Should I lie about escorting?

[miserybeme9]

I’m 23 years old and I haven’t dated anyone in 4 years  because iv been so fixated on escorting. I fantasize about being with someone my age that is a regular good guy again. The problem is I don’t know when I’ll ever want to stop being an escort for the foreseeable future. I am addicted to making money. I can’t imagine someone my age that’s “normal” being ok with me going on dates with older guys. Should I lie about it and do it out of secrecy? That sounds like a terrible burden to have on my shoulders. should I just stay single and accept that this is the lifestyle iv chosen? I am extremely lonely. 

[jtwalker]

Start dating an escort?  I doubt you are alone in this.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

No, don't lie. 

Just be honest and up-front.  If they can't handle your chosen profession, they're not the one for you.

YOU dictate your life and happiness.  Always remember that.

Edited July 27, 2022 by BenjaminNicholas

[+ nycman]

The minute you start lying in a relationship is the minute the relationship starts dying. 

I’m not talking about little white lies…."no, that shirt doesn’t make you look fat", 
I’m talking about big lies like "there’s no way I would ever fuck men for money". 

If a guy can’t handle the truth (and we’ve all got things we’d rather not disclose
at the start of a relationship, but know that we should), then he’s not the one for you. 

Edited July 27, 2022 by nycman

[pubic_assistance]

10 hours ago, miserybeme9 said:

I can’t imagine someone my age that’s “normal” being ok with me going on dates with older guys

"Normal" ?

What's "normal" to you ?

I'm sure there are plenty of people who share YOUR own level of normalcy in the matter. If you enjoy your career as a professional escort then date an escort. Then your ideas of normal will match.

Alternatively if you enjoy the company of older men... switch your priority to finding an equally lonely older man with money and offer him a committed relationship in exchange for taking care of you.  Relationships don't need to be two people of the same age to be "normal". You simply need two people who care about each other to cure lonliness.

 

[Epigonos]

Okay come on you are only twenty-three. Be decisive! Decide what you want NOW. Nothing, but death, is cast in concrete. If you are enjoying the money and experiences, you are having escorting now; continue. If in six, twelve, or twenty-four months, or more you feel differently then change your life at that time. You and you alone should be the master of your present and future. Good Luck and for God sakes have fun, Fun, FUN, move on and stop worrying about making a “permanent” decision.

[NJF]

My regular go to guys are both in long- term relationships, and their partners know about the escorting being the primary source of income for these guys. You can find open minded partners these days. It may be hard, but it happens. 

[+ WilliamM]

2 hours ago, Epigonos said:

Okay come on you are only twenty-three. Be decisive! Decide what you want NOW. Nothing, but death, is cast in concrete. If you are enjoying the money and experiences, you are having escorting now; continue. If in six, twelve, or twenty-four months, or more you feel differently then change your life at that time. You and you alone should be the master of your present and future. Good Luck and for God sakes have fun, Fun, FUN, move on and stop worrying about making a “permanent” decision.

 

One of my closest friends joined the Army during the Vietnam War at age 22  He was going to state college in Bellingham, Washington. He survived Vietnam, but took way too many chances.

Suggesting everyone in their early.20s should make important decisions  alone is Debatable

[Stormy]

Tell the truth.  Don’t start a relationship with secrets   Maybe you’ll find a guy who understands 

[Epigonos]

WilliamM you used the word "everyone" I did NOT. My recommendations were directed at this specific poster and no one else.

Edited July 27, 2022 by Epigonos

[Guest]

Yikes. You have a lot of decent options, but lying about your work while you date is probably the worst. You are correct that continuing to work as an escort will sharply limit the number of non-escort men who'd be willing to get serious with you (I assume that non-escort is what you mean by "normal"). Of course, most people have attributes which sharply limit who will date us. Everyone is turned off by various characteristics a person may have, and these vary for every individual. Had you been on this website for long, for example, you'd know that I somehow dislike baldness and obesity, for reasons I can't exactly fully understand (and men older than I am). Even then, however, there can be exceptions. Although I'm rarely attracted to bald men, let alone those who are older than I am, I peculiarly find RuPaul mysteriously attractive when he's dressed as a man. Maybe it's his bubbly and astute personality, maybe it's the bitchin' body?

Others might be turned off by older men, those with HIV or various other health conditions, trans men, men of various races (I have one Korean-born friend who isn't even attracted to the most handsome Asians imaginable, for example), vegans, omnivores, etc. Though, unlike baldness or race, you could lie, for a certain period of time, about your chosen occupation, ultimately this will only blow up in your face and cause you even more disappointment. 

It is true that if you choose to continue this vocation, only a limited number of hot guys in their 20s will be interested in a long-term relationship with you. I can think of two good ways to find those people in that case. One is to date mainly those for whom it's not likely to be a problem, such as porn stars and/or other escorts. The other is to put an entry to an online dating application which accurately describes your situation "Handsome 23 year-old escort seeks open-minded man in his 20s who'd be receptive to an open relationship...". If you live in a large enough city, there will probably be some men in their 20s who'd be willing to date you, and the ad will make sure you're all starting on the right track. 

Edited July 28, 2022 by Unicorn

[Rudynate]

I hope it all works out.  You may find it's not that much of an issue.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

What's most interesting is that for as 'all-inclusive' as younger generations can be about some things, their attitudes about sex remain somewhat in the dark ages. 

I feel like older gay men are much more at ease with sex.

Maybe that's experience and having had time to experiment with everything under the sun.

I guess in 20 years we'll see how it turns out for the current crop.

Edited July 27, 2022 by BenjaminNicholas

[dbar123]

Some of my favorite escorts have partners who are also escorts. I hope you find a similar kindred spirit 

[+ friendofsheila]

Which is easier to keep track of: lying or telling the truth?

[Thomas_Belgium]

Years ago there was a guy on tv and he had a relationship (or even was married) to someone who had the same job. Maybe you could try that first, good luck.

[+ purplekow]

To me, the key item in your post was the last line:  "I am extremely lonely,"   No job is worth being extremely lonely.  That gives you two choices:   Get another job.  That does not seem to be something you want so that leaves #2 Find friends and lovers who accept you for who you are and do not care what you do.  

Fo out, meet some people and have fun.  If the subject of your job comes up fine, answer honestly.  IF the topic does not come up. once you see that you have met someone of interest as a regular friend or lover, have the conversation. 

I realize that "so what do you do?" is usually an early question in meeting people. so be prepared to answer it  forthrightly and unapologetically.  If you seem embarrassed or ashamed of what you do, you have to expect they will pick up on that.  You might offer an anecdote at that time. i.e. "Three years ago I met an attractive older man at a bar.  I decided to go home with him and afterwards, he asked me how much for my services.  I realized right then, I enjoyed myself and I had the opportunity to get paid.  That was the day I decided to try doing sex work for a living.  I love what I do, but it does take a special guy to accept that in a friend or lover.   Are you a guy who can do that?"   

That will not be the end of the conversation if he thinks he can and if he can't it is better to learn early.  

Edited July 31, 2022 by purplekow

[Storm4U]

What’s done in the dark always comes to light, so don’t lie about it because the truth will it reveal itself whether you want it to or not. Always be honest, and if someone  is not comfortable with what you do, then they are not the right person for you at this time in your life.