DWnyc

On 4/23/2024 at 12:42 PM, cany10011 said:

I guess something happened in his past that has made him wary. One of my regulars (3 years) still refuses to drink any I offer him. I just take it as a quirk. I never push it again or ask him after the first year... even though it may be freezing cold or blazing hot. I just wanted to be hospitable. 

 

He may have had a bad experience with the substances that make up the “date r*pe” portfolio. Some have passed out for a few seconds or minutes, others for much longer. And if he had been drinking alcohol before coming to see you the bad effects could be amplified. Not a good idea to push hospitality however sincere.

On 5/20/2024 at 8:16 AM, Atyla said:

I look for providers who offer a satisfaction guarantee,

What is this? Never been offered one …

4 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

I still think reputable established providers are a much safer bet, in every way than anyone on the hookup apps.  I’d gladly pay providers to avoid the Grindr/scruff cesspool. 

The key part being reputable and established. Providers seem to be increasing in number by the day - many are just trying to monetize their regular hookup lives and are part of what you call the cesspool. 

The first time a provider proactively offered to show me their latest test paperwork I was a little startled (and concerned they’d want to see mine which I wouldn’t share for identifying info reasons) but I now realize they were offering a different league of service (not saying I’d expect that from a provider I’d want to see). Compare that to a growing number where I know for a fact the status they list on RM is incorrect. 

18 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

Escorts may not ask such questions, because they’re smart enough not to expect the truth from complete strangers. 
 

No one should. 

And, with what we have at our disposal now, it doesn’t really matter - we can protect ourselves in most scenarios (eg with Prep) regardless of honest disclosure or lack of awareness from our partners. Has only been a thing recently, another burden the young generation might not appreciate that older folk still carry with them. 

45 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

If it's something that might adversely affect the time you spend with a guy, it's easier to just lay it out and save yourself from wasting time.

Agreed 100%.  I know a few folks who feel they are taking an activist position by forcing a provider to confront prejudices face to face on first sight and they don’t think the door will be slammed in their face but it happens a lot, because it can.

Fight your political and social battles in the appropriate place but why not just enjoy spending your hard earned money with someone who deserves it because they are invested in creating a great experience for you.

46 minutes ago, blck37 said:

Wonder how or why would the race of the client is somewhat important to the provider.....i just cant fathom it. I can see arguement for weight, physical appearance, age or hygine. Just not for race, religion or political belief.

I assume that’s a rhetorical question 

1 hour ago, socurious said:

Damn. I charge no more than 600 for 2 hours and I'm well-endowed. Maybe I should start charging more? 

Try it and if you can get it to work, good for you.

I’ve had quotes in recent months as low as $400 for 2 hours after I kept saying no. If I ever wanted that long (I typically don’t) I wouldn’t go that high. 

On 5/16/2024 at 4:06 PM, socurious said:

I don't want to sound harsh, but maybe that was an indirect way of saying he didn't want to meet. I once had a rude client I decided not to work for again and when he wanted to re-do, I quoted him more money than I was supposed so he loses interest. It worked. 

Why not be direct?  Not everyone can read between the lines and in relationships where people know little about each other and their communication style they may not understand they need to. 

Loss in your brand value surely more if you are left with reviews saying you overcharge and underperform. 

I don't understand clients who become so focused on one provider even if the experience wasn’t great and they’re obviously conveying lack of interest. It’s not like hooking up in a bar or online where you know it’s meant to be forever and ever … 

2 hours ago, Thelatin said:

I have recently tried a few older providers, so like 10 years younger then myself.  I'll just be blunt.  I enjoyed bottoming as they were very experienced tops.  But I couldn't finish, as I wasn't attracted in the same way as I am to younger very in shape providers.

This could make for an interesting SAT question.

If you are older than the providers who couldn’t get you where you needed to go …

And if most people think like you …

What is the likelihood that without a transaction involved …

Be thankful you have the means to obtain what sees you through, but realize what it is and what it is not. 
 

On 5/15/2024 at 7:33 PM, urbanfetish said:

Straight guys generally don't like to take a cock in the ass but a gay or bi bottom would pretty much always be able to do it regardless of attraction.

I wouldn’t be able to … 

Part of the rationale for providers is service on demand. If a straight or bi  provider claims they can deliver regardless of to whom, they’re as qualified as anyone else.

The question for me isn’t are you gay or not, but can you provide an experience I want once we confirm terms. Once a provider - gay bi or whatever - starts asking for photo, says “it depends” for some services, I strike them off any consideration as they aren’t hiding they likely can’t. Then we can avoid the runaround where they expect payment without delivering.

I suspect many list bi as they think they won’t lose gay prospects but may get more closeted or other bi men who will feel safer, feel less judgement etc. 

The same way people adjust their ages / endowment / even race (mixed becoming white, Asian or black becoming mixed etc). Not just by providers but on online hookup apps.

You say there were repeated signs this wasn’t going to work - you should have cut him off at that point. The issue likely isn’t his sexuality but his commitment to doing the work for which you would pay him while still wanting the money. 

On 5/12/2024 at 1:08 PM, Rick M said:

Ok, y'all have focused on kissing, but kissing is a dicey proposition in all 3 categories. (My ex, who is as gay as they come, abhorred kissing and refused any lip proximity.) I'm talking about being "into" male-male sex in general, or at least play-acting the part so well it doesn't make a difference.

Hard to sustain one’s business in this field if they can’t fake it - no one would care what they called themselves if they left happy. 

I think the overall problem is lack of empathy. It’s not restricted to providers. 

And how many older gentlemen, when turning down those they don’t want to be with, do so with the respect they crave or relax their criteria to accept a proposition - as they wish / expect from the younger ones.

Bottom line: you can’t force people to like what they don’t like, but you can expect them to be respectful. I don’t know if todays youth is worse than prior generations. 

5 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

No thanks. I’d rather people have bodily autonomy. 

Well … yes … I was agreeing with you  

On 5/17/2024 at 1:30 AM, APPLE1 said:

I don't understand why the online introduction puts me in any more danger than taking home a guy I met 10 mins ago in a bar or any other in person setting.

It doesn’t. And people have different risk tolerance leading to precautionary steps that vary by individual more than situations  

But the hobby by its nature likely attracts more of what some would call “sketchy” folks on both sides so given where we are today with technology there are precautions and research that people can undertake That yoU Might not with a Grindr meet that disappears if you don’t drop everythjng and be present within the next 10 mins.  And despite the howls of protest that often follow such discussion there can be ties between providers and some more unsavory trades (eg p n p - have lost track of how many people I’ve met have offered me discounts if I make purchases in their other lines of work). 

one’s sensitivity is often based on personal experience or situation. I have an Asian friend who has had more than one provider slam the door on him when realizing he wasn’t what they assumed (with abusive commentary, so he knows that’s the reason) so he is particularly sensitive to that issue and whether he will be accepted. Likewise an amputee friend (ex army) who was treated badly and called “grotesque” by a provider who had posted on this forum and claims similar vet status. And if you’ve had the misfortune of ever being shortchanged by a provider or worse you’ll likely want some indication of someone’s fiduciary behavior.  Those for whom discretion is more important than the average client for whatever reason may want to know they can remain (to the extent they themselves are aware) anonymous; providers who require ID or photos or are known to have security equipment may not be for them. 

And there is always the need for both sides to be conscious of potential sting operations. No it’s not an exaggeration. 

3 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

you have no place in the gay community

Come on, let’s not ostracize or expel, whatever we may think individually or as the major part of our demographic. Isn’t that what the fundamental fight was / is / always will be?

Let the man have his say, agree / disagree, and remember if he’s gone the bar for unacceptability starts falling to the point where we as individuals may also eventually be targets. 

19 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

recognize that people have been paying for sex and companionship since civilization

Make the whole sugar daddy thing illegal If you want legal constistency. Rents in Hell’s Kitchen and WeHo would collapse,  youngsters would likely read more in the evenings, and gay men above the age of X would have better retirement account balances. 

When the subject has come up I’ve often been told im not what providers expected. But it seems to be about behavior / carrying one’s self rather than age / body / race / etc

when I’ve asked the follow up of whether the difference was better or worse than expectation I haven’t really received a straight answer … 😉 

On 5/17/2024 at 10:40 AM, BenjaminNicholas said:

I know people who have gotten HIV from Grindr trade.

We have got to get away from the stigma surrounding the hobby for both providers and clients. Otherwise why are we here on this forum?

With the tech / apps available to us now the average gay male can have as much sex as the most active provider and more, if he chooses, without any money changing hands. 

The average provider may actually be better behaved ,needing to  keep himself presentable to clients with the ability to pay for a luxury experience. And certainly better protected (informed) than the more DL / inexperienced among clients.

12 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

there are 30 guys 60yrs and over….a relatively small percentage.

Grindr years vs real years?

One guy in my geography claims to be 39 for the past decade and I know he has to be over 55 based on some things he’s told me socially - and he’s beyond the point where he can get away with it 

And there’s that ex porn star living between Philly and NY who used to claim his pics (visibly spanning several years) were all no more than 3 months old which and given whatever age he claimed he was he would have been active in the industry when 12 or 13

While the word “aversion “ was used it should be emphasized that it is more than just avoiding those one does not prefer.

Sure people can have preferences wherever they come from.

But how do we treat those who approach us who we are not attracted to?

When someone lashes out taking the tone “how did you even think you could approach me, I’m  out of your league, you're so disgusting …” etc - that’s not just expressing a preference. That’s where the real problem lies, and it is way too common - against racial minorities, those above a certain age or BMI etc. 

15 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

That’s part of what you’re paying us for. 

This is a much more powerful justification for the building blocks of payment than typically presented. And I doubt every provider thinks this way - but 100% respect for those that do. 

21 minutes ago, Peter Eater said:

Darius has been around for years. I imagine RM allows it because he pays his bills.

How would RM know unless someone complains, and how many clients actually do so? 

forget degree of misrepresentation, I have to say the vast majority of providers I’ve met have some detail or photo that didn’t match reality or at least aroused suspicion on meeting.

it’s so part of the culture now im sure the average provider can feel if they don’t embellish (at least) they’ll lose out to people who do …  

7 hours ago, BuffaloKyle said:

My advice even on guys with non AI generated pics is to ask for a facetime chat first. I do it with the majority of my hires so I can get a good look and feel for them so there is no surprises. I let them know right away when I ask I'm not looking to see them nude or to have it be an overly long call just a few minutes at most. I've never had a single provider shoot down my request when I explain it's just to confirm they are for real.

I think the average escort would also prefer to have a sense of who they’ll meet (for different reasons) so the request is likely something they’d gladly do (think of all discussion on here about do they have the right to reject potential clients) … as long as they don’t fear this could be a sting 

On 5/4/2024 at 6:07 PM, DrownedBoy said:

reasonable evidence that you're using the money illegally, which technically hiring is.

Yup exactly  That’s the protection many scammers rely on so they’ll lure the victim into drug / sex related intended activity to preempt a complaint.