Expressing a concern for Guy Fawkes/daddy

[bostonman]

Thank you for the update, Cooper. I continue to hope and to pray.

[+ keroscenefire]

March 10th Update. Daddy/Guy Fawkes tested negative on his 2nd covid test. Other than that everything remains the same. More attempts to wean him off the ventilator have been unsuccessful. He has not regained consciousness since entering the hospital on 2/26.

 

I know we are all hoping for a recovery but, from what I was told, it’s not looking good.

 

Do you have any idea if has any family involved or any sort of DNR-type agreements? Of course whatever Daddy wants should be respected but just curious if they told you anything at all about that?

[Cooper]

Do you have any idea if has any family involved or any sort of DNR-type agreements? Of course whatever Daddy wants should be respected but just curious if they told you anything at all about that?

 

I was told no family member has been located. ? If no family member is located 2 doctors must agree on a DNR.

[Guest]

I was told no family member has been located. ? If no family member is located 2 doctors must agree on a DNR.

That’s concerning. A family member was in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator with Covid. Doctors suggested pulling the plug and his wife refused. After three months he regained consciousness and is doing remarkably well today. I’m not an advocate for lost causes, but not having an advocate is problematic.

[+ Reisr30]

That’s concerning. A family member was in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator with Covid. Doctors suggested pulling the plug and his wife refused. After three months he regained consciousness and is doing remarkably well today. I’m not an advocate for lost causes, but not having an advocate is problematic.

Agree. It’s been less than two weeks since he was put on the ventilator; I have heard people being on ventilators for several weeks. Isn’t it kind of too soon to be thinking about a DNR?

[CuriousByNature]

Agree. It’s been less than two weeks since he was put on the ventilator; I have heard people being on ventilators for several weeks. Isn’t it kind of too soon to be thinking about a DNR?

I think it's important to know if a DNR or other type of directive is in place even in cases when the situation may not be dire. Things can unfortunately become unstable very quickly, so the more informed the medical staff is, the more likely they can stay true to a patient's wishes. If he does not have family handy or easy to reach, it may be that they wouldn't know if a directive exists anyway. Two weeks on a ventilator is serious of course, but not unheard of - lets hope his body is using this time to heal effectively.

[+ Coolwave35]

My aunt went on a ventilator 1/20 and sadly never regained consciousness. She passed on 2/3 after no improvement in her condition and loss of brain function. My mom was her healthcare proxy and said it was so tough to honor her DNR wishes.

[Guest]

I think it's important to know if a DNR or other type of directive is in place even in cases when the situation may not be dire. Things can unfortunately become unstable very quickly, so the more informed the medical staff is, the more likely they can stay true to a patient's wishes. If he does not have family handy or easy to reach, it may be that they wouldn't know if a directive exists anyway. Two weeks on a ventilator is serious of course, but not unheard of - lets hope his body is using this time to heal effectively.

I'm not sure why it's important for any of us to know that. I was on our hospital's ethics committee for 20 years, so I have some experience knowing what happens when a person is incapable of communicating. If the patient has Advanced Directives (a statement of what the patient would have wanted in such a situation), those take precedence. Next come anyone with a Durable Power of Attorney for healthcare. If neither of those exist, there are lines of succession as to who makes decisions (spouse, parent, adult children, sibs, then friends). There are social workers whose jobs it is to find the right person. If someone is truly "unbefriended," things get difficult, judges often need to get involved, and a court-appointed conservator may eventually be assigned. A DNR order will not be placed unless it's known to be the patient's wishes, or if the situation is completely hopeless.

Ethics committees often get involved when different relatives have different recollections of what they believe to be the patient's wishes (and there's no AD or person with DPA).

[Guest]

I was told no family member has been located. ? If no family member is located 2 doctors must agree on a DNR.

I suppose it's possible the laws are different in Nevada, but in California, the 2-doctor rule is only for emergency consent for procedures. Non-emergency procedures or DNR would require a valid consent (DPA, caregiver, conservator, or judge).

[+ WilliamM]

I'm not sure why it's important for any of us to know that. I was on our hospital's ethics committee for 20 years, so I have some experience knowing what happens when a person is incapable of communicating. If the patient has Advanced Directives (a statement of what the patient would have wanted in such a situation), those take precedence. Next come anyone with a Durable Power of Attorney for healthcare. If neither of those exist, there are lines of succession as to who makes decisions (spouse, parent, adult children, sibs, then friends). There are social workers whose jobs it is to find the right person. If someone is truly "unbefriended," things get difficult, judges often need to get involved, and a court-appointed conservator may eventually be assigned. A DNR order will not be placed unless it's known to be the patient's wishes, or if the situation is completely hopeless.

Ethics committees often get involved when different relatives have different recollections of what they believe to be the patient's wishes (and there's no AD or person with DPA).

Daddy does on occasion mention friends in his Daddy Reviews posts. Perhaps not by name though.

[Guest]

Daddy does on occasion mention friends in his Daddy Reviews posts. Perhaps not by name though.

Well, if anyone here is friends with Daddy, it wouldn't hurt to call the hospital's social worker department to make sure they've found a decision maker for him. Believe me, hospitals do not like the situation of an "unbefriended" patient. It's a legal mess.

[+ WilliamM]

Usually the friends Daddy mentions are people he has know for a while, they may not be members here.

 

But, again from reading in cabana, he certainly likes a wide range of members

[CuriousByNature]

I'm not sure why it's important for any of us to know that. I was on our hospital's ethics committee for 20 years, so I have some experience knowing what happens when a person is incapable of communicating. If the patient has Advanced Directives (a statement of what the patient would have wanted in such a situation), those take precedence. Next come anyone with a Durable Power of Attorney for healthcare. If neither of those exist, there are lines of succession as to who makes decisions (spouse, parent, adult children, sibs, then friends). There are social workers whose jobs it is to find the right person. If someone is truly "unbefriended," things get difficult, judges often need to get involved, and a court-appointed conservator may eventually be assigned. A DNR order will not be placed unless it's known to be the patient's wishes, or if the situation is completely hopeless.

Ethics committees often get involved when different relatives have different recollections of what they believe to be the patient's wishes (and there's no AD or person with DPA).

I'm not suggesting that we need to know whether Guy has a DNR - that's nobody's business but his and whomever he would want to know. What I meant is that generally speaking, if a person has a DNR it is good for someone to know about it. When a relative was diagnosed with a terminal illness, he made sure that a number of us knew that he had a DNR. Just in case he was incapacitated those of us on his contact list could let the hospital know. That's all I was meaning.

[+ Lucky]

For all we know, Daddy has all of the legal papers drawn up and sitting in a folder somewhere in his apartment. But none of us can enter. At some point, there will be an effort by the hospital or a court-appointed guardian to discover if those papers exist. But it is out of our control, and, as someone above mentioned, not really our business. We can only wish him well.

[former lurker]

That’s concerning. A family member was in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator with Covid. Doctors suggested pulling the plug and his wife refused. After three months he regained consciousness and is doing remarkably well today. I’m not an advocate for lost causes, but not having an advocate is problematic.

 

I'm of the same view. There were a few times when I had to push for my father to be admitted to the hospital and those proved life saving.

[Guest]

It can help if the person with the DPA is "medically sophisticated" (usually a physician or RN). For example, if he's in a hospital that doesn't perform lung transplants, it would be helpful if there were someone who could nudge the hospital staff to request a consult or transfer to a hospital that does perform such a procedure. That's why I was listed first in my widowed mother's DPA, and why I'm listed first in my widowed step-mother's DPA. I don't know who's listed first in my unmarried sister's DPA. That reminds me that I need to re-do my advanced directives and DPA paperwork. Normally they're filed with the patient's primary care provider (if Daddy has such papers, that's who they'd ask). Since I've moved to LA, I really should get on that. Probably put my sister or brother as DPA. If things work out with "Diego" and I, I suppose I'd eventually put him on.

[+ Lucky]

So many times read or hear someone saying that they really need to get those papers done, and sometimes they actually do. For years I went to Acapulco every January. The last time one of the guys said these very things. He seemed determined. But six days later he died without having made the changes he wanted.

Moral of the story: Do those papers now! You can get forms from a variety of organizations or even with a google search. Then, tell someone you have them.

[+ Coolwave35]

My money manager has a subscription to a service called ever plan. It’s amazing. It helps you find resources for people to help you complete all of those forms, compiles them, and locks up access until you die. Once alerted, they begin emailing attorneys, business partners, friends POA’s etc. it’s one central, cloud based, safe, easily updatable service that has brought me incredible piece of mind. I encourage anyone to check it out. I have copies of property deeds, car titles, cc’s and identifications, passwords etc. it also sends alerts like “you haven’t reviewed your will in xx months, it’s worth another look” type things.

I strongly recommend it.

Edited March 11, 2021 by Coolwave35

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

My money manager has a subscription to a service called ever plan. It’s amazing. It helps you find resources for people to help you complete all of those forms, compiles them, and locks up access until you die. Once alerted, they begin emailing attorneys, business partners, friends POA’s etc. it’s one central, cloud based, safe, easily updatable service that has brought me incredible piece of mind. I encourage anyone to check it out. I have copies of property deeds, car titles, cc’s and identifications, passwords etc. it also sends alerts like “you haven’t reviewed your will in xx months, it’s worth another look” type things.

I strongly recommend it.

 

 

Interesting indeed:

 

https://www.everplans.com/

[BaronArtz]

I don't quite recall the year I started reading this forum - it was during the Hoo Boy (?) years. I am grateful that this site exists and I am grateful to the people who keep it running. It has been a never ending lead to fun times, to experiences I would not have had otherwise and to disappointments avoided. I wish the 'daddy' person a quick recovery.

[Luv2play]

My money manager has a subscription to a service called ever plan. It’s amazing. It helps you find resources for people to help you complete all of those forms, compiles them, and locks up access until you die. Once alerted, they begin emailing attorneys, business partners, friends POA’s etc. it’s one central, cloud based, safe, easily updatable service that has brought me incredible piece of mind. I encourage anyone to check it out. I have copies of property deeds, car titles, cc’s and identifications, passwords etc. it also sends alerts like “you haven’t reviewed your will in xx months, it’s worth another look” type things.

I strongly recommend it.

 

My sister, who is younger than me and was a professor of nursing at a large university for 32 years, has my power of attorney and Living Will, as we call them here in Canada. The latter contains instructions as to what to do in the event I am incapacitated. I also have her contact info in my wallet, which I either carry with me when outside or have in the kitchen in plain sight. I live alone.

 

My late father had an experience 20 years ago when his wife, my step-mother, went into cardiac arrest at their condo. Both she and my father had DNR's in an envelope, taped to their fridge door in the kitchen. When the medics came within 5 minutes to their apartment, they started immediately to try to resuscitate her. My father sent one of them into the kitchen to retrieve the envelope. He came back and told his team members to stop what they were doing and they let her die.

 

The only reason they had done the DNR on the fridge was on account of her daughter, who was a physician and had advised them 6 months earlier. As a result, my step-mother's wishes were carried out.

[+ Coolwave35]

That’s an impactful story. I always viewed a DNR as a DNR if there’s no hope of me living a fulfilling life with mental and physical capacity. I never thought it meant if I just happen to drop. I’d always assumed I’d like the paramedics to do a little sumtin sumtin.

[Luv2play]

That’s an impactful story. I always viewed a DNR as a DNR if there’s no hope of me living a fulfilling life with mental and physical capacity. I never thought it meant if I just happen to drop. I’d always assumed I’d like the paramedics to do a little sumtin sumtin.

A little more background. My stepmother had three children who were doctors but hated going to doctors herself. She was the fatalistic type. She was 80 when she died and it was her first major event, health wise.

 

My father was more the optimistic type but when he wrote his DNR, he had had two major heart attacks in the previous 5 years which left his heart quite damaged. He didn't want to survive a third heart attack and be incapacitated in a long term care home.

[+ Charlie]

I also assumed the DNR was for someone who was terminally ill and in a medical setting, not for EMRs who had been summoned to a home in an emergency. That seems to me to put an unfair burden on the EMRs, who would not have expected to have to make that kind of decision.

[+ Coolwave35]

A little more background. My stepmother had three children who were doctors but hated going to doctors herself. She was the fatalistic type. She was 80 when she died and it was her first major event, health wise.

 

My father was more the optimistic type but when he wrote his DNR, he had had two major heart attacks in the previous 5 years which left his heart quite damaged. He didn't want to survive a third heart attack and be incapacitated in a long term care home.

I just imagine being out to dinner with my husband, getting into a fight and sitting in awkward silence. Then I imagine choking and him waving the DNR until I apologize.