What/ how much can I expect?

[TokyoNewbie]

Recently I had an opportunity to hire a provider, and after that I have been contemplating what we can expect from a professional provider….

 

He is really good looking, better than the photos in his rentmen profile, very responsive, not overrated etc. etc. also good conversationalist. He supplied what was expected, but I was kind of disappointed…. I felt like it was more like mere business transaction and my partner was trying to get to the goal as economically as possible.

Probably that is a right way as business, and also probably I was not his type…. But still I wished some qualities such as passion, horniness, lust etc. would be more present in our session, though I understand even for professionals, to pretend/act those would be not easy…

I wonder if I am to optimistic, naive or greedy…. If you would share your experiences/ ideas, I would be very grateful.

[+ ThroatCummer]

Your requirements are NOT out in left field although it is more rare and will depend on the “connection” in general. I’ve experienced what you are asking with exactly 2 out of 11 providers I have hired since early last summer when I started doing this, so it’s out there but it isn’t easy to know up front. 

[Skip]

Let's just say there are a lot of frogs out there and not so many princes. Also the princes don't sign up for this line of work as much the frogs do. And a lot of the frogs look like princes! Hang in there and when you do, treat him like what he is, a prince. 

[pubic_assistance]

17 hours ago, TokyoNewbie said:

I felt like it was more like mere business transaction

Because it was .

The only way to your goal of an emotional connection is to work toward an emotional connection with someone.

That means meeting up with someone more than once, tipping generously and forming a comfortable relationship that isn't just - *I pay you cash / you suck my dick*

[robberbaron4u]

Telephone to William Morris Endeavor (WME ) as your "bucket list" requires a consummate actor.

Edited January 23, 2023 by robberbaron4u

[TokyoNewbie]

Well, what I had in mind was, something like “to dine in a fine restaurant is not just for getting full, but an experience”.
Of course I don’t expect to feel like being loved or having a boy friends….. What I felt like missing there was some (pretended?) mind set like “we wanna have fun and let’s work together”, like at Grindr hookups or cruising…

Well but true, “to be wanted” is definitely a greedy wish….

[pubic_assistance]

7 minutes ago, TokyoNewbie said:

What I felt like missing there was some (pretended?) mind set like “we wanna have fun and let’s work together”, like at Grindr hookups or cruising…

Make friends with a provider and that might happen. You're not going to get instant gratification on every hire. Keep trying. 

[+ bashful]

It happens.  Sometimes you two are not a match.  Sometimes they're not at their best.  Sometimes we're not at our best.    

Edited January 23, 2023 by bashful

[ChasingGirth]

5 hours ago, TokyoNewbie said:

Well, what I had in mind was, something like “to dine in a fine restaurant is not just for getting full, but an experience”.
Of course I don’t expect to feel like being loved or having a boy friends….. What I felt like missing there was some (pretended?) mind set like “we wanna have fun and let’s work together”, like at Grindr hookups or cruising…

Well but true, “to be wanted” is definitely a greedy wish….

I agree with what other said, try to see the guy multiple times, pay him well, maybe he was shy the first time you saw him. The second time and the third time he’ll get more comfortable and things will get more smooth and natural. 

If you want to do the restaurant thing, 1 advice to you: pay him for his time from A to Z. Don’t expect him to go to dinner for you for free and then have fun for whatever time you want to have fun with him. Pay him his rate also for the time you will be spending at the restaurant.   Their time is money. Unfortunately most guys don’t care about experiences they can pay themselves for a good restaurant and go on vacation. I have talked to many and the majority told me that they don’t care about restaurant and trips, unless you pay their rate or a package of hours you both agreed on. 

[Walt]

12 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

The only way to your goal of an emotional connection is to work toward an emotional connection with someone.

That means meeting up with someone more than once, tipping generously and forming a comfortable relationship that isn't just - *I pay you cash / you suck my dick*

This is 100% true...but you still need to pick wisely, because it will not succeed 100% of the time. This approach will bring out the best in providers capable of a connection, but alas, some providers are simply incapable (consciously or unconsciously) to make that connection.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, Walt said:

it will not succeed 100% of the time

"emotional connection" is not a menu item.

It requires frequent research and trial and error experiments.

[+ sync]

I agree with most of the above, a warm, cordial bonding is not likely to be instantaneous at a first meeting.  

From the providers' view, a stranger, about whom they know nothing is alone with them.  That would be enough to inspire most to "raise shields."

[jeezifonly]

I’m older, and I think the youngest provider I’ve seen is over thirty. I prefer over 40. More life experience and professional experience too, which for me makes a better fit. If one is into an age group remote from their own, conversation may be limited, but can be enlightening for both. I never travel or dine out with them on the clock, so I never have to worry about clarity of that time - I also do not host, but travel to them. 

Providers get paid to spend time, and while specific acts may be left aside, I do expect presence, and love it more when I feel desired by them, (Acting!!) which gets reflected in the tip.
 

There is no substitute for chemistry, whether looking for love or just a couple hours of exercise.  Like lotto, the more tickets you buy, the greater the chance of winning. 

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

12 hours ago, TokyoNewbie said:

Well, what I had in mind was, something like “to dine in a fine restaurant is not just for getting full, but an experience”.
Of course I don’t expect to feel like being loved or having a boy friends….. What I felt like missing there was some (pretended?) mind set like “we wanna have fun and let’s work together”, like at Grindr hookups or cruising…

Well but true, “to be wanted” is definitely a greedy wish….

Your expectations aren't out of line, but clearly research on picking the right escort might need some tweaking in the future.

The sentiments you shared here, share with future guys you want to spend time with.  Be super straightforward about your wants and needs.  A quality guy is going to appreciate that and make sure you have an experience, not just a fuck.

In the beginning, it's some trial and error.  Not every escort is able to quickly form bonds with their clients.  That's a real talent.  

 

[Jamie21]

2 hours ago, sync said:

I agree with most of the above, a warm, cordial bonding is not likely to be instantaneous at a first meeting.  

From the providers' view, a stranger, about whom they know nothing is alone with them.  That would be enough to inspire most to "raise shields."

A good provider wouldn’t let it be apparent though. The ones who are adept at this work will be able to find a bond very quickly. It’s a very tough job if you can’t do that! 
 

[Jamie21]

3 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

"emotional connection" is not a menu item.

It requires frequent research and trial and error experiments.

Yes agree, although I’d kind of hope someone doing sex work does realise that the brain is the biggest sex organ. When I see female clients you’re not getting much response if you don’t think about what’s going on in her head and manage that through the session. With guys it’s simpler but still important to think about his emotional state if you want to provide a great service. 
I love the reference to emotional connection as a ‘menu item’! ….

Client : “I’d like my cock sucked and to cum in your mouth and I’d like an emotional connection please”

Provider “yes ok, there’s an extra charge for the cum in mouth option. Would you like ‘emotional connection plus’ or is the standard level of connection ok? 

Client  “what’s the plus version?”

Provider “I add extra sincerity, it’s an extra £50 for the plus option.”

Client “ok I’ll take the standard level of emotional connection thanks”….

[+ sync]

49 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

A good provider wouldn’t let it be apparent though. The ones who are adept at this work will be able to find a bond very quickly. It’s a very tough job if you can’t do that! 
 

I can understand the premise, but I can't believe it's as easy as that for beginners.

[+ purplekow]

3 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Your expectations aren't out of line, but clearly research on picking the right escort might need some tweaking in the future.

The sentiments you shared here, share with future guys you want to spend time with.  Be super straightforward about your wants and needs.  A quality guy is going to appreciate that and make sure you have an experience, not just a fuck.

In the beginning, it's some trial and error.  Not every escort is able to quickly form bonds with their clients.  That's a real talent.  

 

"Benjamin are you trying to seduce me?"  Mrs Robinson was very hot as played by the beautiful Anne Bancroft, but my point surrounds the fact that she was playing a game and making her partner feel wanted and presented a very sexy and desirable companion.  Don't expect the escort to do all the work.  Yes he is getting paid, but if you want more than just getting laid, you got to work for it.  I am a fucking fat sixty something year old man with no hair and doughy old man muscles.  But that doesn't mean  I am not sexy.  It does not mean I cannot provide my partner with excitement and desire.  It does not mean I can't get him fully aroused and sweaty and breathing hard and eventually coming like a fountain in Las Vegas.  It does mean I have to work  harder to do so.  And in putting in that work, I get more enjoyment and I get a better performance from my partner and ultimately I get, a "Jeez, I wasn't expecting that" from both of us.    But I put in the work and I reap the benefits.  

So sex is like a conversation, if you want it to be stimulating and satisfying, you need to do more than just hold up your end.  

Edited January 23, 2023 by purplekow

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, sync said:

I can understand the premise, but I can't believe it's as easy as that for beginners.

Yes, it’s not easy. Which is why many beginners start out thinking ‘Great! Easy money, I’ll have sex and get paid’…..and then they realise it’s not like that atall, so they go off and do something else. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

32 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

Yes, it’s not easy. Which is why many beginners start out thinking ‘Great! Easy money, I’ll have sex and get paid’…..and then they realise it’s not like that atall, so they go off and do something else. 

Correcto.

Escorting in the truest sense of the word is highly skilled job.  Far too many people think it's just fuck-money-go-repeat.  

Sure, it can be that, but that's the kind of grind that quickly takes a toll.  

You can be the sexiest guy with the best body and biggest dick out there, but if you can't figure out how to verbalize and connect with someone for time you're not in the bedroom, you've painted yourself into a corner and are really only good for one thing. 

That one thing doesn't always keep people coming back again and again.

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I think Jamie and Benjamin are correct. 

Some providers are able to create a sense of intimacy very quickly. I think they’re probably extroverts who really like people. I’m similar and it matters in my line of work, which isn’t escorting. 

I’m sure some of it is learned but I don’t think people can fake that intimacy.

And as @pubic_assistance mentioned the more you engage with a certain provider the more you’ll have a genuine relationship, which is friendly not romantic.

My favorite providers have the sense of a fuck buddy. Like it’s not going to be romantic but you enjoy each other’s company and the sex is good. 

[dbar123]

Maybe this goes without saying but as a client, you also have some responsibility for helping create the mood. That included dressing on point (interesting underwear never hurts), making sure your body odor and breath are up to code, taming your hair etc etc. If you have a beard, make sure it was well trimmed a few days earlier so it’s not overly sctatchy ( or use a beard balm). If you are visiting a provider in call it never hurts to offer to bring coffee or something similar to show that you’re considerate.  I once brought a piece of chocolate cake to a provider who let it slip that it was his birthday. We had the best time “eating.”

[Jamie21]

5 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I think they’re probably extroverts who really like people.

I agree with you except for the extrovert bit. I’m not extrovert (far from it!!) and most of my sex worker friends I wouldn’t call extrovert. I know that’s not a scientific sample but anecdotally it seems to me to be valid in my experience. But I do think all are interested in people and in particular how they connect sexually. 

[pubic_assistance]

15 hours ago, purplekow said:

 I am a fucking fat sixty something year old man with no hair and doughy old man muscles.  But that doesn't mean  I am not sexy.  It does not mean I cannot provide my partner with excitement and desire.  It does not mean I can't get him fully aroused and sweaty and breathing hard and eventually coming like a fountain in Las Vegas.  It does mean I have to work  harder to do so.  And in putting in that work, I get more enjoyment and I get a better performance from my partner and ultimately I get, a "Jeez, I wasn't expecting that" from both of us.    But I put in the work and I reap the benefits.  

So sex is like a conversation, if you want it to be stimulating and satisfying, you need to do more than just hold up your end.  

Brilliantly put. ⭐

Thanks for sharing that.

[+ keroscenefire]

12 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I agree with you except for the extrovert bit. I’m not extrovert (far from it!!) and most of my sex worker friends I wouldn’t call extrovert. I know that’s not a scientific sample but anecdotally it seems to me to be valid in my experience. But I do think all are interested in people and in particular how they connect sexually. 

I think introverts could do very well at connecting with people one on one. I'm introverted myself as well and I'll hide in the corner of a large party but will have a great one-on-one conversation with 1-2 people all night. Introverts often are good at listening and making deeper connections. And I agree that many of my favorite escorts are ones a little more introverted. 

Edited January 24, 2023 by keroscenefire