The Mean Girl Dynamic on Company of Men

[+ Lucky]

Many of the comments here confuse me. It's like some are talking about a site with which I am unfamiliar.  I agree that providers are often treated unfairly in Daddys Den, especially by guys who never had an intention to hire them. It seems some surf the profiles, looking for guys to criticize.

Otherwise, I think that the other forums generally avoid such meanness and in general we do have a friendly environment here. That's my take.

Edited yesterday at 12:00 PM by Lucky

[francisssgorg]

I get your point. Like to make it short, stop being rude in this forum.

Some responses here are even validating the mean girl dynamics that’s happening in what’s supposedly a safe space for us just looking out for fun or connection. It cost nothing to be kind to others.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, francisssgorg said:

Some responses here are even validating the mean girl dynamics that’s happening in what’s supposedly a safe space for us just looking out for fun or connection. 

Seems to me that the "mean girls" here are the ones complaining about people who have opinions they disagree with.

I was called out personally.(Although you misspelled my screen-name@BrickBuilder) 

I am guessing this is a reaction to the recent Sydney Sweeny controversy. For several years now the fashion industry has been going for shock value by featuring fat Victoria Secret models, transexual make up models, and ugly/deformed runway models. This has empowered people in the general population who feel left behind because of their unfortunate looks. Unfortunately the fashion industry has watched their profits plummet as the promotion of "ugly" backfired and the disadvantaged population of empowered people didn't show up to buy their product while the beautiful people left the room in disgust. 

So American Eagle reacts by swinging the pendulum back to where it was. This touches off a mini culture-war about the appropriateness of deifying beautiful people in 2025. It is interesting therefore that @CheckCar simultaneously starts a "mean girl" thread because as he states: he is - "a gay man of a certain age who is often invisible in bars and clubs catering to the gym-bodied under-40 crowd." 

So...since I was called out ..I think it's important for me to contribute MY two-cents in the matter as a counter-point to this idea of the "mean-girl". 

Although it may be an unfortunate reality of life that some of us are born less attractive than others and some of us lose our looks as we age. We all need to accept this as REALITY. You cant change that by PRETENDING that everyone is beautiful. C.o.M is a site where men pursue men who they find attractive. They choose to HIRE men who are MORE attractive than they can likely get without paying them. So the VAST majority of men here are concerned about the GOOD LOOKS of providers. NOBODY is here to take pity on a poor-sad provider struggling to get laid. We are all here to discuss the merits of skilled, good-looking men who can provide a high quality fantasy experience.

So to call-out those of us who may make an opinion about this subject that doesnt follow the "everyone is beautiful" narrative is ridiculous, indeed !! @KensingtonHomo calls me "Regina George", because he's never been able to stand the fact that I have had the privilege of a life where I COULD pick and choose the cream-of-the-crop and NOT need to take what I can get, while pretending that "everyone is beautiful" so I feel better about myself.

It's an interesting subject and although I don't agree with @CheckCar for including me on his mean-girl list. I thank @KensingtonHomo for bringing up the timely topic. 

In summary...I don't feel that its "mean" to make observations about a providers looks and/or performance. I actually think its ridiculous to even suggest such a thing on a site that is totally geared toward these discussions. As far as the rest of the issues about "mean-girl" behavior ..yes we should all treat each other with respect. But I could go back and find multiple snarky comments made to ME over the years simply because someone didn’t agree with my viewpoint. So as I started to say in my response...its not ME who's the mean-girl in those scenarios. 

Some people need to grow up and learn to agree to disagree, and keep the snark to themselves. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

On 8/9/2025 at 9:31 AM, KensingtonHomo said:

At a time when our community is under attack, can’t we be kinder to each other? 

You hit it there - there are members (one already named) who feel no part of any community, and make homophobic-leaning remarks all the time. Nothing sadder.

[pubic_assistance]

22 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

there are members (one already named) who .... homophobic-leaning remarks all the time.

I have witnessed multiple pile-ons from the Karen's in the group who INSIST that everyone who disagrees with their subscribed gay-centric viewpoint is automatically a homophobe. Some of these people need to climb down from their barstool and greet the rest of the world more often. People have different life experiences and therefore draw separate conclusions about life. Tossing the "homophobe" moniker around everything someone disagrees is immature and counter-intellectual.

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

I have witnessed multiple pile-ons from the Karen's in the group who INSIST that everyone who disagrees with their subscribed gay-centric viewpoint is automatically a homophobe. Some of these people need to climb down from their barstool and greet the rest of the world more often. People have different life experiences and therefore draw separate conclusions about life. Tossing the "homophobe" moniker around everything someone disagrees is immature and counter-intellectual.

touché @pubic_assistance !
Bozo has read hundreds, if not thousands, of your posts. You speak your mind in a clear, concise, and thoughtful manner. It may irritate a few because your views aren't in 100% in sync with theirs so they target you with the scarlet letter H.  Too bad...  for them. 
Bozo has never read anything you have written that could in any way be construed as homophobic or homophobic leaning. Not even close.

And to respond to the remark that "our community is under attack", the gay community has never been more diverse, vibrant, and alive. No gay person that Bozo knows shares that opinion. Bozo isn't a victim and he doesn't play the victim card. But that's a discussion for another thread.

BTC
🤡

Edited 16 hours ago by BOZO T CLOWN

[pubic_assistance]

38 minutes ago, BOZO T CLOWN said:

And to respond to the remark that "our community is under attack", the gay community has never been more diverse, vibrant, and alive.

ABSOLUTELY 💯 

I've been honest and open about my sexuality for several decades now.

MUCH has changed in how people accept gay and bisexual men and women and its all been for the better. Anyone who tells you differently is looking at the world through a lens of unwarranted fear, that is constantly being carved out by media sources trying to manipulate you. 

[marylander1940]

53 minutes ago, BOZO T CLOWN said:

touché @pubic_assistance !
Bozo has read hundreds, if not thousands, of your posts. You speak your mind in a clear, concise, and thoughtful manner. It may irritate a few because your views aren't in 100% in sync with theirs so they target you with the scarlet letter H.  Too bad...  for them. 
Bozo has never read anything you have written that could in any way be construed as homophobic or homophobic leaning. Not even close.

And to respond to the remark that "our community is under attack", the gay community has never been more diverse, vibrant, and alive. No gay person that Bozo knows shares that opinion. Bozo isn't a victim and he doesn't play the victim card. But that's a discussion for another thread.

BTC
🤡

Yes, we gay men are financially savvier by default, believe in personal responsibility, turning our friends into our own family if not accepted by them, move from a small town to a bigger city to pursue happiness, etc. 

I'm proud to be one of those who helped gentrified the city and brought back Logan Circle.

[+ Travis69]

17 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

ABSOLUTELY 💯 

I've been honest and open about my sexuality for several decades now.

MUCH has changed in how people accept gay and bisexual men and women and its all been for the better. Anyone who tells you differently is looking at the world through a lens of unwarranted fear, that is constantly being carved out by media sources trying to manipulate you. 

Does this mean you and @BOZO T CLOWN respect and love lesbians and transgender and drag queens?

[+ KensingtonHomo]

6 hours ago, pubic_assistance said:

So to call-out those of us who may make an opinion about this subject that doesnt follow the "everyone is beautiful" narrative is ridiculous, indeed !! @KensingtonHomo calls me "Regina George", because he's never been able to stand the fact that I have had the privilege of a life where I COULD pick and choose the cream-of-the-crop and NOT need to take what I can get, while pretending that "everyone is beautiful" so I feel better about myself.

Girl, your entire rant proves the points that were made about you by myself and others. But let me address what you have to say about me. I don’t care who is or isn’t willing to fuck you as long as it isn’t me. Putting aside that not everyone is everyone’s type, I’ve been out since I’m 16 and never once had difficulty dating the men I’m interested in. My husband of nearly 24 years is a former model and musical theater actor. He’s matured into such a silver fox in his 50s that I have to beat twinks off of him. 

Regarding my own looks, you “mistake” (or pretend to) my broad palette and general compassion for an admission that I’m physically subpar. I understand why you wish that were the case, but I regret to inform you that I’m very attractive. I went from a “heroin chic” twink in the 90s to a fit white collar professional in 2000s to my current status as a very handsome, fit middle-aged man with an ass most 30 year olds wish they had. I am generally mistaken for 10-15 years younger than my 52 years. Hell, I never even needed braces! 

if this site was about a different subject, I’d post photos just to gag you. Suffice it to say I look like the love child of Pierce Brosnan and Domhall Gleason. 

And I’ve chatted with several CoM members who can attest to that. 

Nevertheless, even if you are a “10”, that doesn’t give you license to disparage providers or clients. That you have the relentless need to suggests a deep insecurity that no amount of sex with perky assed twunks will ever alleviate. And for that you have my sympathy. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

3 hours ago, BOZO T CLOWN said:

And to respond to the remark that "our community is under attack", the gay community has never been more diverse, vibrant, and alive. No gay person that Bozo knows shares that opinion. Bozo isn't a victim and he doesn't play the victim card. But that's a discussion for another thread.

There’s no way to refute your sunny version of events without violating the “no politics” rule of this forum. But we are very much under attack by the same reactionary forces that have alway hated us. They’re coming for all the gains we’ve made since the 1980s - from non discrimination in public accommodations to marriage equality. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, Travis69 said:

Does this mean you and @BOZO T CLOWN respect and love lesbians and transgender and drag queens?

Bingo. 

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

11 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

There’s no way to refute your sunny version of events without violating the “no politics” rule of this forum. But we are very much under attack by the same reactionary forces that have alway hated us. They’re coming for all the gains we’ve made since the 1980s - from non discrimination in public accommodations to marriage equality. 

Nobody is going after anyone's gains. Period.
But if it makes your feel better to tilt at windmills in search of non-existent bogeymen who are out to take away our rights, go for it.

Can we now go back to the original topic of this thread?

BTC
🤡
 

[CuriousByNature]

This forum is a community of people, and obviously, every community has some members that get on other members' nerves.  Most people here have never met one another, and it can be hard to judge tone and meaning when reading what someone has written.  At least that's what I try to remind myself.  There have been members who've made comments on my posts that could be considered 'mean', perhaps.  But that's ultimately on them.  If that's how they engage people, so be it, and it isn't any skin off my nose.  There are some people on the forum who just won't let it go if you happen to disagree with them, and that can get tiresome.  We don't always have to be 'right'.  And sometimes various viewpoints can all be valid at the same time.  It does seem at times that kindness is becoming a lost art.  As are forgiveness and empathy.

Edited 12 hours ago by CuriousByNature

[+ KensingtonHomo]

2 hours ago, BOZO T CLOWN said:

Nobody is going after anyone's gains. Period.
But if it makes your feel better to tilt at windmills in search of non-existent bogeymen who are out to take away our rights, go for it.

Again, you can only live in this fantasy because if I refute your claim with facts, I’ll be suspended. 

[pubic_assistance]

5 hours ago, Travis69 said:

Does this mean you ... respect and love lesbians and transgender and drag queens

Transgender people aren't always part of the LGB community. 

[+ ApexNomad]

24 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Transgender people aren't always part of the LGB community. 

What exactly are you saying? 

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, ApexNomad said:

What exactly are you saying? 

I'm saying I don't have anything in common with trans people. 

[+ ApexNomad]

3 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I'm saying I don't have anything in common with trans people. 

Just so I understand, are you saying that because you don’t have anything in common with trans people, they aren’t part of the same community as LGB people?

[pubic_assistance]

24 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

Just so I understand, are you saying that because you don’t have anything in common with trans people, they aren’t part of the same community as LGB people?

Well...no.

Thats not what I said. 

I said that trans people arent necessarily homosexual so they aren't part of the LGB community. There are men who are cross dressers but straight and Trans people who identify as heterosexual because they switched their gender so they wouldn't be considered gay. 

[marylander1940]

1 minute ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well...no.

Thats not what I said. 

I said that trans people arent necessarily homosexual so they aren't part of the LGB community. There are men who are cross dressers but straight and Trans people who identify as heterosexual because they switched their gender so they wouldn't be considered gay. 

 

This is too much for me!

I remember a time with only 2 genders and then I realized I was one of "the gays"....

 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, pubic_assistance said:

Transgender people aren't always part of the LGB community. 

Yes. They were. In fact, some of the earlier people fighting for our rights were gender nonconforming people - way back before Stonewall. And most queer people are harmed not for having gay sex but for not conforming to gender stereotypes. This was literally my senior thesis. 

[+ SirBillybob]

I haven’t had occasion to interact extensively with all people components of the acronym string that distinguishes a broad subgroup from the limited conceptual binaries of male / female and heterosexual / nonheterosexual, etc,  and I haven’t experienced much challenge regarding my own categorization as a gay cisgender male, but for some reason I do feel a fellowship with the totality of subcategories within the aforementioned  extended acronym.

I don’t fully grasp why as I haven’t felt pushed into such an attitude or identity consolidation, and I harbour no antipathy towards the shrinking proportion of folks, fellow humans, excluded from the acronym. I think that it would confuse and subvert this identification and its mysterious value if I were to hierarchically stratify my sense of affiliation according to the various representations within whatever the acronym represents, or get caught up in the intersectional complexity of gender identity and sexual orientation. This doesn’t suggest that I’m always capable of resisting the unfortunate human tendency of ‘othering’ with respect to some aspects of mankind. 

That said, it does appear that heterosexuality alone does not dictate exclusion from the broadening spectrum of whatever best fits what any individual knows they truly are, but that reality doesn’t nullify the fact that not all heterosexuals are considered equally entitled to a claim to said orientation. Homosexual folks, in contrast, are not deprived of their orientation legitimacy, albeit at greater risk for proclaiming it, as it satisfies the criteria of problematic ‘othering’, the central core of whatever the “mean girls” colloquialism signifies. 

Edited 8 hours ago by SirBillybob

[+ ApexNomad]

20 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well...no.

Thats not what I said. 

I said that trans people arent necessarily homosexual so they aren't part of the LGB community. There are men who are cross dressers but straight and Trans people who identify as heterosexual because they switched their gender so they wouldn't be considered gay. 

Your story keeps shifting. First “Trans people aren’t always part of the community.” Then “I don’t have anything in common with trans people.” Now they’re not part of the LGB because some are straight.

One is your personal bias; the other is erasing people from a coalition they helped build.

The “T” has always been there in practice because solidarity is what’s kept all of us from being picked off one group at a time. The rights you enjoy as a bi man didn’t arrive by accident, they came from that coalition.

That’s the risk with carving people out—sooner or later, the knife turns back on you.

[mike carey]

Gentlemen, a reminder, a warning to stay on topic was posted less than 24 hours ago. While mentioning the sort of things that people have said, or even weaponised (in general, not by naming individuals) is marginally on topic as being an example or illustration, debating the substance of them is not part of this discussion. This discussion is about what the OP saw as part of the nature of what this on-line community has become or is in danger of becoming. The few posts above this warning are an example of a discussion of the substance of an issue rather than simply naming it as one where the dynamic has manifested.

If you think everything that can be said about whether we have a 'mean girl dynamic' has been said, stop commenting. If you want to discuss other topics, find a thread about them, or start one. Just don't bring that discussion to this thread.