Providers also on Hookup Apps

[pubic_assistance]

2 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

If someone genuinely can’t separate fantasy from reality, I agree, that’s on them. But most clients understand exactly what the arrangement is. That doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to consider how well the illusion is maintained in their hiring decision. After all, that’s what they’re paying for.

I agree, that the illusion should be professionally maintained within the confines of a session. But if you're busy stalking an escort's personal life and you're sad to discover he doesn't actually crave the company of old, fat men, thats on you. NOT his fault.

[+ claym]

21 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I agree, that the illusion should be professionally maintained within the confines of a session. But if you're busy stalking an escort's personal life and you're sad to discover he doesn't actually crave the company of old, fat men, thats on you. NOT his fault.

@pubic_assistance Since I became a member here, I have looked forward to your comments as your observations are keen and the life experience of which you speak interests me.  However you disparagingly throw out the phrase "old, fat men" with some regularity,  and it sends a shock wave through my system.  To me it radiates disgust.  And I wonder how someone can be so dismissive of senior members here who come in all shapes and sizes.

Edited Sunday at 02:35 AM by claym
clarity

[aiseeya]

Wait until y'll find out that many providers who advertised as 'top only', would often 'bottom' in their personal life 🤯

[aiseeya]

39 minutes ago, claym said:

@pubic_assistance Since I became a member here, I have looked forward to your comments as your observations are keen and the life experience of which you speak interests me.  However you disparagingly throw out the phrase "old, fat men" with some regularity,  and it sends a shock wave through my system.  To me it radiates disgust.  And I wonder how someone can be so dismissive of senior members here who come in all shapes and sizes.

He aint wrong though in principle. Whilst not all clients are 'old fat man', his point highlights the core nature of this business. No money no honey. 

[Mark_fl]

I think the problem is that suspension of reality can only be possible under certain circumstances. I had a provider who had never seen me start calling me sexy shortly after we started communicating. Maybe some guys are into this and can start the fantasy, but for me it had me rolling my eyes. Yes, I want the fantasy that he's into me when we're together, but that seems a bit over the top. 

After we meet, if he acted interested when we were together, and told me how he was looking forward to seeing me again, or that he found something about me sexy, great. I can work with that.

But if I read a profile of his where he said how much a hairy guy was a turnoff, for example,  I would never be able to get into the fantasy that our relationship was mutually enjoyable or a real BFE. Of course I know it's not, but you just can't unring that bell.

That said,  I don't have any dating apps, so I'll never be in that situation, but I certainly see where the OP is coming from. 

[pubic_assistance]

13 minutes ago, aiseeya said:

He aint wrong though in principle. Whilst not all clients are 'old fat man', his point highlights the core nature of this business. No money no honey. 

Thank you @aiseeya

No idea why reality radiates "disgust" for some people.

If I weren't getting older and losing my fit physique,  I certainly wouldn't need to pay for the company of attractive young men. Instead of disgust  I feel DELIGHTED that for the mere contribution of a few hundred USD$, I can still meet beautiful men and have my way with them, inspite of the fact that I am now past my prime and past my fitness years

[marylander1940]

On 4/23/2026 at 12:18 PM, Vegas_Millennial said:

That's not unexpected.  He has his preferences for whom to date and communicates that up front.  He could change his pictures to not use the exact same photographs for his professional and personal profiles, to better keep the two worlds separate.

As long as he gives a good massage, then it wouldn't bother me with whom chooses to see in his personal life.  I've even hired masseurs who I know prefer women in their personal lives (which many on this forum detest and wouldn't hire), but it hasn't stopped them from providing me a great service 😊 

I wish we had a common sense emoji to rate this post 

[+ ApexNomad]

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I agree, that the illusion should be professionally maintained within the confines of a session.

Agreed.

2 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

But if you're busy stalking an escort's personal life and you're sad to discover he doesn't actually crave the company of old, fat men, thats on you. NOT his fault.

No one’s talking about stalking. If something is publicly visible and it affects a prospective client’s fantasy or illusion, it’s perfectly reasonable to take that into consideration. That’s not about blame, it’s just a consumer choice.

For example, I believe you prefer your providers under 35. It’s no different than if you were considering a provider, let’s say he’s aged 28, and then came across his hookup app where he wrote something like “guys over 40 don’t even bother.”

Maybe you’d still reach out, maybe you wouldn’t. Either way, the choice as a prospective client is yours in how you want to spend your money and enjoy that experience, and more importantly, whether the fantasy and illusion feels worth the gamble of your time and money.

 

[marylander1940]

15 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

If someone genuinely can’t separate fantasy from reality, I agree, that’s on them. But most clients understand exactly what the arrangement is. That doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to consider how well the illusion is maintained in their hiring decision. After all, that’s what they’re paying for.

Most but not all, also some would rather hiring a "nice" guy.

I understand many guys who escort have preferences and because of their looks they could be quite picky about who  they fuck for free.

Considering all the taps/messages they get I'm not surprise some of them have a list of No Need To Apply. To be honest with you guys who reads profiles nowadays.... I do!

On 4/29/2026 at 2:31 PM, savantsav said:

I 100% get what you're saying, having said that I have been burnt before by providers whom I know are bttms in real life and aren't able to perform as Tops. So I rather not engage when I see it is SO far off from who they are.

They do what the market and dictates for them to make a living. 

They take Viagra and perform as required

I know guys who have a nice ass and are tops in their personal life but most of their clients are tops. They are selling their biggest asset, literally.

 

[pubic_assistance]

10 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

if you were considering a provider, let’s say he’s aged 28, and then came across his hookup app where he wrote something like “guys over 40 don’t even bother.”

If I spent all day at work fucking men over 40, I also wouldn't want to fuck another one for fun. Variety is the spice of life. 

I enter into every arrangement with a provider as if he is PERFORMING not that he's monetizing his sex life. 

I have zero problem with someone rejecting me on Grindr even though he may chase after me on Rent.men. My fat wallet now makes up for my dad-bod and graying hair. 

[Monarchy79]

13 hours ago, claym said:

@pubic_assistance Since I became a member here, I have looked forward to your comments as your observations are keen and the life experience of which you speak interests me.  However you disparagingly throw out the phrase "old, fat men" with some regularity,  and it sends a shock wave through my system.  To me it radiates disgust.  And I wonder how someone can be so dismissive of senior members here who come in all shapes and sizes.

Wait a minute…..

@pubic_assistanceis extremely blunt (and at times intentionally obnoxious 😎), but at the least, he is universally fair and operates on logic. 
 

Why can’t he call the men who hire escorts and masseurs “old” and “fat”, when the same guys will be on this forum critiquing escorts and masseurs for having the smallest “flaws” in their appearance? 
 

Nothing cracks me up more than seeing wrinkly, old, and fat coots in the forums ripping escorts and masseurs to shreds on their appearance : “Oh, he's gained a few pounds…”, “The structural alignment of his cheekbones are off… don’t hire.” “He’s a fraud, his dick measures at 8.36 inches and not the 9 inches advertised.” 

The thought that many of these men literally look like the embodiment of Lindsey Graham naked (with ladybugs and all) , yet can dish out the critiques, but can’t take it. 
 

Hipocrisy is a stench that permeates sites like this. That’s for sure. 

 

 

[Mark_fl]

3 minutes ago, Monarchy79 said:

Wait a minute…..

@pubic_assistanceis extremely blunt (and at times intentionally obnoxious 😎), but at the least, he is universally fair and operates on logic. 
 

Why can’t he call the men who hire escorts and masseurs “old” and “fat”, when the same guys will be on this forum critiquing escorts and masseurs for having the smallest “flaws” in their appearance? 
 

Nothing cracks me up more than seeing wrinkly, old, and fat coots in the forums ripping escorts and masseurs to shreds on their appearance : “Oh, he's gained a few pounds…”, “The structural alignment of his cheekbones are off… don’t hire.” “He’s a fraud, his dick measures at 8.36 inches and not the 9 inches advertised.” 

The thought that many of these men literally look like the embodiment of Lindsey Graham naked (with ladybugs and all) , yet can dish out the critiques, but can’t take it. 
 

Hipocrisy is a stench that permeates sites like this. That’s for sure. 

 

 

It is not hypocrisy for critiquing someone for the value of what they are selling. If your accountant was bad at math, even if you were worse, wouldn't that be fair game? Do you critique a baseball player on your team that only hits .240 when you would be lucky to hit .050? 

Of course not to either. If you are out there selling your body for sex, it is 100% legitimate, even if unnecessary, to be critiqued for how you look.

[Monarchy79]

1 hour ago, Mark_fl said:

It is not hypocrisy for critiquing someone for the value of what they are selling. If your accountant was bad at math, even if you were worse, wouldn't that be fair game? Do you critique a baseball player on your team that only hits .240 when you would be lucky to hit .050? 

Of course not to either. If you are out there selling your body for sex, it is 100% legitimate, even if unnecessary, to be critiqued for how you look.

So basically, you’re stating that a paying customer can have the highest of standards, but the provider of that service, should have NO standards? 

Guess what? 
Professionals of any type also have the right to have standards, evaluate their clients and not exactly accept what’s presented to them….

1.) professional waxers can (and will), turn down clients with poor hygiene…(there’s been a surge in videos all over social media this)

2.) A dentist can discontinue services with a client who refuses to follow protocol and advisement on the care of their teeth can gums

3.) An auto-mechanic can turn town service to a client who makes no effort on vehicle maintenance, which can cause a liability to the shop owners if there’s a dispute on who’s “at fault”, if a major issue arises. 
 

4.) a hairdresser can critique and refuse service to an incoming customer who has headlice , ring worms, or any other infection that could impact the sanitation of their equipment and facility. 
 

In turn, masseurs and escorts have the right to be picky as they choose, and the mind set that “they’re providing the service”, therefore ALL of the requirements or presentation falls on them, is unacceptable, and shows the sense of self-delusion that many guys on this site have. 
 

let’s think of the EMPATHY that these guys hive dealing with many of these clients, extending beyond being fat or old:

1.) Bad, rancid  breath (but demand kissing as a requirement)

2.) Poor hygiene (coming to an appointment without being freshly showered, dingle-berries, rancid feet and pits, etc.etc.) 

3.) Incel-ish personalities which completely turn off everyone. 

So with much of the crap that these guys have to deal with, just to entertain many guys who wouldn’t get anyone to even touch them unless they’re being paid, some consideration should go both ways. 
 

 

 

Edited Sunday at 05:54 PM by Monarchy79

[SecretProvider]

If you see a provider on a dating app and are thinking of trying to hit him up 'off the clock' - don't. 

As the old saying goes "please don't ask for discounts as refusal may offend"

The idea that other people may be getting it for free upset some.  It ruins the fantasy, the illusion, and causes offense when you are turned down.

Likewise,  if you see a provider lists preferences, this can ruin the illusion too. I have seen another provider list on grindr they were looking for hairy guys. I am not very hairy. And so, when I have been asked to arrange threesomes I have not reached out to him. If I had not seen that grindr profile I probably would have.  So i get it. 

[Mark_fl]

2 hours ago, Monarchy79 said:

So basically, you’re stating that a paying customer can have the highest of standards, but the provider of that service, should have NO standards? 

Guess what? 
Professionals of any type also have the right to have standards, evaluate their clients and not exactly accept what’s presented to them….

1.) professional waxers can (and will), turn down clients with poor hygiene…(there’s been a surge in videos all over social media this)

2.) A dentist can discontinue services with a client who refuses to follow protocol and advisement on the care of their teeth can gums

3.) An auto-mechanic can turn town service to a client who makes no effort on vehicle maintenance, which can cause a liability to the shop owners if there’s a dispute on who’s “at fault”, if a major issue arises. 
 

4.) a hairdresser can critique and refuse service to an incoming customer who has headlice , ring worms, or any other infection that could impact the sanitation of their equipment and facility. 
 

In turn, masseurs and escorts have the right to be picky as they choose, and the mind set that “they’re providing the service”, therefore ALL of the requirements or presentation falls on them, is unacceptable, and shows the sense of self-delusion that many guys on this site have. 
 

let’s think of the EMPATHY that these guys hive dealing with many of these clients, extending beyond being fat or old:

1.) Bad, rancid  breath (but demand kissing as a requirement)

2.) Poor hygiene (coming to an appointment without being freshly showered, dingle-berries, rancid feet and pits, etc.etc.) 

3.) Incel-ish personalities which completely turn off everyone. 

So with much of the crap that these guys have to deal with, just to entertain many guys who wouldn’t get anyone to even touch them unless they’re being paid, some consideration should go both ways. 
 

 

 

I must have hit a nerve, because I said none of the things you mistakenly read into my post. Of course a provider can have standards. The could and SHOULD refuse service to anyone unsanitary or dangerous.

But we were talking about the looks of providers and the looks of clients. Let's keep it apples to apples. Your examples are mostly ridiculous. A mechanic will just charge more for extra work done because of poor maintenance. But that is irrelevant.  Were talking about whether it is fair for a provider to be judged on his appearance by those subjectivity less attractive than he is.

Of course it's fair, because that's the business he chose. Trotting out comparisons that make no sense are reflections. But I'm sure I know one provider here who would applaud your rant.

[Monarchy79]

55 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

I must have hit a nerve, because I said none of the things you mistakenly read into my post. Of course a provider can have standards. The could and SHOULD refuse service to anyone unsanitary or dangerous.

But we were talking about the looks of providers and the looks of clients. Let's keep it apples to apples. Your examples are mostly ridiculous. A mechanic will just charge more for extra work done because of poor maintenance. But that is irrelevant.  Were talking about whether it is fair for a provider to be judged on his appearance by those subjectivity less attractive than he is.

Of course it's fair, because that's the business he chose. Trotting out comparisons that make no sense are reflections. But I'm sure I know one provider here who would applaud your rant.

Micro-aggressions and gaslighting don’t work with me, so statements such as “I must have hit a nerve”, don’t work. 
 

My examples were used to demonstrate a wide variety of services and how those service providers’ relationships with their customers are two-way streets, just like the business of the more “personal” services that are discussed in these threads. 
 

And to be clear, YOUR interpretation of the topic is off. The original topic at hand is based on whether a client should be offended that an escort isn’t attracted to him in real life, while in the realm of meeting with a client, the thin veil of acting that an escort must do to give the illusion of attraction. 
 

A member of this forum then  made a comment about fat and old clients, which touched  a nerve (and possibly touched yours),  which resulted in someone else stating they clients have the right to be fat and old WITHOUT criticism, because they’re paying customers. 
 

My point (which will not change), is this:

Regardless of whether you’re a paying customer or not, the eyes don’t lie. Further, you don’t get the right to impose standards on others that you can’t meet yourself. 
 

So if you’re a hiring client who is attractive, good for you. 
 

if you’re a hiring client who is fat and old, have some humility and show some respect for those who choose to have you as a client, as your money doesn’t not relinquish you from meeting general standards of attraction either. And if a client entertains you in spite of this, be grateful. 
 

[Mark_fl]

12 minutes ago, Monarchy79 said:

Micro-aggressions and gaslighting don’t work with me, so statements such as “I must have hit a 

And to be clear, YOUR interpretation of the topic is off. The original topic at hand is based on whether a client should be offended that an escort isn’t attracted to him in real life, while in the realm of meeting with a client, the thin veil of acting that an escort must do to give the illusion of attraction. 

 

Wrong again.  The issue in the OP was that the provider specifically listed in a personal public account that he was not attracted to the characteristics of this particular client, and whether that should be a deterrent to hiring. And if that knowledge blows the illusion of mutual attraction.

[Mark_fl]

15 minutes ago, Monarchy79 said:

My point (which will not change), is this:

Regardless of whether you’re a paying customer or not, the eyes don’t lie. Further, you don’t get the right to impose standards on others that you can’t meet yourself. 

Wrong yet again (but I suppose you're getting used to it). Any professional is judged on the attributes required to do the job.  The clients attributes to do the same job are completely irrelevant. In the case of an escort,  this is physical attractiveness and ability to satisfy sexually.

You've already declared that you missed the point and you will not change, but that doesn't make you any more correct. 

[SecretProvider]

31 minutes ago, Monarchy79 said:

which touched  a nerve (and possibly touched yours

you are correct it most definitely touched @Mark_fl nerve.  

[Mark_fl]

6 minutes ago, SecretProvider said:

you are correct it most definitely touched @Mark_fl nerve.  

Not mine, but I do appreciate your obsession with me. Maybe you can go back and read all my posts again when you get lonely.

[mike carey]

Gentlemen, we had a 'solution' to the question on 18 April, but the conversation was still continuing with useful new perspectives being offered. We've now come to the point where there are few if any new insights and the conversation has run its course, so comments are now closed.