Sharing personal information with a provider/client

[PVink]

Looking for feedback on sharing personal info.  It goes without saying that we all implement some layer of security to protect ourselves: cash only, burner phones, texting apps, innocuous emails, fake names, hotel only meets, etc. Just wondering what the groups’ attitudes is about lowering your guard. When, if ever, do you expose yourself, figuratively, with your partner? This goes for both provider and client.

For instance, there is a provider I’ve known for years, has stayed with me for extended periods of time and I’ve grown to trust him. He knows my real name, home address, personal number, employer, etc.  I’m not concerned that sharing this info with him will burn me down the road. I understand there’s always risk in that, but with him, it’s acceptable. I think it helps build mutual trust and deepens the connection. 

There are a few others I’ve shared my personal number and some other info with. Candidly, it’s just easier to use my personal number than constantly checking a texting app, which is a secure app buried deep on my phone no one can easily access. I’m quick to share my first name with most providers as well because an alias is so impersonal to me and I like to establish some level of intimacy with a repeat partner.

FTR, I am less concerned with LE since I understand with the tools they have available today, nothing is 100% secure. They will find what they need if motivated enough.  My security measures are intended to protect me from a provider if things turn sour and I need to burn that bridge quickly.

What is the consensus attitude on personal security?   And how have folks handled troublesome partners that won’t go away?

 

[maninsoma]

While I understand some people's needs to take extra measures to hide their identities (careers and/or relationships that could be ruined), I've never been in a position where I was concerned about that.  Therefore I always used my personal phone number, and I definitely hosted at my own apartment a lot so it would have been easy for people to figure out my name.  My main concern was safety, not anonymity, so the extra measure I took was always meeting guys in front of my building versus just buzzing them in and letting them come directly to my door.  At least that way I knew the guy who showed up was the guy in the ad.

I've never been worried that someone would want to go after me if something "went sour."  I either developed a good rapport with someone and hired him again or I didn't.  Even with guys I hired multiple times, only one ever became a friend to the extent that we spent time off the clock and really got to know one another.

With respect to guys who won't go away, I've had that with a couple of guys who texted me occasionally for years after I hired them only once!  I simply ignored their texts, figuring that they just had a marketing list and weren't really paying attention to who was on it.

[big-n-tall]

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I don't think there's consensus because the clients here have distinct situations. If a guy is married to a woman and seeing escorts when he travels, his need for anonymity and security is likely much higher than a single gay guy. I have a somewhat public job (not for the government, but I have a profile in my profession), and my husband and I hire together. I am known to be very sex-positive and pro-sex worker, though I don't disclose my sex life to anyone. So I tend to stick to WhatsApp and Telegram for outreach; I have a Burner account that I use when I travel. We prefer to host, so most guys come to our house. If it's the first time, I do tend to tuck away my wallet and other easily stolen things. Once we know them, we cut the back on worrying about them stealing from us. We have a couple of regulars we chat with on social media in a friendly way. Obviously, we don't discuss any naughty details. 

[Becket]

Personal security is important. Sometimes we just want a quick in and out with no intention of forming a relationship. In these situations anonymity is important for both. But, truth be known, we all would love to meet a friend, to develop a long term relationship in whatever form that develops. Many of us lead lonely lives and sometimes a meeting with a provider is the best sort of interaction with other people we might have that day. A couple of providers I've been seeing for many years I consider friends. We check on each other, keep up with one another's lives, and are generally interested in the well being of one another. Those are relationships that are great to have. Even though money is always exchanged, there is there what might be called a friendship. In those situations, personal details are both shared and trusted. But the trust is critical. That takes a while to develop.

[Nue2thegame]

12 hours ago, PVink said:

Looking for feedback on sharing personal info.  It goes without saying that we all implement some layer of security to protect ourselves: cash only, burner phones, texting apps, innocuous emails, fake names, hotel only meets, etc. Just wondering what the groups’ attitudes is about lowering your guard. When, if ever, do you expose yourself, figuratively, with your partner? This goes for both provider and client.

For instance, there is a provider I’ve known for years, has stayed with me for extended periods of time and I’ve grown to trust him. He knows my real name, home address, personal number, employer, etc.  I’m not concerned that sharing this info with him will burn me down the road. I understand there’s always risk in that, but with him, it’s acceptable. I think it helps build mutual trust and deepens the connection. 

There are a few others I’ve shared my personal number and some other info with. Candidly, it’s just easier to use my personal number than constantly checking a texting app, which is a secure app buried deep on my phone no one can easily access. I’m quick to share my first name with most providers as well because an alias is so impersonal to me and I like to establish some level of intimacy with a repeat partner.

FTR, I am less concerned with LE since I understand with the tools they have available today, nothing is 100% secure. They will find what they need if motivated enough.  My security measures are intended to protect me from a provider if things turn sour and I need to burn that bridge quickly.

What is the consensus attitude on personal security?   And how have folks handled troublesome partners that won’t go away?

 

I’ve shared personal information with a very limited number of trusted providers after a longer term relationship was established. I don’t think that LEO is a serious threat in most jurisdictions and since I’m picky about who I choose to see in the first place, I’m not terribly worried about being betrayed by a provider. What does concern me is the potential for confidential information included in emails, DMs or text messages being intercepted by other parties with unknown motives. For this reason, I’m very cautious and limited about what I communicate in writing. 

[ACluelessGent]

Over the past year, I met with three escorts. Interestingly, they all asked to communicate via WhatsApp. Because I didn’t want to bother with a burner phone, they had my real name and phone number from our very first conversation. We soon found each other on Instagram, meaning we became aware of each other's lives, mutual contacts, frequent hangouts, and travel plans. Despite this transparency, I have never run into any problems.

I understand everyone's situation is different. I have an established career as a professional, but I couldn't care less about what others think. In fact, I will take a 20-year-old date to the exact same restaurants where I entertain my clients.

[+ purplekow]

I agree that if you have nothing to hide from the general public then you can be as open with an escort as you would be with any other acquaintance who you knew for the same amount of time.  I am probably on the very end of the suspicious spectrum or it could also be said I am very high on the naive spectrum.  I have had several escorts who I would say are friends in the loosest sense of the word.  We have had dinner, done an escape room together.  They have crashed at my home.  I do take some care with personal valuables but not really any more than I would if I were having a party at my home.  

Yes there is always or almost always an exchange of cash for time but that is also the case with my lawyer, my physicians and my accountant, all of whom I would say have the same degree of familiarity with me on a social level. (Though they do not on the sexual level.)  

I can understand personal privacy is more important to most other people, but at this time, at this age there is nothing that is going to cause me extreme grief if it became known to the world as a whole though I must admit, I do not readily reveal this information.  My situation is more no one asks and I do not see a reason to tell.  Though my primary care doctor does know about my hiring practices, he is not a friend. 

[Nightowl]

I don’t share much personal information with the guys I hire until I’ve seen them a number of times and most of them don’t seem all that interested.  I do use my real phone number, however, so they can easily find out more about me if they really care.  Since I almost always hire for incall, I usually know a lot about them by the time we meet too…

[+ Pensant]

3 minutes ago, Nightowl said:

and most of them don’t seem all that interested

Very true.

[+ JamesB]

I'm just going to copy and paste my own post from another thread.

Information once shared cannot be unshared. Shared information cannot be retrieved, only regretted. Choose wisely.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

I'm totally upfront about my identity.  I even insist on giving my partners a sample of my DNA near the end of each session.

[MxB]

For any provider who accepts Venmo, their professional name rarely matches the one on their account.  It exposes my name, too, but I'm usually pretty upfront about at least my first name.

[jonasfoleson]

I use my first name and proper phone number. Unless one is a celebrity or public figure, then I don't see the case for being outed or identity fraud. Yes, it can happen. but an unspoken part of hiring/escorting is discretion. most escorts uphold this. It's why the trope of escorts complaining of hearing very bigoted things from thier clients in private exists (it's not a trope relaly, it's a reality). since their clients are not living up to pretences in that moment. Or why they say many of their clients are married or even religious and/or anti-gay.