Anybody else fall for the men they hire?

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Callas said:

Yeah & im still enjoying those pages every week not following y’all’s advice after intellectually agreeing 🫣

one day he will break my heart, and i will have such a rich experience to sing my favorite heart-break songs more emotionally ☺️ 

(current situation is i enjoy the BFE each time we meet and have only texted him about scheduling & feedback. My plan is seeing him weekly until Christmas 2025, then leave NYC for 3 weeks to think about life & what i wanna do in 2026. For now, my heart has won, and i don’t wanna think anymore)

You’re a glutton for punishment. Be careful with your heart.

[Callas]

31 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

You’re a glutton for punishment. Be careful with your heart.

Thank you! Hope you would be around when that day comes 🙏🏼

[+ ApexNomad]

9 minutes ago, Callas said:

Thank you! Hope you would be around when that day comes 🙏🏼

God willing, I’ll still be here. And I hope that day never comes for you. Be safe, my friend.

[pubic_assistance]

13 hours ago, Callas said:

I will give it a try, but the psychotherapist might not fully understand the situation without knowing every detail — and i want privacy.

For psychotherapy to work you need to take the therapist OUT of your "privacy" concerns. You would get nowhere without 100% honest exposure. A professional therapist doesn't judge. I've worked with a therapist for a few years who's heterosexual yet extremely understanding, professional and even "kind" and  amusingly curious about the ins and outs of my very wild and sometimes over the top sexual histories. It's very comforting to work with someone you trust 100% to be understanding and supportive of every quirk. It's not a priest. They don't judge you.

[+ José Soplanucas]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

For psychotherapy to work you need to take the therapist OUT of your "privacy" concerns. You would get nowhere without 100% honest exposure. A professional therapist doesn't judge. I've worked with a therapist for a few years who's heterosexual yet extremely understanding, professional and even "kind" and  amusingly curious about the ins and outs of my very wild and sometimes over the top sexual histories. It's very comforting to work with someone you trust 100% to be understanding and supportive of every quirk. It's not a priest. They don't judge you.

I cannot believe you have to explain this to an educated adult.

[Callas]

23 hours ago, Callas said:

Yeah & im still enjoying those pages every week not following y’all’s advice after intellectually agreeing 🫣

one day he will break my heart, and i will have such a rich experience to sing my favorite heart-break songs more emotionally ☺️ 

(current situation is i enjoy the BFE each time we meet and have only texted him about scheduling & feedback. My plan is seeing him weekly until Christmas 2025, then leave NYC for 3 weeks to think about life & what i wanna do in 2026. For now, my heart has won, and i don’t wanna think anymore)

Have part of my brain back today.

I will confess to him in ~early April (I have major work projects in Q1 & really cannot handle a heartbreak now)

I will enjoy this deadly toxic for 3 more months.

Then have my heart broken, take some days off to cry, then fly to Palm Springs on the 2nd weekend of April to cry to our esteemed forum members (both clients & providers), then fly home to see my parents for a week, and back to NYC by late April and have a new life.

Help keep me accountable if you are also going to Palm Springs. Give me a slap for stupidity if i have not confessed and stopped seeing the guy by the time we meet in person 🥂

 

After this, I will never hire the same guy within 3 months again, no matter how much I enjoy the date!

[ReynST]

@Callas 

While you're in Palm Springs be sure to check out the providers there. There's a good pool of talent and many providers make it a regular travel destination 🥳🙌🏾

[MassageDrew]

Chiming in late to this topic but all I can say is that it's never a good idea to fall for someone you paid for. Not to sound mean but you paid him to give you the best experience and that's why you're hooked. His other clients paid for the same thing. How do you feel knowing that he has other clients are getting the same experience, or maybe more? You cannot be his only source of income, not unless you're taking care of him financially. I have a few friends in your situation.

[Thelatin]

Ever wonder if some of us are in serious “relationships” with the same provider? I wouldn’t doubt it.

[Km411]

I fall for providers one hour at a time 😉 

[+ ApexNomad]

On 1/5/2025 at 12:05 AM, MassageDrew said:

Chiming in late to this topic but all I can say is that it's never a good idea to fall for someone you paid for.

Of course not, but the heart has a mind of its own. Sometimes emotions defy logic, no matter how much we try to stay grounded. If someone is new to this, it’s even harder to control. Boundaries are vital in these transactions.

[GovernorD]

Simply, no. Never happened before.

[d.anders]

On 1/5/2025 at 12:05 AM, MassageDrew said:

it's never a good idea to fall for someone you paid for

A good idea? No. But sometimes you have to learn lessons the hard way.

On 1/15/2025 at 5:07 AM, Km411 said:

I fall for providers one hour at a time

Exactly. If you keep the fantasy short and simple, there's a ton of fun to be had. Some guys live for drama, but mixing money with relationships can get tricky quickly. Mixing money with friendships can get treacherous. It took a few mistakes in my youth to learn the damaging traps to avoid.

As an old romantic, I still struggle. I'm in love with my Queens butcher, where I go for specialty meat items. He's a Latin/Italian mix, and I think he's so hot. I swear he flirts with me all the time, gifting me with occasional free meat. He's married with kids, but I melt when he smiles. I would love to offer paid service to him, but I would die if the offer ruined our relationship. Many things aren't worth death, especially the best, however small, relationships.

I'm in love with my Asian dry cleaner's son. I've known him since he was thirteen, and now that he's in college, he's hot as hell. He is so sweet and kind to me, it is incredibly easy to assume he's available for other things. He knows I'm a good, loyal, and respectful customer. But what might happen if I tampered with that trust? If I made a play and failed, not only would I lose his trust, I would lose his family.

There are many scenarios where the fantasy kills if you make the wrong move, even in relationships where sex is the commodity. My heart is too sensitive to ever be that reckless again. Now, I'm only interested in the fun, fun, fun. No drama.

[marylander1940]

On 12/11/2024 at 11:59 AM, ICTJOCK said:

As a provider,  I'm certainly aware that several of my regular clients  have some degree of emotional attachment.    

Exactly! That's essential when it comes to having regulars! 

Also many providers feel gratefulness,  and affection for clients they have seen for years.

Edited January 20 by marylander1940

[jmichaeliii]

2 hours ago, d.anders said:

A good idea? No. But sometimes you have to learn lessons the hard way.

Exactly. If you keep the fantasy short and simple, there's a ton of fun to be had. Some guys live for drama, but mixing money with relationships can get tricky quickly. Mixing money with friendships can get treacherous. It took a few mistakes in my youth to learn the damaging traps to avoid.

As an old romantic, I still struggle. I'm in love with my Queens butcher, where I go for specialty meat items. He's a Latin/Italian mix, and I think he's so hot. I swear he flirts with me all the time, gifting me with occasional free meat. He's married with kids, but I melt when he smiles. I would love to offer paid service to him, but I would die if the offer ruined our relationship. Many things aren't worth death, especially the best, however small, relationships.

I'm in love with my Asian dry cleaner's son. I've known him since he was thirteen, and now that he's in college, he's hot as hell. He is so sweet and kind to me, it is incredibly easy to assume he's available for other things. He knows I'm a good, loyal, and respectful customer. But what might happen if I tampered with that trust? If I made a play and failed, not only would I lose his trust, I would lose his family.

There are many scenarios where the fantasy kills if you make the wrong move, even in relationships where sex is the commodity. My heart is too sensitive to ever be that reckless again. Now, I'm only interested in the fun, fun, fun. No drama.

So much truth spoken here.  It's all great when you fantasize about it in your head, but carry it out and wreck something great, then what are you left with?

[Danny-Darko]

12 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Exactly! That's essential when it comes to having regulars! 

Also many providers feel gratefulness,  and affection for clients they have seen for years.

Well, one would certainly hope so and may even assume so. But in my experience, VERY VERY FEW actually do. After developing a certain esteem for a long-term on-going provider, often I came to realize that I was just a provider myself of easy income in trade for company and a body that they easily gave in exchange out of an often temporary need to do so. Nothing more. A little gratitude and a small amount of affection or even just a friendly esteem would have been nice. And I am sure it happens, just rarely to me.

Now I hire for the allotted time and experience, and they get just their fee, nothing more nothing less, and we all are happy. No more gifts when coming into town, shopping sprees when they have mentioned certain "needs", done are remembering birthdays and gifts for the occasion and so on... It's not worth it. One can't buy esteem or friendship. They are actors acting a part they were hired for, and have a life of their own which should be no concern of the clients nor ours to them. It's a business transaction hopefully done in a pleasant manner for us both. It should be a red flag to ourselves if we expect or hope anything more. 

Edited January 21 by Danny-Darko

[d.anders]

9 hours ago, Danny-Darko said:

One can't buy esteem or friendship.

Or love. But none of that stops the guys who live for drama. No matter what you say, you can't talk them off the cliff. I have an older gay sibling who lives for drama. Falls in love with every cute guy he encounters. He's overweight, depressed, and feels lonely. He loves to gossip and create drama. He's unhappy and bored with his life, so he uses drama to create excitement. It's dysfunctional behavior steeped in deeper, more complex issues. The worst part is he sees a therapist. I have no idea what goes on in those sessions, but there's never been any evidence that they help.

9 hours ago, Danny-Darko said:

They are actors acting a part they were hired for, and have a life of their own which should be no concern of the clients nor ours to them.

Most people in service are actors. The best customer service is great acting at the highest level. The act of caring performed by an actor is an illusion. Acting talent has the power to seduce. It's not a bad talent. I think it can be quite useful, and profitable. The challenge is on the customer not to be duped. You must know your place in any transaction. Some men are weak and fall prey.

[Danny-Darko]

13 hours ago, d.anders said:

Or love. But none of that stops the guys who live for drama. No matter what you say, you can't talk them off the cliff. I have an older gay sibling who lives for drama. Falls in love with every cute guy he encounters. He's overweight, depressed, and feels lonely. He loves to gossip and create drama. He's unhappy and bored with his life, so he uses drama to create excitement. It's dysfunctional behavior steeped in deeper, more complex issues. The worst part is he sees a therapist. I have no idea what goes on in those sessions, but there's never been any evidence that they help.

Most people in service are actors. The best customer service is great acting at the highest level. The act of caring performed by an actor is an illusion. Acting talent has the power to seduce. It's not a bad talent. I think it can be quite useful, and profitable. The challenge is on the customer not to be duped. You must know your place in any transaction. Some men are weak and fall prey.

Very well put, thank you!

[Dingdi]

My similar and ongoing story. Sorry for my poor English. 

 

My first notice to him was about 6 months ago when he just registered his Hunqz account shortly and without any reviews yet. He is really my type. And in this small southern European city, there is no much good choices. I’m deeply closet. At that time I had no any sex experience with man. It took me several months to have courage to book him.

Up to now, we met three times. So technically we only stayed together for more or less three hours. But since the second meeting, I realized I had a special feeling with him.

 

He told me his real name, regular job and some part of his life. I can tell they are true as I found his private Ins and LinkedIn account which are not shared publicly. I felt guilt that he was so sincere and in contrary all my information I told him was fake. 

 

After meeting he occasionally sent me some pictures such as a new hair cut, a special meal by WhatsApp. Last Christmas he even shared a video that he visited his family and played with his nephew. I was so flattered that he shared with me his private life including his family. It made me to have a fantasy that maybe we can develop a relationship or friendship beyond transaction?

 

I can’t help checking his message, Ins, Hunqz profile etc countless times every day to see if he said anything to me, what was his last time online, his latest location and any updates in his profile. I think I’m crazy.

I feel sorry for him to almost give up his profession. He has been a software engineer with graduate degree. 

I have been miserable to see he sometimes traveled to central cities to seek clients and got busy.

I tried to collect all his information. Some crazy thoughts flashed across, such as placing a tracker on his car or setting a camera in front of his door. Of course I didn’t. Not crazy like that yet. 

 

I confessed to him by WhatsApp message one day.  He read but didn’t reply until the next day. 

 

He encouraged me to come out. He said he understood me and he believed I was a good person. We could be friend but no further as he had boyfriend. He would still charge me because if not it would be a cheating to his boyfriend. 

 

I think he was a little bit frightened and worried about my pestering. Since then he had never began to contact me. If I sent message to him, he still replied but intentionally with long time delay(I can definitely tell he was online) and with minimal answers. Apparently I’m not welcome. 

 

He agreed my proposal to meet next time. I don’t know how we may talk about that topic again or just pretend nothing happened, sex only. I don’t know where my heart may go. 

[Oakman]

4 minutes ago, Dingdi said:

He encouraged me to come out.

You are making yourself miserable. You could live a life with freedom and authenticity and you are choosing to behave like a tragic character in a melodrama. Start acting like an adult, stop stalking this man. You’re “in love” with him because you need love but you aren’t making yourself available to receive it from sources where it is truly available. Escorts are not a source of love. Period. 

[Occasional]

Following this thread, and feeling compassion for the guys who get hooked emotionally on their provider.

This thread has made me realise (if I ever doubted it - which from time to time I have, fleetingly) that I really am not closet-gay.  I just like cock, occasionally!

Doesn't mean that I'm purely transactional with providers.  Friends? No.  But a friendly demeanour, some relaxed chat? - yes. Look forward to seeing favourites again?  Yes. Heavily on my mind? No.  

Paradoxically, I feel I get closer to an enjoyable 'boyfriend experience' with those providers who can sense that what I'm paying them for is to leave - physically and emotionally - after the session, rather than paying them to [try to] buy my way into emotional involvement with them. I guess the other side of that coin is that some providers with whom I have only a so-so experience, would prefer to sense emotional involvement from the client, so as to get a hooked-up frequent regular.

Edited January 30 by Occasional
Added last para; minor rewording for clarity

[Dingdi]

8 hours ago, Oakman said:

You are making yourself miserable. You could live a life with freedom and authenticity and you are choosing to behave like a tragic character in a melodrama. Start acting like an adult, stop stalking this man. You’re “in love” with him because you need love but you aren’t making yourself available to receive it from sources where it is truly available. Escorts are not a source of love. Period. 

It was my first time to experience such an intimacy with a guy. 
And I misunderstood his intention to share his private life with me. 
 

You are right. I shall seek my love in the realistic world.