switching from being bottom to top with no in-between

[viewing ownly]

We've all seen in this decade the "buff-demic", with countless scrawny twinks using the time many of us were confined to our homes in the Spring of 2020 to work like hell to change their bodies into muscular hotties. And I do mean countless. It was a wonderful thing to come from a horrible situation.

What I find bizarre is that while most all of these men were exclusive bottoms pre-2020, now that they have the strength and physique attractiveness they didn't have before, they aren't interested in bottoming any longer. At all.

I don't know where desiring to hire verse clients falls into with percentages, I am aware that (most?) men probably hire someone for one or the other. I read "bottom / verse" to mean that bottoming is the provider's preference, but can do either one, while I generally read "top / verse" as exclusively a top, unless you're equally as attractive as they are.

[+ DynamicUno]

Is this a question or a complaint?

[Xavitv]

1 hour ago, viewing ownly said:

What I find bizarre is that while most all of these men were exclusive bottoms pre-2020, now that they have the strength and physique attractiveness they didn't have before, they aren't interested in bottoming any longer. At all.

 

Are you saying bottoms are weak and ugly? 

[viewing ownly]

I never implied at all that being a bottom is weak, nor ugly. I clearly indicated that it seems that many of those who have put muscle on their frames aren't willing to be bottoms any longer.

Being skinny isn't "ugly", but being fit is more attractive to look at for most, myself included.

[viewing ownly]

30 minutes ago, DynamicUno said:

Is this a question or a complaint?

It's simply an observation for discussion. Anything I post lately that avoids an eye roll from you is a winner in my book. 🙂

[soloyo215]

10 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

We've all seen in this decade the "buff-demic", with countless scrawny twinks using the time many of us were confined to our homes in the Spring of 2020 to work like hell to change their bodies into muscular hotties. And I do mean countless. It was a wonderful thing to come from a horrible situation.

What I find bizarre is that while most all of these men were exclusive bottoms pre-2020, now that they have the strength and physique attractiveness they didn't have before, they aren't interested in bottoming any longer. At all.

I don't know where desiring to hire verse clients falls into with percentages, I am aware that (most?) men probably hire someone for one or the other. I read "bottom / verse" to mean that bottoming is the provider's preference, but can do either one, while I generally read "top / verse" as exclusively a top, unless you're equally as attractive as they are.

I don't know about other men's particular desires/reasons to hire, but I don't think that there is some kind of contractual obligation for people to sign to be a top, bottom or versatile. People's predilections evolve, sexuality is fluid, they are in a business where they are to make money based on what sells, I mean, the reasons for them to "become" of one role to another are endless. Yes, feeling better about their bodies, or developing bodies for the purpose of selling themselves as tops is also a good reson for them to do it.

Kudos to all of them. The more they provide the more clients they can have.

I also know that to many gay men, theirs and the role of the person they are with is trated like religion and politics; they are very strict about it and want nothing to do (some have actually become hostile) with people who don't meet that particular criteria. There's no right/wrong answers. However, IMO, the more narrow and specific one is, the less the possibilities of finding people who cater whatever requirements. The role that they are willing to play when I hire is what matters to me, not what they have done in the past or will do with others. Just my opinion, not law.

Edited February 14 by soloyo215

[MikePDNA51]

Twink getting muscular may have happened but these guys also evolved in otter. LOL.  Geography might play a role in who bottoms or tops.  In Los Angeles/ Southern California almost all the guys no matter their physical stature are bottoms.  I enjoy both bottom and top positions.  When I go on dates in LA or out I am almost always a top because the other guy is insistent on bottom position.  

[pubic_assistance]

When I was younger, I tended to attract older men who wanted me to bottom and I obliged, and enjoyed it.  As I got older and more muscular and masculine, I started attracting men more my own age and younger who all wanted me to top. Which was more of my natural inclination. I just assumed this is a natural progression, but after much discussion here on CoM I notice there are a lot of old bottoms out there. So..maybe not a matter of age...but perhaps as you point out, a matter of masculinity and muscle.

[SouthOfTheBorder]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

So..maybe not a matter of age...but perhaps as you point out, a matter of masculinity and muscle

I think it’s more a matter of chemistry between two people.  sometimes the chemistry is pre-determined based on one’s own ideas or agenda.
If more open-minded & fluid, then very surprising what can happen. 
 

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

I think it’s more a matter of chemistry between two people.  

Yes. For guys who are versatile.

I was discussing guys who identify as top or bottom only.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

3 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

I never implied at all that being a bottom is weak, nor ugly. I clearly indicated that it seems that many of those who have put muscle on their frames aren't willing to be bottoms any longer.

Being skinny isn't "ugly", but being fit is more attractive to look at for most, myself included.

In my experience, bottoms and tops come in all shapes and sizes. If you're talking about providers, I suspect what you're seeing is market dynamics. The former twinks who marketed themselves as bottoms, can probably command more clients and money as tops. Me and my husband tend to hire verse and tops, simply because I'm a bottom and my husband has no desire for two bottoms. 

[soloyo215]

7 hours ago, MikePDNA51 said:

Twink getting muscular may have happened but these guys also evolved in otter. LOL.  Geography might play a role in who bottoms or tops.  In Los Angeles/ Southern California almost all the guys no matter their physical stature are bottoms.  I enjoy both bottom and top positions.  When I go on dates in LA or out I am almost always a top because the other guy is insistent on bottom position.  

At least in the late 90s and early 2000s when I lived in NYC, it was pretty much the same there. I used to call it "Bottomland" (not a critique). Same thing with me, I used to call myself an "existential top". Not that I was complaining, but the vast majority of the guys I dated or hooked up with were bottoms, some quite strict about it. Even one or two of those guys who can't shut up about being tops, I ended up shutting their "not exactly their mouths".

[Your Man in Arlington]

Aren't we all just tangled up in the same old tops and bottoms?

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

An observation, sure, but it's also an escort's personal preference.  

I went through this myself.  At some point, I was no longer really interested in bottoming. 

I built my body up to what it is now and my clients no longer saw/see me as fuckable, but the guy who doles out the fuck.

Embrace the change.  Lean into the curve.

[jeezifonly]

A self-description as top or bottom or verse is just that - a self-description, which can be moot in the moment. 
 

The actual behaviors within a sexual encounter are going to vary, whether pro or amateur, depending on the combo of personalities and parts actually present.
It’s chemistry - precise in the lab, a crap-shoot on a date.  

[Jamie21]

Many factors come into play with these role situations: sometimes being top is a convenience because I’m not prepared to bottom. There’s also expectations. I’m hung so people assume I’m top, but that can also mean that despite wanting it, they’re too anxious to take it.

Also perceptions of dominance for the top and submissiveness for the bottom. I like to play around with that and be a dominant bottom or submissive top, or switch from being a dominant top to then passively taking him as the bottom. I like to explore these things. I find lots of guys pick a label and then live up to it, but that wouldn’t work for me. 

[big-n-tall]

20 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

An observation, sure, but it's also an escort's personal preference.  

I went through this myself.  At some point, I was no longer really interested in bottoming. 

I built my body up to what it is now and my clients no longer saw/see me as fuckable, but the guy who doles out the fuck.

Embrace the change.  Lean into the curve.

Well I for was sad about the switch.  I think when I first noticed you early in my hiring career you listed as verse or verse/top. At that time I never hired anyone from another state.
You will always be fuckable to me... although, I'm sure you're a great doler. 😛

[Simon Suraci]

On 2/13/2024 at 11:39 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Yes. For guys who are versatile.

I was discussing guys who identify as top or bottom only.

I think the point is that those labels don’t matter. A person can identify as xyz and think they want one thing only…until they meet someone who makes them feel differently. It happens all the time with me. Tops arrive with an agenda, and by the time our appointment is over, they are telling me they want to get fucked for their next session. That happened today, in fact. By the way, it’s not from me pressuring them into anything or forcing a certain dynamic. It’s just how my clients respond to our natural chemistry. It can go the other way around for me too.

Maybe this never happens to you, and perhaps rarely for some others, but it happens. Those who are sufficiently open minded and in touch with themselves will recognize it when it happens and embrace the unexpected. It can be delightful when you’re open to what life brings.

[Simon Suraci]

Men of all body types and ages can be tops or bottoms, or verse or side….

There is a market for every type. Hung bottoms. Small dick tops. Muscly, husky, bear, otter, twink, twunk, masculine presenting, feminine presenting, etc. Any of those and more can be any role at any age. There are no rules.

Sometimes the novelty of a twink top is what a client wants and because there are fewer falling into the stereotypical boxes for that age or type, providers offering something less common may find themselves pretty in demand.

When providers find their preferences or skills changing, it makes sense to lean into those. It’s also smart to lean into what you perceive your market wants. Nobody is dictating who your market is, though. You can choose to appeal to the majority or seek out niche audiences. Both have their advantages.

[SirBillybob]

In Brazil, position designation is usually the third question, following the t’bom (?) greeting and where one is from. My answer is always ‘gosto todo’. It’s not up to me to imply or state any restriction that might undermine the chance of an unforced error (I prefer the element of striker surprise). He can verbally assert what he wants but I won’t register affirmation though obvious I heard him by smiling. I neither relieve him of all ambiguity nor indirectly impose self-conscientiousness about deviating from a self-defining role. That is an overt manifestation of the wise comments herein regarding fluidity.

I don’t experience a relation between physical build typology and what transpires. 

Edited February 20 by SirBillybob

[SirBillybob]

On 2/14/2024 at 7:40 PM, big-n-tall said:

[Abridged] You will always be fuckable to me... although, I'm sure you're a great doler. 😛

Now that’s a good deal.

[pubic_assistance]

17 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

I think the point is that those labels don’t matter

You assume that everyone is versatile.

Labels matter when you're not.

 

[Simon Suraci]

21 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

You assume that everyone is versatile.

Labels matter when you're not.

 

You misinterpret me. I assume not that everyone is versatile, rather that everyone is capable of feeling, if ever so infrequently, that they desire activity outside their usual position with a certain person at a particular time in their life. To exclude that possibility is closed minded and limiting.

I acknowledge some people want one thing 99%+ of the time and that’s fine. Nothing wrong with identifying as such.

“Henceforth, I shall limit myself to only one type of sexual expression, no matter how I feel at any point, with any person for the rest of my life.” Said no open minded person.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, Simon Suraci said:

To exclude that possibility is closed minded and limiting.

I think it's closed-minded to assume everyone thinks like you

Lots of men have zero interest in being a bottom no matter what the "possibility" of the circumstances.