do list for sure.

[Callas]

15 hours ago, TorontoDrew said:

It's hard not to fall at least a little bit for someone who provides a truly intimate experience.

Trev, Toprated_MASCDOM, was great at it.  He always greeted me with a hug and a kiss.  We talked for a while where we shared a bit about our lives.  Then we'd go to the bedroom where he took command and made me feel desirable again as we locked eyes as he topped me. I always left walking on air.

Two things always kept me from falling for him.  First - I paid him a lot of money as I left, proving that this was a business transaction.   Second - reading here how so many others had the same experience proved that I wasn't special.  He did the same for many others.

It's just business. Remember that.

Thanks! I’m waiting for the 2nd 🥂
 

2 things that have kept me in check: 1. he has never kept me past the time i booked & 2. he always wears an (i think) engagement or promise ring.

Edited January 4 by Callas