Masseur is making booty-calls to me

[+ EVdude]

I don't think so, he has a full-time (non massage related) job that wasn't impacted by the lockdown. The massage business is something extra he does.

 

I'm not looking to date him. I'm just bothered by the fact that he is scheduling me for something he wants instead of the other way round.

 

Exactly, thank you for expressing it like that. He did change the dynamic and now I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I won’t hijack your thread with the details of my own mashugana (though could be an insightful general thread topic), but I ultimately had to end a vaguely similar relationship with a masseur. We did manage (to my surprise) to remain social friends until he left NYC but I had to cease all services... massage and otherwise. The transactional nature just got too weird for me.

 

My advice... either transform the situation to your comfort level, emotional and physical, or end it.

[PeaseBlossom]

He’s contacting him for both.

He could easily provide him a massage, and get paid, without the sex.

As I said before, a lot of masseurs find it easier to have sex with a client in lieu of a full body massage for 90 min.

[+ poolboy48220]

A guy I'd hired a few times contacted me a few times asking about making another appointment, he was pretty up-front about needing money (I think he was going on vacation & needed spending cash). In hindsight I regret not taking him up on it more often, he was a great time, and retired shortly after. My takeaway? Don't overthink it. Sure he was using me, but with my consent. :-)

[+ poolboy48220]

Just remembered another guy, I hadn't seen him for a while and got a call/text from him during a family dinner :-) I'd thought he retired. I did make a few more appointments with him.

[KeepItReal]

Just remembered another guy, I hadn't seen him for a while and got a call/text from him during a family dinner I'd thought he retired. I did make a few more appointments with him.

?

[harlow]

I kinda agree with what others have said and thats this guy is monetizing his own sex drive. It can be good and bad. If you're cool with him calling you whenever he wants and you have the money to spend for a session, especially at the massage rate then go for it. I think you may be feeling obligated to meet him whenever he calls. It happened to me before and and if I didn't fee like spending any money I simply said I wasn't available. You see it a lot on hook up apps and even twitter. Cute guys with raging hormones will see someone they'd like to screw and then drop that "generous" line and see if anyone would pay them. Its a win win for them.

[RickD1980]

B.L.U.F.

 

If the dude is contacting YOU for sex, you shouldn’t be paying for it.

 

I agree with Monarchy here. There are a lot of red flags here. You should be able to book a massage when YOU want it. He shouldn't be calling you for booty then charging you. Something's wrong and although there's no imminent danger, he is hurting your psyche. Stay away.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

@Wolfer First off - I hope that in addition to our other feelings, you are flattered that he has called you. Regardless of the reason, you made a good enough impression for him to call you. And if the sex is as good for you as you indicate, and it has been every time you've been together, then he must be enjoying more than the financial benefit of your encounters.

 

I tend to be a 'glass half full' guy and yet I often find myself overthinking about whether a provider thinks of my solely as an ATM. I've had enough encounters with providers that I know with some of them I am just a transaction, and other providers also enjoy spending time with me, perhaps over other clients. After ten years of enjoying this hobby I finally realized to not care about their motivations for seeing me.

Edited March 18, 2021 by sam.fitzpatrick

[+ sniper]

I mean, would you want to date him or are you just annoyed at paying and that it's on his schedule?

[Phil_musc]

I love these kinds of threads that seem to be our version of "Dear Abbey" or "Dear Ann Landers."

 

So if the masseur already has a good job and is just doing the massage thing to put his illegitimate children through Vasser when the time comes (or whatever. . . ), my question is what is the OP's job? It sounds like he may be quite the hottie and if his regular position had dried up with Covid issues he has missed a golden opportunity to develop another career. Might he consider posting some photos here so we can assess his possibilities and offer our further $.02?

[big dale]

Masseur is making booty sales-calls to me.

Fixed that headline for ya. Don't get it twisted.

[Okashii81]

@Wolfer First off - I hope that in addition to our other feelings, you are flattered that he has called you. Regardless of the reason, you made a good enough impression for him to call you. And if the sex is as good for you as you indicate, and it has been every time you've been together, then he must be enjoying more than the financial benefit of your encounters.

 

@Wolfer After reading the OP my initial thought was not to comment because it sounded like you have the situation properly analyzed. You just don't want to pull the trigger and make the decision to change (or cancel) the arrangement for fear of losing something. Others in this thread have responded with the "if it ain't broke" reply, but it really doesn't sound like you are comfortable with the situation to continue as is, whereas others might. For what it's worth, I'm not willing to say the masseur is using you, but you certainly present as the perfect client, i.e. someone he's attracted to and with whom he gets to have fun and get paid.

 

What made me want to respond though was the above quoted comment. I don't know if flattered is a word I would use in this situation because it makes it sound like the masseur is doing you some courtesy by seeking out your business and you should be grateful for it. That kind of thinking is partly why you seem upset about the situation.

 

A while ago I had a somewhat similar situation. I had a regular masseur and after our first couple of sessions we had full on sex. From that point on we had sex every time we met. He was very nice and complimented me and I knew he enjoyed himself. I even saw him out socially once and we hung out a bit. We would email and share funny memes, etc. He never reached out to me about setting up a time, but in my mind I always approached a session with him as a paying client. We weren't FWB. However, there were a couple of times when he was particularly horny that he pretty much skipped the massage and went to town on me immediately. (And yes, the sex was good! haha) When that happened, he would leave without asking for payment. In those instances it was about him getting pleasure (and also pleasuring me) and not him providing a service. If your guy is not willing to do that, then you have your answer. You either need to cut him or decide if you can continue with things as they are, putting aside any feelings of being afraid he might say no at some point.

[northend_stv]

You could put a cap on how many times you can afford the services per month, which is reasonable, and then he could decide if he wants to meet in addition to that for no charge.

[+ sync]

My perception is that the ball(s) is/are in the provider's court to make the initial overture for a more intimate, off-the-clock relationship.

[MmM]

I am in a similar situation. Started off with a decent massage then turned into full on sex. The third time, we just skipped the massage all together to have more time enjoying the sex part. He reaches out to me a couple of times a month now for a meeting. The difference is I would reach out to him as well and he would prioritize me over other 'massage' appointments. We both have fun with our encounters, but I still pay him his rate because I know he needs it. Even if he was the one who initiates the reaching out, I would still pay and not consider getting a freebie, just out of generosity. Also, sex at massage rates--why ruin a good thing?!

[MmM]

I am in a similar situation. Started off with a decent massage then turned into full on sex. The third time, we just skipped the massage all together to have more time enjoying the sex part. He reaches out to me a couple of times a month now for a meeting. The difference is I would reach out to him as well and he would prioritize me over other 'massage' appointments. We both have fun with our encounters, but I still pay him his rate because I know he needs it. Even if he was the one who initiates the reaching out, I would still pay and not consider getting a freebie, just out of generosity. Also, sex at massage rates--why ruin a good thing?!

[maninsoma]

This thread reminds me of a forum member who is an escort who expressed a belief that everyone he met socially who knew he was an escort should be willing to pay him if they ended up having sex. That seemed rather presumptuous to me and is something I've encountered more in Mexico than in the U.S. I am not particularly enamored with guys who try to hustle me.

 

The main difference in this case is that the initial meeting came about through an advertisement for paid services. One way to approach this, as someone else suggested, is simply to decline his offers to come over for a session for which he expects to be paid. At other times, contact him and ask to get together, making it clear that you are expecting an uncompensated date. If he takes you up on your offer, then your answer is clear: he is motivated to hook up with you outside of the confines of a professional relationship. If he isn't interested in your offer, then you know one of two things: The guy really isn't that into you or the guy isn't into you enough that he's willing to do it without getting paid.

 

I personally have no problem with getting together with a guy who initiates contact with me as long as I've established that sort of understanding with him. The two men I hired the most both initiated a lot of our meetings, one because he traveled a lot and wasn't always around and the other because he was a college student in another area and contacted me when he was back visiting family during school breaks. I didn't get my mind twisted in either case that because they reached out to me and seemed to enjoy our time together that I should be unhappy about still paying their fees.

[maninsoma]

This thread reminds me of a forum member who is an escort who expressed a belief that everyone he met socially who knew he was an escort should be willing to pay him if they ended up having sex. That seemed rather presumptuous to me and is something I've encountered more in Mexico than in the U.S. I am not particularly enamored with guys who try to hustle me.

 

The main difference in this case is that the initial meeting came about through an advertisement for paid services. One way to approach this, as someone else suggested, is simply to decline his offers to come over for a session for which he expects to be paid. At other times, contact him and ask to get together, making it clear that you are expecting an uncompensated date. If he takes you up on your offer, then your answer is clear: he is motivated to hook up with you outside of the confines of a professional relationship. If he isn't interested in your offer, then you know one of two things: The guy really isn't that into you or the guy isn't into you enough that he's willing to do it without getting paid.

 

I personally have no problem with getting together with a guy who initiates contact with me as long as I've established that sort of understanding with him. The two men I hired the most both initiated a lot of our meetings, one because he traveled a lot and wasn't always around and the other because he was a college student in another area and contacted me when he was back visiting family during school breaks. I didn't get my mind twisted in either case that because they reached out to me and seemed to enjoy our time together that I should be unhappy about still paying their fees.

[+ poolboy48220]

I told one guy who asked for another repeat that I couldn't afford it again so soon, he said just to pay him what I could. I made it clear it wouldn't be much, and he was okay with that; I think I gave him $20.

[Phil_musc]

Next we'll be hearing about a sliding scale system? Or perhaps "pay what you will?" In these covid times, that sounds decent.

[CuriousByNature]

Next we'll be hearing about a sliding scale system? Or perhaps "pay what you will?" In these covid times, that sounds decent.

Granted, I have not ever met with anyone, but any type of sliding scale hits me the wrong way for some reason. I don't think it would be fair to providers, and particularly those who approach this with a high degree of professionalism, any more than if we asked dentists and lawyers to be on a sliding scale for their time. And I would feel horrible if someone kept lowering their donation amount out of some kind of desperation. We never know what is going on in someone's life. Just a thought.

Edited March 21, 2021 by CuriousByNature

[big dale]

Also, sex at massage rates--why ruin a good thing?!

 

I guess I'm the idiot out here getting sex for ... FREE. LOL

[CuriousByNature]

I guess I'm the idiot out here getting sex for ... FREE. LOL

At least one of us here hasn't gotten sex by any means. And by 'one of us' I mean me. ? ??

[+ sync]

At least one of us here hasn't gotten sex by any means. And by 'one of us' I mean me. ? ??

There are at least two of us. ?

[orville]

I'm afraid that if I say "no" one time, I'll never be able to see him again and the sex is really good.

He probably sensed how much you are into him since the first time you met.

Being too transparent while doing business, could lead your counterpart to try to manipulate the situation.

When he made the first booty-call to you, he was just testing the waters.

When he made the second one and you confirmed and went to see him,

he knew he got you and could keep calling you indefinitely.

 

You obviously realized that it's good sex at a massage rate but still you feel like he's using you to satisfy his urges and make money.

As usual, I would suggest having open communication letting him know that you like when you both meet,

but since the last-minute-factor is bothering you, you can tell him you wanna keep seeing him but with better planning.

 

It will hopefully translate into a win-win situation.

If he's smart he will understand and try to make it more comfortable for you.

If he reacts negatively it could be a confirmation that not only he's using you but he also doesn't care about you.