Old gay friends living together

[+ Charlie]

This topic made me think: if I were to try to set up a "Golden Boys" household, how would I do it? Well, my obvious gay roommates would be Bar and Lo. We three have been friends for more than half a century, and have stayed in regular contact all that time. Although we now live thousands of miles apart from one another (west coast, east coast, and Europe), in the 1970s we all lived in the same European city. Bar and I both lost our longtime spouses to similar deaths last year, while Lo has never had a lasting partnership. We are all healthy enough--physically, mentally and financially--to live alone at this time. We know one another's backgrounds and have many similar interests and tastes. What could be more fun than living together!?

Well, the first problem would be finding a place to live. Lo has lived in the same European city for his entire adult life, and probably would not be willing to move across the ocean, even though he has a brother with family  who has lived for years in California, so he is well-acquainted with the west coast. Although he was born in Europe and grew up in South America, it would probably be difficult to persuade him to uproot himself to yet another continent in order to live with us. Although Bar and I have both lived in Europe, it was many years ago, and we no longer have any close connections there other than Lo, so we would both consider it a big sacrifice to move to Europe just because Lo was more comfortable there. Bar has also never even visited the west coast, so it is terra incognita for him. I am probably the one who would have to move to somewhere that the other two could agree on. The Golden Girls did a classic American seniors thing and assembled in Florida, but that does not appeal to me (my mother did that after my father died, and I visited her and her sisters, all of whom lived in the same retirement community, often enough to not want to do that myself). It is probable that at least one of us would be somewhat disgruntled about the choice of a place to live to begin with.

Then there is the inevitable problem that all of us are beginning to experience the physical problems of advancing age. Ten years ago we were all healthy and athletic seniors in our 70s, enjoying our recreational activities (tennis, swimming, biking). Now we are all starting to have problems with backs, legs, knees, ankles, eyesight, etc. I am a few years younger than the other two: am I going to end up being a caregiver for one or both? If we are all managing our own finances, how do I know that they are doing a good job of it? None of us has children, and no matter where we end up, there won't be any family members of a younger generation nearby to help out with anything. Depending on where we end up, there may not even be any trusted old friends nearby. (The danger of three old friends living together is that they may not take the trouble of developing new friends.) Although the new living arrangement may be exciting and fun at first, how long will that last.?

It is worth remembering that the Golden Girls were actually not all that old--after all, Dorothy's mother Sophia lived with them! My own mother lived with my spouse and me until she was 94, and then she was smart enough to say, "I am ready to live somewhere that I can socialize with people closer to my own age," and she chose to move into a three-tier retirement community, where she did make new friends her own age, and lived comfortably till she died in the nursing care section at 102. I think the idea of living communally with some gay friends is not bad during early retirement, but one needs to understand when it is time for the series to end.

 

 

[topunderachiever]

Old gay friends living together is the fastest path to former old gay friends.  

[+ friendofsheila]

gosh some of the ifnormation here is scary.

[MscleLovr]

On 5/3/2025 at 6:27 PM, Charlie said:

we would both consider it a big sacrifice to move to Europe just because Lo was more comfortable there.

Your post is very well-written @Charlie 

The only aspect not mentioned is the cost of quality healthcare as we age. In general terms, such healthcare is widely available in Europe at no or little cost.

[+ sniper]

If you lived in Mexico you could likely afford to hire live in caregivers.

[mtaabq]

On 5/8/2025 at 6:38 PM, friendofsheila said:

gosh some of the information here is scary.

You got that right! I think Tennessee Williams said it best when he wrote, “You can be young and have no money, but you can’t be old and have no money.” I’ve come to realize that I have not planned well, did not plan well, and I’m likely screwed. And it’s a situation of my own making. Not to be flip but maybe it’s time to start drinking again. 

[mtaabq]

@Charlie stated it brilliantly. 

Well done, man. 

[caliguy]

On 5/2/2025 at 9:43 AM, Vegas_Millennial said:

The Golden Girls characters (except Sophia) were all in their 50s through the series.  This type of living situation might not be as rosy in their 80s or 90s.

Source: 

How Old Were the Golden Girls Supposed to Be?

WWW.CBR.COM

---

After endless speculation, the real ages of Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia have been revealed, and...

 

Currently, I live with 2 housemates, both men and both straight.  But one is military and occasionally walks to the kitchen in his underwear, so it's a plus for me 😍.

When I enter my Golden years in my 50s, I forsee still renting the rooms in my house to two men.  Maybe they are both gay, maybe one or both is straight.  As long as the youngest keeps walking to the kitchen in his underwear, I will continue to offer an active military discount in my rent 😁 

What a great classic show. Like I can't even think of any comedies from the 80s that would hold up today as actual comedy. I think the writers were gay so maybe that helped. 

I gotta say I could see them living together well into their 90s. That's how I want to remember them at least. 🤔🤣

[+ ApexNomad]

On 5/3/2025 at 12:27 PM, Charlie said:

…but one needs to understand when it is time for the series to end.

 

 

Exactly. Otherwise you end up with The Golden Palace. 

 

[d.anders]

I recently saw a lengthy interview with Bea Arthur on YouTube, speaking about real life. She happened to say in the interview, "It wouldn't work!" She said, "Even with writing by Susan Harris, it just wouldn't work." I got the impression that Bea preferred to live alone.

If money was no issue, I'd probably jump to live with 3 good friends. Love and companionship means everything in life. People of all ages live all over the world, and find a way to deal with common challenges. As of today, health care would be my biggest concern. I could not imagine giving up the doctors I currently have, and starting anew. But if I had the 3-4 right friends, I might say fuck it.

[+ azdr0710]

45 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

Exactly. Otherwise you end up with The Golden Palace. 

 

Holy cow. I only lasted 2:02 with that. Horrible!!

[+ ApexNomad]

21 minutes ago, d.anders said:

I recently saw a lengthy interview with Bea Arthur on YouTube, speaking about real life. She happened to say in the interview, "It wouldn't work!" She said, "Even with writing by Susan Harris, it just wouldn't work." I got the impression that Bea preferred to live alone.

If money was no issue, I'd probably jump to live with 3 good friends. Love and companionship means everything in life. People of all ages live all over the world, and find a way to deal with common challenges. As of today, health care would be my biggest concern. I could not imagine giving up the doctors I currently have, and starting anew. But if I had the 3-4 right friends, I might say fuck it.

Bea was famously introverted and guarded, sometimes misread as aloof, but those close to her described a fiercely loyal friend with a sharp sense of humor and an unwavering sense of justice.

She also served in the U.S. Marine Corps during World War II—a fact that many fans of are still surprised to learn. She never spoke about it - only came out via the National Archives.

At the age of 21, she enlisted under her birth name, Bernice Frankel, and became one of the first women to join the Marine Corps Women’s Reserve, which had just been established. Her official records list her as having worked as a typist and truck driver, and she achieved the rank of Staff Sergeant before being honorably discharged in 1945.

 

Bea Arthur, US Marine | The National WWII Museum | New Orleans

WWW.NATIONALWW2MUSEUM.ORG

---

Bernice Frankel's Official Military Personnel File reveals a Golden Girl's WWII service history. 

 

[caliguy]

3 hours ago, azdr0710 said:

Holy cow. I only lasted 2:02 with that. Horrible!!

The original worked because they needed a "straight man" aka Dorothy.   Every comedy act needs one. She was the real star of the show. Just like Samantha was in Sex in the City. 

Edited May 13 by caliguy

[d.anders]

Being a Marine stays with you forever. Can't imagine being a woman in the Corps at that time.

[robberbaron4u]

On 5/2/2025 at 2:08 PM, Charlie said:

"Golden Boys" sounds like a great premise for a sitcom, but in reality, when Rose develops advanced Alzheimer's, Blanche has breast cancer, and Dorothy can no longer drive, the fun is over. Eventually the individuals will age out of being responsible for themselves, much less for one another, and someone else will have to move in to take care of them, or they will have to move on to some other housing arrangement.

When Stonewall Gardens first opened, we went to visit, but my spouse and I could still take care of ourselves, so we decided it wasn't for us. Now that I am alone, I am starting to reconsider. I have been told by someone whose job is finding housing for seniors that it really is a good place for older gay men, with all the services--dining, transportation, socializing, etc.--that gay men look for. However, it still lacks the final stage service that a traditional "three tier" retirement complex offers: independent living, assisted living, and nursing care.  We may not like to think about the third tier, but many of us will need that at the end of our lives, and we probably won't be able to arrange for it on our own. A "Golden Boys" housing arrangement with gay male friends might be an enjoyable situation for a few years, but unless you all remain healthy to the end of your lives (and all die at about the same time), it is bound to be a temporary arrangement.

And there you have the reality of the thing.