Contact again or just let it be?

[Scotty]

Hi - Thanks for reading my question. A few months ago while I was traveling I had a great sensual massage experience. We had great conversation and he gave an amazing massage that got more sensual that I expected, lot of mutual contact, both of us got rock hard. It was just the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating but we did not actually get off. Anyway we had a nice follow up chat before I left and talked about me contacting him next time I was in the area. He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready. Anyway, I texted him that night to thank him again for the great session. He didn't reply. A few days later when I got back home from traveling I texted him again to tell him how great it was meeting him and to genuinely thank him for the great session and to wish him well on something we discussed that was coming up for him. And again he never replied. My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it. But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn. I would really like to have another session with him. But I also feel like it is kinda pitiful for me to be chasing after him. Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again or just let it go?

[MscleLovr]

the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating

 

Contact again.

 

You can never know what’s in another person’s mind and you don’t know why he didn’t respond to your chatty texts.

- maybe he was busy,

- maybe he was not as thrilled by you as you were by him,

- maybe he doesn’t share your almost-Oriental levels of politeness and saw no reason to thank you for your ‘thank you’ texts

 

Put simply, your previous session gave you what you wanted. You may well enjoy a second date just as much. If he doesn’t respond to your request for another session, then move on to another masseur.

[+ tassojunior]

Hi - Thanks for reading my question. A few months ago while I was traveling I had a great sensual massage experience. We had great conversation and he gave an amazing massage that got more sensual that I expected, lot of mutual contact, both of us got rock hard. It was just the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating but we did not actually get off. Anyway we had a nice follow up chat before I left and talked about me contacting him next time I was in the area. He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready. Anyway, I texted him that night to thank him again for the great session. He didn't reply. A few days later when I got back home from traveling I texted him again to tell him how great it was meeting him and to genuinely thank him for the great session and to wish him well on something we discussed that was coming up for him. And again he never replied. My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it. But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn. I would really like to have another session with him. But I also feel like it is kinda pitiful for me to be chasing after him. Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again or just let it go?

 

"Are you available for massage" is all you should be saying. The guy maybe has 100 texts and emails a day to read and he's going to skip over verbose ones. They get lumped in with the weirdos who just want to chat and waste time, not really book.

Edited June 3, 2019 by tassojunior

[MrMattBig]

I know it's different between massage and escorting, but as a provider I am more likely to give less priority to a "are you available for a massage". Any version of "available"or "rates" are the types of messages that get lumped in.

If I was the provider in question, I would respond well to, "Hi, hope you are doing well. I saw you a few months ago and I will be back in town visiting. Would love to see you (xyz day during xyz time of day for an xyz length of time. Would that work for you or what other times are you available?"

"Are you available for massage" is all you should be saying. The guy maybe has 100 texts and emails a day to read and he's going to skip over verbose ones. They get lumped in with the weirdos who just want to chat and waste time, not really book.

Edited June 3, 2019 by MrMattBig

[marylander1940]

Hi - Thanks for reading my question. A few months ago while I was traveling I had a great sensual massage experience. We had great conversation and he gave an amazing massage that got more sensual that I expected, lot of mutual contact, both of us got rock hard. It was just the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating but we did not actually get off. Anyway we had a nice follow up chat before I left and talked about me contacting him next time I was in the area. He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready. Anyway, I texted him that night to thank him again for the great session. He didn't reply. A few days later when I got back home from traveling I texted him again to tell him how great it was meeting him and to genuinely thank him for the great session and to wish him well on something we discussed that was coming up for him. And again he never replied. My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it. But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn. I would really like to have another session with him. But I also feel like it is kinda pitiful for me to be chasing after him. Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again or just let it go?

 

Maybe he was busy or just forgot to reply, I wouldn't worry much about it.

 

Send him a text: "I'll be back in town week. Will you be available on Wednesday afternoon for another session? I'm sure he'll reply to that text, maybe he's afraid of creating a pen pal relationship.

 

 

"Are you available for massage" is all you should be saying. The guy maybe has 100 texts and emails a day to read and he's going to skip over verbose ones. They get lumped in with the weirdos who just want to chat and waste time, not really book.

 

Exactly! Before guys would call and make plans in 2 minutes now it takes endless texting for hours...

[playwrestler]

I agree with the above... I never reply with a thank-you for the thank-you note... Life is just too short. On the other hand I bet he'd be up for seeing you again... so reach out!

[+ azdr0710]

brief and to-the-point!!........specific day and time!........

 

since you've already met, gushy thank-yous and perfunctory how-are-yous aren't necessary!......a polite inquiry about availability and a quick "had a great time last time" are evidently all he wants to hear

 

Edited June 4, 2019 by azdr0710

[rvwnsd]

Hi - Thanks for reading my question. A few months ago while I was traveling I had a great sensual massage experience. We had great conversation and he gave an amazing massage that got more sensual that I expected, lot of mutual contact, both of us got rock hard. It was just the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating but we did not actually get off....

Sounds like you had a great experience!

 

...Anyway we had a nice follow up chat before I left and talked about me contacting him next time I was in the area. He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready....

It even sounds like you could potentially have another great experience in the future!

 

...Anyway, I texted him that night to thank him again for the great session....

That was very nice of you.

 

... He didn't reply....

That was possibly not very nice of him, but at the same time he might not want to carry on the conversation with you. At this point, it would have been a good idea to stop contacting him until you were back in his area and were ready to book another massage with him.

 

However, not all good ideas come to fruition and so

...A few days later when I got back home from traveling I texted him again to tell him how great it was meeting him and to genuinely thank him for the great session and to wish him well on something we discussed that was coming up for him....

This might have seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment, but I assure you it wasn't. He didn't want to have a conversation with you unless it pertained to booking another massage. That's why he did not reply to the first "thank you" text.

 

...And again he never replied. ...

I'm not surprised by this.

 

...My feelings were hurt for a few days...

I understand why your feelings were hurt and it appears that you had the very best of intentions, but take a step back. You do not know one another. For all he knows, you are a clingy, stalker-in-training who won't leave him alone. That's not to say you are, but it is to say that he is setting some boundaries. The boundaries are "text me when you are ready to book a massage."

 

...but I got over it....

Good!

 

...But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn. I would really like to have another session with him....

Then send him a text to the effect of "Hey, this is Scotty. We had a great massage session on xx/xx/xxxx. I'm in town and would like to book another session on xx/xx/xxx at xx:xx or on xx/xx/xxxx at xx:xx. Do you have availability?" And that's it.

 

...But I also feel like it is kinda pitiful for me to be chasing after him....

I don't think pitiful is the right word, nor do I think it is chasing after him if (and only if) you keep the text about booking a sensual massage. Don't mention the unanswered texts, the thing that was coming up for him, his Instagram, or anything else that is unrelated to booking a sensual massage.

 

...Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again...

If you want a massage from him, then reach out to him again.

 

...or just let it go?

Let go of the unanswered texts.

 

One last thing: There are massage therapists and escorts who like conversing with clients outside of meet-ups. It can be hard to determine who is OK with these offline conversations and who isn't. You just have to take them on a case-by-case basis.

 

PS: I hope you have another fun massage with this guy. Keep us posted

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

... your almost-Oriental levels

 

I usually say fuck all to any form of political correctness, but you do realize that this term has been dead for awhile.

 

The catch-all now seems to be Asian.

 

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112465167

 

However, you are all still welcome to call me an overgrown ginger Paddy

[sincitymix]

Contact again.

 

You can never know what’s in another person’s mind and you don’t know why he didn’t respond to your chatty texts.

- maybe he was busy,

- maybe he was not as thrilled by you as you were by him,

- maybe he doesn’t share your almost-Oriental levels of politeness and saw no reason to thank you for your ‘thank you’ texts

 

Put simply, your previous session gave you what you wanted. You may well enjoy a second date just as much. If he doesn’t respond to your request for another session, then move on to another masseur.

almost-Oriental

 

[Mocha]

He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready.

 

My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it. But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn.

 

What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again or just let it go?

 

First off, I know how you feel. I had the same thing happen to me in Las Vegas with a guy, except we had spent 5 days together. Usually when the no replies start coming in, it’s not a good sign.

 

However, I think you might be jumping the gun just a little bit. You met a professional one time. This was not a 1st date, or audition for the bachelor tv show. You shouldn’t allow your feelings to be hurt or to be torn. The nature of the business is: you call, you meet, you pay/or get paid for the service you want. Hopefully a good service. That’s all that matters. Anything afterwards is no obligation. There’s no guarantee of a future encounter.

 

The only time you should be annoyed is if the guy flaked or stood you up on the next meeting. But at this point, there is non arranged yet.

 

And by the way...in my experience, anytime someone says to you in person to follow them on Instagram/Facebook...they’re just attention whores. I would have given you my business card instead, and said call me next time you’re in town.

 

I went on a couple of dates (one which included sex) with one guy some years ago, and he wanted me to friend him on facebook. Yet all the while, he had no intention on going on a 3rd date. Let’s just say we didn’t remain Facebook friends for long. Anybody I date who thinks they’re going to play games with me, and think I’m going to sit around and Kiki it up with them and give them “likes” on Facebook, end up blocking me once I call their asses out and embarrass them.

 

But, I’m working on getting away from all that nonsense. After this last situation, I’m not falling for anybody else via social media. If they ain’t supporting my endeavors, they can get the hell on after we fuck for all I care. Ain’t got time to worrying about some MOFO who’s not contributing anything useful to my lifestyle.

 

 

Google the social media definition of, orbiting: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.teenvogue.com/story/orbiting-is-the-new-breakup-habit-thats-worse-than-ghosting/amp

[MscleLovr]

I usually say fuck all to any form of political correctness, but you do realize that this term has been dead for awhile.

 

The catch-all now seems to be Asian.

 

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112465167

 

However, you are all still welcome to call me an overgrown ginger Paddy

 

Not to detract from the main thread but I appreciate what you wrote @Benjamin_Nicholas .

 

Like you, I don’t care about PC usage. I chose the term deliberately because I wanted to highlight the difference in manners and expectations and convey that it may be old-fashioned; I wouldn’t apply the term to people.

 

I would not say that all people of Asian ethnicity or all people in Asia are very polite. IME the Japanese and Thai people still display exquisite manners in public and private. I have however seen astonishing displays of rudeness and appalling bad manners by people in China and Vietnam.

[hypothetically]

My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it.

 

While I know it is human nature. Gentle reminder that as intimate as a session may be, and as sincere as both parties may appear, it is not a date and you should remove your feelings. Enjoy it for what it is, but check your feelings at the door.

[marylander1940]

While I know it is human nature. Gentle reminder that as intimate as a session may be, and as sincere as both parties may appear, it is not a date and you should remove your feelings. Enjoy it for what it is, but check your feelings at the door.

 

Good point specially for a first encounter.

 

I don't know much about @Scotty because he just joined the forum but we all have good and bad baggage and sometimes we can't help feeling a special connection with someone we just met. Maybe he had other experiences with masseurs that weren't as pleasant, or the fact of hiring was a treat for him. Even if for some it's nothing but a transaction, it's a hell of an intimate moment between masseur and client and he felt hurt because he didn't even got a a reply. I don't share his feelings but it's understandable!

[Mocha]

While I know it is human nature. Gentle reminder that as intimate as a session may be, and as sincere as both parties may appear, it is not a date and you should remove your feelings. Enjoy it for what it is, but check your feelings at the door.

 

True...or the least, he can let those feelings exist during the session, in the moment and fantasy, but keep it in perspective.

 

...And even if it was a date. I’ve had so many out of this world sessions with guys (free and paid), and they still end up never seeing me again after the 1st or 2nd time. It may not be a flat out no reply to messages, but they may play the busy card, or only meet if it’s convenient for them (such as, I must host).

 

I met a guy in Nashville who was very into me. Muscles, tattoos, gave head like no tomorrow. He was all into me, asking if I’d consider seeing someone special...but I was moving at the time. However, I had made several subsequent visits to the area since, but haven’t seen him since. Every time we’d try to meet up, he’d drift off.

 

I don’t know if @Scotty is new to all this, but the gay lifestyle can be very flighty. I’ve been doing guys since 2003, and let me tell you...the apps and social media of today has made it harder than ever to keep up with dates, despite it being so easy to connect with everyone.

 

They can’t reply to texts, because they’re so busy Twi-nsta-booking. That’s no jab at any of us who stay busy on social media, but it’s really true that many guys don’t need to text you back, because they’re getting their social needs via those outlets. That’s why I said, you can’t take everyone you meet with a social media profile seriously. I learned that the hard, hard, HARD way last month.

 

Even though escorting is supposed to be business and professional, and not the stereotypical gay “scene”, it’s still the gay lifestyle. Hard as it may seem...try not to get whipped on the 1st or 2nd meet. Once you start getting into meets 3 and 4, then you know you’ve got a regular on your side.

Edited June 5, 2019 by Mocha

[Scotty]

Wow. Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the input and time you guys took. ?

I especially found something that hit home in what you guys said @Mocha @MrMattBig @rvwnsd @marylander1940 and @Benjamin_Nicholas

I'm definitely feeling better and less conflicted about contacting him now.

I just bought the plane ticket the other day, the trip is in July and I will definitely report back and let you all know how it went.

 

Thanks again, team!

[Rudynate]

Hi - Thanks for reading my question. A few months ago while I was traveling I had a great sensual massage experience. We had great conversation and he gave an amazing massage that got more sensual that I expected, lot of mutual contact, both of us got rock hard. It was just the right mix of sensuality for me that was super exciting and exhilarating but we did not actually get off. Anyway we had a nice follow up chat before I left and talked about me contacting him next time I was in the area. He gave me his instagram to follow and said next time I was there he hoped to have a nicer space ready. Anyway, I texted him that night to thank him again for the great session. He didn't reply. A few days later when I got back home from traveling I texted him again to tell him how great it was meeting him and to genuinely thank him for the great session and to wish him well on something we discussed that was coming up for him. And again he never replied. My feelings were hurt for a few days but I got over it. But now here it is a few months later and I'm headed back to that area and I am torn. I would really like to have another session with him. But I also feel like it is kinda pitiful for me to be chasing after him. Does that make sense? What do you guys think? Should I reach out to him again or just let it go?

 

 

 

Contact him and manage your expectations.

[+ nycman]

You got great advice here.

 

Just one more thing....don’t get butt-hurt if he doesn’t

respond to your request for another appointment.

 

People are people. Some come into our lives for a brief

moment never to return, others stay for a lifetime. And

some come and go repeatedly for no clear reason. The

one sure way to make them never return is to get bitchy

or clingy about it.

 

Just be thankful for all of the moments and keep on moving.

There are too many fish in the sea to loose sleep over the

one that wasn’t a perfect match.

[Monarchy79]

You got great advice here.

 

Just one more thing....don’t get butt-hurt if he doesn’t

respond to your request for another appointment.

 

People are people. Some come into our lives for a brief

moment never to return, others stay for a lifetime. And

some come and go repeatedly for no clear reason. The

one sure way to make them never return is to get bitchy

or clingy about it.

 

Just be thankful for all of the moments and keep on moving.

There are too many fish in the sea to loose sleep over the

one that wasn’t a perfect match.

You just stated the perfect lesson in LIFE. ?????

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

People are people. Some come into our lives for a brief

moment never to return, others stay for a lifetime. And

some come and go repeatedly for no clear reason. The

one sure way to make them never return is to get bitchy

or clingy about it.

 

As I was reading this, my mind was putting it to music.

 

I was thinking a sweeping strings section. Some brass.

 

When 'bitchy' hits, a button for the whole song.

[Aaron_Bauder]

Contact him for a meeting (be direct, without extraneous thank yous and small talk and I'm hurt you haven't responded etc). If he answers, great. If he doesn't, also great. Move on.

 

You never know what people are going through. He could be ignoring you, yes...or he could be distracted with serious financial problems or health issues, or dealing with death in the family, or having legit phone glitches/text receipt issues. All of which are real life scenarios I discovered after weeks/months of being upset at someone not responding, based on my (wrong) assumptions and lack of info. I learned to stop internalizing the non-responsiveness: when you don't know, you don't know and that's it, period. Part of my growing up was accepting unknowns / lack of closure and moving on. Instead of assuming it's about me -- which was really a commentary on my insecurity and narcissism I needed to fix.

 

Edited June 9, 2019 by Aaron_Bauder