How to communicate dominance levels to provider?

[MeatPopcicle]

Hi all,

I'm going to take a vacation and I'm thinking about hiring someone for the first time. I want to experience being submissive and pleasing a dominant dude. But I don't have a lot of experience and my butthole is like a dolphin. 

What's an appropriate way to communicate to a provider that I'd like them to be dominant but I'm also nervous and don't have a lot of experience? Being pushed outside my comfort zone is what I'm looking for but I also don't know what my limit is and I don't want to disappoint anyone or freak them/myself out. Thanks in advance for the help. 

Edited Monday at 11:16 PM by MeatPopcicle
Spelling mistake

[mike carey]

To start with, I would suggest separating 'vacation' and 'first time'. Firmly and decisively. You don't want to take your first hire on a vacation. Of course, if you're asking how to negotiate the experience with a provider from those available while you're at your resort at Cabo, that's a different question.

[MeatPopcicle]

3 minutes ago, mike carey said:

To start with, I would suggest separating 'vacation' and 'first time'. Firmly and decisively. You don't want to take your first hire on a vacation. Of course, if you're asking how to negotiate the experience with a provider from those available while you're at your resort at Cabo, that's a different question.

I was hoping to treat myself but I appreciate the advice. Can I ask why you have that opinion?

[mike carey]

1 minute ago, MeatPopcicle said:

I was hoping to treat myself but I appreciate the advice. Can I ask why you have that opinion?

Others will chime in, I'm sure, but here's my take. The first time is always an experiment, and that applies whether it's the first escort you've hired or the umpteenth. On a first meeting you have to work out whether even the idea of hiring an escort is something you are ready for when it becomes a reality not an abstract idea. Hiring for a vacation is a separate minefield. The dynamics are different than for one or even several hours. Clicking for a short time is different to being able to spend two, three or more days with someone. Even an overnight meeting 'feels' different to a couple of hours. Multiple days is another level. You need to negotiate boundaries, down time, meals, whether you socialise outside your room.

You can jump right in if you want, but you need to consider how the whole experience will work, including the mundane details not just the excitement of the idea or the occasion.

[MeatPopcicle]

2 minutes ago, mike carey said:

Others will chime in, I'm sure, but here's my take. The first time is always an experiment, and that applies whether it's the first escort you've hired or the umpteenth. On a first meeting you have to work out whether even the idea of hiring an escort is something you are ready for when it becomes a reality not an abstract idea. Hiring for a vacation is a separate minefield. The dynamics are different than for one or even several hours. Clicking for a short time is different to being able to spend two, three or more days with someone. Even an overnight meeting 'feels' different to a couple of hours. Multiple days is another level. You need to negotiate boundaries, down time, meals, whether you socialise outside your room.

You can jump right in if you want, but you need to consider how the whole experience will work, including the mundane details not just the excitement of the idea or the occasion.

Sorry, I meant that I was planning to hire someone for a night on my vacation. I'm not planning on spending a vacation with someone. I should have written that more clearly.

[mike carey]

3 minutes ago, MeatPopcicle said:

Sorry, I meant that I was planning to hire someone for a night on my vacation. I'm not planning on spending a vacation with someone. I should have written that more clearly.

Okay, that makes sense. That's what I meant when I included that comment about Cabo in my first reply.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

1 hour ago, MeatPopcicle said:

I want to experience being submissive and pleasing a dominant dude. But I don't have a lot of experience and my butthole is like a dolphin. 

Here's an article with helpful tips: 

hubpages.com

DISCOVER.HUBPAGES.COM

To translate for a gay man, here's 7 tips to be a good submissive boy:

1.  Let him be your hero.  Focus on how sexy and dominate HE is, rather than on you.

2.  Listen to what he says, but don't always answer.  Keep it short and sweet.  A simple "Yes, Sir!" will do.  If you want to answer with a "no"... Just shut up and take it like a man.

3. Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house.  A typo here.  Should be "around the hole".  Either au natural, trimmed, waxed, or cleanly shaven right before.  No stubble, ever.

4. Become a housewife.  Don't let any of his liquid spill on the floor.  Lick it up, out ask him to deposit it in your waste hole.  Keep things tidy!

5. Care for his wishes.  Your goal is to make him cum.  You cum second, but only if he wants you too.

6. Cry instead of yell.  Wimper like a puppy.  If it hurts, bury your head in the pillow to muffle the sound.  Safe word?  What's that?

7. Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state.  For example, after he cums, "would you mind sitting on my face while I jack off to finish"?

[MeatPopcicle]

1 hour ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

Here's an article with helpful tips: 

hubpages.com

DISCOVER.HUBPAGES.COM

To translate for a gay man, here's 7 tips to be a good submissive boy:

1.  Let him be your hero.  Focus on how sexy and dominate HE is, rather than on you.

2.  Listen to what he says, but don't always answer.  Keep it short and sweet.  A simple "Yes, Sir!" will do.  If you want to answer with a "no"... Just shut up and take it like a man.

3. Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house.  A typo here.  Should be "around the hole".  Either au natural, trimmed, waxed, or cleanly shaven right before.  No stubble, ever.

4. Become a housewife.  Don't let any of his liquid spill on the floor.  Lick it up, out ask him to deposit it in your waste hole.  Keep things tidy!

5. Care for his wishes.  Your goal is to make him cum.  You cum second, but only if he wants you too.

6. Cry instead of yell.  Wimper like a puppy.  If it hurts, bury your head in the pillow to muffle the sound.  Safe word?  What's that?

7. Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state.  For example, after he cums, "would you mind sitting on my face while I jack off to finish"?

This is fan fiction, not advice.

[Aamir]

3 hours ago, MeatPopcicle said:

Hi all,

I'm going to take a vacation and I'm thinking about hiring someone for the first time. I want to experience being submissive and pleasing a dominant dude. But I don't have a lot of experience and my butthole is like a dolphin. 

What's an appropriate way to communicate to a provider that I'd like them to be dominant but I'm also nervous and don't have a lot of experience? Being pushed outside my comfort zone is what I'm looking for but I also don't know what my limit is and I don't want to disappoint anyone or freak them/myself out. Thanks in advance for the help. 

I really like the way you put this. Why don't you just send this to a provider. If he's willing, I'd also recommend a 5 minute phone call with him. So you can be comfortable with the vibe. Also, if any of us have met the provider and can tell you he's good at being a dom, then you could take some of that advice into the meeting. Good luck stud!

[DMonDude]

I've been in this scenario before. I basically was just very upfront and direct about what i wanted, what i wanted to try, roughly how much i wanted to be pushed past my limit, and things i knew were absolutely off limits. That way they know your baseline, where you want to go, that they know they're allowed to push a little past that, but know where the hard line is and to absolutely cannot cross it under any circumstance till you explicitly say otherwise. This lets you feel safe to dip your toe into discomfort to find pleasure, but not be so scared of falling into the deep end before you know how to swim that you don't even stick your toe in the pool.

[MeatPopcicle]

16 minutes ago, Aamir said:

I really like the way you put this. Why don't you just send this to a provider. If he's willing, I'd also recommend a 5 minute phone call with him. So you can be comfortable with the vibe. Also, if any of us have met the provider and can tell you he's good at being a dom, then you could take some of that advice into the meeting. Good luck stud!

You know, that's great advice! After reading tips here on the forums I think I'll ask the first hour be spent grabbing a drink/coffee and feeling out the vibe, make sure he's feeling me and I'm feeling him. All of this assumes I have the balls to go through with it 😅. 

[Occasional]

9 hours ago, DMonDude said:

know where the hard line is and to absolutely cannot cross it under any circumstance till you explicitly say otherwise

I would extend that to read "explicitly say otherwise outside the current session .  That is, your hard limits can't be breached - even by you - on the spur of the moment in the excitement of it all. 

Edited Tuesday at 12:20 PM by Occasional

[+ purplekow]

Agood dominant man will have a good sense of your limits by your reactions to whatever he is doing to you.  However, the sub client is in charge at all times but should not be obvious about it.  The dom will deman, coax and seduce and you will want to do it because that is why you are there.  If you are tentative about something, in a submissive voice express that concern.  "Is that going to hurt me sir?"  "i am afraid that you are too big for this boy to handle". That  manner of speaking will further lead the dom to give you what you want without pushing you too far.  A good response on his part might be:  "It will hurt you boy because that is what you want but Iitit wont hurt you so much that you wont be able to take it.  I want you to know the pleasure and the pain because  it is my being able to do that which gives me pleasure.  You do want to pleasure me boy don't you".  A hard smack on the ass followed by a tender rub of the area.  A tender kiss on the lips followed by a playful slap of the face.  When you want something always start with please or please sir.  

You should be able to get into a rhythm.  If you do not it is either he is not the right dom for you or you need to go slower and build up.  

Good luck with this.  It is fun and exciting but it should not be so painful that you will not want to do it again.  Start slow and feel comfortable about where you are and anticipatory of where he will take you.  

[+ Charlie]

If you are hiring from an ad, pay attention to what he says HE likes to do or will do. If there is something in his list that you do not want to experience, be sure to mention that before you start ("Your ad says you are into WS, but if you piss in my mouth I will probably have to throw up on you."). I would also be careful about agreeing to serious bondage in a first meeting. After all, you are the one who is paying, so you have a right to set the parameters.

[CuriousByNature]

I'm trying to figure out what it means to have a butthole like a dolphin...

Will it do tricks when you dangle a fish in front of it?  Can it whistle and click, and use echolocation?  Does it have smooth skin with a layer of blubber for insulation?  

I hope you understand the porpoise of my questions.

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

22 hours ago, MeatPopcicle said:

But I don't have a lot of experience and my butthole is like a dolphin. 

I'm assuming this means tight. Dominance is not about getting fisted or be ran through. It's about a power exchange. You can be completely subbed out without being penetrated. For me, I'm more turned on being a sub to someone who wants to get their dick sucked well and good. 

You also want to discern if you're someone who gets off on being degraded or praised. I thought I would prefer being degraded (due to Catholicism), but over the past two years, I've noticed more and more that praise is what gets me going. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

2 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

I hope you understand the porpoise of my questions.

🥇 Comedic gold 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

59 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Dominance is not about getting fisted or be ran through.

I guess I've been doing it wrong 🤷‍♂️

But I've been having fun, nonetheless 👊🍆

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

23 hours ago, MeatPopcicle said:

What's an appropriate way to communicate to a provider that I'd like them to be dominant but I'm also nervous and don't have a lot of experience?

Start by telling him how many fingers you've taken so far... And what your goal is to take by the end of the session.

[Nightowl]

2 hours ago, CuriousByNature said:

I'm trying to figure out what it means to have a butthole like a dolphin...

Will it do tricks when you dangle a fish in front of it?  Can it whistle and click, and use echolocation?  Does it have smooth skin with a layer of blubber for insulation?  

I hope you understand the porpoise of my questions.

 

Musical 🎵 They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning…. 🎶 

[Nightowl]

I have the opposite problem.  How to tell the provider I want to be dominant.  Whether I’m the top or the bottom, most of them insist on sitting on my dick or entering me while they’re on top.  I’m sure it’s a trust and control issue.  I wrestle with how to find a way to tell them “I want to fuck you in the ass.  Bend over or lie face down.”  I’m just too fucking polite.  

[pubic_assistance]

On 1/12/2026 at 7:34 PM, mike carey said:

You can jump right in if you want, but you need to consider how the whole experience will work, including the mundane details not just the excitement of the idea or the occasion.

I think @mike carey has given great advice here. I would agree that your "first" experiences and experimenting with sub/DOM play will feel more SAFE at home, not a random hotel room with no safety net. 

I happen to love sub/DOM play and have taken-on more than one novice who wants to be "trained", but ends up crying from fear when faced with the reality of an actual Dominant Top with demanding expectations. (Even when it was already discussed as "just role-play").

Edited yesterday at 12:45 AM by pubic_assistance
punctuation

[MeatPopcicle]

4 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I'm assuming this means tight. Dominance is not about getting fisted or be ran through. It's about a power exchange. You can be completely subbed out without being penetrated. For me, I'm more turned on being a sub to someone who wants to get their dick sucked well and good. 

You also want to discern if you're someone who gets off on being degraded or praised. I thought I would prefer being degraded (due to Catholicism), but over the past two years, I've noticed more and more that praise is what gets me going. 

No, @CuriousByNature was right. It's the whistles and clicks. 😜

Edited yesterday at 01:55 AM by MeatPopcicle
To add member qoute

[+ KensingtonHomo]

4 hours ago, Vegas_Millennial said:

I guess I've been doing it wrong 🤷‍♂️

But I've been having fun, nonetheless 👊🍆

It certainly can include those things but not mandatory. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, MeatPopcicle said:

No, @CuriousByNature was right. It's the whistles and clicks. 😜

I haven’t tried that. I’ll ask the next Dom I’m with.