Dear clients, would you rather hire a bisexual or gay provider?

[soloyo215]

On 4/17/2024 at 8:11 PM, socurious said:

Would you rather hire a bi, gay or straight provider? I ask because a lot of clients find the idea of having sex with a straight or bi man more exciting. Most of my clients usually assume I'm straight. Do you think identifying as bi, gay or straight makes a different when trying to find potential clients?

When I look at profiles, I don't even look at the sexual orientation of the provider. If he's available, affordable, compatible with my needs and capable of performing as expected, I can't care less what he claims to be his sexual orientation.

Personally I've met people who prefer to hire bisexual or straight men. I try not to judge them, I just let them be, that is, until it affects me. Once in a setting that I prefer not to give details about, there were a group of gay men talking about a number of topics. There was this gay guy who apparently had a problem with other gay men, stating that the moment that he finds that a guy is gay he wants nothing to do with him. In the same paragraph where he said that he only dates straight men ("very macho" in his words), he then stated how lonely he is, and that he doesn't seem to find a man who loves him.

I just had to tell him, "Why on Earth do you want to pursue a person who, by the very definition of who he is, doesn't like you and is not interested in you that way?" His rather explosive, defensive, insulting and downright disrespectful reaction told me that he had no interest in challenging his premises, nor did he really had any legitimate interest in finding love. I know it would have been better if I just let him be, but it really rubbed me the wrong way that he had this attitude that "straight means better", or "gay is worthless". With that, I had a problem, but not with his preferences of what kind of man he prefers.

In my youth, in my early 20s, I was a very angry young man. I became a hardcore activist for the rights of gay men and for HIV/AIDS prevention education made available to all. I used to call myself "heterophobic", meaning that I was not very nice to those guys who were sometimes struggling with coming to terms with their sexuality, and they considered themselves straight or bisexual. I used to say that I respect their sexual orientation, but I will treat them the way I treat heterosexual men (which wasn't nice). I had a "straight means homophobic" and "bisexual means closet case" attitude. It cost some friendships, and took some learning and time for me to come around and be less angry/resentful at straight men in general, and becoming more welcoming and understanding.

So now I just live and let live (but don't fuck with me treating me like I am "less than" because I am gay).

[Simon Suraci]

12 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

When I look at profiles, I don't even look at the sexual orientation of the provider. If he's available, affordable, compatible with my needs and capable of performing as expected, I can't care less what he claims to be his sexual orientation.

👏  👏 👏 

[+ DrownedBoy]

I go for gay, all the way. Or a bi person who leans more towards gay.

It's true that straight guys are less likely to kiss or be able to pretend they're enjoying themselves.  But attitude is an issue too - I've met enough cocky, "straight acting" guys who acted waaaaay too defensive about their sexuality, insisting they had girlfriends and avoided men. That's either borderline homophobia or closet case babble.

I have a "gay activist" background as well, and always felt that looking for straight and "straight acting" men was a sign of internalized homophobia.  I'm afraid I still.do - it shows a lack of self respect.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, DrownedBoy said:

I have a "gay activist" background as well, and always felt that looking for straight and "straight acting" men was a sign of internalized homophobia.  I'm afraid I still.do - it shows a lack of self respect.

Same. I like men of all gender expressions as long as it feels authentic. All gender is performance but I can tell when someone is overemphasizing their masculinity. Now, if there's a particular scene where over emphasis is desired, that's fine. But a straight guy who comes in with a bunch of preconditions and talks about his girlfriend, it a hard no. 

[+ Axiom2001]

During my many years of being a client, all of my providers have been gay excepting one.  The exception was a bi man with whom I had some phenomenal times.   We gave each other what each wanted, and he never failed excepting when he changed his sexual orientation status from Bi to Straight.

 After the pandemic brought us some semblance of normalcy, I engaged his services on four occasions.  Two of those times he had me "climbing the ceiling"--for he certainly knew how to "apply the wood." He would always have me in such a state of euphoria that I had to ask him to stop or to slow down.

 I don't have heart problems, but with the expertise that he rendered, I thought one perhaps would occur.

Shortly after those last two sessions, he changed his sexual orientation on Rent.men to "STRAIGHT."  I managed to see him, but unfortunately for me, those sessions were NOT the ones to which I looked forward.  

On one of those occasions I kindly addressed his status; he became offensive, and I ceased talking to him about this matter.  

I do know that his sexual prowess was definitely NOT satisfying; it was quite, quite underwhelming as contrasted with the times during a five or six year period that we had been seeing each other.

So, in response to the initial question: it's primarily Gay with me unless the Bi guy is interactive and meets my other needs/requirements for satisfaction.

* I've written about this in other posts but thought my response would be appropriate here.

Edited April 20 by Axiom2001

[pubic_assistance]

I am more attracted to straight or bi men...but I agree with some of the statements above about "str8" providers being inflexible and sometimes uncomfortable. I've had both good and bad experiences with men who identify as straight...and I never hire looking for someone to make-out...so I'm not concerned about the lack of kissing ...just the occasional lack of true interest in anything but getting that money.

[Lohengrin1979]

I prefer bi and gay providers for an escort experience’. Sensual or erotic massage, I could care less, as long as they deliver what they say they will.

I never saw the lure in hiring a straight escort. Logically, I understand it,  but I’ve been with enough “questioning” guys that I wouldn’t want to now pay for the experience. I also don’t care for the macho, dom approach so many of them espouse anyway. 
 

My favorite provider is bi and I appreciate that he’s seen both sides of the pasture. I feel it informs his bedroom skills and suits me just fine.

Edited April 19 by Lohengrin1979

[LookingAround]

Gay. It’s a total turn off if they list straight. I want someone who’s into men. 

[Redwine56]

On 4/18/2024 at 8:51 PM, soloyo215 said:

When I look at profiles, I don't even look at the sexual orientation of the provider. If he's available, affordable, compatible with my needs and capable of performing as expected, I can't care less what he claims to be his sexual orientation.

Personally I've met people who prefer to hire bisexual or straight men. I try not to judge them, I just let them be, that is, until it affects me. Once in a setting that I prefer not to give details about, there were a group of gay men talking about a number of topics. There was this gay guy who apparently had a problem with other gay men, stating that the moment that he finds that a guy is gay he wants nothing to do with him. In the same paragraph where he said that he only dates straight men ("very macho" in his words), he then stated how lonely he is, and that he doesn't seem to find a man who loves him.

I just had to tell him, "Why on Earth do you want to pursue a person who, by the very definition of who he is, doesn't like you and is not interested in you that way?" His rather explosive, defensive, insulting and downright disrespectful reaction told me that he had no interest in challenging his premises, nor did he really had any legitimate interest in finding love. I know it would have been better if I just let him be, but it really rubbed me the wrong way that he had this attitude that "straight means better", or "gay is worthless". With that, I had a problem, but not with his preferences of what kind of man he prefers.

In my youth, in my early 20s, I was a very angry young man. I became a hardcore activist for the rights of gay men and for HIV/AIDS prevention education made available to all. I used to call myself "heterophobic", meaning that I was not very nice to those guys who were sometimes struggling with coming to terms with their sexuality, and they considered themselves straight or bisexual. I used to say that I respect their sexual orientation, but I will treat them the way I treat heterosexual men (which wasn't nice). I had a "straight means homophobic" and "bisexual means closet case" attitude. It cost some friendships, and took some learning and time for me to come around and be less angry/resentful at straight men in general, and becoming more welcoming and understanding.

So now I just live and let live (but don't fuck with me treating me like I am "less than" because I am gay).

I find that this way of thinking also rears its ugly head when it comes to dealing with people of different ethnicities and class.  Their inherited prejudices will come through in other aspects as well, not only with sexuality.

[liubit]

I don’t pay much attention to what guys state as their “orientation” in their profile. What matters to me is their performance in bed which, as I make abundantly clear when setting up a date, involves among other things very very passionate kissing. If they deliver, I will repeat. If they don’t, they are gone. I couldn’t care less with whom they enjoy sex in their private life. 

I have had many absolutely spectacular meetings with boys who, after kissing me hard, rimming me deep, sucking me hungrily, and getting my load up their willing hole, used to take their girlfriend out to dinner with the money I paid them. C’est la vie. 

Edited April 20 by liubit

[DWnyc]

23 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

just the occasional lack of true interest in anything but getting that money.

Or perhaps being able / willing to fake that interest regardless of orientation 

I think “straight” in this context gives an out to act totally disinterested and even rude - and that does actually attract some people … in terms of signaling what the attitude will be during the session 

I’ve met self-defined straight, bi and gay providers who act like they’re doing humanity a favor by allowing a modicum of interaction to those who they see as bottom of the league - the orientation is less important than how they see themselves vs the client in this case 

[JamesB]

1 hour ago, DWnyc said:

I’ve met self-defined straight, bi and gay providers who act like they’re doing humanity a favor by allowing a modicum of interaction to those who they see as bottom of the league - the orientation is less important than how they see themselves vs the client in this case 

 

This is especially true from providers that view themselves as models.

[DWnyc]

On 4/19/2024 at 10:38 PM, Redwine56 said:

I find that this way of thinking also rears its ugly head when it comes to dealing with people of different ethnicities and class.  Their inherited prejudices will come through in other aspects as well, not only with sexuality.

Have lost track of how many providers have “boasted” (perhaps trying to bond) about how they recently screwed over some ethnicity / age / body type they assumed they could belittle in conversation 

I asked  one regular why he had redone his profile to insert “white” to describe himself in almost every other sentence. He talked about the rise of “race play” (no judgement) and how that was coded signaling,  but then went on to tell me his theories of how the world should work - him taking peoples money while treating them like cr*p as he can etc (eg not deliver on what was promised but still take the money).  it’s how I imagine much of the “straight” provider framing to be (again no disrespect to clients who seek that out) 

[+ DrownedBoy]

44 minutes ago, DWnyc said:

Have lost track of how many providers have “boasted” (perhaps trying to bond) about how they recently screwed over some ethnicity / age / body type they assumed they could belittle in conversation 

I asked  one regular why he had redone his profile to insert “white” to describe himself in almost every other sentence. He talked about the rise of “race play” (no judgement) and how that was coded signaling,  but then went on to tell me his theories of how the world should work - him taking peoples money while treating them like cr*p as he can etc (eg not deliver on what was promised but still take the money).  it’s how I imagine much of the “straight” provider framing to be (again no disrespect to clients who seek that out) 

Yeah, I unfortunately encountered a straight, meth-addict con artist who did this. I was the first guy who hired him, and the session consisted of him coming in, taking my money, not doing anything, then leaving on some pretext while insulting me for being gay, among other things. Later, according to this forum, he was going on social media bragging about how he rips off gay people. Hopefully one of these days, he'll accidentally take too much meth.

 

This "boasting" mentioned above is real....and holds about the same maturity as middle school locker room talk. Some people never grow up, and not just providers.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

On 4/20/2024 at 2:32 PM, DWnyc said:

I think “straight” in this context gives an out to act totally disinterested and even rude - and that does actually attract some people … in terms of signaling what the attitude will be during the session 

I wonder if this is because some guys don't know how to ask a provider for the scene they want. I can see wanting to enact a straight bro scene or a bullied scene. It can be hot to work out your trauma. But desiring someone who categorically will not desire you, is not for me. 

[uclablueyes]

I prefer gay or at least bi. I have been with a couple of guys who advertised as straight who were either too in their heads to do this (trying to watch straight porn to get somewhat excited) or used it as an excuse not to do certain things as advertised. 

[Becket]

Once on this site I mentioned I preferred straight acting gay providers and I got killed for it. O well, it's still my preference. Probably get clobbered again. 

[+ sniper]

There are few feelings worse than an encounter where you can tell the other person really really doesn't want to be there, and that's considerably more likely with a straight person. I think TJ/Scott Anthony was the only straight guy I really enjoyed my time with. And I'm not entirely sure he wasn't bi....

[+ APPLE1]

1 hour ago, Becket said:

straight acting

It's a dirty prejudice that no one seems to really want to own up to, or change.

Most any profile can freely write words equating to effininate, and virtually not a single word is said. But, write words equating to masculine, and let the crucification begin!

[DWnyc]

10 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I wonder if this is because some guys don't know how to ask a provider for the scene they want. I can see wanting to enact a straight bro scene or a bullied scene. It can be hot to work out your trauma. But desiring someone who categorically will not desire you, is not for me. 

I don’t think that’s it - that would require some empathy, taking time to understand the scene some might seek etc and I don’t see providers were discussing represent themselves that way. Though gay men may seek that out from the experience.

[DWnyc]

Some Straight men have told me they actually enjoy having sex  with men (I’ve pointed out they can’t be straight - that’s a different subject) -often saying things like they feel more desired than by women during it, the better oral isn’t just a cliche, and they can “practice” fucking as gay men will give it away more readily.

I can tolerate that to some degree - esp if consensual - but not the self declared straight who treats someone like shit, then takes their money and goes back to a world with more entitlement.

now remind me, why did the OP ask the question? 

[sydneyboy]

I’ve only had one experience of a “straight muscle stud.” I nearly died of boredom.

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, DWnyc said:

Some Straight men have told me they actually enjoy having sex  with men (I’ve pointed out they can’t be straight - that’s a different subject) -often saying things like they feel more desired than by women during it, the better oral isn’t just a cliche, and they can “practice” fucking as gay men will give it away more readily.

I can tolerate that to some degree - esp if consensual - but not the self declared straight who treats someone like shit, then takes their money and goes back to a world with more entitlement.

now remind me, why did the OP ask the question? 

In MY personal opinion, and based on MY personal experiences with gay/bi & "str8" guys....the line between a "str8" guy who goes with guys and a true bisexual is taking the passive role in sex.

I've known a LOT of married/primarily str8 men who don't mind getting a b.j. from a dude.

But once they start sucking dick themselves or taking it up the ass, they are crossing a line in the sand of sexuality.

Just MY opinion, and observation, and where I always leave MY definitions of "Str8" vs. bisexual.

 

[marylander1940]

20 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I wonder if this is because some guys don't know how to ask a provider for the scene they want. I can see wanting to enact a straight bro scene or a bullied scene. It can be hot to work out your trauma. But desiring someone who categorically will not desire you, is not for me. 

Taking this slightly of subject but race play lately has been in very high demand.

I guess that has something to do with a bullying scene.

I do agree that I prefer to hire men who also like men. I got an experience once with an escort who had straight porno in the TV and I felt disappointed.

[nopelo]

Dear socurious, 

I think the definition of gay, bi and straight will be different in different cultures and in the minds of different individuals, so there's really no way for you to get a clear/universal answer. I also sense that many of the replies above seem slightly politicised, as in lgbt politics. Nothing wrong with that, because many gay men still feel uncomfortable about being seen as second class to straight men, for obvious reasons. So why should we pay extra money for someone who is on the oppressing side of these politics and possibly also a liar? Makes total sense to me. 

I come from a different place, though. First because I'm 100 percent gay myself, and I still have enjoyed sex with females and MTF trans persons a few times. There can be a joy in a sexual encounter that is not primarily about the other person's genitals or genes. Hey, back in the day, fucking a goat or a cow, was one of the more common sexual experiences for young males in the rural context (there's research proving this). When people say "a hole is a hole" it can sound quite judgy or cynical, but there is a reality to that, sociologically and historically. Think about men at war or in prison, for example. Raping a prisoner of war must be something very different from letting your cell mate, who is also your best buddy, fuck you in the ass. Not even discussing who is straight, gay or bi.

A couple of my straight friends (when I was younger and more attractive) tried to have sex with me, when we were drunk. So, anything can happen and that's ok. They are all happily married now and I don't think they ever did it with a man, as I didn't want it. 

Second, I have had a few absolutely beautiful sexual experiences with guys who I would define as straight. Not for pay, it just happened. Two guys drunk and horny and one of them (me) made an advance. All these experiences were in Africa, with young men who were married, had kids and did not in any way see themselves as gay. I think it just excited them that I wanted their dick. They treated me royally, though, amazing sex. They did kiss, but not profoundly, they tried to figure out what I wanted , so that they could satisfy me. They gave all they had, but within boundaries. 

So my reply is, in the end, similar to other replies above. Why lie about it? You can not give another person any other experience than what you are and what you bring. A lot of escorts don't specify if they are this or that, leaving it up to the client's imagination. Maybe you should just stay with that? Being a bit enigmatic can be sexy too.