grace period

[RyanDean]

At this moment I find myself in that weird limbo that happens when the gent doesn't arrive at the agreed upon time... I've had my fair share of experiences being ghosted when it comes time to confirm, but I'm also realizing this might be my first actual experience in a very long time (possibly ever) being stood-up.

Context: new-to-me provider that received glowing/enthusiastic endorsement on this forum; very responsive via text on first contact a couple weeks ago and again when finalizing details a couple days ago; initially non-responsive to today's "final" confirmation text/s but did finally reply a few hours before planned meetup; waited for 20+ minutes in front of my hotel (*in* the NYC district he says he lives in) before texting again & setting an "if I don't hear back, we'll have to call things off this time" text... It's now 45-minutes with no word, so I'm officially calling it a no show. Sigh.

My question for y'all is:
What "grace period" do you typically afford a gent?

Today, for the first time, I found myself setting deadlines -- ie "If I don't hear back by ___ time, I'll need to consider canceling" -- which I don't think I've ever done before. Does that work for anyone?

I'm just curious about the wisdom of the group of this particular hazard of the hobby...

[jmichaeliii]

13 minutes ago, RyanDean said:

At this moment I find myself in that weird limbo that happens when the gent doesn't arrive at the agreed upon time... I've had my fair share of experiences being ghosted when it comes time to confirm, but I'm also realizing this might be my first actual experience in a very long time (possibly ever) being stood-up.

Context: new-to-me provider that received glowing/enthusiastic endorsement on this forum; very responsive via text on first contact a couple weeks ago and again when finalizing details a couple days ago; initially non-responsive to today's "final" confirmation text/s but did finally reply a few hours before planned meetup; waited for 20+ minutes in front of my hotel (*in* the NYC district he says he lives in) before texting again & setting an "if I don't hear back, we'll have to call things off this time" text... It's now 45-minutes with no word, so I'm officially calling it a no show. Sigh.

My question for y'all is:
What "grace period" do you typically afford a gent?

Today, for the first time, I found myself setting deadlines -- ie "If I don't hear back by ___ time, I'll need to consider canceling" -- which I don't think I've ever done before. Does that work for anyone?

I'm just curious about the wisdom of the group of this particular hazard of the hobby...

I normally outcall, so if they communicate an issue that is delaying them, I will try to be as flexible as possible.  Traffic around me can be a mess no matter how well you plan.  If they are late with no communication, 30 minutes and I'm done.

[Moke]

I usually give 15 minutes. 

[rvwnsd]

I usually give 15 to 30 minutes, depending on how far he is coming from. 

[BuffaloKyle]

I like to be super flexible as far as how much later than the time I booked for a session can be pushed back to account for delays. I prefer to host on nights where I don't work the next morning so if the provider is running a little late it's cool. Plus it always seems providers and even regular guys I'm having over after they text me and say they'll be there in 30 minutes it always ends up being 45 minutes to an hour later before they show up. Tough sometimes to account for traffic and my house is just a tiny bit hard to find sometimes. For some reason my house is not properly mapped on all GPS apps. As long as the provider is somewhat keeping in contact then I'm ok with waiting. Sounds like in @RyanDean's case though the provider just didn't wanna meet for some reason and didn't have a good reason. Sorry you got stood up like that. 

[DWnyc]

I typically apply the same rule as to non provider meets - I’ll say (unless it’s an immediate booking) “I’ll confirm before heading out  an hour before our appointment and won’t leave till I hear back”. I also request if they’re busy an hour before our time that they confirm from their end sometime before then. 

works quite well as it covers for most of the typical scenarios:

- something better came up but I can’t be bothered to tell you

- I’m partied out and have lost sense of time and commitments 

- I wasn’t realistic on when I’d be free and expected you would hang around but didn’t want to lose the booking 

- I’m so good the prior client wanted to extend so I couldn’t take your call 

If there’s no response I leave a voicemail and text so there’s a record saying given the time it will take me to get there if I don’t hear back within 10-15 mins we can consider the appointment canceled.

I’ve had a mix of apologetic call backs immediately / requests for a later time / abusive “you’re a flake” accusations and - “you’re so uptight … what’s half … one … one and a half hours to wait for the mighty moi”. As well as absolutely no response at all. 

My favorite recent excuse was “I was fine but my partner wanted reshoots for our only fans content so I got held up at the studio” 

 

 

[JamesB]

I typically allow 15 to 30 minutes, depending on the location and time of day. The duration also depends on the quality of their communication regarding the situation. I had a regular who always sent a screenshot of Google Maps showing the estimated time of arrival when he was en route. I valued this approach greatly, prompting me to adopt the same practice for in-call appointments.

[Thique]

Going silent is not OK. At the very least the provider should communicate if they are running late and an expected ETA. This communication should be sent before the scheduled meeting time. This is common courtesy and good business etiquette.

If there is no communication and no show, then I would wait no more than 15 minutes. Reach out to another provider or Grindr - as a bottom this type of behaviour is extremely frustrating given that I probably would not have eaten the entire day + spent a lot of time prepping for our meeting.

[Your Man in Arlington]

6 hours ago, Thique said:

Going silent is not OK. At the very least the provider should communicate if they are running late and an expected ETA. This communication should be sent before the scheduled meeting time. This is common courtesy and good business etiquette.

This! Communication is key, and 15 minutes without communication is my upper limit, as well.

Fortunately, all of my hires so far have been on time or communicative, even if just a few minutes late. I think the longest I've had to wait is 15 minutes. And, I've even had a few guys arrive "Japanese on-time" time: 5 - 10 minutes early.

One case that was somewhat different was a same day hire, who said that he would shower and head my way, but couldn't confirm an ETA. He seemed more worried about me flaking, as he spent his entire metro ride chatting with me over text.

[RyanDean]

Thanks, all. The consensus does seems to be that the combo of "no communication and no show" is the dealbreaker and that 15-30 minutes is a fair "grace period" in such situations. 

I did find that communicating the boundary of my patience ("if I don't hear back by ___") proved a sanity-saver for me yesterday, so I'll likely carry that forward.

And for those who might be interested:
The gent did ultimately contact me, about two hours after we were set to meet. His story -- if true -- would suggest that he simply had a very bad day, complicated by some truly bad luck. So I'm willing to accept that he may actually be legit, given the enthusiasm of other posters. As for me, I go back and forth on whether I believe the gent's story as I also take come comfort from the not-insubstantial pile of dollars that remain in my pocket.

[soloyo215]

14 hours ago, RyanDean said:

What "grace period" do you typically afford a gent?

Today, for the first time, I found myself setting deadlines -- ie "If I don't hear back by ___ time, I'll need to consider canceling" -- which I don't think I've ever done before. Does that work for anyone?

I'm just curious about the wisdom of the group of this particular hazard of the hobby...

Normally I don't have a set "grace period". In my opinion, you did good, communicating and letting the provider know that you are waiting, and providing ample time for him to respond. Seems appropriate to you, with enough time to hire another one if available at the moment. No respose from the provider could have been for a legitimate, fair reason, but if you haven't heard anything after, I think your grace period was appropriate.

Just to be fair, I have communicated the day after to see if there's a legitimate reason for the last minute ghosting. Things happen, so I give the benefit of the doubt. However, after that, if I don't hear from the provider, then either I was completely ghosted, or something major happened that makes the provider unable to communicate. I move on afterwards.

Sorry to hear. It sucks after so much discussion. Seems odd too, in light of there being testimonials about his quality, and because there was good communication before.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Like others said, I try to arrange my sessions so there's wiggle room. I tried hiring a guy right before an appointment, and told him that, and he still showed up 20 minutes late.

I'm also a looooot more tolerant if my regulars are running late. My regulars are all very punctual, so I know it's beyond their control, and they do text me.

Radio silence for 20 minutes or so, after the appointment time, will result in me texting them and cancelling the session. One time a guy went radio silent, then claimed it was because he couldn't find my place, and left 30 minutes early since he considered that "part of the session." I rubbed in the review I gave him on RM.

[dbar123]

It would be foregivable if his phone went dead but my guess is that’s not what happened. One cancellation without an excuse is a hard pass for me. Two back to back cancellations for any reason is also a hard pass