The Virus and me

[+ Oliver]

Many of you know that I am “of a certain age”. Also that I have experienced and overcome some serious health issues. Presently I am in very good health and enjoy being able to do a lot, as I am totally free of those prior problems. I also know that my time for doing and enjoying is limited because of “my certain age”.

 

Then along comes 2020 and “The Virus”. I have followed what I think is responsible activity and have observed the protocols both in California and here in Ohio by wearing a mask in public, washing my hands frequently, practiced “social distancing” (hate these terms that have arisen – probably indicating “my certain age”), limiting my associations with others, etc. I found it necessary to cancel this year’s Palm Springs Weekend, but have tentatively scheduled one for 2021, hoping that it can happen. Comments in the thread on the Weekend have prompted this post. I won’t be able to do this forever.

 

Now I come to the reason for writing this. I find that I resent not being allowed to do those activities and have those experiences I am still capable of doing and having. This is probably not the gracious and appropriate attitude to have concerning this situation. I have mulled over my feelings regarding this matter and finally decided that resentment best describes those feelings.

 

I believe I generally have a positive outlook on life and living, not subject to depression. Depression doesn’t describe my current state of mind. Obviously there is some anger involved. I also realize that my outlook is probably entirely selfish. I have been blessed with a wonderful life, but while I’m able to do, I would like to do!

[Daverwr]

I partially understand and can validate some of your feelings. I’ve fought depression for much of my life. This virus shit has exacerbated it 10-fold. I too, have done everything right regarding the scientific experts as you listed. I actually felt I was doing them for everyone else. Finally, I had to do something human and something for myself. That’s when I started renting men again. Of course, I was as careful as one could be. Actually, the shopping was almost just as fun as the real thing. Anyway, bringing this part of me back into my life has helped tremendously. Just one piece back in my life.

[KrisParr]

Bah, humbug. Ok, it’s a little early, but that’s how I feel today. Although I’m just barely over-the-hill, I do have some health issues, thus social distancing, masking, staying in, the whole bit, has really taken a toll. For example, my nephew is getting married this afternoon about 1,500 miles away. Many family members are attending, but I just can’t allow myself to fly or drive. So I’ll watch via Zoom and make a toast from home. I hate this shit. And with winter right around the corner, long, dark days ahead, there’s not a lot on the horizon that cheers me up. Guess I’ll go eat some worms.

[MscleLovr]

I can understand and relate to what you say @Oliver.

 

I too am healthy and I’m considered fit, but my next ‘big‘ birthday will be 70. I travel overseas regularly in normal times, and so I resent not being able to travel. I won’t be able to avoid the Winter by visiting the Southern Hemisphere as usual, and so I’m not looking forward to that restriction.

 

I’m also conscious that there are older posters here. I bet they too have places they wish to visit, and things they’d like to do, while they still can.

[+ WilliamM]

One of my closest college friends has dementia,but I can't see him because of distance by car and train is not safe because it requires two different trains.

 

I am upset, made peace with it now.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

@Oliver - Thank you for your thoughtful post. Resentment is a good description of my feelings over the pandemic as well. And I don't believe for one second that we are being selfish.

• I resent that the actions we need to take to minimize the spread of the disease are needed, but I have no problem abiding by them and am obsessed with having the perfect mask to match my attire for the day.
  
• I resent that some of my favorite restaurants may not reopen, yet I understand why the owners are not able to sustain them.
  
• I resent that theater productions and concerts are not happening, yet I live stream Jim Caruso's Pajama Cast Party on Monday nights.
  
  
• I resent that I haven't visited with friends and enjoyed a group dinner together in a while, but I am catching up on my reading.
  
• I resent that my nephew isn't able to be in the classroom to start his high school experience, yet I am having fun helping him with his algebra over Facetime.
  

[+ Just Sayin]

for me it's the resentment--those of us of a certain age are aware we have only so many good years left, and to have one, or maybe two, taken away from us is distressing; but then, this is where the discussion of resilience comes in.

[+ sync]

I also am of a "certain age," and I understand, relate and empathize with all of the above. I believe the bulk of our anxiety is rooted in the fact that none of us, nor any of our brethren, adjust well to being told what we can and cannot do in our lives. While these restrictions are against our nature, they have been proven necessary and have been in place for a relatively short time. If/when we install a federal leadership that is capable of uniting the country in combating C19, we will be able to return our social liberties in a relatively short time, as has been proven in other countries (and in certain areas of the U.S.). If we stay strong with our precautions, and the predictions of a soon forthcoming vaccine are valid, we'll be able to come back here with postings of a more uplifting nature in the near future.

[CuriousByNature]

A friend of a friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness at the beginning of the pandemic and given 9 -12 months to live. Its now been 7 months since her diagnosis and she hasnt been able to do any of the things she would have wanted to do during her final months. It breaks my heart to know that there are many others in similar circumstances.

[+ Lucky]

When Oliver addresses the issue as a man of a certain age, I get it. There are things we thought we'd do in our "golden years" that are now not doable. And that sucks. Life is changing all around us, places closing and gone forever. Handshakes are history. Baseball's 60-game season ended today and I hope that they never have another one. Games without spectators? Geez. There's a whole list.

If it is any consolation, we can look at the fun we have had, fun that was denied to so many, and count our blessings. That may be easier said than done.

[+ Charlie]

I expected that losing a lot of the things I enjoyed and took for granted when I was younger would be part of growing old, but I thought the changes would be gradual, and would be based on my declining health or financial ability, not on something unrelated to my own condition. I figured I wouldn't be likely to have sex when I was in the mood, but I didn't expect I would not be able to go to dinner at a favorite restaurant when I was hungry for a good meal. I expected that international travel might be more expensive, but I didn't expect that the places I enjoyed going to when I got there--like performing venues or museums--would be closed. I certainly didn't expect that admission to the countries themselves might be denied. I didn't expect that I would be reluctant to take my usual long driving vacations for fear that I wouldn't find places to eat or or sleep or go to the bathroom. The worst part is that I don't know when or if I will be able to do those things again. I am not angry--I can't get angry at a virus--but I am increasingly depressed at the loss of opportunities that will not come again.

[+ jrhoutex]

@Oliver, I understand and share your thoughts. I keep telling myself to be patient and this too shall pass. I’ve place intimate interactions on hold for the time being. I do appreciate some providers (like DavidSF) who are proactive in screening using home test kits. I do understand testing may produce false positive tests but I am confident that they are also getting more accurate as time passes and we learn more about the virus. I have a rather small group of friends that provides me with social interactions. I too have been using Zoom and Facetime to connect to special folks in my life to stay connected. I do get out and walk and bike the neighborhood and parks regularly. I’m looking for to cooler Fall temps. I try to take joy in the small things that I took for granted in the past. I also enjoy reading/listening Eric Hassan’s daily inspirational message on twitter.

 

I’ve taken more road trips this year just to get away. I find driving to visit family and friends does me a great deal of good. Pre C-19, I would have hopped on a plane without hesitation. Unfortunately, that’s something I’m not quite ready for yet.

 

We have to take care of our physical and mental health by finding ways to adapt to our environment. I’ve done much more cooking at home that I usual do. I actually enjoy finding new recipes to try. I try not to watch the news too much as it causes me stress. It is sad to see simple things like wearing a mask to protect others has become a political statement.

 

I am fortunate and thankful that I am financially secure, loved by family and friends and in good health. While I miss international travel, live theater and my annual visits to Palm Springs and NYC, I know that it is only temporary and look forward to more certain times to enjoy life. Stay safe, keep washing those hands and mask-up when you get out and about.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@Oliver I feel you 100%. And now that you say it, I kinda have to admit I’ve been resentful in a way about it as well.

 

But at the end of the day it’s like, what can we do. Here we all are, made it to 2020 (considering back in the 80s and 90s, Hollywood swore we would be in flying cars, meeting aliens, and traveling thru space like the Jetsons lol). Sometimes it’s those little things that seem so surreal.

 

Even though scientists seem to point that this isn’t some type of biological warfare, I still compare Covid to 9/11. Mainly because 9/11 changed (and inconvenienced) so many things over the years. But then we were able to accept it, and ultimately become a safer society. I don’t know where corona will take us (I have to chuckle and wonder how stores will go from “mask required for entry” to “No masks allowed” come Halloween), but I’m sure it’ll pass and eventually create a new and better normal.

Edited September 28, 2020 by Jarrod_Uncut

[marylander1940]

Many of you know that I am “of a certain age”. Also that I have experienced and overcome some serious health issues. Presently I am in very good health and enjoy being able to do a lot, as I am totally free of those prior problems. I also know that my time for doing and enjoying is limited because of “my certain age”.

 

Then along comes 2020 and “The Virus”. I have followed what I think is responsible activity and have observed the protocols both in California and here in Ohio by wearing a mask in public, washing my hands frequently, practiced “social distancing” (hate these terms that have arisen – probably indicating “my certain age”), limiting my associations with others, etc. I found it necessary to cancel this year’s Palm Springs Weekend, but have tentatively scheduled one for 2021, hoping that it can happen. Comments in the thread on the Weekend have prompted this post. I won’t be able to do this forever.

 

Now I come to the reason for writing this. I find that I resent not being allowed to do those activities and have those experiences I am still capable of doing and having. This is probably not the gracious and appropriate attitude to have concerning this situation. I have mulled over my feelings regarding this matter and finally decided that resentment best describes those feelings.

 

I believe I generally have a positive outlook on life and living, not subject to depression. Depression doesn’t describe my current state of mind. Obviously there is some anger involved. I also realize that my outlook is probably entirely selfish. I have been blessed with a wonderful life, but while I’m able to do, I would like to do!

 

We understand you but count your blessings, many other folks are having a tougher time not because of their age and things they can't do but because of facing eviction among other problems this pandemic and recession have caused.

 

Stay safe, "ride: this year out and hopefully once there's a vaccine life will be back to normal.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Stay safe, "ride: this year out and hopefully once there's a vaccine life will be back to normal.

 

Or better yet: hopefully “it” just burns itself out like SARS did back in the earlier 2000s. Going back to the flu thread, there’s still no guarantee that a vaccine won’t make a person ill. But...I know this is Oliver’s thread so I won’t make it a debate ?

[+ Pensant]

@Oliver - Thank you for your thoughtful post. Resentment is a good description of my feelings over the pandemic as well. And I don't believe for one second that we are being selfish.

• I resent that the actions we need to take to minimize the spread of the disease are needed, but I have no problem abiding by them and am obsessed with having the perfect mask to match my attire for the day.
  
• I resent that some of my favorite restaurants may not reopen, yet I understand why the owners are not able to sustain them.
  
• I resent that theater productions and concerts are not happening, yet I live stream Jim Caruso's Pajama Cast Party on Monday nights.
  
  
• I resent that I haven't visited with friends and enjoyed a group dinner together in a while, but I am catching up on my reading.
  
• I resent that my nephew isn't able to be in the classroom to start his high school experience, yet I am having fun helping him with his algebra over Facetime.
  

Excellent post. And having met you, I can attest that you’re a lovely person!

[mike carey]

Thanks for canvassing this important issue, @Oliver, no one is unaffected by the pandemic and for the most part people's reactions have been understandable. I exclude those who have sought to deny it, who claim to have greater insight than the medical experts and who seem to regard the economy as being more important than our lives.

 

I too am of a certain age, although not as certain as some other forum members. I am lucky to live in a country that has largely been spared the harsher effects of the pandemic, and the restrictions I've had to endure have not been particularly burdensome. I have managed the last six months reasonably well and coped with the spending most of my time inside my house. The internet has made it easier, as it brings so many things into my bubble, this forum not the least of them, as has the 'serious' network of our public broadcaster. There are things I cannot do, but I didn't feel constrained by it. That said, I am aware that I won't live forever, so the time I have to do things isn't unlimited.

 

Even now, as I think about travel, i don't feel resentment at those or any other limitations, although I have the beginnings of a degree of frustration. I can travel to most of the country but not overseas, and I am looking at places around Australia with new eyes. Last night in a current affairs piece about the impact of the pandemic restriction on various communities around the country they covered a flash hotel that was at 10 to 20% occupancy and rather than just think 'That's interesting' I immediately thought about a short break there. (No, I haven't booked. Yet.) The possibility of travel to New Zealand seems to be tantalisingly close, and I'll be on a plane there pretty soon after it becomes possible.

 

I recognise that if our restrictions were harsher I'd be more likely to feel oppressed by them and perhaps resentful, so I'm in no position to criticise others who are. Are they being selfish? Maybe, but to me wishing restrictions away is natural, it's not really being selfish unless you convert your frustrations into flouting the restrictions. For now, I'm content to count my blessings, plan on taking up opportunities as they arise and hoping for there to be more of them. And even to dare to hope that Palm Springs 2021 will be a thing, and one that I can travel for!

[Epigonos]

To my way of thinking being of a “certain age” can and does mean, at least, two different things for me. We are constantly told/reminded that people of a “certain age” are more at risk to covid19. I certainly do not dispute that “fact”. However, there are those of a “certain age” between, let’s say’’ 50 and 70+ and then there are those of a “certain age” 80 or older. I am soon to be a member of the latter group.

 

Over the last three years I have lost both my brother-in-law and my sister. They were married when I was fifteen and were married for 62 years. They lived within fifteen minutes of me and we were very close. My brother-in-law died at age 86 and my sister at 88. As I am soon to be 80 I would guess that, at best, I have ten to fifteen years more to live.

 

With the above, in mind, I sincerely believe that my choices as an older person of a “certain age” are quite different than those of a younger person of a “certain age”. I recently attended the wedding of my great niece and upon returning home I self- quarantined for two weeks. The end of next month a friend and I are taking a two-day road trip to the Santa Barbara area of California. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. On November 7th, a friend, from this site, and I will depart for a one-week vacation in Puerto Vallarta. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. From the 22nd of December to the 26th I will be in Laguna Beach. I have always loved Christmas and have decorated my condo for the many parties I host during that time. Since those parties are no longer possible I’m fleeing the coop. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. The point of all of this is that I’m not convinced I have the time to wait out this covid19 insanity thus I’m going to continue my life as I have lived it as best I can. If I should come down with covid19 and die well at least I will have lived a great life.

 

I apologize for this very long winded epistle.

 

P.S. Yes I do wear a mask when in public, wash my hands frequently, and social distance.

Edited September 30, 2020 by Epigonos

[NikoLeto]

for me it's the resentment--those of us of a certain age are aware we have only so many good years left, and to have one, or maybe two, taken away from us is distressing; but then, this is where the discussion of resilience comes in.

 

I tried several times to come up with a meaningful response to this, but never felt like anything I said could convey the meaning. Your words helped me step into your shoes for a moment. This was deeply illuminating. I hope we all get out of this terrible time with as much as we can. Stay safe.

[Todd Jenkins]

I FUCKING RESENT EVERY MOMENT of 2020 starting with March 5, 2020.

 

The virus is real, but we have definitely been lied to - from both sides.

 

Some days, I find it hard to function...and other days I am ok.

 

I understand your thoughts all too well.

[+ WilliamM]

My dad dropped dead from a heart attack at age 53 when he came home for lunch one day.

 

I am very grateful to live to age 77, despite heart and prostate problems.

[Luv2play]

To my way of thinking being of a “certain age” can and does mean, at least, two different things for me. We are constantly told/reminded that people of a “certain age” are more at risk to covid19. I certainly do not dispute that “fact”. However, there are those of a “certain age” between, let’s say’’ 50 and 70+ and then there are those of a “certain age” 80 or older. I am soon to be a member of the latter group.

 

Over the last three years I have lost both my brother-in-law and my sister. They were married when I was fifteen and were married for 62 years. They lived within fifteen minutes of me and we were very close. My brother-in-law died at age 86 and my sister at 88. As I am soon to be 80 I would guess that, at best, I have ten to fifteen years more to live.

 

With the above, in mind, I sincerely believe that my choices as an older person of a “certain age” are quite different than those of a younger person of a “certain age”. I recently attended the wedding of my great niece and upon returning home I self- quarantined for two weeks. The end of next month a friend and I are taking a two-day road trip to the Santa Barbara area of California. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. On November 7th, a friend, from this site, and I will depart for a one-week vacation in Puerto Vallarta. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. From the 22nd of December to the 26th I will be in Laguna Beach. I have always loved Christmas and have decorated my condo for the many parties I host during that time. Since those parties are no longer possible I’m fleeing the coop. Upon my return I will self-quarantine for two weeks. The point of all of this is that I’m not convinced I have the time to wait out this covid19 insanity thus I’m going to continue my life as I have lived it as best I can. If I should come down with covid19 and die well at least I will have lived a great life.

 

I apologize for this very long winded epistle.

 

P.S. Yes I do wear a mask when in public, wash my hands frequently, and social distance.

Whatever became of the Boomboom Room in Laguna Beach? And The Little Shrimp? And the ocean-side restaurant a couple of blocks north that was the home of some Hollywood star in the ‘20s or ‘30’s? Had a large veranda in front which could seat around 80 to 100 guests? All great spots in the 70’s/80’s when I spent some time there.

[Epigonos]

Over the last 20 years Laguna Beach has gone VERY upscale. All the gay "riffraff" has been priced out and that includes establishments like the Boomboom Room and the Little Shrimp.

[Rudynate]

I feel the same way everyone else does. Right now, one of the mental exercises that is helping me get through things is remembering that, in the long view, this is pretty unremarkable, as dramatic as it seems close-up.

 

I do give allow myself to wallow with thoughts like "how much can one person take - a crazy president, pestilence, wild fires, political unrest, etc, etc." But humanity has been here before.

[Rudynate]

I feel the same way everyone else does. Right now, one of the mental exercises that is helping me get through things is remembering that, in the long view, this is pretty unremarkable, as dramatic as it seems close-up.

 

I do give allow myself to wallow with thoughts like "how much can one person take - a crazy president, pestilence, wild fires, political unrest, etc, etc." But humanity has been here before.