Do I take legal action or do I take the difficult "high road"?

[coriolis888]

 

Losing an inheritance? How many People have an inheritance of significant wealth?

 

 

Lots

[coriolis888]

 

snip

 

And the best way to do it is to write him a letter forgiving him.

 

 

But, do not mail the letter.

 

Let the letter be a form of catharsis for you.

[MikeBiDude]

Losing an inheritance? How many People have an inheritance of significant wealth?

Lots

@WilliamM even inheriting a family home could be a significant inheritance. Also a modest cash, retirement account balance.

“Inherit” doesn’t equal DuPonts, Vanderbilts, etc. True “ inheritance baby” with complete financial independence might be rare, but significant inheritance is not.

After all....why politicians always want to always tax it??

[Luv2play]

In your position, I would try to reach out to my relatives, the ones your ex outed you to. If you can establish or repair links with them, then your ex will have no further hold on you or your emotions.

 

If your relatives are not receptive to your overtures, then try to strengthen your relationships with your friends. After all, we don't get to choose our relatives but we do get to choose our friends. It's even nicer to have both on your side.

[+ sniper]

Forgiveness doesn’t benefit the recipient, it benefits the grantor. I can be sure from experience with the numerous fraudulent signatures my ex-wife signed on legal documents taking money from me that there’s few DAs who like to prosecute based on allegations arising out of domestic quarrels.

 

I feel terrible for you in what you’re experiencing. But it is best to move on in my opinion. And the best way to do it is to write him a letter forgiving him. First, I’d write one for yourself listing all the things he wronged you with...but don’t send that one. Next, you can write a shorter letter to him simply saying that you forgive him and wish him the best (and politely say to never contact you again, no matter what.). I suspect that he will be angered knowing that his theatrics have no sway on you. You should take comfort knowing that you’ve heaped red hot coals of kindness on him without giving him a chance to respond. Then, YOU are in control and he is powerless. If he contacts you, know you’ve won...and ignore him.

 

I wish you a quick journey through the remainder of this pain.

Didn't he say there's a restraining order against him? He should not send any letter.

[+ Lucky]

The OP has left us good-wishers hanging. Should we get a restraining order?

[Guest]

Losing an inheritance? How many People have an inheritance of significant wealth?

If it's such an insignificant amount, I don't know why the OP would choose to spend the emotional energy keeping this hidden for decades.

[+ WilliamM]

If it's such an insignificant amount, I don't know why the OP would choose to spend the emotional energy keeping this hidden for decades.

What inheritance? Isn't the inheritance not relevant to this situation?

[Guest]

What inheritance? Isn't the inheritance not relevant to this situation?

The OP insinuated significant harm from the outing to his family. We are left to speculate as to what this "harm" consisted of. If the harm consists of a significant inheritance he risks losing, I can understand how the OP could be upset. If it's simply that they no longer need to believe the yarns he's been spinning, then he might look at this with some relief at no longer having to keep up with his tall stories.

[alageorge]

I came out to my family more than 50 years ago, in a small town in Alabama. I would rather be out than stay in the closet and retain some inheritance.

[+ WilliamM]

The OP insinuated significant harm from the outing to his family. We are left to speculate as to what this "harm" consisted of. If the harm consists of a significant inheritance he risks losing, I can understand how the OP could be upset. If it's simply that they no longer need to believe the yarns he's been spinning, then he might look at this with some relief at no longer having to keep up with his tall stories.

 

To be fair to the OP, there could be several other reason that he doesn't want his family to know he is gay. None of the other possible reasons include an inheritance.

 

For example, his reasons could be job related, if he works for a very conservative family owned company.

[coriolis888]

 

To be fair to the OP, there could be several other reasons that he doesn't want his family to know he is gay. None of the other possible reasons include an inheritance.

 

For example, his reasons could be job-related, if he works for a very conservative family-owned company.

 

 

In the first sentence of this thread, the OP already stated that his family had been informed of his being gay -

 

"One year ago today, my ex did something that was incredibly sinister: outed me to my family."

 

The fallout to that information could have taken many directions including employment and/or disenfranchisement with his family.

[+ WilliamM]

In the first sentence of this thread, the OP already stated that his family had been informed of his being gay -

 

"One year ago today, my ex did something that was incredibly sinister: outed me to my family."

 

The fallout to that information could have taken many directions including employment and/or disenfranchisement with his family.

Thanks, but tell @Unicorn as well, please

[Guest]

In the first sentence of this thread, the OP already stated that his family had been informed of his being gay -

 

"One year ago today, my ex did something that was incredibly sinister: outed me to my family."

 

The fallout to that information could have taken many directions including employment and/or disenfranchisement with his family.

Being employed by a family-owned company or disenfranchisement from the company's board (what else would one mean by that) essentially implies important family wealth and loss thereof. Would you enlighten me and provide a couple of other of the "many" directions you're talking about?

[Leyte2019]

Losing an inheritance? How many People have an inheritance of significant wealth?

 

How much is significant?

[MscleLovr]

I’m intrigued that we haven’t heard more from @Smurof.

 

I feel @nycman gave excellent, pithy advice overall and @Luv2play gave helpful advice on the familial aspects.

 

My advice to @Smurof is on two fronts:

1. NEVER take legal action (whether in civil or criminal cases). You are likely to incur costly legal fees in taking advice and from what you’ve stated, it seems unlikely you will get the retribution you seek.

2. Reach out to those family members you care about and simply state that you want to renew ties of affection etc. If they don’t respond, MOVE ON. We can’t change the character of family members or friends, but we can change how we live our own lives.

[Smurof]

MscleLovr, your advice seems to sum up what the consensus was in what I should do going forward. So with that, I want to thank all people who chimed in with various takes on my situation, and I appreciate the concern you all have for a fellow forum member

 

Smurof

[OCClient]

The story reminded me of an acquaintance, what some call a rice queen, that was dating this beautiful, young Thai who ultimately moved away to the east coast to attend medical school. Not long after that, my acquaintance reported that his Thai friend dumped him for some hottie in med school, and so was terribly distraught. He was literally in tears each time we had coffee talk, which was sad, losing at love with a beautiful Thai guy. Some of us know this feeling. But curiously, he then decided to out his Thai friend to his family. He didn't have to, but he did it.

 

One could say this outcome goes with the territory. A risk you take being in the closet and dating a "loose cannon".

 

In the end, in this case and with the OP, it takes forgiveness to free yourself completely. Perhaps that is all one should hope for.

 

As far as knowing about criminal activity, if the OP is somehow complicit with that piece, that's a whole other can of worms. Sounds like there was at least ongoing knowledge of it and a messy way to live.

[roberysmit]

I think in your case it will not be easy to make a decision on your own. And advice from friends and family is not always correct. Before making a decision, I recommend that you get advice from a professional in the field of jurisprudence in the field of civil and criminal cases. The fact that you had such a painful experience in your life is really terrible. But in order to protect yourself in the future and avoid such an experience again, you need a lawyer. I was in the same situation and I  came to the conclusion that the problem can only be solved with the help of the law.

[+ Lucky]

29 minutes ago, roberysmit said:

I think in your case it will not be easy to make a decision on your own

Why revive an old thread as your first post? The matter has been discussed to death and your advice is too little, too late.

[+ nycman]

20 hours ago, Lucky said:

Why revive an old thread as your first post?

I think it’s the “Ex" coming here to cause trouble. 

Of course I have zero proof, I’m just stirring the shit pot….because it’s fun!

 

Edited November 9, 2021 by nycman

[RadioRob]

Typically someone found the message from Google or the site search.  Many people don't pay too much attention to the date.  This is part of the reason why we automatically disable the ability to respond to really old topics.  Right now that's defined as 2 years.  This one is not even 1 yet.  

[marylander1940]

11 hours ago, roberysmit said:

I think in your case it will not be easy to make a decision on your own

 

11 hours ago, Lucky said:

Why revive an old thread as your first post? The matter has been discussed to death and your advice is too little, too late.

Can we please stop policing each other wondering why someone bumped this or that while at the same time bumping the thread again...

The Mgt. made a wise decision making old threads untouched for 2 years unbumpable

[jtwalker]

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and wishing the other person harm.  You're not hurting him, you are hurting you.

 

Make like Elsa and Let it Go.

[+ purplekow]

On 2/18/2021 at 3:09 AM, Unicorn said:

Being employed by a family-owned company or disenfranchisement from the company's board (what else would one mean by that) essentially implies important family wealth and loss thereof. Would you enlighten me and provide a couple of other of the "many" directions you're talking about?

Perhaps that family was a wife and children.  That could be awkward.  Divorce.  Alimony.  Child Support.  Or perhaps he means the "Family". When Big Pussy came out on the Sopranos things turned pretty bad for him.  

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by purplekow