JB_Studio38

There’s no “attitude” just to clear that up first. I’m just simply saying, not everyone has the inclination to team up with other providers. That’s not having an attitude, that’s just making an understanding. Have you ever tried to work with other escorts and/or clients and seen how it works? If so let me know. Otherwise, despite what some might say or think here: I know other escorts who feel the same: a little harsh but a lighter opinion: This is not throwing your advice under the bus, BUT: I wasn’t asking about how to team up with other escorts and split hotel/air bnb costs. You introduced an entirely different subject that didn’t have anything to do with the topic at hand. My post was talking about why certain clients ghost off when saying “yes sure” when I say I’ll be in town and if they are up for connecting. Only to then change it up and not respond or give an appropriate response upon arrival. That being said, I have over the years reached out and fostered some escort friendships here and there: but my go to people to stay with, are typically outside of the industry. I’ve even had group/3s with other providers and kept in contact, but non of which have turned into some master plan of sharing hotel/air bnb costs. I’m more inclined to work with my clients on covering those expenses, versus riding someone’s coattail and expecting it to work out in the way I want it to.

In these cases, was the fee received or returned? Or was there any sort of compromise made

So here’s the thing: it’s not about dwelling on the negative. However it would be nice to know that instead of leaving someone hanging, that they at-least have the courtesy to reply back. Especially when I say I’ve arrived to the very area they asked about me coming to. Also in one of the cases, the client reached out to me to ask about scheduling: whereas the others were people who have asked me to reach out when I come to the their area. I say so because when I tell some of them I’m not yet in the area and/or will be traveling to the area: there’s an urgency to get me there. So when I’m there, I want to see that same energy. Also, traveling with a provider may work in some cases however: there’s real truth is it is not often as easy as it seems. Those other guys often have their own schedule and clients to tend to. They’re not really as accommodating to other escort’s schedules as you may be lead to believe. I also was in the mentioned city due to something that was scheduled with a friend who’s not an escort. Trying to fit another escort into that schedule, and having them in my hotel rooms, having them see clients during my off time: it doesn’t really make sense. Don’t just go by the peachy/creamy stuff that sounds good. Try to understand what it’s really like behind the scenes. That’s not me asking them to pay more. That’s simply saying: I rather do 1 longer booking with someone RELIABLE, then to try to play a numbers game and fit in 4-5-6 clients at a time. Not only is that usually unrealistic due to people’s schedules, but if I’m to maintain full sexual energy, I rather reserve that for 1 or 2 clients. Not a conveyor belt of guys. And believe it or not, most of my clients are okay with that. The ones out there trying to get by with ONLY shorter sessions even when it’s a longer commute: usually be trying to get over on me. I just had a client “scam me” earlier this week. I seen it coming, but I was just happy to finally get a client in shitty ass Kansas City that I hate working in so much…because the clients suck and there’s always 100 escorts trying to advertise to these cheap ass, flaky ass clients out here: dude shorted me $100 from our agreed upon rate! Not to mention the parking at his hotel was $28. I had to explain the situation to the “customer service” who runs the facility, that I wasn’t even staying at the hotel: I was there to visit someone who agreed to pay for my parking because many garages are app/QR codes now. Like I said above, that stuff generally does not work in the real world. Y’all think it’s just easy peasy to team up with another escort: keep in mind at the end of the day we’re technically trying to reach the same viewers. Even when it’s not another escort directly in competition, I had a situation earlier this year where a guy I traveled to St. Louis with: had guys coming and going in the hotel last minute. I personally do not care to be a spectator or backseat to another dude’s sexual liaisons. Especially one who I don’t know well or who’s a close friend. Now: the only time I will occasionally travel with friends, is if it’s just for hanging out only, with no emphasis on hooking up. In fact the group I do sometimes travel with, we all have a no hooking up agreement. Just keeps down on drama etc. I mostly only travel with clients or people I’m actively dating/involved with. **And don’t think the escorts you do see traveling together, aren’t in some kind of situation or commitment together ** I would rather pay for hotel rooms at a reduced profit, than to share a hotel room with someone where I have to leave for a certain time while they fuck, with possibly my personal belongings in the room too. My “friend” did that on our last trip: 1 hour turned into 3 hours. While I waited in the lobby. This is after I drove 6 hours the night prior, then drove us again from downtown to a sketchy hotel by the airport the next day. All while being tired and unsexed. Needless to say, we aren’t friends anymore. But that taught me to not travel with anyone else who I’m not fucking directly. Some cities I visit, hardly have any advertising competition. I don’t necessarily make up reasons as it could be anything from lack of funds, to discretion, or them browsing on freebie apps. But it’s uncommon that I’d be on the bottom of someone’s “list”. What place would you be on someone’s list? Are you all that and a bag of chips yourself to be making those claims? I mean if you’re going to make a statement like that, don’t think I don't have anything to back it up 😂

I made arrangements to travel to a city 3-4 hours away for the dual purpose of a friend’s event and to incorporate some clients into my schedule. So as usual, I reach out ahead of time to previous clients to let them know I’m coming and to see if we can arrange a visit. The 4-5 people I anticipated mostly said yes BUT, there was some maybes. Which I guess meant no, because of all, only 1 person showed up. And thankfully he did because it was a longer $,$$$ visit. But what I dislike the most is someone ghosting off and not responding at all, once I arrive to town. Especially if it’s someone I met before. And about 3 of them did that. Some may say I should “bet on” only 1 or 2 to show up, which can often be the case. 1 was able to let me know he couldn’t show. The others, I texted/emailed twice and no reply. Its a big part of why there has to be an understanding, taking trips to meet clients without a deposit comes with risk. I did it, but I was able to curb some of the risk by having enough free hotel nights in case everybody fell thru, along with a secondary purpose. But it would have been a complete bust if I hadn’t had the 1 come thru. And even though the trip was only 4 hours away, it still ended up being 3 nights of hotels: the first night being the initial commute (which I sometimes have to do in order to get to town early enough to see people and not worry about delays but, that’s also extra money). 2nd night was event and booking, 3rd night was more rest and recovery. But 3 nights and only 1 client showing up, is part of the reason $250/300 isn’t as appealing as it used to. Even with free nights and friends discounts, I still spent $200 on lodging. If I had only one $250/$300 session: I would have essentially broke even with no profit. I know it’s just “how it is”, but that’s why I spend more time advertising in cities than actually staying there. Unless I have a place to stay, sponsored by a friend or client, I don’t like taking the risk. And staying with people is getting old too. That’s why I strategize with hotels, so I don’t have to rely on people for a place to stay when I visit a city. Gay folks can be the worse when it comes to needing to post “remotely” from their place. Most won’t allow to host, and small things can be a bother: I might as well just get a hotel room and at least have the potential to earn something. But that comes with the caveat of making sure there’s enough people following thru and showing up.

That’s certainly not realistic. Considering many if not MAJORITY of clients are beyond 40-50 y/o, with a large majority interested in Tops: I still feel my overall progress is better than it was when I was then. My rates have evolved but it’s just overall not as many booking. But that’s I believe more due to lower visibility and many escort sites having been replaced by hookup apps that aren’t giving space to sex workers to openly advertise. That’s interesting but idk if even a percent can be a good measure. It could be higher or lower depending on the city/week/month. I know in my home residing state, 1 or 2 new clients a month is about all I can expect. More appropriately: Its the “Timewasters” that make it not as great. Most real clients are not the issue. Those are the ones met in person. It’s the others who drag out things, make me answer 100 questions, leave you hanging when anticipating an appointment, etc. I can understand someone being nervous or new or whatever, but lot of these things are available in my ad and website. I also don’t like doing that around the clock for free. I used to work on customer service phones doing sales inbound and outbound. That was hard enough getting paid for it. Imagine not always getting paid for that text exchange that goes on for an hour or more, not to mention taking time out of the day to respond. That’s why when someone said it’s crazy to expect payment just to communicate about a session, I don’t think so. My ad is free to read and jerk at pictures. But if someone wants to then have a conversation and be available to my time: Something is appropriate. Btw: timewasters come in many forms even outside of clients. Like I said earlier, the “lifestyle” of being gay is so much timewasting as it is. Some people can do that for free all day long. I had someone come to my hotel other night, first off he was already being way too cautious about everything. Then we get to fucking. But then after a couple positions he says he is short on time and needs to go. But, that he can come back tonight or in the morning. I already knew he likely wasn’t but…I can’t stand when people do that. Don’t come to room and play around and not be ready to finish the mission lol. Granted he wasn’t a client, just a college guy but still timewasting/playing games.

The same way in which people like to prank on escorts: it’s a thrill for them. It’s why some of us who have been in the industry awhile do ample screening, deposits, etc. There’s a nightclub in Nashville that holds “sniffies” nights. I won’t mention the name but, it’s basically you come in with the app turned on and that’s your entry. Lots of half naked dudes walking around, ready to suck n fuck in the back lol. However, maybe because I’ve “mostly seen it all and done it all”, but I’m just not into it. I don’t like giving myself up freely to random people. It was fun at one point when I was younger but now, idk…just more discerning. Like I can get into all the fun and kinky stuff but: it has to be among people I know or a paid session. Not to mention, I kinda hate these apps for what they’ve done to the male escort industry especially in smaller cities/rural towns: they have these supposedly sex positive platforms, but don’t even lift a finger in the fight for valid sex work. Adam 4 Adam is the only non escort website that has chartered that territory, but nowadays it’s not the hit site so actual hits and clients seem to be spread out and require lots of travel to make it work. These apps haven’t done nothing like Craigslist back in the day used to do: open the door to prospective renters in an accessible way. Now you have to talk to like 50-100 people, just to get maybe 1 actual client.

Dayuse is a good alternative, anything is better than not being able to host at all. However I don’t think dayuse is fool proof because I booked a room on it last month or so, and the client flaked out. I ended up having to cancel the room but I was within the time limits. But still, I don’t like having to book and cancel regardless. Next time I won’t do it again without a deposit, as I’ve been messed around in the past by booking hotels to host clients, and then they either don’t show or cancel after I’ve paid for it. What I normally do now is have most all new clients who want me to host, arrange a deposit towards the session. That’s the only way I can know for sure and have something on hand to work with. Well like I say, when you’re dealing with non-escorts, who knows. I personally only do it 2 ways: deposit in advance from client, or meet in person and then collect the arrangement prior to booking the hotel. Keep in mind, dayuse does not work nor is available in every city. In small towns, it’s almost non existent. And even medium sized cities, you’re almost better off to book a room for the night. The dayuse rate sometimes runs the same as what it would be on a 3rd party app, but of course it’s much more flexible with day use as 3rd party apps never like to give refunds for prepaid cancellations. There’s so many strategies to the hotel game, and I’ve tried most all of them: but the best one for me is loyalty/points, friends and family, and 3rd party booking apps. To me dayuse is almost counter productive because many times you’re paying for the cost of what a room elsewhere would be for the night. Once I get into a hotel, I don’t want to unpack or rush out in 4 hours. To me that’s the #1 caveat with hotels, and if I can mitigate that by getting late checkout with a familiar brand, I’d rather do that. However: escort versus client, dayuse may work better for clients and I still occasionally refer clients to that if they can’t host and neither can I. But as an escort, I’m trying to maximize my time in a hotel so that’s counterproductive.

Yeah that’s still weird. In my case, I like fucking in hotels BUT it has to be a suite 🤣 like, livingroom/bedroom maybe even jacuzzi. Or at least a close substitute. I’m very conscious about leaving my room without traces of fucking. I even bring my own cotton sheets to toss over the bed. The last person I visited in a hotel, we “messed up” the sheets and he just checked out. I rather bring my own and wash them, I don’t need housekeeping knowing my business 🤫

I found an article, dated this year: that sheds some light on the circumstances at play currently. Although I don’t agree with “all” of the suggestions (like some of the face verification because that can be used in bad ways also), it does give a general overall review: https://www.escortsaffair.com/blog/698f269bc14c5f115c210400

There was something awhile ago I read in maybe like an escort online guide, that encouraged clients to seek out escorts with “actual names”. Anything otherwise is likely to be taken with suspicion. It screams “phony”. You mean the same non-gay men advertising on a MsM (men sex with men) with sketchy sounding profile names, that some clients chase after because they think they’re getting a straight man who wants to lay next to them? Maybe so… But it’s not confined to “Black men” because there’s many posts about Latino scam rings running the same games. 💯 and it’s considered rape because it’s not consenting to sleep with that person for something different than what was agreed on. Also keep in mind: PayPal is EXTREMELY sex worker unfriendly. They have shut down 2 of my business accounts, BOTH times were because of clients who tattled trying to get their money back. One won most of his money except my deposit back, the other agreed it was a mistake and we rescheduled but by that point, he pushed the dispute thru and PayPal closed my account again. I waited like a month to get my money released from PayPal. So going forward, it’s definitely worth it to bear that in mind. I would not be using PayPal for that purpose. They were okay before Cash App and Venmo was around but it’s very risky now

To add, Off topic somewhat, but more relevant to hotels themselves: I have been using hotels less lately. However I still have status to several brands. Reason why: The other week I crashed out at someone’s motel after hanging out: because it was already after midnight , only to be awakened by housekeeping knocking at 9 a.m. Idk why dude didn’t have a sign up. And for whatever reason he wanted to up and leave at the same time. But that’s one peeve of mine with hotels and just crashing at unknown folks place in general. I didn’t sign up to wake up early lol. It hit me like a bad dream and I was like FUCK, why did I bother sleeping over. I should have left the night before. Sure enough, the next morning I’m having to do 90 in Saturday morning traffic, which irritated me even more. So I be like, fuck hotels with their inconvenient checkout times lol. And Fuck the guys who fail to inform ahead of time, that they will be leaving out first thing! It’s so rude. It’s one thing to let someone know the night before to allow the option, but to surprise them with it in the morning is rather petty and trifling. Not that I expect much more integrity, from the majority out here cruising. I ended up getting back to where I was staying, and even though I waited in the drive thru for 20 minutes to receive my breakfast and coffee,: I just went back to sleep and didn’t even eat until after noon.

Considering you’re saying these are non-escorts, unfortunately it’s hard to tell what’s going on. I do know; freebie cruising sex is a very different world than paid encounters. Regardless it does sound a bit sketch. Do you reside far from town? When I host, I do arrange a hotel but that’s incorporated into my deposit. The choice is either client come to me, or I go to them. But there’s no in between of splitting hotel costs so we can both stay, unless it’s a dating situation…and that’d of been someone I’d known longer than just “yesterday”. That sounds about right, but a shoddy way of going about it. So many people out here be on some scam/finesse shit that it’s harder to even run a business around sex work. You really have to know how to move, know the red flags, and decipher between real and fake. Unfortunately A4A too is also not the best when it comes down to it. If I were able to regularly host: (unlike now I’m having to arrange hotels to host) BUT I pay for that out of my own pocket ONCE I receive deposit to confirm a session. But I would not leave the comfort of my hosting venue, to get a hotel with someone…unless I was staying with friends or family and couldn’t host. Otherwise it don’t make sense.

I stick to smaller gyms and tend to go during off peak hours. I went today, around 7:30 and there was maybe 5 of us there. I could have did a strenuous workout, but I didn’t want to stay too late as I had to commute home. It could be your city, but I doubt the “whole world” wants to be fit. In the Midwest and South there’s still a lot of obesity. Also, not to put down or generalize: but I do notice fewer gay black men and gays in general, are going to the gym in some areas. It makes me cringe when I go to the gym, and it’s only the hetero-flexible guys hanging with their bros. I go on the apps, and all the gay guys are 5,000 feet from the gym 😑 I would love to bulk up more, but I’m also aware that some of these guys out there are using 💉 to get there. No shade if that’s the case but, that doesn’t work for everybody. Even just naturally working out with legal GNC/Walmart/Vitamin supplements, I’ve outgrown some really nice shirts that I used to love wearing but they look too small on me now. I’ve also ripped a few pair of jeans and shorts 😂 I also like to admire a nice body, however I find too many gym warriors be hella conceited and narcissistic. Like, it’s all about them (not saying everybody is but, across the board they can be. Or they’re only loyal with people who are in their party/druggie circle). Sometimes I rather just go for a guy who’s not in the gym as much, but I do want to have someone who is fitness conscious to some degree.

You make an accurate point. However, it’s hard to tell whether the “restaurant” is the escort advertising, or the advertising platform itself. I’m leaning on the fact that it’s moreso the advertising platforms themselves that go out of fashion, versus the individual escort (as we’ve seen over the years with Men4rent, Backpage, HourBoy, Rentboy, Adam4Adam, etc ). I recently spent 2 weeks in a city going to the bars almost every other night. I can definitely say I haven’t lost my edge, considering all the compliments and phone numbers I was getting. But the issue is; the sex work game online is very different these days. It’s ultra packed, everybody and their brother is trying to be a content creator. And I can almost imagine certain Rent Men ads are just trying to drive content sales versus being escorts. But you do. You do need to know. Because so many clients contacting from RM (and you guys here on the forum) make assumptions about what I’m doing, what city I’m in, how many clients I’m seeing, what time of day I’m cumming, cross examining why I need more than 1 hours notice to meet etc etc. So if anyone is going to assume, it’s probably a good idea to first understand what’s actually going on. And unfortunately, the RentMen platform does bare minimum to direct clients on how to make plans with an escort in a way that’s conducive and not counterproductive. Therein lies my job, which I try to convey on the 350 characters allowed in my auto reply/my website/my text introductory message: which apparently some guys seem to “ignore and move on”, thus remaining IGNORant. You really think all this can be accurately solved in 2 sentences 😂 You can always read other material if this is too advanced level for you. Here’s the door 🥾 🚪 Well said 👏🏽 And it’s about more than venting. Like I said above, these things aren’t being facilitated on our ads. The stuff I talk about here, I can’t have in a discussion with a client. I’m not embarrassed or shamed to talk about it here. It’s a forum, with clients and escorts participating. We should all be adult and mature enough to talk about it without feeling dismissed or put down. And yes, I understand it can be long winded and not sexy to talk about sometimes but: that’s the reality. People want to act like everything is peachy creamy, and it is at times BUT, it’s currently not. I just got back from a 2 week trip, meaning away from home. I only had 2 clients and 2 “promotionals” (I say because I accepted 2 offers from folks on a hookup app, but it was not my actual rate. But, it was preferable to meeting for free). However, 2 clients in 2 weeks is completely unacceptable. Meanwhile, I was sifting thru inquiry after inquiry on the RentMen messenger, texts from MoFos who stopped replying or flaked out, people offering impossible rates (like $100). It’s a mess out here in many cities. That’s why now, I don’t go anywhere without confirmed bookings. And like I told @Colton, people do need to understand that if I don’t advertise ahead of arriving to a city, I am not willing to take the risk to just “show up”. People see my ad in a city the moment I move it there, and think “oh you’re here now?” I’ve traveled all over the country (US) and know from experience it’s never wise to go to a city with no planning, and hoping for clients to show up. Because it’s too many other escorts in the industry these days, and most clients have no idea about pricing. And closing of Craigslist back in 2010, there used to be an understanding that sites like Rentboy and Men4Rent had more upscale priced providers. Now, it seems anybody and everybody is on it and half the time they have no idea that $150/$200 doesn’t work for every appointment 16 years later.

I’m a fan of overnights but, I would first ensure compatibility. One of my sponsors years ago, first came to my city for vacation and to see me for a couple hours. After that I would go to his area for overnights. Sometimes instead of an overnight, you can start off with a couple hours and perhaps provide a hotel room for the guy. I did that in one city couple months ago. I went there, client had hotel ready, reserved a couple hours and then he went home and let me keep the room for the night (And being he procured the room, I didn’t need to bring other clients to “make back” hotel money).