Manhattan Posted June 26 Posted June 26 You've already gotten lots of good advice, but I can't help but add my two cents - You have sex, intimacy, frustration, drama, suspicion, insecurity as well as financial and emotional inequality. Sounds like a lot of couples I have known. The client/provider dynamic doesn't have to be the problem. Every relationship has a price tag, some transactions are just more obvious than others. You've got an expensive and immature "mistress" who needs you as much as you need him. You each have power and agency in different ways. No fantasy lasts forever and now you have to negotiate your way forward. You are just two people at the end of the day. Ask him to marry you - or dump him and get yourself a new provider - or accept your relationship as it is. Throw the hook 1
GTMike Posted June 26 Posted June 26 14 hours ago, baseball6 said: Yes I do...Ive especially noticed in the recent past hed say..."now I need you to to get hard for me when I see you...you shouldnt need any shower of stimulation. Just thought Id tell the rest of my sordid details Sorry you are going through this. I hear everyone's comments and essentially agree that you need to make some hard distance/boundary/ perhaps let go choices. I will only add that possibly one reason he wants you "hard" when you want to get intimate is him consciously or sub-consciously limiting the physical/intimacy part of your interactions. You mentioned he's uncomfortable with a lot of foreplay and physical lovey-dovey stuff. One possible explanation is that if you're hard at the beginning he has a good sense of how long it will take before whatever you guys do will last, to when you're physically satisfied and that part of deed is done. Otherwise he's feeling like he's spending too much time overall on that part of your deal? Luv2play, MikeBiDude and Throw the hook 3
Throw the hook Posted June 26 Author Posted June 26 Can I ask another ........Hes going through issues regarding alcohol and drugs. Fairley recent seriousness. Got some recent short term rehab. Home now. Im still gonna go in 2 weeks but need to be honest about my disappointments to this point. HOW would you guys suggest I bring up and discuss the problems I am having with him....(I know I should have done before !!) I want to say-----Look lets be be sure you know what I expect for paying you 1500 a night....and I need to know if you have any probs. U know I always pay you when I get there. I stay 3 nites... or you come to my home...(out of town)....We go places, have fun, but I need the satisfaction of a sexual contact...and heres what I need. Kissing, touching, getting me off...be clear. Quite frankly...withput my $$ hed have a hard time. But like many have said...It MUST be mutual. Then see what he says. Funny I never have been definite on what I wanted. Thanks guys + Vegas_Millennial and pubic_assistance 1 1
+ nycman Posted June 26 Posted June 26 58 minutes ago, baseball6 said: Then see what he says. To be frank, it doesn’t sound like you’re moving on. I wish you luck. You’re gonna need it. Luv2play, pubic_assistance, MikeBiDude and 3 others 1 5
Throw the hook Posted June 26 Author Posted June 26 Yeah...I got it commin...you guys have been patient....Im just too involved to say....OK !! Bye and block him etc.... pubic_assistance 1
+ Vegas_Millennial Posted June 26 Posted June 26 In ur situation what Id do is ask if hed b ok 2 talk face 2 face bcuz Im afraid hed mite not get what u mean especially at nite when hes tired. Or just move on and ghost him and hed get the message or hed move 2 someone new. Itd depend if this is a new situation or if youd and hed been experiencing this long. Theres plenty of fish in the sea dont waste time when hes not giving u what youre expecting.
Throw the hook Posted June 26 Author Posted June 26 Thanks Vegas.......Im gonna give him the chance to change into a provider of what I want....or move on. Im not a masochist...and with the help of the group, I feel there is nothing else for me to do here...... + purplekow and pubic_assistance 2
+ José Soplanucas Posted June 26 Posted June 26 12 minutes ago, baseball6 said: Thanks Vegas.......Im gonna give him the chance to change into a provider of what I want....or move on. Im not a masochist...and with the help of the group, I feel there is nothing else for me to do here...... You are obviously hooked and unable to keep your balance in this situation, and he is manipulating you and, to make it worse, struggles with addiction. He will not change. You will not save him. Get away from this situation. Ghost him, move on, and get a good shrink because if you already have one, I do not know what a hell they are doing. MikeBiDude, thomas, pubic_assistance and 2 others 3 2
rvwnsd Posted June 26 Posted June 26 21 hours ago, baseball6 said: Yeah....Just as a last gasp...recently he said I love you I care about you and I’m so sorry for every argument we’ve ever had you know deep down. I love you and I care about you so much and I know you care about me more than probably anybody.' I mean....I know Im "needy" but I didnt make that up... Would a real serious chat be worth it?? Thanks guys I am not being dismissive of your feelings nor am I being sarcastic when saying this: This message sounds like it came from an abuser who is trying to win back the significant other they are abusing. Unlike the abused significant other, you can easily walk away. Start walking! + José Soplanucas, + JamesB, spidir and 3 others 1 5
TonyDown Posted June 27 Posted June 27 IMO it's OK to fall in love with a provider as long as you don't fool yourself. Enjoy how nice it feels, but stay realistic. BSR 1
pubic_assistance Posted June 27 Posted June 27 7 hours ago, baseball6 said: HOW would you guys suggest I bring up and discuss the problems I am having with him.... I suggest you STOP fooling yourself. THAT is the problem, here. + BOZO T CLOWN, MikeBiDude, + JamesB and 4 others 1 5 1
+ sniper Posted June 27 Posted June 27 What's your endgame here? Do you think he's going to marry you? I think it's more likely he's gonna wind up murdering you. Legal troubles, drug problems, not even pretending to be attracted to you...gurl, you're a Lifetime Original Movie waiting to happen. GET OUT! + JamesB, caliguy, + nycman and 2 others 3 1 1
+ purplekow Posted June 27 Posted June 27 3 hours ago, rvwnsd said: I am not being dismissive of your feelings nor am I being sarcastic when saying this: This message sounds like it came from an abuser who is trying to win back the significant other they are abusing. Unlike the abused significant other, you can easily walk away. Start walking! Nancy knows + sniper, pubic_assistance, thomas and 2 others 3 2
+ glutes Posted June 27 Posted June 27 On 6/25/2025 at 5:19 PM, baseball6 said: He has said...you are the best ting I have in my life,,,, + Italiano, + José Soplanucas and pubic_assistance 1 1 1
+ sync Posted June 27 Posted June 27 I know it's fairly easy to make calls concerning others from one's own armchair. I say test some other waters if quitting this particular escort cold turkey is too much. As trite as "there are other fish in the sea" may sound, it's true. It may be less stressful than you might think to seek out and patronize a more considerate (stable) young man. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. I, too, have experienced having been hugely smitten with a provider. It was gradually pulling away that helped me. "Keep on keeping on." BSR and Lookin 2
+ Gar1eth Posted June 27 Posted June 27 11 hours ago, baseball6 said: Thanks Vegas.......Im gonna give him the chance to change into a provider of what I want....or move on. Im not a masochist...and with the help of the group, I feel there is nothing else for me to do here...... It's difficult I know to have these feelings and hope they are reciprocated-but knowing in reality they probably aren't. I never fell in love with an escort but did fall in like. It used to disturb me on some of the guys that I saw regularly that they might only see me as a client-when I wanted them to actually like me. Not like me and give me freebies-but still like me more than just as a client. I think I was fairly pleasant to be around on my weekends and overnights. And I hope some of the guys I was with felt friendly towards me. But sometimes not knowing if they actually liked me or it was a total act bothered me too much to continue to see them. In your case @baseball6, I don't understand why you are waiting to get there to tell him what you expect. It seems to me you ought to have the discussion beforehand. Then when you're there if things haven't improved, you could leave him-either go back home or hire someone else.
wsc Posted June 27 Posted June 27 On 6/25/2025 at 10:32 PM, baseball6 said: I have some ED but not if he's INVOLVED !! He never is involved. I don't want to add to the stress and strains you're obviously having in this relationship, and I truly feel for you. But look above at what you previously wrote (with my added emphasis), then say, "Miss Watson, please read that back to me." Then do a Google search for "denial". You cannot live your truth if you cannot tell yourself the truth, and you cannot lose what you never really had. Let this thing die under its own weight then go and find that which makes you truly happy and fulfilled. There will always be a lingering pain, but that pain will be in your past, not your future. Make your best life ahead of you, knowing you're the only one who can. With my best wishes for what's next in your story! Throw the hook, + Lucky, MikeBiDude and 9 others 3 1 8
+ nycman Posted June 27 Posted June 27 5 minutes ago, wsc said: You cannot live your truth if you cannot tell yourself the truth, and you cannot lose what you never really had. Let this thing die under its own weight then go and find that which makes you truly happy and fulfilled. There will always be a lingering pain, but that pain will be in your past, not your future. Make your best life ahead of you, knowing you're the only one who can. Beautifully said. Thank you @wsc. wsc, Throw the hook, thomas and 4 others 3 1 3
Throw the hook Posted June 27 Author Posted June 27 wsc......Thanks so much....as well as to the other guys....I know that you are correct....its the cold turkey thing, but also dying under its own weight....that I can do.When I go, I have to fly there to see him. Hes been at my city too. The big change here is that I SEE the path....Im a little shell-shocked at the blindness Ive experienced. Wow...sometime you think you are beyond being totally fooled. I mean....I am a professional guy. BUT enough of the monday morning quarterbacking. Please keep your thoughts coming. Bless you guys..... thomas, + nycman, wsc and 1 other 1 1 2
+ glutes Posted June 28 Posted June 28 On 6/26/2025 at 12:36 PM, nycman said: To be frank, it doesn’t sound like you’re moving on. I wish you luck. You’re gonna need it.
Throw the hook Posted June 28 Author Posted June 28 Its interesting you say that...not only because you are right, but if I can ween my way away from the guy who is involved, I THINK Id be ok. I m not sure everyone who gets into this situation needs "therapy," ....(sit down psychoanalysis)....;...The bottom line is that regardless of the lonliness and need I felt which allows for me to "put up" with disrespect, and really shit treatment , I mean I thought I was in "Love.")Im really most of the time not a DOORMAT. I should have been direct on what I wanted...and ...there ya go. Frankly, once Im through with the guy, I dont know if Ill jump back in to meeting an escort. I have a fault maybe with wanting to be getting "invoved" with escorts..cute guys....the fantasy.........(thats MY involvement....not the escorts)..........(hes the first and only escort Ive ever seen.) I just gotta get away and move on. The prob is Ive known him 4 years. And its gotten worse as far as the previous mentioned treatment from him) (it was totally MY fault for not walking OUT when he said "I need you to get hard FOR ME , or this shows me you are not physically attracted to me!!...and I take it personal..) I mean frankly I didnt know how to react....I figured I was at "fault." I mean WHAT THE FFFF ! It was a shock.....like you are over here with feelings of what I thought was mutual respect and the other starts taking it to a different level. If my freakin feelings were not involved, it would be easier. Oh welllllll....most people may think Im just pitiful. You know....you DO learn alot about yourself when these things happen. The friendship and openness here has made me able to SEE the truth. Licking my wounds and getting life again (cuz this aint been easy guys!) will happen. And for that I am extremely grateful !!!!
d.anders Posted June 28 Posted June 28 52 minutes ago, baseball6 said: Im really most of the time not a DOORMAT. Falling in love with someone, anyone, can drastically change who you thought you once were. Many people complain of totally losing themselves when they fall in love. Falling in love with someone who is bad for you, can lead you down a treacherous path, and before you know it, you find yourself in a deep pit of co-dependency with a manipulative addict, who needs you far more than you need him. Before you know it, a lot of money is gone, and you are troubled about the state of things. Sitting with the right therapist can help you see the forest for the trees, and help you learn how to better your life and situation. thomas, Lookin and Throw the hook 2 1
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