Ghosted

[NYC Curious]

So I finally got up the courage to contact a masseur I've had my eye on for some time.

We exchanged a couple messages on the website and he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home. He'd already given me his address but hadn't discussed price.

I reluctantly sent him a face pic and then asked about price, saying for his time.

I never heard from him again.

Thoughts? Am I hideous? Did I do something to spook him? Honestly it left me feeling... not great after how much courage I had to work up. I still see him online on that website. I had never hired a masseur before and still haven't. NYC here.

[KeepItReal]

1 minute ago, NYC Curious said:

So I finally got up the courage to contact a masseur I've had my eye on for some time.

We exchanged a couple messages on the website and he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home. He'd already given me his address but hadn't discussed price.

I reluctantly sent him a face pic and then asked about price, saying for his time.

I never heard from him again.

Thoughts? Am I hideous? Did I do something to spook him? Honestly it left me feeling... not great after how much courage I had to work up. I still see him online on that website. I had never hired a masseur before and still haven't. NYC here.

It is uncommon for a masseur to ask for a picture. That is the kind of thing you can expect on Grindr. And it is a warning sign in my book - I am happy to provide stats but pics...and how does a pic provide protection? Is he going to send it to his mother with a note "if you don't hear from me, this is the dude who abducted me"?   

Don't take it as an insult - move on, find someone else. It is supposed to be a relaxing experience - if it stresses you out, it isn't worth it. 

[marylander1940]

8 minutes ago, NYC Curious said:

So I finally got up the courage to contact a masseur I've had my eye on for some time.

We exchanged a couple messages on the website and he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home. He'd already given me his address but hadn't discussed price.

I reluctantly sent him a face pic and then asked about price, saying for his time.

I never heard from him again.

Thoughts? Am I hideous? Did I do something to spook him? Honestly it left me feeling... not great after how much courage I had to work up. I still see him online on that website. I had never hired a masseur before and still haven't. NYC here.

I wouldn't send a picture, but some do, I think privacy is the main reason we hire. I do understand when escorts and masseurs only see guys who are HWP and therefore ask for realistic stats before meeting, but I've never been asked for a pic and would never send it. 

I guess you don't want to share his name but maybe you should do a search about him on here first to see if others had a similar experience. Some guys are "serial ghosters".

Where are you based? Some on here will recommend you a provider.

[euwc888]

Privacy is important to me. Never been asked to send a picture, never been asked to provide stats. Don’t have/use a profile, if asked I would move on. It’s ofcourse a two-way street, once or twice contacted a provider without facepic (FWIW don’t host a my home).

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, NYC Curious said:

he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home.

Don’t book guys that want a picture from you. He doesn’t need one. Find someone who takes the work seriously. You’ll have a much better time. 

[viewing ownly]

You're not alone. I have never, ever had a meet-up come to fruition when I was asked to send a pic, or I volunteered one for better identification. It is depressing, and certainly makes us feel taken advantage of, even though we never met. Agree with everyone else's comments, and find someone else.

[NYC Curious]

1 hour ago, marylander1940 said:

I wouldn't send a picture, but some do, I think privacy is the main reason we hire. I do understand when escorts and masseurs only see guys who are HWP and therefore ask for realistic stats before meeting, but I've never been asked for a pic and would never send it. 

I guess you don't want to share his name but maybe you should do a search about him on here first to see if others had a similar experience. Some guys are "serial ghosters".

Where are you based? Some on here will recommend you a provider.

Thanks to all responding for the encouraging words. I genuinely appreciate it. 

I'm in Brooklyn. Prefer beefy masculine guys.

[marylander1940]

3 minutes ago, NYC Curious said:

Thanks to all responding for the encouraging words. I genuinely appreciate it. 

I'm in Brooklyn. Prefer beefy masculine guys.

You have PLENTY of choices, especially if you take the subway to Manhattan!

[dbar123]

Look at it this way- he was an asshole and he saved you the time and money to find that out first hand.

[Thelatin]

3 hours ago, NYC Curious said:

Am I hideous?

We don’t know.  Are there some things you could work on? 

[Shawn Monroe]

3 minutes ago, Thelatin said:

We don’t know.  Are there some things you could work on? 

Don’t be that person. Treat that question as if it was rhetorical. 

[Thelatin]

23 minutes ago, Shawn Monroe said:

Don’t be that person. Treat that question as if it was rhetorical. 

I’m respectfully serious.  I’m always working on myself, there is always room for improvement.  If he senses an issue, maybe he should address it?  He would be happier in the long run?

[Lohengrin1979]

1 hour ago, NYC Curious said:

Thanks to all responding for the encouraging words. I genuinely appreciate it. 

I'm in Brooklyn. Prefer beefy masculine guys.

In my experience, the ones asking for photos are A., not willing able to work with the average clientele or B., literally trying to economize their sex lives.

As others have said, take it as a red flag that, even if he had accepted the appointment, it wouldn’t have been a good experience for you. There are plenty of gifted professionals, especially in New York, who will take clients as is, and provide an exceptional time!

[Lohengrin1979]

40 minutes ago, Thelatin said:

We don’t know.  Are there some things you could work on? 

Even if that were the case, are these boards the place to explore it? 

Edited May 27, 2024 by Lohengrin1979

[NYC Curious]

30 minutes ago, Lohengrin1979 said:

In my experience, the ones asking for photos are A., not willing able to work with the average clientele or B., literally trying to economize their sex lives.

As others have said, take it as a red flag that, even if he had accepted the appointment, it wouldn’t have been a good experience for you. There are plenty of gifted professionals, especially in New York, who will take clients as is, and provide an exceptional time!

Thanks for your response to the other guy. 

Since it’s come up, I would say I'm average looking for my age (early 50s). A bit overweight but not obese. I get action from time to time but of course not like when I was young.

I may not be everybody's cup of tea but I am still some folks' cup of tea. Guess I wasn't for that provider.

[dbar123]

51 minutes ago, NYC Curious said:

 

I may not be everybody's cup of tea but I am still some folks' cup of tea. Guess I wasn't for that provider.

You are making an assumption that he ghosted you for reasons that have to do with you. It’s also possible that he ghosted you for his own personal situation- like maybe he’s sick, depressed, fueling an addiction, dealing with family issues etc. I would not take it personally. Shake it off and go elsewhere

[DWnyc]

As others have said , even if there were such a thing as commonly accepted “hideous” (there isn’t) most providers (especially the good ones) wouldn’t care as they’re there to make money. Some would add they’re there to provide a service - take that as you will.

If it’s for reasons specific to you upon seeing your photo - f*** him, he’s trying to monetize his hookup life and only idiots would pay if they could see through it. The provider experience is different and you should enjoy your ability to do so - don’t be disheartened and especially in New York you’ll find someone worthy of you choosing to exchange your valuable time and resources for the valuable experience they provide. 

 

[DWnyc]

9 hours ago, euwc said:

Privacy is important to me. Never been asked to send a picture, never been asked to provide stats. Don’t have/use a profile, if asked I would move on. It’s ofcourse a two-way street, once or twice contacted a provider without facepic (FWIW don’t host a my home).

Actually I’d disagree - not a two way street on the issue of requiring photos as not a regular hookup. In the same way that a client shouldn’t expect payment from a provider for any reason …

[+ APPLE1]

In regard to anyone feeling hideous:

Too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too masc, too fem , too young,  too old, too slutty, too chaste, and the list goes on. There's always a reason someone out there doesn't , or does, want to sleep with you. Do your best to move on and find the latter guy.

[euwc888]

If a provider doesn’t want to share some information or facepic(s), that’s okay for me and it’s up to me to engage or not

[+ RyanDean]

This post reminds me that -- the last time I was ghosted -- the gent asked for a picture. I declined, but shared a simple, accurate physical description of myself. He seemed to be satisfied with that, but then he was a no-show. So, yes, requesting pics is now a definite red-flag for me that the gent might flake.

[soloyo215]

16 hours ago, NYC Curious said:

So I finally got up the courage to contact a masseur I've had my eye on for some time.

We exchanged a couple messages on the website and he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home. He'd already given me his address but hadn't discussed price.

I reluctantly sent him a face pic and then asked about price, saying for his time.

I never heard from him again.

Thoughts? Am I hideous? Did I do something to spook him? Honestly it left me feeling... not great after how much courage I had to work up. I still see him online on that website. I had never hired a masseur before and still haven't. NYC here.

You're not hideous (as far as I know 🙂 ). The masseur is an asshole in the way he handled that. I don't believe something spooked him, he might just be the kind of asshole who caters only his own preference instead of being professional and cater the intended public (within  reason). If things were the way you posted them, I don't see any bad action on your part.

I have known and met many gay men who are that self-centered and careless about what other fellow gay men feel or have to go through, and are quite dismissive in that way. Fortunately, that's not represenatative of the larger provider community. Unfortunately, in the recent years the field has gotten saturated with many people wanting to make money or just have fun and get paid for it, hence, a growth in unprofessional behavior from many providers.

Additionally, the concept of "ghosting" has become a thing in recent areas. The same is happening with people looking for work, getting interviews, and at the time of the offer they get ghosted. That seems to be a thing that is common to see in many other industries too.

I encourage you to look for another provider. Also, this is the perfect place for you to mention that provider by name and share your bad experience, so others don't have to go through the same unprofessional event.

Sorry that happened to you.

Edited May 27, 2024 by soloyo215

[Monarchy79]

On 5/26/2024 at 4:51 PM, NYC Curious said:

So I finally got up the courage to contact a masseur I've had my eye on for some time.

We exchanged a couple messages on the website and he said he needed to see a photo for his protection since I was going to his home. He'd already given me his address but hadn't discussed price.

I reluctantly sent him a face pic and then asked about price, saying for his time.

I never heard from him again.

Thoughts? Am I hideous? Did I do something to spook him? Honestly it left me feeling... not great after how much courage I had to work up. I still see him online on that website. I had never hired a masseur before and still haven't. NYC here.

Block him and move on to the next. 
No man on earth is worth you torturing yourself over any judgements of what he may or may not think of you. 
 

Be unbothered and move on. 

[Monarchy79]

On 5/26/2024 at 8:09 PM, Thelatin said:

We don’t know.  Are there some things you could work on? 

And THIS is the type of shady, underhanded responses that turns people off about the gay community. 
 

I could think of a few things you could work on. Your commentary was unwarranted and unnecessary, and cowardly. 
 

This guy is sharing a terrible experience and being vulnerable in a forum where people are supposed to treat each other with a sense of support and kindness, and you just couldn’t help yourself. You had to smear this discussion thread with snarky, stank shade. 
 

Shame on you. 
Do better.

BE BETTER. 

[boafriend]

I think pictures can help them know who exactly they're meeting with. It can be a safety thing. But I would say being ghosted after sending a face pic probably is equal to what happens on apps: the masseur is not interested. Which is odd in this case since they are providing a service after all, one which you are paying (a lot) for. Sorry to hear.