Reverting to hook ups after years of escort-only action

[Winterangel]

I can’t even remember when it happened but over the years I’ve become reliant on escorts, both as a stress relief, and of course to fulfil my needs.  It’s been a costly habit but I’ve met some great guys (and some terrible ones!) but on average the good experiences weigh out the bad.  And I’ve got to have sex with some super hot guys that wouldn’t look twice at me in real life.  I think of the beautiful lips I’ve kissed, the massive cocks I’ve sucked and taken, and the assess I’ve eaten… my cup has runneth over.

I don’t think I could ever give up escorts but the costs aren’t sustainable, certainly not at the level I have been indulging.  I’ve gone back on the apps for the first time in a decade and even went to a sauna recently, wondering if I can go back to hooking up.  Of course cold hard reality has hit me in the face. I’m not as attractive as I used to be and anyone I can attract… well, it’s a pretty big dip from what I’ve become used to.

I realize this is a first world problem that deserves absolutely no sympathy. I’m just wondering, can anyone relate? If so, did you make a successful transition? Again I’m not looking to quit the escort scene completely, but rather mix it up and get some balance back into my life.

[+ PhileasFogg]

I completely relate.  I suspect with the apps, you kiss 9 frogs to find a prince. But for me, the prince would also be one who saw something cool in you AND might be a FWB.

I’m new to the apps.  I’ve had 100 or so app “inquiries” (from me or to me) which resulted in five encounters, of which 2 were princes…and I’m neither a spring chicken nor a silver fox (and there are members of this forum who’ve met me and can attest to that 😅)

Don’t make it about your appearance.  Make it about “the package” including experience, respect, nurture, fun loving etc.  Be as fit and energetic as you can be but don’t apologize for what you can’t change.  And see it as an excavation where you’re peeling back layers of mud to find a few diamonds 

[DenverDad]

3 hours ago, Winterangel said:

I can’t even remember when it happened but over the years I’ve become reliant on escorts, both as a stress relief, and of course to fulfil my needs.  It’s been a costly habit but I’ve met some great guys (and some terrible ones!) but on average the good experiences weigh out the bad.  And I’ve got to have sex with some super hot guys that wouldn’t look twice at me in real life.  I think of the beautiful lips I’ve kissed, the massive cocks I’ve sucked and taken, and the assess I’ve eaten… my cup has runneth over.

I don’t think I could ever give up escorts but the costs aren’t sustainable, certainly not at the level I have been indulging.  I’ve gone back on the apps for the first time in a decade and even went to a sauna recently, wondering if I can go back to hooking up.  Of course cold hard reality has hit me in the face. I’m not as attractive as I used to be and anyone I can attract… well, it’s a pretty big dip from what I’ve become used to.

I realize this is a first world problem that deserves absolutely no sympathy. I’m just wondering, can anyone relate? If so, did you make a successful transition? Again I’m not looking to quit the escort scene completely, but rather mix it up and get some balance back into my life.

Definitely can relate.

[+ Act25]

I'm going the other way.  I was mostly using the apps for several years.  I'm in a niche segment - looking for twinks who liked their daddies.  Met some great guys and had fun, but as the apps became infiltrated with scammers and their pricing went crazy (especially Grindr) it just became not worth it.  Now appreciating the ease and reliability of hiring. 

[ShortCutie7]

1 hour ago, Act25 said:

I'm going the other way.  I was mostly using the apps for several years.  I'm in a niche segment - looking for twinks who liked their daddies.  Met some great guys and had fun, but as the apps became infiltrated with scammers and their pricing went crazy (especially Grindr) it just became not worth it.  Now appreciating the ease and reliability of hiring. 

I’m in a similar boat- I had been using the apps on-and-off for years and then deleted them for a while when I became germophobic/nosophobic.  I then dipped my toe into hiring, and when I re-downloaded the apps I was even more disappointed since I was spoiled by hiring, so deleted them again.

[+ DrownedBoy]

I go back and forth. My policy is not to pay for what I can get for free, and I'm still young looking enough to get guys I like.

Obviously, the apps attract less attractive guys than I could hire. Unfortunately, I have to put up with a lot more attitude and idiocy with Grindr, not to mention forgoing the more violent parts of my roleplaying.

I've only met one guy on Grindr who I dated for a significant time afterwards. The app has too many pure horn dogs who just want to bend me over the second I arrive and kick me out five minutes later. The gay community is doomed at this rate.

[+ PhileasFogg]

On 11/7/2025 at 4:27 PM, DrownedBoy said:

I go back and forth. My policy is not to pay for what I can get for free, and I'm still young looking enough to get guys I like.

Obviously, the apps attract less attractive guys than I could hire. Unfortunately, I have to put up with a lot more attitude and idiocy with Grindr, not to mention forgoing the more violent parts of my roleplaying.

I've only met one guy on Grindr who I dated for a significant time afterwards. The app has too many pure horn dogs who just want to bend me over the second I arrive and kick me out five minutes later. The gay community is doomed at this rate.

Isn’t pre screening the hook ups part of avoiding such harsh treatment?

[+ DrownedBoy]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

Isn’t pre screening the hook ups part of avoiding such harsh treatment?

Chat: "Oh sure I'll respect your boundaries!"

In person. "You know you want it, you tease."

[+ PhileasFogg]

10 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

Chat: "Oh sure I'll respect your boundaries!"

In person. "You know you want it, you tease."

Maybe in some cases — but the real question is what you do when that pivot happens. If someone shifts the boundary in person, you either stay or you leave. Your decision in that moment is the only “proof” that matters.

[+ DrownedBoy]

8 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Maybe in some cases — but the real question is what you do when that pivot happens. If someone shifts the boundary in person, you either stay or you leave. Your decision in that moment is the only “proof” that matters.

Oh I stop then. Hence the "tease" remarks, even after I make clear I don't do anal sex with random hookups.

Now Im starting to sympathize with teenage girls.

[+ sniper]

On 11/7/2025 at 5:27 PM, DrownedBoy said:

I go back and forth. My policy is not to pay for what I can get for free, and I'm still young looking enough to get guys I like.

 

But time is money. Grindr isn't free.

Edited November 11 by sniper

[ShortCutie7]

10 minutes ago, sniper said:

But time is money. Grindr isn't free.

Exactly!  When I think of all the time I used to waste on Grindr/Scruff, I get angry at myself that I didn’t think of hiring sooner.

[Winterangel]

A footnote to this conversation if anyone is interested…

So I’ve been on the apps for about 4 weeks.  It’s 95% chatter that goes nowhere - often because of me, as I can’t host and have odd hours of availability. But often I’m rejected or ghosted too. About  5% has resulted in hook ups, around half of which have been terrible or average. I would class 2 as amazing.

To my original point/objective - it has made me cutback on escorts.  I barely look at rent men anymore as that time goes to the apps. Before I would be gagging to see any hot new escort in town or a returning favourite. It would consume my thoughts and be an effort to resist. Now I’m not browsing like i used to. I’m on the apps instead. Now comes the but…

… I was unprepared for the emotional roller coaster of the apps. As much as I like to say I am wise and self-assured, it’s like being an insecure teenager again.  I’m constantly being rejected (read: getting no reply) whilst at the same time getting loads of messages from guys I’m not attracted to.  I’m constantly checking to see if Hot Guy A has responded and get a thrill when he does. My ego is catapulted when I get compliments and then it crashes when I get rejected. I’ve had a few genuine “what the fuck is happening to me?” moments.  I’m too smart for this… but here I am.

I’ve noticed the highs and lows are tempering a little, perhaps it’s my emotional self adjusting to this new (old) world.  I need to develop a thick skin about it, I know. Part if me is genuinely happy that I can still attract guys and some good ones at that. But the rejection cycle is real and crushing.  Will it ultimately lead me back to escorts? I don’t know. What I do now is that this is an emotional minefield. Can anyone relate?

 

[theplayerking]

7 hours ago, Winterangel said:

A footnote to this conversation if anyone is interested…

So I’ve been on the apps for about 4 weeks.  It’s 95% chatter that goes nowhere - often because of me, as I can’t host and have odd hours of availability. But often I’m rejected or ghosted too. About  5% has resulted in hook ups, around half of which have been terrible or average. I would class 2 as amazing.

To my original point/objective - it has made me cutback on escorts.  I barely look at rent men anymore as that time goes to the apps. Before I would be gagging to see any hot new escort in town or a returning favourite. It would consume my thoughts and be an effort to resist. Now I’m not browsing like i used to. I’m on the apps instead. Now comes the but…

… I was unprepared for the emotional roller coaster of the apps. As much as I like to say I am wise and self-assured, it’s like being an insecure teenager again.  I’m constantly being rejected (read: getting no reply) whilst at the same time getting loads of messages from guys I’m not attracted to.  I’m constantly checking to see if Hot Guy A has responded and get a thrill when he does. My ego is catapulted when I get compliments and then it crashes when I get rejected. I’ve had a few genuine “what the fuck is happening to me?” moments.  I’m too smart for this… but here I am.

I’ve noticed the highs and lows are tempering a little, perhaps it’s my emotional self adjusting to this new (old) world.  I need to develop a thick skin about it, I know. Part if me is genuinely happy that I can still attract guys and some good ones at that. But the rejection cycle is real and crushing.  Will it ultimately lead me back to escorts? I don’t know. What I do now is that this is an emotional minefield. Can anyone relate?

 

Personally, I would rather get no reply than to have a guy say he’s not interested. Also, most guys on the apps are just killing time or jerking off. They were never serious about hooking up in the first place so you shouldn’t take it as rejection.

[+ Gar1eth]

On 11/7/2025 at 2:59 AM, Winterangel said:

I’m not as attractive as I used to be

My days of being semi-attractive ended long before I ever experienced sex. I didn't have sex until I was 41-when I was already a chub. And I've increased my "chubbiness" ever since. I initially used escorts because I didn't think anyone would be interested in me and because I still didn't really want to be gay. 
 

I hired for about 10 years until I couldn't financially due to a career mishap. I find trying to find people on the apps is difficult as I'm not that attractive and can't host.  But I do find people occasionally. They may not in general be as hot as the escorts I used to hire, but usually there's something about them that I'm attracted to.

And there is ONE BIG PLUS to using the apps. Just like in general there's something about the guy I'm attracted to, there's obviously some NON-MONETARY factor about me that is attractive to them. So for that reason it's a lot better on my ego than being with a guy who only really is there for the finances. 

Edited Tuesday at 03:16 AM by Gar1eth

[Winterangel]

3 hours ago, Gar1eth said:

My days of being semi-attractive ended long before I ever experienced sex. I didn't have sex until I was 41-when I was already a chub. And I've increased my "chubbiness" ever since. I initially used escorts because I didn't think anyone would be interested in me and because I still didn't really want to be gay. 
 

I hired for about 10 years until I couldn't financially due to a career mishap. I find trying to find people on the apps is difficult as I'm not that attractive and can't host.  But I do find people occasionally. They may not in general be as hot as the escorts I used to hire, but usually there's something about them that I'm attracted to.

And there is ONE BIG PLUS to using the apps. Just like in general there's something about the guy I'm attracted to, there's obviously some NON-MONETARY factor about me that is attractive to them. So for that reason it's a lot better on my ego than being with a guy who only really is there for the finances. 

Thanks for sharing this. I see your point about the one big plus - having someone be attracted to you for you. I agree this is nice and it’s not lost on me. 

[pubic_assistance]

On 11/11/2025 at 3:55 AM, ShortCutie7 said:

Exactly!  When I think of all the time I used to waste on Grindr/Scruff, I get angry at myself that I didn’t think of hiring sooner.

I have a few young attractive gay male friends who struggle to land a date on Grindr. It seems to be full of weirdos. Many years ago when I would be on the apps ( Manhunt, Adam4Adam, etc)..it was SO easy. I'd have a guy at my door every night within the hour. 

But my younger friends say that recent years have turned the online hook up culture into a bizarre circus of insecure time wasters , sitting at home jerking off, instead of actually meeting up. 

Hiring gets you what you want /when you want. (Mostly). I cant imagine wanting to dredge through Grindr at my age now. 

[+ Gar1eth]

6 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Hiring gets you what you want /when you want. (Mostly). I cant imagine wanting to dredge through Grindr at my age now. 

I use Scruff, Silver Daddys, Growlr, Adam4Adam, and occasionally Grindr. As I said in my previous posting,  I don't get a lot of interest being overweight and unable to host.
 

But out of all those Grindr is the worst just from how it's set up. If you have the free version, they don't let you see many profiles. And the paid versions seem to he much more expensive than the others. 

[Rudynate]

On 11/7/2025 at 12:59 AM, Winterangel said:

I can’t even remember when it happened but over the years I’ve become reliant on escorts, both as a stress relief, and of course to fulfil my needs.  It’s been a costly habit but I’ve met some great guys (and some terrible ones!) but on average the good experiences weigh out the bad.  And I’ve got to have sex with some super hot guys that wouldn’t look twice at me in real life.  I think of the beautiful lips I’ve kissed, the massive cocks I’ve sucked and taken, and the assess I’ve eaten… my cup has runneth over.

I don’t think I could ever give up escorts but the costs aren’t sustainable, certainly not at the level I have been indulging.  I’ve gone back on the apps for the first time in a decade and even went to a sauna recently, wondering if I can go back to hooking up.  Of course cold hard reality has hit me in the face. I’m not as attractive as I used to be and anyone I can attract… well, it’s a pretty big dip from what I’ve become used to.

I realize this is a first world problem that deserves absolutely no sympathy. I’m just wondering, can anyone relate? If so, did you make a successful transition? Again I’m not looking to quit the escort scene completely, but rather mix it up and get some balance back into my life.

  Congratulations on having looked reality in the face and surviving.  It makes me crazy when someone comes on here and posts that they "have to hire." What is actually true is that someone has plenty of options, they just don't like any of them.  By staring an unappealing truth in the face and surviving you have become stronger, bigger man.  I know, it isnt a flashy satisfaction but then, a lot of life isn't that flashy.

[caliguy]

8 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I have a few young attractive gay male friends who struggle to land a date on Grindr. It seems to be full of weirdos. Many years ago when I would be on the apps ( Manhunt, Adam4Adam, etc)..it was SO easy. I'd have a guy at my door every night within the hour. 

But my younger friends say that recent years have turned the online hook up culture into a bizarre circus of insecure time wasters , sitting at home jerking off, instead of actually meeting up. 

Hiring gets you what you want /when you want. (Mostly). I cant imagine wanting to dredge through Grindr at my age now. 

Aren't in a straight marriage?  If so I'd think your situation would be completely different then most here so of course.  Especially if you add in kids.

 

[Rudynate]

10 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

I have a few young attractive gay male friends who struggle to land a date on Grindr. It seems to be full of weirdos. Many years ago when I would be on the apps ( Manhunt, Adam4Adam, etc)..it was SO easy. I'd have a guy at my door every night within the hour. 

But my younger friends say that recent years have turned the online hook up culture into a bizarre circus of insecure time wasters , sitting at home jerking off, instead of actually meeting up. 

Hiring gets you what you want /when you want. (Mostly). I cant imagine wanting to dredge through Grindr at my age now. 

And my experience recently with hookup sites is that they are rife with scammers - guys who want you to give them gas money to come to your place, or they've experienced a health crisis and need $100 right away to avert a disaster.  I'm used to the ones that want to teach you to trade crypto, but this is a new variety of scammer.