I have a luxury problem

[soloyo215]

Just venting, I guess.

I've always know that as a traveler, I have to be very careful about who I choose to travel with. Being a good friend (or family, of course) does not mean that you will be a good travel companion for me.

I am currently on vacation in a rather luxurious resort, definitely out of my budget (how I managed to pay for it is another post) in the Dominican Republic. The facilities are only 4 months old, so everything is brand new. We even have a butler assigned to our entire stay. Excellent Caribbean weather, amazing dining, activities and shows. The thing is that I am traveling with my in-laws and my husband. Six people altogether, one married sister in law and her husband and his two single sisters.

I've been to many parts of the world with my husband, and he's worked in the travel industry since 1980, so he's an experienced traveler. My in-laws however, are making my point of how much I fucking hate traveling with groups. Yesterday I had a great day. Normally husband and I take a day for self-care, so we did that yesterday. We went to the resort spa, got haircuts, got pedicures, etc. It was great. In the evening we decided to have dinner with the group, and it turned out to be such a miserable event.

Hypochondriac sister in law shows up in a wheelchair because she apparently "can't walk". Did the same number at the airport but walked perfectly fine when she thought nobody was watching. Her conversation was about how miserable her stay has been since "she's sick" and "allergic" to everything that happens to be offered to her, except the butler's cock, since she's been ridiculously coming on to him since day one (he's the one pushing the wheelchair, how seductive!).

The husband of my other sister in law was pissed because during breakfast, they went to a restaurant that had a dress code and he had a tank-top, and was turned away. He went on and on and on about how much he's "paying for premium service" and not getting what he paid for. Then he complained that they didn't clean the room. He spent the day in the room and never set the button for the maid to clean the room, but that doesn't matter. He's not supposed to do anything and the staff "must know" that  it's ok to clean the room with him in it. He was finding everything wrong in every single thing that they did, served or said during dinner. Being the only one able to speak Spanish, I told the servers that he's pissed and looking for an excuse to snap. Finally he wanted to go through some door in the restaurant and couldn't for some reason, so he started yelling at everyone, making a scene about opening "the fucking door".

The other sister in law has some kind of mental disability that impairs her cognitive skills, so she has to be explain things ten times. Then she tell the server that she's allergic to garlic, and we are in an Italian restaurant. So it took forever to first find something she can order and then prepare it without garlic.

Husband and I just decided to ignore everything and have our own side conversation about our wonderful day.

Then there's the fact that there's almost nothing for gay men here. This area has very little for us. Our massages were done by women, and my husband told me that his masseuse did find a way of touching his balls. I guess mine knew better. I've been looking for anything to do or anyone to hire, but nothing. Next to the resort they offer "massages" by some shady characters, they cost about 10% of what we paid for the massage in the resort, and they are done outside in a balcony of sort, where they have about 10 tables next to each other. When I asked if they have a private room for massages, they seem to understand that I wanted a HE, which I was on the fence on, but then they said that they have about 5 different Haitian women for me to choose from for the HE massage. Having been in this country several times I know better than bluntly asking for a male masseur, so I left it at that, plus the place looked too seedy.

So here I am looking stupid, in a luxury hotel, but rather bored and avoiding the group I was supposed to have fun with. I proposed taking tours and they declined, so I know that I have to change my mindset and have the different type of fun that one has during certain types of vacation.

If anyone knows anything about providers in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, please let me know. I only found one provider in RM, and he's not a good fit.

[+ FrankR]

Thank you for reminding me why I hate people and love my dog! 😆

I say dump the dead weight and go do your own thing! 😉

[Jamie21]

See if you can turn the butler.

[MikeBiDude]

Finding a simpatico traveling companion or group is difficult. So many times in a burgeoning relationship….travel will come up and get scheduled. I always say (only half jokingly) “Well, NOW we will see how we get along!”.

I’m lucky that I have a good traveling companion at the moment, and have been lucky over the years. But, I’ve also experienced some of the uncomfortable trips @soloyo215 mentions too.

[soloyo215]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

See if you can turn the butler.

Working on it. He's hot.

 

4 hours ago, FrankR said:

Thank you for reminding me why I hate people and love my dog! 😆

I say dump the dead weight and go do your own thing! 😉

Yes, definitely a dog would have been a much better companion.

[+ azdr0710]

have you traveled with these various family members before?.....if so, are they always this way?.......or are they somewhat inexperienced travelers and feeling like they are more important than they are?...... the way you write this, it all seems entirely miserable........

are these in-laws thru your husband?.......does he feel the need to keep them entertained while balancing time with you?.......or can you two just go take off and do your own thing touring around??......

have there been any good times at all this trip within the group??!!!!

careful with the whole escort/provider/masseur thing......if you can, just sit on the beach, read a book, have some good food, go on a tour instead......

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, soloyo215 said:

Working on it. He's hot

Keep us updated! It’s between you and the hypochondriac sister in law….surely you can’t let her win? 

[dbar123]

Why are you willingly subjecting yourself to family on an expensive retreat?  That’s not a vacation by any definition.

Sounds like it’s time for some new family rules .

If you have to do family dwell time, do it somewhere more pedestrian, like a city where you can more easily find ways to separate…like NYC or DC. 

[Client1985]

Do the tour with husband. You'll appreciate being away from the chaos. 

[soloyo215]

1 hour ago, dbar123 said:

Why are you willingly subjecting yourself to family on an expensive retreat?  That’s not a vacation by any definition.

Sounds like it’s time for some new family rules .

If you have to do family dwell time, do it somewhere more pedestrian, like a city where you can more easily find ways to separate…like NYC or DC. 

Husband insisted. It's his family and there are compromises, obligations and responsibilities that come with being married. Besides, even with all that, they are a lot better than my family.

But yes, you do have a point. We're not doing this again.

[Thelatin]

I have some family members that are red necks (anything fancy is stupid), and some that enjoy the finer things.

They have simply decided not to travel together.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

This is why you don't vacation in small, developing places like Punta Cana without knowing what you're getting yourself into.

You stick to Santo Domingo.  The options there are a-plenty.

As for traveling with people who have Korbel wishes and bean dip dreams, you stiff upper lip through it and never travel with them again.

When I travel for me, I have a very specific group of friends I travel with- people I know who won't embarrass me or themselves.  People who can easily handle travel-related issues and not let it kill the vibe.  Those people can be tough to find, but they're out there.  I feel really fortunate to have found my 'crew.'

And then there's just traveling solo, which I also enjoy.

Try to enjoy the remainder of your time in the DR.  I have been to Punta Cana multiple times, almost always at the Zilara/Ziva.  It's enjoyable for what it is.

 

[+ poolboy48220]

in 2010 my family went to my nephew's wedding in South Carolina. My older sister proposed getting a big condo for all of us, which I vetoed (and I was reassured that I made the right decision at Thanksgiving at her house with the whole family, including her in-laws).  I got my own condo and begrudgingly said my younger sister and husband could stay there. She co-opted the main bedroom and I got the sofa bed in the basement, my niece ended up staying in our condo, and I was blocked out of the shower because my nephew was showering.  Younger sister and husband decided on that trip that they were divorcing. As bad as it was with two condos, I can't imagine how much worse it would've been if we did all stay in one condo.

[edinbrooklyn]

I’ve had to effectively disown my sisters. When the nephews were young, I made an effort but all very controlled. Separate houses or hotels. I love to travel but there are not that many people I want to spend that much time with. 
 

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after 3 days. The decay time is far quicker with toxic family.

[soloyo215]

Gentlemen, thank you for your thoughts and for sharing your own horror stories. A rather strange type of solidarity. Much appreciated, though.

Update:

17 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

You stick to Santo Domingo.  The options there are a-plenty.

As for traveling with people who have Korbel wishes and bean dip dreams, you stiff upper lip through it and never travel with them again.

Yep. definitely been to Santo Domingo and it's richer in options. All-inclusive resorts are not necessarily my type of vacation, so this was purely to please my husband. Oddly, I've been to La Romana, and I've hooked up with people there without any issues.

On 5/14/2024 at 4:38 PM, Jamie21 said:

Keep us updated! It’s between you and the hypochondriac sister in law….surely you can’t let her win? 

So I wasn't able to flip the Butler, but as I have always said, it doesn't hurt to ask. I asked him if he flips and he said no, but he had a few names of guys who will gladly help. Something in the back of my mind was telling me that there has to be some kind of covert activity. I'm sure there have been this type of requests in the past.

I was referred to a few local providers, two of which I chose, one Dominican, the other Haitian. They were perfect, affordable, safe and hot as hell. Had a great time last night. As everything in the DR, they were versatile in many ways, one of which was that they also sell merchandise, so I got mugs, t-shirts and other souvenirs from them.

Today I saw the Butler and he did notice my change in mood for the better. He was discreet but inquired about "how was my day".

I rarely come to places where this type of things are more underground than easily accessible. I still feel that it was risky to ask the Butler if he flips and for info, but I'm glad I did. This chain of resorts is gay friendly (yes it's also LBT... friendly, but I'm talking about me) and this is an adults-only resort, so I guess that I'm not the first to make this type of request.

I also decided to tell my in-laws that I need "me time", so I haven't seen them. I'm glad that I was able to please my in-laws, please my husband and now please myself. Now I feel like a real vacation.

[+ nycman]

You voluntarily went to the Dominican Republic?
AKA "the slightly less shitty other half of Haiti"?

I have no sympathy.

My advice? Be insanely nice, calm, and friendly with the husband’s family.
They are all just waiting for you to be a C-unt. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Swallow your pride, dignity and self worth until you are safely out of there.
Chalk it up to a "lesson learned". Do NOT bring it up with your husband…..
He’s just waiting for you to be a C-unt. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Smile until it feels like your face will break, then smile some more.
Drink the shitty "all inclusive wine" and try not to choke. 

Then schedule the trip of your dreams when you get home.
Give it to your husband as a gift. If he has any intelligence at all, he’ll get the drift.

Edited May 16 by nycman

[Jamie21]

3 hours ago, soloyo215 said:

So I wasn't able to flip the Butler, but as I have always said, it doesn't hurt to ask. I asked him if he flips and he said no, but he had a few names of guys who will gladly help. Something in the back of my mind was telling me that there has to be some kind of covert activity. I'm sure there have been this type of requests in the past.

I was referred to a few local providers, two of which I chose, one Dominican, the other Haitian. They were perfect, affordable, safe and hot as hell. Had a great time last night. As everything in the DR, they were versatile in many ways, one of which was that they also sell merchandise, so I got mugs, t-shirts and other souvenirs from them.

Fabulous! I’m delighted to hear that. I expect the butler gets a referral fee 🙂. And I like the idea of selling merch…. I might take that up myself (being similarly versatile). 
So glad your vacation turned even if the butler didn’t. 

[Thelatin]

I do have to admit I’m a bit confused as to why you are so desperate to hook up, when you are there with your husband.  Is he also looking?

Edited May 16 by Thelatin

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

8 minutes ago, nycman said:

My advice? Be insanely nice, calm, and friendly with the husband’s family.
They are all just waiting for you to be a C-unt. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Swallow your pride, dignity and self worth until you are safely out of there.
Chalk it up to a "lesson learned". Do NOT bring it up with your husband…..
He’s just waiting for you to be a C-unt. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Smile until it feels like your face will break, then smile some more.
Drink the shitty "all inclusive wine" and try not to choke. 

Then schedule the trip of your dreams when you get home.
Give it to your husband a gift. If he has any intelligence at all, he’ll get the drift.

I really wish Judith Martin would have offered this kind of advice

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Just now, Thelatin said:

I do have to admit I’m a bit confused as to why you are so desperate to hook up, when you are there with your husband.  Is he having also trying? 

I don't think that's really pertinent to the story.

Their relationship is none of our business, no?

[Thelatin]

8 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Their relationship is none of our business, no?

Not really - but it’s just a discussion.  Just bang your husband.  You can always hook up elsewhere.  Why so desperate on this trip? 
 

It’s actually a sickness.  Unless I have sex with a hot stranger on my vacation, everything is ruined.

Is it? Really?

Edited May 16 by Thelatin

[BSR]

31 minutes ago, nycman said:

You voluntarily went to the Dominican Republic?
AKA "the slightly less shitty other half of Haiti"?

Might you be guilty here of just a wee bit of hyperbole?  That said, I couldn't stop laughing.

[+ APPLE1]

I guess I didn't read the post to mean "I am on vacation, and it's always miserable UNLESS I arrange a meeting with a provider."

I read it to mean "I am stuck on vacation with my insufferable in-laws. They're driving me nuts and ruining vacation. Can anyone suggest a provider here so I can escape for a few hours and enjoy myself?"

[soloyo215]

3 hours ago, nycman said:

You voluntarily went to the Dominican Republic?
AKA "the slightly less shitty other half of Haiti"?

Well, considering that I am half Dominican, I think that you should check your American self-serving shit before insulting a country that chances are you've never been to. So feel free to stop talking out of your ass and go fuck yourself, asshole.

3 hours ago, nycman said:

I have no sympathy.

Nobody's asking for it.

3 hours ago, nycman said:

My advice?

Stop right there, not worth addressing so many erroneous presumptions about my or my husband's family, nor my vacations, my traveling, nothing.

37 minutes ago, APPLE1 said:

I guess I didn't read the post to mean "I am on vacation, and it's always miserable UNLESS I arrange a meeting with a provider."

I read it to mean "I am stuck on vacation with my insufferable in-laws. They're driving me nuts and ruining vacation. Can anyone suggest a provider here so I can escape for a few hours and enjoy myself?"

Thank you. BTW, my in-laws are normally lovely people. just not great travel companions. They have thrown surprise birthday parties for me, they have been there when my husband has been sick or when I've been sick, we get together for Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc, and as I said before, they get along among themselves much better than my own family. Also one of them does have a disability that affects her cognition. They're just not the best people to vacation with.

Here are a few pictures of the "shithole" where I'm staying.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

3 hours ago, Thelatin said:

Not really - but it’s just a discussion.  Just bang your husband.  You can always hook up elsewhere.  Why so desperate on this trip? 
 

It’s actually a sickness.  Unless I have sex with a hot stranger on my vacation, everything is ruined.

Is it? Really?

But now you're psychoanalyzing someone you don't even know.

A sickness?  That's presumptuous as fuck.

You're judging someone else for having sex on an escort message board dedicated to these very discussions?

Are you, really?