Sharing my first-time experience (hiring and with men)

[Nameless]

Hello, I'm a newbie who has spent more time than I care to admit browsing and searching this forum over the past several months. First of all, let me say that the advices, reviews and experiences shared by everyone here were a huge help in taking the leap with my first hire. I'm a closeted bisexual man who tends to read obsessively on topics I'm anxious about, so thank you all for maintaining this open and supportive community. 

A few weeks ago I hired someone from RentMen and I figured I'd share this first experience now that I've had some time to process it. Who knows, maybe it will help someone down the line, just as previous posters have unknowingly helped me. So, here we go. 

 

I hired a different provider than I had originally in mind, someone of a similar age and with good reviews on this forum. The booking process went quite smoothly thanks to the numerous threads about first-contact etiquette. When I contacted him I stated that I saw his profile on RentMen, I was looking for a 3-hour outcall in a hotel in my city, offered a few options of dates and times, and sent him basic informations about myself. I also mentioned that this would be my very first experience with a man, which made me quite nervous, and I wanted to make sure he was OK with it. He was very reassuring, we discussed what I wanted to try, my goal for the session, my limits, etc. We confirmed the rate and time, and it was all set in less than two hours. 

I was so nervous the day of the appointment, I felt like a teenager on his first date. I had put his rate in an unmarked envelope very visibly on a table, I offered him something to drink and we talked for a while. The conversation was easy, he asked questions about me and my expectations, told me about himself, his life, how happy he was to help me go through with this, etc. 

Mutual oral was the only specific thing I requested when we texted initially, since I knew that I'd feel comfortable trying, so it felt natural to start there. He took the lead, asked me to help him get undressed, he guided me to touch him and he taught me how to blow him (never realized a dick would feels so smooth in my mouth when it was like a steel rod in his boxers 😅). It was absolutely awesome and I was ecstatic when he came in my mouth. We continued fooling around and having some fun, talked for a bit and then he was on his way. 

Was it everything I was hoping for? Probably not. While I thoroughly enjoyed going to town on this stud and I'm glad I got to explore this side of myself, there were moments where I felt somewhat self-conscious and out of place. It still felt like a hookup, which I guess it was, but at the time it made me wonder if this hobby was really meant for me. 

Not at all the provider's fault however, he was lovely, patient and kind. I usually enjoy sex the most when I have developed some trust/intimacy with the person I'm with, so I'm guessing having a regular provider is probably what I'm looking for. I think I was trying to get it to live up to years of built-up expectations, which was unrealistic.

Instead, I'm now trying to focus on the positive aspects of the experience, since I still loved it. Recently, I was thinking about which country to visit this fall, and I realized that I was also looking up the providers available in those countries. I usually travel to explore food and culture, but I guess Men can be another form of cultural exploration. It confirmed what many of you have said — this hobby can indeed be quite addictive. 😉

[Simon Suraci]

@Nameless do you have a question about your experience you want others to respond to, in this section Questions About Hiring?

[Nameless]

@Simon Suraci I guess I mostly just wanted to share the experience, apologies if this isn’t the right section of the forum.

There is one thing I’m curious about, though. The provider seemed surprised when I paid in cash, which made me realize that while we had discussed his rate, we never talked about the payment method. He wasn’t upset or anything, but he had expected a transfer through an app. It’s definitely something I’ll make sure to clarify in the future, but I’m wondering how common that is.

[Simon Suraci]

@Nameless providers generally accept cash, and typically more than one digital payment method, like Venmo and Zelle. I’d be surprised if your guy had any problems accepting cash. Although digital payments are more and more common with each passing year, cash in this business is still very much the norm. Many clients prefer cash for privacy reasons, if not for expediency.

[pubic_assistance]

32 minutes ago, Nameless said:

Not at all the provider's fault however, he was lovely, patient and kind. I usually enjoy sex the most when I have developed some trust/intimacy with the person I'm with, so I'm guessing having a regular provider is probably what I'm looking for.

It's not clear in your comments ( thanks for sharing ) how much sexual history you have and with who.  The difference to a hire on a first meet is that you haven't had much time to get to know the person. An hour of chatting, with the knowledge of sex being ordered from the menu might seem awkward on your first hire. Overall this man sounds like he was considerate and professional. So you choice seemed well thought out.  The issue of preferences for sex after developing trust/intimacy is something I am conscious of in my own hook ups. I have plenty of experience with anonymous sex, group sex etc...but right now in my 50s none of that is as appealing as meeting someone and getting to know them before hitting the sheets. I am also bisexual. I am married and don't have the chance to "date" people. SO what I have found that works, is to hire someone for erotic massage on a first meet. This takes the pressure off the expectations and gives you time to get to know your provider. There have been men who I hired multiple times, learned much about them, developed a friendly professional relationship before any sexual activity was included. Sometimes it was discussed and others it was merely a product of them opening  themselves up to a more intimate session, to please me after being a good customer ( tipping well ) and showing them that I value them as a person not just a piece of meat. This takes time to develop such "relationships" and you can't always know where they will come from. But they are out there for you to enjoy. Glad you had a nice first experience. Here's hoping you will continue to find what you want in your provider(s).

[Nameless]

15 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

It's not clear in your comments ( thanks for sharing ) how much sexual history you have and with who.  The difference to a hire on a first meet is that you haven't had much time to get to know the person. An hour of chatting, with the knowledge of sex being ordered from the menu might seem awkward on your first hire. Overall this man sounds like he was considerate and professional. So you choice seemed well thought out.  The issue of preferences for sex after developing trust/intimacy is something I am conscious of in my own hook ups. I have plenty of experience with anonymous sex, group sex etc...but right now in my 50s none of that is as appealing as meeting someone and getting to know them before hitting the sheets. I am also bisexual. I am married and don't have the chance to "date" people. SO what I have found that works, is to hire someone for erotic massage on a first meet. This takes the pressure off the expectations and gives you time to get to know your provider. There have been men who I hired multiple times, learned much about them, developed a friendly professional relationship before any sexual activity was included. Sometimes it was discussed and others it was merely a product of them opening  themselves up to a more intimate session, to please me after being a good customer ( tipping well ) and showing them that I value them as a person not just a piece of meat. This takes time to develop such "relationships" and you can't always know where they will come from. But they are out there for you to enjoy. Glad you had a nice first experience. Here's hoping you will continue to find what you want in your provider(s).

The awkwardness at the beginning of the session was very real, planning an erotic massage to start out does sounds like a good idea to help on that front. Do you mostly look for providers with ads for both massage and escort services? Thanks for the input 🙂

[pubic_assistance]

16 minutes ago, Nameless said:

The awkwardness at the beginning of the session was very real, planning an erotic massage to start out does sounds like a good idea to help on that front. Do you mostly look for providers with ads for both massage and escort services? 

There are TWO approaches to that question. 

For ME...I DO genuinely like a good massage so YES, I will see if someone has a massage profile AND an escort profile. 

Providers on Rent.men also will offer erotic massage services, but you're never sure if that's just a type of foreplay to their sexual services. If you don't really care about the quality of the massage then it's a non issue for you. Generally speaking I ask "what style" of massage they do. If they have no idea how to answer that pretty much says it all. 😆If they only do Swedish, then that also tends to be a mediocre session. People who offer therapeutic sessions as well as sexual work, are not the most common, so always happy to find one of those.

[CuriousByNature]

6 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

There are TWO approaches to that question. 

For ME...I DO genuinely like a good massage so YES, I will see if someone has a massage profile AND an escort profile. 

Providers on Rent.men also will offer erotic massage services, but you're never sure if that's just a type of foreplay to their sexual services. If you don't really care about the quality of the massage then it's a non issue for you. Generally speaking I ask "what style" of massage they do. If they have no idea how to answer that pretty much says it all. 😆If they only do Swedish, then that also tends to be a mediocre session. People who offer therapeutic sessions as well as sexual work, are not the most common, so always happy to find one of those.

Are there any in particular you would recommend to the OP, or other newbies?

Edited 18 hours ago by CuriousByNature

[+ PhileasFogg]

I’m not far ahead of your experience - say by 18 mo.  Also bi and twice divorced  

So much is about chemistry.  Stick with it, experiment with different guys and you’ll know when you’re ready to advance to different things and with whom.  Well into the process, I can say two or three guys took my experience and my confidence to new levels. I’m a top and my first intercourse was very spontaneous with a yoga instructor doing an upper plank and sliding down on me.  A couple of others multiplied my confidence and the rest is history.  You’ll find those great guys and you’ll find some duds along the way too. I encourage you to view it as a journey.

You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

Edited 18 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[+ Jamie21]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

You may also consider getting on PReP and having some Doxy handy if needed. 

There’s a mood killer! I understand the advice and it’s very good advice …but it might be a little fast for @Nameless. He’s exploring. If he picks the right provider (I agree with @pubic_assistance that a masseur would be a good place to start). If you find a masseur you’re comfortable with you can get to know him and explore with him. At the least you get a great massage. Massage is a fabulous way into intimacy that can lead more naturally to more things.